I want to welcome year 2007 with you and my friends. Does it seems so hard...i've always enjoyed my coundown with them and all those leave me with good memories. Memories that i wanted to create some more. In addition, it's my very 1st time with you, naturally and of cos, i want to spend it with you too.

I thought i could kill 2 birds with 1 stone. But it seems to hard now..i'm feel so cheated..i'm in your shadow all the while..ur promise is just something to hide your real feelings. You don't have that intention at all actually, yet u made it sound as if u did..i'm into it too...in the end, i fallen hard on the ground. Why is it that i could make the effort to meet your side of people..even i dunno know them at all, i still go ahead. Cos i feel that they are part of you..they are related to you, your families...to be with you, of cos i have to know them..let them know who am i to know, let them know more of me and vice versa..

Haiz..how will it be like...

It's another long weekend again...work has been slacking so far..Actually, doing nothing isn't a good thing afterall. With all those high ranking officers around, u have to act as though you are doing something when there actually simply nothing for u to do. But these slacking days would be over all and come wednesday, everyone would be back and the busy days will come..

Guard duty on wednesday just brings me back to the 1st time when i did my 1st ever guard duty out of tekong. The 1st time i did guard duty, it was quite a good one. For the next day is what i look forward to. But this time round, at the very same place, guard duty wasn't that good. I've to work after my guard duty unlike the previous time whereby i get to go home. Lucky for me, Dear was there when i was prowling. Thanks Dear!!

My maple is kinda dead. My 2x card was kinda wasted. I've been training with parties and have made quite a few maple friends. I can't wait to max my holy symbol!! I want to go explore maple new maps with Donna!! Donna, r u there?

Today something happened. Mei mei, just want to tell you, the thing that i feared most has come. This is working life..take it lightly and learnt from it. Be strong like you always do. Many people will be willing to help you. Stay happy always.

Finally my laptop will be here Sunday. I can't wait!! Finally!! Imagine carrying it around, so convenient!! Hehe..it's going to replace this damn computer of mine..hooray!! Tml's kbox with dear, mei mei and her bf and i'm going to catch Death Note 2..Tml will be a good day..hmmm..

Thanks to those who sent me their Christmas greetings..hope Christmas this year has been a fruitful one for u guys..

Weather has been sooo cold recently. My nose has been blocked for a few days already..it's still blocked as i'm blogging now. The medicine the doctor prescribed isn't help. I can't get to sleep not only because of the irritation the nose brought me but also for all the troubles that's swirling my mind now..

I feel like a burden now. I feel so bad now. Blame me if you must.
I can't imagine that the thought was once haboured before, but it was before..it only matters a little.
Does meeting or seeing a person lesser causes less conflict? Why can't it be the lesser we meet a person, the less good memories we can have..
Apologies meant nothing. The 1st time i heard thing shall hopefuly be the last time i heard this too. I apologise for the wrong things i once did. I don't apologise knowing i will did it once again but apologise knowing that i did u wrong just now.
Mean it when u really say something. Make it feel it..

I do love you..for once i thought u don't....when u said all those to me

The Christmas fun kicked off 2 days ago considering it's already monday now. It's jamming session and some real steamboat party at Gavian's house. Jamming aren't really fruitful, we didn't jammed well. I'm beginning to hate my amplifier. It's really time i get rid of this pathetic amp and get a more powerful one. I feel so unmotivated by this pathetic amp. Steamboat is even more wonderful. We bought sooo many food that we even thought that is wasn't enough. JiaJing was even crazier to went queueing up with aunties and brought over 2 KG of prawns. We had a hard time preparing the steamboat. It's also the preparation that sux cos we had to prepare while our stomach is grumbling.

We hardly even finish half the prawns. Food was so much so that the table aren't enough to put our plates. Nevertheless, a sastifying meal. Afterwhich, my very 1st gift exchange this year!! Chose Gavian's present which is a cigarette container. Well, he bought it without the intention of getting anyone the idea to start smoking..or maybe i should (haa...i'll die)..Thanks Gavian! Thanks dude for kick-starting my Christmas and giving me such a great time. I really look forward to New Year's Eve!

Happy Birthday PaPA!! One year older...more white hair on your head. Hope my dad liked the presents Dear and i gave. Haaa..i'm sure he did. He was so happy when he received it...with all smiles..I'm glad..

Went to a christmas party with Dear on Sat night. 1st time seeing all her relatives from her mum side. Their welcome was warm, esp from her cousin. Somehow, the nerverous was killed off, or rather, there's isn't any the moment i reached there. Most of her uncles and aunties eyes were on me, wondering since when a guy popped out all of a sudden..Their curiousity turns to me interest as they continue looking at me. Haa...i feel soo wierd. Now that they known me...i feel so heart-warming. I enjoyed myself..1st time i chatted so long with ur sis too....

Finally met Melissa today. Haaa, Dear's so happy to see her. She's changed i would say. She look different. Somehow when i met her today, it's like meeting up with some long time friend. Haa..She and Dear has been the best colleagues i've ever worked with in UOB. I would never forget the jokes, craps and her actions that brought so much life and laughter to the few of us working together at that point of time. I miss working there with the right people. Aww....but it's ok..they shall stay a good memories for me..

Had a sumptuous dinner. Ate alot..i even bought a chocolate log cake today. Just when i thought i wouldn't get to eat log cake this year, mum offered to buy for me! Hooray..cheers to mum! Cheers to dad too for treating Mac..

Dear bought a new drama show today. I watched the 1st episode and i find it very nice. Worth buying! I'm going to chiong it with Dear..!

I've finally joined the company Don recommend to me. I'm going to strive for the minimum. I'm going to progress slowly and hopefully, i can make something out of it. Bought one cases of Mangosteen Juice. Didn't know mangosteen can be made into juices. Haven't tasted it but heard that it does wonders to our body, well maybe too exxagerating, it does helps our body with certain problems. One bottle actually cost me 50 bucks. Bought one case which has 4 bottles of it. Hopefully it's nice..anyone interested can let me know..

Dear changed her seat. She seems ok with it. She just lost her best working buddy after Mellissaon Friday. I can see she's sad. Be strong Dear..there's still alot of people whom u can work well with..furthermore, mei mei's going in. Oh ya, hope mei mei would get used to the work there. Work would seems tough initially but hope mei mei u hang on there.

Dear told me lotsa stories. I still can't seem to agree on certain things. Office politics has impact on people. I still hate that guy..i can't imagine the party, the kbox, and some other shitty stuff..there's only one word i can used to describe my feelings but i'm not going to say it out..eww..phui..but Dear, i can't stop my heart from melting when i heard how u stood by me, how u defended me when people say me..even if it's ur friends..

Guilt is all over my body now. I'm an obstruction to Dear. I feel that i am. Dear, if you wanna do something, go ahead. If i said i'm ok with it, trust me that i'm really ok with it. Don't hesitate because of me. Not worth it..in the end, u'll end up doing things u regretted doing.

Finally Dear has a preview on the card that i've been working on for her. I'm so happy that she has finally seen it. I really hope she would love all that effort to make this very card. It's the 1st time i doing such thing. I'm happy to be able to do something like that for someone i love. Hehe...let's stay loving together..love you~

Btw, merry x'mas pple! If you didn't get your present tonight, don't blame santa..cos they don't exist..blame ur parents or friends instead... =)

I'm beginning to like what i'm doing at work now. It's all clerical work..not much of any difficulties..The superiors i'm working with is alright, my fellow colleagues are ok too..except for some..Usually, it's this kind of 'some people' that ruins ur day.

Imagine this - A person who speaks to you as though u owe him anything and everything.
- A person who claims to be your friend orders you indirectly/directly to do things that can
actually be done by both.
- A person who give you all sorts of excuses just to not make things go your way.
- A person who pretends he's ur friend in front of others and turns his back on you once those
people are gone.

Work with the above mentioned person for another one and a half year, i can't imagine. Anyway, my tolerance for him is running low, someday, somehow, i'm going to explode and when i do, it's going to be bad.

Rain has been the regular visitor these few days all around Singapore. I hate rainy days, it makes me drenched, it makes my clothes and boots wet which in turns makes it dirty..Yucks..Rain Rain Go AWAY!!!

Man Utd lost! Gosh...that's not the main thing..the worst is that Chelsea managed to win a game that seems not to be going their way. I'm utterly disappointed. When will Chelsea lose?!?! ARGH!!!

Laptop! Laptop! Laptop! That has been on my mind all the way..it will continue to be this case for the next few weeks until my laptop arrives. I can't wait..My personal desktop is leaving on me..i'm fed up with those errors, pop-ups and problems it's giving me. I'm so fed up that i've started making plans to buy a dell desktop. Desktops nowadays are so cheap that i have a wide variety to choose from. Dell desktops caught my eye. Soon, i'll land that very desktop on my computer table..

Happy 7th month Dear. Bought her a white monokuro.boo piggy. Hehe..we used to argue who's the white pig, who's the black one. It's until today that i find out that she should be the white one and i should be the black one - from her christmas present. I had a hard time thinking of what to buy for her christmas present. But luckily, god's on my side. I found this very interesting stuff that i thought she might like it..Let's just wait til sunday when she opens the wrapper..

Played pool with my buddies yesterday. Jon's MIa again..yet again and as always. It's been a long time since i last saw him. He's always busy with having appointments. I truly miss those days where the four of us would just gather for anything and everything, be it pool, clubbing, watching movies or simply just spending a night over at someone's house and rot it away..

I'm now into Monokuro.Boo stuff...I want to collect their stuff!!

Can't wait for my laptop to come!!! Come!! Come!! Come!!

Finally on 12/12/06, i'm officially an Ammunition Technician. This vocation may sound very technical but it's more to that. I never mention before what i've learnt. Though for the past few weeks, i didn't absorb totally what is taught to us or rather what was given to us, but it seems that this vocation require u to know a vast knowledge of ammunition. Yea! Soon i'll be sewing my fire badge on and after that, my cpl rank very soon..

Finally, my 2 days leave is here. I'm so deprived of a long break ever since i cleared my leave 3 months ago.

Thanks for my Dear, meimei got her job. My 1st day of leave was spent well but ended very terribly and badly. So bad that my life seems to be worthless at that very point of time. Dear was sweet enough to take leave to accompany me.

Watched eragon, a movie about dragons. It's been a long time since dragons appeared in movies. There's always this very interesting thing to have those fictional characters in movie. It's like such things never appeared in real life, so people would generally wonder how these fictional characters live, behave, move, etc etc...

A bad day for Dear to take leave too cos she ain't feeling well. Towards our way home, shitty happened. What should not be done has been done by me and i regretted is very very much. But the pain inflicted sometimes is so painful that it last for days and sometimes even weeks. In this case, it cause me a hell of fear. I'm scared..so scared that i couldn't get to sleep. I asked myself alot of questions, questions that even i myself don't want to find out the answers. What happened that night makes me ponder. My morale was brought down, my confidence dashed. Nevertheless, i try to stay positive. Assurance did make me feel better. Positive thinking should set me on the path of healing. Wounds takes time to heal..i need time...

Finally, Dear started teaching tuition again. Finally, it's back to the routine a few months ago. I missed those time where i would spend an hour and a half doing alot of thinking, and other stuff etc. Dear has got her extra income now and i'm glad. We've discussed and we want to save on our money and not spend it unnecessarily.

I helped Dear calculated her exam fees and the amount of unbelieveble. I feel so bad out of the sudden. I have to try my means to help her. I really hope she can do well, i hope she does. She's starting to take intiative and i'm glad.

Her card is still on the way. I'm running out of ideas..i hope she won't get disappointed. I wondered if she will feel touched but i know it's hard.

My 1st R21 movie was a bad experience. Not because it's a lousy movie, it's certainly a movie that i've been waiting for cos the 1st and 2nd part of this movie is just so good that i've actually anticipated for the 3rd part. And now, finally it's here and rated R21 for the 1st time. Of cos i expected some disgusting scenes..but it's isn't disgusting..it's simply gruesome.
i almost vommited umpteen times on and off during the shows. Even if you don't look at the screen, the screaming of that torturous sound is enough to make what's inside your stomach purge out..gosh...
Several parts of the movie shows us why it's R21.

*The intro part right at the start has already give us a rough idea of what this movie is going to be like - a man using a concrete block and literally smashing his feet with it and the feet basically just got distorted and eventually get torn away from his leg. Gosh...
*The below scene where this person body is being hooked all over his body using sharps hooks. To save himself, he had to put himself of these hooks so as to escape from a bomb which is about to explode. The 'Hooked' Man

*A naked woman bring hang a freezed to death. She had water splashed and shoots on her til she became frozen.
*A man had pigs grinded into juices and liquid with all the intestines and organs spilled on him with he himself being tired up.
*A man with his whole body attached onto certain mechanism. The mechanism is activated and gears started moving. Each parts of his body is being twisted and of cos, dies eventually.
*The most disgusting part - a female surgeon perfoming a surgery on the mastermind using wierd tools like drilling machine, razor...all that to cut off his skull. The whole process of how the scalp is peeled off, how the skull is being cut off using the razor and drilling of the skull is being shown. That is not all, they even showed us the brains moving..gosh...

At that point of time, i'm already feeling super uneasy up my chest..

Didn't meet up with Dear today. Hope she did enjoyed herself tonight with her friend. I wasn't really happy with regards to my work, but that didn't really matter. I haven't told Dear what happen yet. I don't wan her to worry, but it's so much painful to bottle it up. My friends know what is it like cos they've been through what i'm going through..i'm just so tired..

Woot...had an very unexpected surprise from Dear. What happened yesterday is really nothing. It all dissolve with that surprise. Not many people can have such surprises. I think in a relationship, rare surprises will somehow spice up everything, it'll also solve problems / misunderstandings etc..it makes one party appreciate the effort made for all those surprises. It will make no wonder why people will envy me or Dear...The surprise she made for me today was very meaningful. Brought me to the place where i 1st confessed to her. Flashbacks of those moments immediately came to my mind. It was warm-hearting and touching. It's one of the most touching thing she's ever done for me. The dinner was expensive, but that out of the point. The main point is, she's touched my heart today, deep down inside. I appreciated what she did for me, we talked about alot of things and i think this progression would only become an envy. Love you Dear

My vocation has been super sucky. By the time i ORD, i think i will be rotten. Haiz...shall put more details in here soon..too tired to think of anything..i shall sleep through the night, wishing i would dream of what Dear dreamt 2 days ago..

Woke up feeling a tight pain on my thigh..had a leg cramp in the middle of the night..a torturous one..Now it still hurts as i walk..

What u said yesterday night just make my heart as painful as my thigh..

Finally, got back my 'repaired' handphone from Sony Ericsson Customer Servce Center on friday. Seems like a new phone to me now..just that everything is gone - the photos, songs, messages etc...but it's ok..the important stuff has already been backed up. Shall transfer it soon..

I dislike disappointments. I hate last minute change of plans. But more often that not, situations don't allow things to go our way. I still find it hard to accept the sudden change of plan at those very last minute. I'll go crazy..i'll get frustrated. It just seems i can't accept those change immediately. Sometimes, being alone makes my mind think clearer. It helps to let me so called move away from everything and chill...after a while, i'll just accept it. Even though the acceptance can cause bad consequences, but it's something i'll have to live with.

As if my impression wasn't bad enough. Just because one is elder or more senior means one can talk to the younger one in a sarcastic way. I don't even know you..i don't even intend to know you. I don't need to know you either. Day ruined..but nevertheless, worthless to feel all that just because of one idiot. Shan't elaborate too much..too many people is being complicated into it..

I've to start to find things to do on my own. Life ain't the same anymore. I've got my new posting - office work (phew). Camp is still the same, just that is further on top abit at the headquarters. NS life is totally different from the life before NS. Now that i'm going to spend more time on myself, i'll find things to fill myself up and also to kill time. I'm glad i found some, giving me the excuse to cool down...never been worse...

Oh..my mood is ruined! Though it's non of my damn business..i still don't feel good. I find such irresponsible people disgusting. Simply disgusting. To think that i still know them..to think that such people still exist around my circle of friends..phui..i despise such people..they are not my friends..not anymore..

Although mood's ruined, i'm still happy to be able to gave Dear her final surprise for her birthday! Hehe..hope she like it..Not something wonderful, but i'm sure she liked it. Seeing her sweet smile on her face tells me so...So sweet of her to do something for me too..hehe.. (will i get a gdnight message tonight?)

Went Chomp Chomp to eat. Finally!! Ate quite alot of food. Going back there reminds me on that very day where i drove my best friend there for supper. As usual, food like BBQ stingray, chicken wings, sugar juice etc will filled up the table. I guess today it's the last time i can eat such oily, fried and unhealthy food so freely. Went for my medical checkup today. The review was good but an unpleasant one. My condition's improving but i'm diagnosed to have high cholesterol. Which means i have to control my diet now already. Less fried food, oily food..basically food that has high fats content. All my favourite food!!! Well, for the well being of my health..it's really time i do something about it. It's not just for me but also the people around me, who care for me. I'll take good care of myself..

Recently i'm so broke..i've subscribed to the new starhub maxonline promotion and spend quite alot of food..yummy food. But sometimes, it's just that u didn't keep track on how you spent your money and u tried hard to think and wonder. I've never regret spending any money on you..i don't complain.i don't calculate..As long as u are happy, any money spent is worthwhile..

Something is very wrong with my house water pipe system. The toilet heater, the kitchen sink, the toilet bowl all has been leaking water. Nothing is done to solve the problem yet. Haiz..hope this month utilities bill won't come up to a big sum..

Daniel Powter
Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

I hate myself for getting for paranoid so easily..i'm not only letting myself feel hurt, but also the people around me..i should really reflect over what was said. What one do or say in the present, shall affect the future. Whatever is done or said, one will have to bear the consequences. Sometimes, i'm just angry with myself, for letting myself out so easily. I should really learn how to control, look at things more openly. I thought i wouldn't have to let you angry, upset, worried, troubled etc...again..but yet time and time again...i did it unintentionally. I really should learn to let go...but it's so not true over what was said earlier on..really no true...

Tml's the jamming session. Hopefully, my guitar skills is still up to some standard. What day will tml be...a good one?

I WANT LAPTOP, I WANT LAPTOP
I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE
STARHUB GIVE ME LAPTOP, STARHUB GIVE ME LAPTOP
I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU

(Sing the above song to the rhyme of nursery song '3 blind mice')

The long awaited starhub promotion is finally here again. I've already missed the previous one, so i'm not going to let it slipped past my hands again, if not, i'll be living with regret for another a year plus or so. Just when i thought i could get that laptop, the bad news came...my parents went to re-contract my Max online in June without my knowledge..thus, letting me making a fool of myself..Now i have to spend an extra 120 bucks to terminate the contract before setting my hands on that very laptop. Next month's pay is going to get burned again. But i won't regret..i know i won't..

Finally i went to Vivocity today. I've been wanting to go since like donkey years ago. Went to Dear today as part of her birthday celebration. Almost couldn't get to celebrate with her today..sorry dear dear...It's just some misunderstanding. Treated her to a meal that wasn't very nice. Afterwhich, we toured that area. We walked around and round but it seems that we haven't finish exploring that area. I shall make sure i explored the whole area on my next visit with dear. We've already planned and that shall be the place where we watched The Death Note. Hee...there's also plenty of thingsa to eat, dozens of shops..woot!! One can shop to death there lo..the crowds just make things worse.

Woo...i'm finally sastified..hee

Really hope dear enjoyed herself to her...happy birthday!

After so many days, i'm finally back at home. Well, no bed is better as compared to my own bed - as cosy and comfortable than any other. Well, i'm attached to Tekong Ammo Dump during the past few days including today. It's supposed to be 'On Job Training', but it turns out that most of us spent our time sleeping away. The Sgt down there were all slackers. Anyway, it's just a small retail outlet and there's isn't really much to do as the 'season' was low too. Passing my NS life this way ain't that bad an idea i thought to myself but Tekong is just too far for me, so i guess i'll struggle throughout my Ns life.

Sometimes, one may get accused for the wrong reasons. I'm so tired of certain nonsense..i'm so tired of not being trusted...i'm so tired of having to bear with all this accusations, living with it, and to pretend that nothing has happened. But i have no choice, sometimes, situations don't allow to voice our concerns out. So white lies came about and it's just makes life seems abit more meaningless. Why can't they just trust i wonder..maybe it's just that they were concerned for their beloved.

Recently over at Tekong, i passed my time sleeping and also hearing nice songs from my friend's mp3 player. I've decided to download them all! Oh ya, finally my games came, out of the 12 i ordered, only 6 arrived. I wondered where's the other 6?!?!?! I hope i've not been cheated, cos it's not only my games, i also helped my friends order. Gosh...

Yay!! Tml's coming..can't wait..

It's been a month..well, as promised..here u go...better late than never isn't it..hee!

The 1st time i spend my birthday with me beloved..

Without my papa and mama, this party would not happen..thank you!!

My cousins!!

My Secondary School Buddies!!

My UOB Colleagues!

Natural Objection? My Best Buddies! Die-hard PALS!!

My 'sis' and her bf...

Finally..it's cake cutting time!! Hehe..Dear's doing the honour

This is the 2nd part of the action of that night..this is (before)

this is the (during)...awww....my face?!?!?!


Shall post up the presents given by them soon..hehe..there are plenty of them..i love them all!!

Pray it's not lost..Please!!! *Fingers Crossed*

Something very unhappy happened. That's the worse thing i ever wanted it to happen, yet it does. I'm sandwiched or rather, i feel sandwiched. Both are important to me, i know one is unreasonable, i explained, talk some sense and he gladly admitted. At the same time, one is hurt. I'm so afraid in the end, something i'm so afraid of would happen. I will try and make things ok, really hopefully, i can ensure everything would be ok, everyone too..

Today's 1st lesson at OETI at Ayer Rajah camp. Lessons after lessons, just makes me feel like falling asleep. Tml onwards til maybe ard friday, i won't be at home. I'll be away for a few days, so don't miss me peeps..

I feel so bad not being able to complete Dear's birthday card on time. Although she don't mind, but i feel so bad. Hopefully, i can give her by end of this month. Sorry dear..

I want to exercise. It's been sooo long since i last did. I'm going to exercise regularly. I don't want tummy, i want to keep myself healthy and if possible fit. So i shall eat more from now onwards and exercise regularly.

My heart is only for you..only you..the love for u cannot be compared to anyone else. Cos it's only for that special you. No matter how much care and concern i show to anyone else, you are still my priority. I know my limits, rest assured i won't go beyond it.

If only you could shower early everytime...the time i have to chat with you would be longer...the things i wanted to say won't have to wait til tml...the things i wanted to say won't vanish as the time ticks...sob..

Damn...i had to use Firefox Mozilla in order to post. I regretted switching from blogger basics to Blogger in Beta. In case for those who haven't change, don't be a stupid fool like me and change it. It's much better sticking to the previous one.

Today i had my lessons at School of Ammunition. 2 months ago, i was still wondering if i could adapt to this new environment or not, but now, i kinda can't bear to leave this place. This camp serve the best camp food i've ever eaten so far..The guard duty is the slackest in SAF as far as i know. This place isn't as 'xiong' as other camps. Argh..but i won't pin too much hopes that i'll ever come back to this place ever again except for 1st Dec whereby i'll come back there to collect my Certificate for passing out the course as Ammunition Technician.

Next week i'll be entering another phase of this Ns life. I'll be attached to both Tekong and PLAD (Pasir Leba Ammo Depot). But it's only for a short few days. Afterwhich, i'll be attached to OETI. I'll be hopping from camps to camps within this short period of time. Finally, i've applied my 2 days leave. I'm going to make few use of it. Leave is so precious when u are serving Ns where everything is so regimental.

Finally, i finished deleting. While deleting, i realised alot of things. I wouldn't want to compare but it just kept me pondering and wondering. I could see the difference between now and the past. I'm jealous..i'm feeling envious..but that's all over. It shall be kept a while in my mind awhile and gone as the time ticks...

I hate my calls and smses to be ignored. Sometimes, i just feel no point in sms-ing since i know there won't be any replies. But that's just not the way i do things. Have been down with flu for the past few days..yet, i doesn't have any handkerchief with me. I feel so terrible..Awww!!!! HElp me!!!

Next week is my fear...i got this strong feeling that next week, something bad will happen..hope it won't come true..

Happy 6th Month Anniversary Dear! Muacks!

Surprise!! Woot..today's only a half day for me because of some event in the evening. If i'm not wrong, it's the dunno how many anniversary of Singapore Armed Forces Ammunition Command. 11:30am and i'm already dismissed. Shiok..thought today won't be meeting Dear, but still we managed to meet each other for a 'funny' lunch. Dear got reminded of something and just kept on laughing and teasing me. Haa..

My craving for that spring chicken at Dear's house nearby coffeeshop is still there. I'm abit disappointed not being able to eat. It smells so nice, taste so nice...argh..i don't care, i'm going to eat it on wednesday.

Sometimes, one should think and not act on impulse. What people say of you is what they think, personally, it should affect you but not to the extent of going to change or do anything just because of what that person say. For example, the person may not like black, but u wear black clothes everytime, therefore, she/he comment or criticise and you don't like it. But your favourite colour of clothings is black, are you going stop wearing black clothings just because that very person said that, if yes, that damn stupid of you. Sometimes, people criticise not because it's true of what they say but because of their preferences, because of how they see things. You might see things in your own way which is different from them, if so, make your stand, stick to it. Don't get affected so much. But if u see the need to change, go ahead. Provided you won't regret and u will like it.

PHUI!

Some interesting facts

1. If you are trying to kill a population of ants before they can all escape, draw a chalk line around them to contain them..They will never cross it.

2. Place a few grains of rice onto stuff that tends to get rusty. The grains of rice will suck up the moisture to prevent it from getting rusty.

3. A cold drink can on the skin below your eye can helps to remove black eye.

4. Soak your leg in your own bucket of urine to remove athlete's foot.

Awww...i feel so sick now..ZzZz..i feel like dying now..Flu has been bugging me since early morning. I'm so irritated by it. I feel so restless now, but i don't want to sleep yet. I'm going brave through this and watch Man Utd vs Blackburn.

Mentioning about flu. I still remember why we human beings get so tired and restless whenever we kena flu. There's also a reason behind as to how come all flu medicine if not most flu medicine cause drowsiness. Whenever we had flu, most of us will tend to sneeze, but do u know that each time u sneeze, your heart stop beating once. Which means it pump and works one time lesser. Imagine each time u sneeze, u at least sneeze twice. On and off again, you will sneeze, within an hour after u start sneezing, u will feel as though something has sucked away all your energy. So to prevent your from sneezing, flu medicine makes u feel drowsy, not only let u get rest but also make u fall asleep, so that u won't sneeze. Makes sense right!!

Now i just hope i won't get fever. I feel so cold now..Brrr...

Wanted to make a post 2 days ago..but didn't..Hasn't been of the best of mood recently. Out of the sudden, so many things came to my mind recently. I'm troubled, upset, feeling down...Nothing is making me feel better but worse instead.

Recently has been back to playing maple. Don's more mad about maple than me. I think i'm going to plau Audition soon too, due to Dear's request. I haven't tried it before but i guess it's quite a nice game since i've heard it from quite a few people.

I never knew it would happen to me. I thought all along, everything is fine. Though Dear reassured me, i still feel uneasy after all was said. Of cos i wanted everyone to accept me but i just don't know why it turned out that way. The reaction and response i get doesn't make me feel that way. I'm disappointed, i'm sad, i'm afraid. I'm afraid Dear would get affected. I really hope things would turn out to be better.

Dear's birthday coming soon. I've been cracking my head hard to plan out things. I know she wants it to be a simple one, but my very 1st time celebrating her birthday, i really want to make it a birthday of her life.

My course's ending soon. All the bad news's coming up towards the end of this dumb course. Firstly, there's this dinner held next monday. They actually forced us to go. The venue is at Singapore Expo and the dinner ends only at 10:30pm. Gosh..i wonder what time will i reach home. Secondly, my balance of two days leave has to been cleared within 13th Dec to 22 Dec, but yet, i can't choose the two days i wanted it to be. They forced me to take on the 13th and 14th of dec. That totally ruined my mood. Thirdly, i'll get to know my posting as early as 1st Dec instead of 12th Dec. That's like so early..i wasn't prepared for anything. It's so hard to adapt to a new environment. Lastly, my attachment to Tekong. I seriously wondered how am i going to past that few days. That's all headache for me. Feeling so vexed.

Luckily, there's something for me to look forward to this weekend. I'm going to have a Drama show marathon with Dear. Just thinking of that makes me feel that time's passing faster than usual. We're going to shop for her dad present too. Hmm, i can't wait for this weekend to come..

I did quite well for my test yesterday. Sadly, Dear's test didn't turn out the way she want it to be. Yesterday, she said i mentioned something that knock her senses. I know she studied hard, it's just carelessness that cause that upset. Dear don't be too unhappy le k, next time just be more careful. I want to be your motivation in your studies, someone whom u can rely on to push u, asisst u and accompany u in your studies. Let's work harder, u can do it i believe!

Recently, Dear's flu has been acting up over and over again. Seeing her like that just makes my heart aches. I know consulting doctor is a big no no to her. Just hope she can get well soon, meanwhile, i shall feed her with my daily dosage of nagging and love, hopefully, she'll get well real soon. =)

This computer is making me so mad that i am determined to reformat it over this weekend. I can't seem to solve the current problem now. Hopefully after reformatting it, everything would be ok..haiz..

I want to go Vivocity. So much has been said about this biggest shopping complex and i have always wanted to go there. I wanted to go with Dear..but it seems quite impossible. But i shall go there someday soon. And also, there's food expo coming up real soon at Singapore Expo. Dear promised to go with me before, i wonder it it's going to happen. We gave the previous time a miss because of laziness. Hopefully, i really get to go this time round. I miss the food there..ArgH!!

Hearing what dear says..i ponder alot. I wonder why things come to such state. I feel so unwelcome. Something is quite wrong, i'm not sure if i'm right, but i just got this strong feeling of rejection. A feeling that makes me feel fearful. I keep asking myself and telling myself things might not be the way i thought it is, but as days passess by, it seems more true. I should have known better, or at the very least, know what to do. I shouldn't make things more difficult or whatsoever for Dear. Let things go its natural way, shan't force it through or things might just get worse. I have to learn to adapt and not for things to adapt the way i want it to me all the time.

I've learn alot of things through fishball. Men's talk..we shared alot of things with each other. Time passes quite fast that way. This week won't be good i think..a bad week...

Sometimes a greater act of love has a selfish underlying. One do good to feel good. And when one love, whomever it is one love, is it something that one think is above our human selfish nature or of the same level?
Love is selfish to a certain extent. I've learnt how human heart can change so easily..so fast. I don't believe in having flings and at the same time maintaining a healthy relationship with your beloved. Sometimes, i just don't want certain things to happen. I rather don't chance it. A moment one can feel so loved but at the other, one can feel so cold..it's so complicating that i'm still being troubled by it, trying hard to understand alot of things.

This weekend is coming to an end and it still seems so blur to me. I pass this weekend normally - just some studying with Dear. Times flies...i feel so sleepy yet i can't get to sleep..

My inferiority's increasing recently. I don't know what to do with my face. I have two sides to take, either one i take, there's people i'm letting down. It's so painful and hard to make a decision. There's still some other matters too. I do feel useless at times, assurance does makes things better but if mentioned all the time, assurance can't be of much help anymore.

Back to my computer..this stupid computer is stuck with some CMOS checksum error. I don't know what the hell is that. I'm wondering if reformatting my computer would help but i'm so irritated by it. This coming week doesn't seem to make me look forward to. Not even the weekends..i wonder why...

Dear's eyes is causing her soo much problems again recently. Eyes problem ain't a joke but it's so expensive to consult an eye doctor. Polyclinic don't provides those services and not to even mention normal clinics. We'll have to either visit to hospital or eye clinic but those clinics are so EX!! Til now, couldn't find out any problem with Dear's eyes. I'll just pray that it's just some irritation and will be gone for good. I can't imagine how much pain Dear is going through for my eyesight is still considered ok. But seeing her in pain worries me, what makes it worse is that i don't know how to help her. Gosh...

Went for this demostration yesterday. It's a demo held by the School of Ammunition. I actually had to wake up at 5am just to reach that damn camp at 6:45am. Haa, poor fishball has to stayover at my house just because he lives at Seng Kang (see, Singapore ain't that small anyway). To prepare for the demo, i had to prepare my ear plugs, helmet (damn, remind me of BMT..i had phobia of wearing the helmet cos it always brings me headache), FAD and ID tag. It's like going back to BMt again. Sianzz...thanks Gavian for the FAD.

We were brought to this ground and i was quite surprised to see there's actually live firing and demolition ground is singapore. It's like an empty plot of land with trees and hills all around. We saw demo of grenades. The most shocking part is the power of the demo block whereby when they explode it, 700m away and u can still feel the ground shaking. How many can actually view such a thing in theif whole lifetime, not many..unless there's a war in singapore. Woot..

Spent almost half a day studying today. Well, actually dear did most of the studying while i'm just slacking ard. Her tests are just round the corner. Ain't that bad a idea to study here cos it's not only air-conditioned but also quiet (at most of the times).

Been back to games like Swat 4. Might be down and out for a few days cos i'll be reformatting my pc soon. The day for attachment is drawing near, which means i'm going to have new problems, new worries and maybe new friends..sian...life is so unpredictable. I even heard of my 39 year old married to a 19 year old brunei girl. They have been married for a year and before that, he's like going to Batam almost every week to have his own fun. He really makes us realise that life is short. But i don't ever think i'll do such a things. Not for me.....

Omg..blogger is damn dumb. It has been having problems recently. It tooks me so much trouble just to post up that previous post.

Received news that i only need to work for half day on friday. That news excite me so much so that my heart started to jump around, feeling so happy and started to think of what to do on that day with Dear. Was so happy when i heard Dear's intending to take half day off to accompany me. Woot..aww, dear has to dine with her colleagues. Hehe, she has been craving for Crystal Jade for a long time and i really hope she enjoyed it. Meanwhile, i've start making plans with my friends and all, but everything is like so no confirmed. I don't want to rot at home at such a lovely friday. Hmm, i've made the worse plans! Hopefully, everything will turn out my way.

Have been having bad headaches recently. My neck ache and hand aches are causing me great irritation too. I won't know is it because i sleep too much in camp already. Everyday is like the same for me. Not much changes and days just passess by like a routine. I'm sick and tired already. Weekend is what i'm always looking for, to be exact, a fulfilling weekend and not just any other weekend.

Dear's test coming up. Really hope she can do well. I'll motivate her and encourage her whenever i can. Hope it can be of some help.

I'm very sure there's somthing very wrong with my pc. It's been a super long time since i last formatted it. It restarts by itself every now and then, if not, it will just hang down there out of the sudden. I feel so lazy to reformat cos it will means i have to transfer hundreds of file into my external hdd and redownload programs that's necessary for me.

People who wants to purchase stuff from the Wallet shop, i've got 15 % discount voucher that's valid til 9 nov 2006, if interested, please contact me.

Woot! Heard from my friend that Death Note 2's coming. So fast huh..i can't wait to watch it, i want to see what's going to happen to that brutal murderer. Had a great k box session today with my mum and dear. A totally different experience. Mum was like a pumpkin and chose to sing only classic and oldies whereas me and dear were busy choosing songs. We chose so many songs that the list shot up to the max several times. It's only til today that i realised dear could really sing well. What other people say doesn't really matters. It's just that if u enjoy singing, then just sing. U sing for yourself, not others. Sing for those who appreciate, not criticise. I think i sang the most today although i know for certain songs, i couldn't make it. I know i don't have a mesmerizing voice, not even a voice that is considered nice, but i still can sing. I believe that certain songs are suited only for certain voices.

So far, i've been hooked on a korean drama called 'my girl'. It's a love comedy with lotsa of funny scenes, some touching too. Watching drama with dear has never been better. We would be like watching it and then halfway through, disturb one another. Dear's a good good girl today. She studied today! I can see she's more than determined and really putting in great effort in studying. I really want to try my utmost to help too.

Dear's eyes has been painful recently. I really hope she will be ok. I'm going to bring her to an eye doctor sometime soon. Contact lens is the main cause of her problem i assume. I hate contact lens..Argh!! Just like dear's eyes, my hands hurts almost every now and then every day. It's causing me lotsa of disturbance. But nothing makes it feel better than a few minutes of massage by either my mum or dear. Hmm, when am i going to get my next massage session..

Guilty...don't know why, i still feel that way. Aww, not a good feeling..although i'm being assured, i still feel uneasy. I looked at our photo, somehow i feel i cannot lose her. I can't..

Finally went town with Dear today. Woot! It's part of my birthday celebration. Went to Plaza Singapura, even catch a movie called 'Death Note' which Dear hate it for it's ending. The movie was nice but it's ending doesn't really ends well. Other than that, lunch at cafe cartel was great. Was intending to go for some shopping but end up without knowing what to buy. Wore this very nice coat that Dear bought for me, i love it, i matched it with the t-shirt that parents bought for me.

Past few days at Sch was very slack. Days in camp is starting to become more and more relaxed. Just when i'm starting to get used to it, i realised how many more days am i left in this school. I'll miss my coursemates so much cos they are the ones who's with me when i'm feeling so bored. They are the ones who help makes time past faster than it seems for me. Thank you guys..

Received several birthday wishes recently. Thanks everyone for your precious greetings and birthday wishes. Thanks for the presents from everyone too.

Oops..nt sure if i've just done the right thing. Told her abt the disappointment and made her change her plan. Will she blame me, i wonder...hopefully things will go the way we want it to be. Alright, no more vcd tml, no computer games tml..simply just plain reading and studying..

The nightmare still floats around my mind, creating lots of disturbance to me. I almost can't take it. Luckily, assurance soothes my mind and heart down. Yesterday is really a terror, a bad day..but everything's now over and alright after some nice talking. I can't promise i'll live up to your expectations but i'll try. I know i hasn't been good the past few days, i've already reflect on myself and know what to do. Yes, we may think very differently, but it's just how we click, adapt to each other that matters more.

"A man who never makes his beloved angry is a failure in life" --- Read this somewhere and it's just so true., isn't it..

Celebrated my birthday in advanced. Almost a week before my actual birthday. My 1st ever birthday party. Thanks everyone for coming. Received my very 1st present from Dear. Afterwhich, followed by my aunty and one by one, presents starts coming in. Dad and mum have been rushing around, helping me with this party, and also not forgetting my aunty who's the great cook of the famous curry that as everyone talking about it. If not for my Dear, this party's also not possible. Expected crowd turned up, luckily. Everyone just starts to come an hour after the actual time. Had a few photographs taken, shall post it up soon. I think the best part of the party is the cutting of the birthday cake. Cut the cake with my beloved. The feeling is just so lucky. When they were singing the birthday song, i just feel a gush of embarrassment. The feeling is weird but nice. I feel so happy and lucky. Received lots of presents this year, shall post the photos of them up here soon. So far, that's only part one of my birthday celebration. This coming weekend, i'll receive more presents from my bro and my Dear. Surprises after surprises. This is really my best birthday of my life. I'm looking forward to this weekend. Dear's going to spoilt me i think..haa..

My bro might be going for overseas attachment for 3 and a half months. When i heard this news, i was thinking to myself - good riddance. Finally, i thought i can have some peace all to myself. But i think it's still going to be weird without him at home. Never mind, i think it will be a good training for him, time for him to learn how to live his life without taking things for granted. Hope he'll learn some lesson he ought to.

Have been cracking my brain of what to get for Dear for her birthday. I know it's still quite far away but it's never too early. I have to start preparing for her big day. Really hope her birthday spent with me will be one memorable one, one that she won't be able to forget. I want to make her birthday really happy on that very day.

Dad asked me where's my digital camera..out of the sudden, the feeling of sadness is pain. Heartache and sad. He reminded me of how i'm feeling when i just lost my digital camera. I'm going to save up and buy a new digital camera. It will be of good use i know..meanwhile, i shall put up with this mental torture.

Had a real bad nightmare. One that i never wanted it to happen. People always say u dream what u think so often of. Maybe it's true, what's the point of thinking so much..it's not going to happen..

Two days before, i was still feeling relieved over the recovery of Dear's eye. Two days from now, i'll be happily giggling away, celebrating my birthday with friends and relatives of mine. Tml's the damn guard duty. I know it's going to be a boring one but it's not going to spoil my mood for Saturday's party. Bought a Singtel prepaid card to prepare for the upcoming lonely night tml. That damn camp up til now still can't receive Starhub reception except certain areas. I'm still trying hard to figure out how many areas are there and where are they.

Two classmates out of course. One happy, the other sad. Cruel world with cruel superior. I'm glad that so far, i'm considered in the safe zone cos i've been a good boy, passing all the tests i ought to be passing.

Recently, i've been on a winning streak. Have been winning bets on soccer matches. Bets were small because it's just playing for fun, the feeling of winning, just gives u a sense of happiness. I love Man Utd.

Yesterday Dear gave me a letter in return as part of our 5 months together. Content was sweet and heart-warming. It made me think alot of our future. She's certainly not a materialistic girl, but i certainly hope that in the future, i am able to give her comfort in terms of materiality too. In our age now, gender should be equal. There's no such thing as who is more superior than who. Both sexes should be treated equally with respect and therefore, there's no such things as guys should do this instead of girls. Maybe it's all just because of the character and behaviour of how a girl and guy should have.

She still hasn't sms or call me. What's happening to her? Is she ok? So worried....

Happy 5th Month anniversary. Finally it's been 5 months since i'm together with Dear. Gave her a note and a packet of potato chips as compensation. Your real gift will arrive real soon, be patient Dear. As i was writing the note, alot run through my head. I'm sure i'm right on the track and we are considered stable and loving.

Yesterday night was scary. I didn't expect Dear's eyes to turn out to be so bad. In the evening, she only complained it to be abit irritated and the moment she called my after her bathe, she told me it's pain. I became so worried that i actually panic and get frustrated awhile. She listened to me and consulted a doctor. Poor her, the damn doctor can't detect anything but only gave her two type of eye drop. By then, Dear's eye has already taken a bad turn. It redden. I was so scared, she was there crying and all i could do is console her, assure my presence, making her feel better. She slept eventually and by the time i woke her up in the wee hours of the night, she's already fine. A great relief. I was able to sleep well at last, i was so worried abt her that i can't sleep well. Contact lens has never been a good replacement for specs as far as i'm concerned. Cos it has direct contact to the eyes, i hope this will be a good lesson. Dear, in future, if the contact lens starts to irritate ur eyes or even cause discomfort to you, even if it's only abit, do take it out and wear glasses instead. And remember, always bring a pair of glasses with you when u are out.

Chilled out with Dear after work at Mac just now. I find it quite a nice place to hang out. Shall go there more often with Dear. Watched Dragon Tiger Gate at Mac just now. The experience was nice. Shall go there more often. Tml's another day...can't wait..

Dear gave me a sweet surprise yesterday. She bought me this very nice Polo t-shirt which i spotted at a departmental store at Bishan the other time, but didn't buy it because it's cost quite expensive. It totally came as a surprise because she too agreed that the polo t-shirt was kinda ex. Really didn't expect that, thank you Dear. I'm going to wear it on this coming sat birthday party!

Yesterday finally met up with my friends. Dear met up with Regi too. It's been a long time since i last met Gavian and Don. Poor gav, something happen to him. It's the 1st time seeing him so depressed. I know it's hard for him. He gave me alot of advices, he tell me alot of things, he made me realised alot of things about relationship that i overlooked. I noticed there's alot more i should have done and could have done. Yesterday long talk with him makes me want to cherish my beloved more. It's not easy for two to come together easily, all the more we shouldn't just let it go like that. My confidence is almost shattered, and fear came. Somehow, i had this urge to call her and tell her i love her. I want to give her a warmest hug all of the sudden. I was so afraid i wasn't able to meet up, but luckily, everything went well. Had a nice sweet talk with Dear before i went home. Everything's well and hopefully, we can make things work out.

My birthday party's coming soon. The namelist is piling up. Just went to reserve the cake. It's the 1st time i had such a cake for birthday. Hope everything will go smoothly. I'm looking forward to that very day.

No good night sms...but the morning call make up for it..muacks! Feel so Heart-warming now..

It's another weekend pass..next week this time, i'll be celebrating my very 1st birthday party. Mum said i'm turning 21 soon, it's really time i grow up, plan for the future and look ahead. As much as i wanted to stay young at heart, i still have to move on. I'll look forward to next week now..

Today is such a lousy day. Everything didn't seems to go well and smooth. Sometimes, i just feel so disappointed with myself that keeps me pondering over and over again. Lotsa things make me come to realise that alot of things just aren't so simple. Relationships is a big qns mark still. I hate people who rob people off their feelings. I've come to realise that how a relationship can be so vulnerable. Past memories dun stand for what happen in the present. People become heartless once something just happens. They didn't think of how love is given, received, appreciated. Trust, confidence, relience, etc..all these words can actually kills. Sometimes it's not how much we trust a person but how we trust. Usually, wrong usage of trust would shatter the confidence of one. A close friend of mine said, NS men tends to be more depressed. I totally agree but to what extend should we not show it out to our loved ones for who can really understand how we NS men feels, seriously not much, almost down to none.

People not responsible towards their partner is certainly those i depise most on. Some may say flings are nothing but seriously i find it super irresponsible. Ewww, i can't imagine all that, i find it disgusting even. Phui...

I really regretted what i did today. So apologetic that it made me guilty for the whole of today, and i guess, for the days to come even.

Watched Rob-B-Hood today. A super nice and funny movie, which really touching scenes that almost send my tears flowing down. I was thinking,it's really nice to be able to have a kid of your own, to raise it up and love it like a precious diamond. How i wish i have a kid of my own..

Wonderful weekend. 1st time i spent 2 nights straight at Dear's house. Both nights stay was unexpected. Friday had some really bad news on my next posting. No one wanted to be posted back to PAD (Pierce Ammo Depot). It's a place i never wanted or wished to go. It's hell. Staying in is a sure thing the moment someone stepped into PAD. I really hope the rest of my NS life would just past smoothly. Staying in is certainly something i wouldn't want to.

Met up with Dear after work, as always, she managed to smoothen my mood. Had actually wanted to play some candles, sparklers and paper lantern before heading for home but who knows the moment i got off the lorry, her mum actually allows me to stay over. Woot...so happy, bought this very nice Fried Hokkien Noodles. I'm just too happy for anything else. The rest of the night was spent slacking around.

Next time, didn't managed to wake up early enough to go for Dear's tuition. Gosh, sleeping over is just so comfortable and cosy that i wouldn't want to wake up. Rest of the day basically is just nua-ing with Dear at her house. Haa, watched the new police story with Dear. Actually, nua-ing with Dear ain't such a bad idea afterall. All the way until night, mood starts to get heavy again. Thought of having to go back home after sending Dear home from tuition just makes me feel not right. I'm so reluctant. I was hoping and praying that I'm able to stay over for another night. All went well and YES!, i was able to stay for another night. Really unexpected.

I'm beginning to feel the acknowledgement. She said her mum really likes me, even tried bonding me and her sister together. I hope i can make them like my own family and vice versa. It's a good feeling. That very night, i watched Hua Zhu Ge Ge once again. Funny scenes makes me think back how my whole family used to catch this drama like mad. But yesterday night was quite scary. I think it's just me. Heard noises from the living room, but i think it's more like the horror show that we watched earlier on that makes my mind uneasy. Dear even ignored me for a period of time, she's just too tired i understand. But i'm scared of out my wits. Lucky, Dear still managed to wake up, stand by me. Phew, she woke up, and really out of the sudden, my fears all vanished. It was overclouded by the concern and love Dear showed. Held her hands til i saw myself entering the dreamland.

Sent Dear for her last tuition of this year. Over the past few months, i've been sending Dear to tuition. I never expect myself to be able to wait for her for 1 and a half hour to finish her tuition. Those memories is something i can't bear to let go and they shall remain in my mind. I really miss those times. It's sweet to me, maybe she don't know, but all i can say is i enjoy every moment of it. Past few days has pass in just a blink of an eye. Now i'm missing her. I shall countdown to this friday again where i'll be enjoying myself once again. Monday to thursday better pass by fast!

Haze has been kind of bad recently. Yesterday's PSI even shoot up to 170++. But today PSI went back way low. Dear must take good care. Sis too...hope you are feeling better..

Miss her

Today is full of disappointments..Disappointment after disappointment..will tml be a better day?

Styled my short short hair for the 1st time since 21st July. When i say styled, i mean spiked my that very very short hair of mine. Though it's still short, at the very least, it stands up and not flat down like a coconut head. I shall meet up with Dear and see if she's able to spot it. Haa..

Thanks Dear for buying mooncake for my family and me. There's chocolate flavour mooncake. I've never tried before, Dear purposely bought that flavour mooncake all because she knew i like chocolate. Thankszz..Mooncake festival is coming, very near, tml to be exact. It's been donkey years since i last played with candle, sparklers and paper lantern. Still remember vauguely the last time i played all that was nearly more than 5 years back with my bro. It's always good to be able to play what u used to play when u were yong especially when it seems a little bit childish but all is only for the fun of it. I wanted to relive this memories with my Dear. Hopefully, i'll be ablt to do it. *pray*

Recently, tests has been loading up very fast. Test every 2 days with the chapters and topics to study getting more and more each time. I'm glad that i've never fail any of my test yet. Hopefully, this can carry on. Dear's goodluck has never been better, i'm sure i can do it.

-Miss Dear-

Today is quite eventful i would say. I don't know why. In the morning, i'm still feeling restless with my heart feeling heavy, up til just now, i was so happy. The thought of Dear just makes me happy. She makes my day as always.

Thankfully for Rayvee, i'm able to chat with Dear today. If not for me, i'll be passing today with low morale. Today test wasn't too difficult, maybe because i did some last minute prepartory work. Dear did something real sweet today. Just before i'm preparing to go for my test today, she called me, even though she thought i might have already off my mobile phone. She wished me goodluck. That 2 words 'goodluck' is simple yet carries sooo much meaning at that point of time. I'm high on hopes and happy.

In the end, i didn't disappoint her and myself. 44/60 for MCQ, isn't that bad a result right. Well, i suppose so. I need another 6 more marks to get past the passing mark. Rest of the day was spent missing her, thinking abt her and sleeping. Slacking day i would say. Hope tml would be like that too.

Poor Dear hasn't been happy at work. Gossips kills. I agreed totally. Sometimes, words can speak louder than action. One don't necessarily have to punch a person on the cheat to make the person feel hurt. Especially aunties who's suffering from Menopause whereby they tend to go bonkers every now and then. If someone is really out to get you, there's really no way to hide it. All u can do is to just ignore it. By reacting negatively, it would only make you yourself more painful and dropping into the trap she set. She wants to backstab you, she wants to sabo you, she just wants u dead. Don't make her do all that, don't let things get her way. Phui..Dear, ignore her! Time will pass faster thinking of me, chatting with people u are comfortable with. Trust me, whatever happens, i'm here. Pop me a sms and before u know you, i'm there for you.

Love is selfish. That's so true. I think i've been sticking onto Dear so much so that she feels that she really needs time for herself and some other stuff. I feel so bad. I feel useless yet again. I'm so sorry Dear. I need time to adapt. I love this honeymoon period and if possible, i don't want it to end at all, cos i love my life now. I'm contented with what i have and i want and hope it stays the way it is. I'm very very relieved to hear that if i can't change, i'll let u know. I know that even if i failed, u are still there for me. That very sentence touches the bottom of my heart and make me feel so loved. I'm glad that u were there for me. Thank you for taking part of your time during work, lunch, sleep just to accompany me. I appreciate that and love you!

Dear, sometimes, u have to find out the reason behind certain things. Who choose to leave u alone 1st? How hard have u tried before things actually turn out that way. How much have u cried over all that matter? It always hurts me at that period of time. Just when i thought it's already blown away, it came back again. I seriously hope this time round, dun let your feelings set in so deep for i don't want u to get hurt again. Love you Dear..

Hearing what's said by papa and mama about didi just now makes me feel how important it is for two person st stay together. I'm glad i'm doing fine, in fact alot better. I don't know why i've such a brother. It takes lots of understanding, tolerance and trust in a relationship. I'm building it still, but i'm sure my relationship has no lack of that. I'm just going to cherish Dear...Muacks!

I feel so lost. Whole night i couldn't sleep well. I reflect on what was said. I then realised i'm abit useless. I can't seems to control my emotions well. Luckily by that time, she's already asleep. I don't know how in the future it will turn out but i hope it won't turn out badly but turn out the way she wants it to be. Hope she can be happy. Miss her...

Dear's gone home. She forgot to take out the SINGTEL sim card from the mobile phone that she's going to sell. Die! I just knew it's going to be tough tml. Won't be able to hear her voice for long tml..sob..Damn Starhub. Apparantly, my camp only receive reception from Singtel and M1 but not starhub. Singtel gets the best reception all because of the 2 big singtel statelite behind the camp. Oh damn, what am i going to do tml. Can't call her during work is already worse enough, worse still, not that my lunchtime and morning time i can't even call or sms her. Shucks! Ahhh....

This weekend i must say is one that i've been waiting for. Everyday at work is really a torture. Weekend is really the time i need, to save myself from those torture, to be free of lessons, tests, exams and stupid things from camp. Sometimes, i just wish i get out of course and they would post me to somewhere near my house to be a clerk, but all that are just wishful thinking of mine. As usual, the fetching of Dear Dear to and fro isn't troublesome at all. We had wanted to catch Rob-b-hood, but didn't cos somehow it clash with Dear tuition. Not to worry, i'm going to catch it next week no matter what, so let me pray, time please pass faster. Saturday please come!!

~The Monokuro.Boo Photo Frame~

Finally bought a Monokuro.Boo photo frame. Both me and Dear are starting to love Monokuro.Boo series of stuff. We find is cute and just like it, it's simple which to them it's best. Simple is best..how great. Put our photo in that very frame. Finally, there's a photo of us in my room. Kicha! The room now is so quiet and empty. It's so different from afternoon. I miss those moments just now. Come back!!!

I don't feel like studying now..not in any mood to study..my heart's still feeling very heavy. I wasted the night away yesterday, i regretted so much. I wanted her to study too, but at the same time, i want to let her rest and sleep. I feel so useless at that point of time. I said before i want to make sure she study but i failed. Now i feel very bad. But i can understand, who wants to study. It's a weekend, who wants and likes to study on this very day. I'm really scared that Dear can't cope with her studies..i wanted to know that i really want to help her...but i don't know how..

Just watched finish a movie called 'Millionaire 1st Love'. It's a korean romance movie. A very nice and touching movie. It has some meaningful content. I'll cherish Dear alot..

Eww..i hate coffee..As much as i like the smell of it, the taste of it just seems so different with the smell. I tried plenty of times to try and fall in love with this amazing drink. I tried replacing tea with coffee but each attempt to do that always failed. Be it pure coffee drink, coffee flavoured stuff or basically anything to do with coffee, i can't stand it. Today coffee made me vomit. Ewww...yucks! I Hate COFFEE!!!

Finally Friday is here. A day i've always been waiting for since every sunday night comes. I'm going to enjoy my whole lot of time with Dear tml. Hooray!! Mum and bro's away. I can have the whole house for myself but sadly, there's still dad. I still can't claim this house as mine own. Don't care, i shall own it for as long as i can..

Wee!! Dear sent me a gdnight sms. I totally didn't expected it. Usually, Dear would fall asleep right after she starts to get sleepy. Her sweet goodnight sms make me so happy til i can't get to sleep. Wahaha..She said she hasn't been sweet recently, actually, she's sweet to me everyday. Love you!

Woot! Today is a happy happy day! Fetching Dear from places to places had never been better. The feeling is always good. Waking up early in the morning with something to expect, hmm, i like that kinda feeling. As usual, Dear would be lazing around on her bed and in the end, she turned up late for tuition. Haa, she's cute when she's sleepy.

Nth much today and was just lazing at home. And finally it's time to head for Don house for his Birthday Party. Happy Birthday Don!! Dear's dress in her nicest today. To me, Dear can be very pretty if she wants to. Went to Don's party. Pretty alright, i was thinking if mine would be like his. Food was nice, his parents as friendly as ever, Donna always happy-go-lucky and lotsa people i don't know too. Bought him a pair of shoes, hope he like it.

Afterwhich I and Dear headed back home. Pass by Pasar Malam and so we bought some food. We bought this otah from this malay store. It's super nice. Dear was busy cooling down her tongue as the otah was too spicy for her, well, as for me, it's taste especially nice. Just couldn't get enough of it. It's certainly one of the nicest otah i've ever eaten. Dear didn't managed to stay overnight my house tonight for fear that next week stay would be burned away. Aww, a little bit wasted. I just can't wait for next week to come!!

Sunshine after a heavy downpour. I'm relieved. I'm apologetic. Had my very 1st weekend started today ever since my vocation started out. For the past few days, day is passed slowly. I'm basically rotting under this training shelter for hours. It's like waiting for lunch then after lunch, u wait to go home. I can only say i'm starting to adapt to the new environment there. Thanks to my friends there and of cos my Dear Dear..Army life is starting to take shape but still i really hope it would get better after today. Had my very 1st lesson today. It was as bad as anything that u can imagine. I have tons of terms to memorise. Ammunitions, grenades, propellers, bullets, just bascially anything u can think of and has anything to do with explosives or ammo. Gosh, it's been years since i last took an exam or test, i seriously wonder how am i going to handle all that. Worse thing is, the test in on monday and i only had sunday to prepare myself for the TEST!

Had crystal jade today. It's been a long time since i had such a nice dinner. Going on double dates isn't that bad afterall. The feeling was nice, really nice. I really enjoyed today. Finally bought Don's birthday present. I'm broke officially this month. I'll be munching on bread in recent days to come. Poor Dear is going to suffer with me. Tml is going to be a good day, i can foresee...

Where is my Dear Dear....

Happy 18th Birthday Didi. May all your birthday wishes come true.

Didi celebrated his birthday today. He started he birthday lowly and as per normal. He went for work as usual. His real birthday celebration starts with him celebrating with his girlfriend. Nice and sweet of his girlfriend to make him birthday cards. It's so nicely drawn that both my mum and me couldn't believe it's drawn by her. When he reached home, he held a plastic bag that's full of presents. Envy envy envy..i wonder will i get alot of presents this year too..Wahaha..

Mum bought didi a nice mango ice cream birthday cake. I'm not really interested but did loves it, it's his birthday, of cos shld buy a cake according to his preference. We celebrated didi birthday with a birthday song, didi making a birthday wish, cutting a cake and eating the cake. Didi receive the most practical presents ever from both papa and mama which is Hong Baos with $$$ inside. Woot! I wonder how much will i get on my birthday itself..$$money faced now$$. Anyway, happy birthday to didi once again and shall pass him his belated birthday present tml.

Happy 18th Birthday Didi. May all your birthday wishes come true.

Didi celebrated his birthday today. He started he birthday lowly and as per normal. He went for work as usual. His real birthday celebration starts with him celebrating with his girlfriend. Nice and sweet of his girlfriend to make him birthday cards. It's so nicely drawn that both my mum and me couldn't believe it's drawn by her. When he reached home, he held a plastic bag that's full of presents. Envy envy envy..i wonder will i get alot of presents this year too..Wahaha..

Mum bought didi a nice mango ice cream birthday cake. I'm not really interested but did loves it, it's his birthday, of cos shld buy a cake according to his preference. We celebrated didi birthday with a birthday song, didi making a birthday wish, cutting a cake and eating the cake. Didi receive the most practical presents ever from both papa and mama which is Hong Baos with $$$ inside. Woot! I wonder how much will i get on my birthday itself..$$money faced now$$. Anyway, happy birthday to didi once again and shall pass him his belated birthday present tml.

My new vocation isn't that good, at least it's not to be. I both happy and unhappy of this vocation - Ammo Technician. Happy because it's like going to sch, learning stuff everyday, carrying with you only a file around and not only that, but it's a 8am - 5:30pm vocation. Which means, i can get to enjoy mum's homecooked food, i can get to sleep my comfortable bed at night, i can get to see dear after work and chat with her til late at night. Unhappy simply because i'm still not used to this environment, unhappy because i have to surrender my mobile phone the moment i'm inside camp which means no calling or sms-ing to Dear Dear. That makes me miss her alot but fear not, cos that makes my heart grows fonder. Time with her became as important and as precious as a diamond. In this camp (SAF Ammunition Command), everything is very strict. The thought of maybe having to stay in after i get posted out after 3 months makes me just sian-ed. I'm only in this camp for 3 months til 12 Dec and afterwhich, i'll be posted to several ammo depot to serve the rest of my NS life there. The thought of maybe having to return to Tekong to go through live range shooting makes my heart go down. But i'm just not going to think about that and just try to enjoy my 3 months at this new camp. I realised that many do not want be to feel so sian, i shall buck up and not make them worry too much for me. At the same time, i want to pour out all unhappiness. I know she'll be there for me.

Lately, i have been abit unreasonable towards Dear. It's simply just that i'm still not used to not being able to call her whenever i want and the time i have with her has greatly decreased. There's alot of things she has to commit and meanwhile i fail to understand that. I promise i'll learn. Just that sometimes, all i need is some assurance. Dear, don't mind too much what people say. Each time someone says something about us or you, don't be afraid that u'll get teased or make fun of. Who cares about them, if u are going to let what they say, it will only make them achieve what they intend to and only make urself more miserable. Do what u intend initially, do what u think it's right and what makes u really really happy. Sometimes, i really didn't feel anything from you because it's just u not to show it out often. But deep in my heart, i know it, i never doubt you. Just that dear wants to see it. Thank you for being so forgiving towards me, allowing this lousy boyfriend of yours to learn. I really really felt your importance especially recently, it's so strong that i can't explain. Each time before i meet or call you, it seems that there's alot of my mind i want to tell you, but each time i met you or called you, my mind just went blank. I just want to heae your voice, feel as if i'm with you. Then after we said bye, the feeling is back again. I can't explain what feeling is that but all i know is that i love my Dear.

I just can't wait to hear her voice again. No mood to continue this post alrdy...to be continue...