I don't have much impression of friday. The intensive slacking today has make my brain work like a snail. I think it has shrunk to the size of a cashew nut. Anyway, yesterday was a totally slacking day. Lotsa perm stuff didn't attended work. That left the whole office kinda quiet. The morning was extremely bored. I'm sick and tired of being alone, slogging my own work alone. Gladly, Yoon Foong was there to help me..as always. My place was empty. We lunched in. It's been a long time since a few of us lunch in. Curry noodles at Old Chang Kee sux whereas the Curry Chicken was nice. Same curry but different gravy. I wonder why..I guess i had Dear scared by saying i wanna give her a lecture. Never did she know that it was a surprise rather than a lecture. My mum and me had something for her. Nothing big, nothing expensive, just our thoughts. Though the day is still far, still an early wishes to u. But that's only 1% of that i'm going to give. Expect something Dear!!

Changed our ringgit! Finally, the day is drawing nearer. a fortnight ago, we were still counting down, grumbling of why is the day soo long. And yes, 2 more days, we'll be on our way to fun! Just fun and more fun! Left early because of D&D for staff in the office. Both me and Dear rushed down to the RLEC building to settle her stuff. Everything was almost done except her A level cert. She was affected by it, she want to enjoy her vacation peacefully. No worries, it's just a cert, not a big problem. she's starting school soon. Different sort of plans has to be made. We have to change our lifestyle abit soon. But that's not going to affect anything else. Mum loved the 'full house' that Dear lended us. Mum's sticking to the tv like glue. Dad being 'forced' to watch as a result. I want to watch it alone. That explains why i didn't join my parents. The feeling of watching the show alone or with dear is just different.

I'm gonna pack my stuff later. Going to buy some of our stuff before heading for Genting. It's expected to be cold over there. But we expect ourselves to have lotsa fun while soaking ourselves in the cold weather.

Oh ya, did i mention i'm a priest in maple already? Yea, i'm a priest. Come to me if u want extra exp points. Go away if u don't want to get kill steal. Anyway, i'm a noob, so ignore me..someone shall inherit this priceless possession of mine soon..

Shucks..my temper got the better of me again..i ought to do something abt it, if not something bad might just happen. I feel so regretted for blowing my top. I feel so regretted for being so blur. Gladly, i have people around me understanding me. I have to learn..never to fall into the same pitch again, for it might just hurt again. I spoilt Dear's mood today. My dumb and blur head ain't working well today. She's right, panicking won't get me anywhere. It ain't going to make things done faster or better. Hmm..She's really fierce and scary when she's angry. But sometimes, she's really cute..making me want to tell her through my actions.

Gladly so far, the stuff is more or less done. She's going sch soon and she very excited about it. I'm happy for her too. Her commitments increase as time goes by. Responsibility is one of her principles in her life. She make me realise how one should stick by her/his own principles and do things. That makes me feel kinda guilty. I'm starting to feel that there's alot i have to improve on. Seriously, i'm proud of her. I'm just lucky.

1st time i spent my night at Dear's house. Supposed to watch soccer but ended up falling asleep. Dear did something sweet. That really makes me feel touched. Thank you..Luckily, we didn't watched the soccer match. The scoreline was 0-0. Both of us lost money. Haiz..Argentina will be facing Mexico in the knockout round 1st stage. This time round, i strongly believe that Argentina can get into the quarter final with ease. The quality in the team now is simply great. Their passing is almost perfect with the likes of Riquelme/ and each match, goals were scored. Thanks to the good attacking strikeforce who paired themselves up with simple and powerful telepathy. It's not that hard to see who will lift the world cup trohpy come 12 july.

Finally, Daddy has agreed to sponsor me abit for my vacation. That news came not too late. I was happily jumping. However, he kind of disagree to let me continue studying after i completed my Ns. I'm loss of words. Yes, alot of people who's close to me supported me, but it's my father's support that i really really need and want. Thankfully, the path which Dear's taking now has strongly motivate me to choose my future. I have full 2 years to think, and by then i should have a clear mind of what i want. My future lies somewhere and it's about time i go about looking for it. I can't wait for Monday. Dear Dear, i'm not trying to change u. It's not i don't love the current you. Take me for example. U make me realise how well i should control my temper sometimes, be better to my family members. Letting me know blowing my top won't help anything. It's like u are making me a better person, if not a better boyfriend. I want to be a person whom u can feel that is able to make u a better person..for no one is person..not u and i..u have to know how important u are to me and no matter how u become, i'll still do my best to take good care of you, make u feel loved just like how u want to make me feel loved and make u happy..

Tml is going to be a boring day..sob...Dear's dumping me for TeeVee!! Sob...but i said before already..i MUST NOT be selfish..can't be hogging her all the time..hmm...but i really miss her...

Now i'm at Dear Dear house. She's now in a bad mood. She's really scary when she's in anger. I can understand how she feels. I don't know how to calm her down for i scared i might make matters worse. Her dad is exactly like my dad. Hmm..i myself too had some difficulty talking to my dad at times and it's exactly how i do feel like how she's feeling now.

Finally, Dear has decided on the future. It's a really good news that she has make up her mind and make a big step towards her future. For this, i'm not only just happy for her but proud of her. Somehow, i realised i see a different her today. She makes me feel motivated. She makes me want to learn from her. I know it's going to be tough on her for the coming few months especially the 1st few weeks on july when she starts school, but i know she's strong and is able to go through it. Hectic schedules is bound to take up her own free time, but i'm sure she's able to go through this tough period. Thr only sad thing is that i'm worried that she might not be ablt to take it physically. Poor Dear, she has to work, teach and study all at the same time. What's worse is that i'm entering National Service soon and i can't be there for her physically. No matter what, i'm going to give whatever support i can to her and encourage her if possible.

Mind is set, let's just look forward to the future. I'm worried of the time we have to spend with each other after she starts her school but both of us are sure that this is an ordeal that we can pass. It may be hard initially but we must adapt to it and ensure it will not affects us. Meanwhile, i shall make full use of the time with her, as much as i could. I just can't wait for Monday. Damn, i'm just going to bring that bit of money for vacation. Damn..my parents ain't sponsoring me any bit..sad and disappointed but that's not going to affect my holiday-ing mood.

Today's work is super slacking. I knock off at 2pm as work ain't alot. I went to SIM with Dear to check our the courses. I'm glad that we went to the school instead of calling - Luckily..There's going to be Argentina match later. As much as i wanted to watch it, but i don't feel like because Dear's tired. I want her to have ample amount of sleep. I don't want her to lose her sleep because of me. Because of what i want, making her sacrifrice her sleep..I MUST NOT be selfish..

Today was raining yet again. Don't know why, i was feeling cold throughout the whole day today. I woke up feeling very cold today. On the train, i was freezing. Luckily, my jacket helped me. Met up early with her, thought can spend abit time of our own a while before heading to the office. But we went office ahead. Jiewan's was there quite early. She has changed a new computer, think her work was quite ok. Dear went mail room today. I peeped through the pigeon hole, seeing her bored face, i went to accompany her. Poor her, i know she don't like that place. No one will like that place..be it me or her or anyone else.

Lunch was quite, work after lunch was worse. Time was draggy..dozed off several times..6:30pm came too slow. But when it came, i'm happy..as if i'm free from jail. Had actually wanted to go to Dear's house to eat dinner but change of plan. We headed to Dohby Ghaut. Finally verified my Maple account. The account is truly mine already..thanks and sorry to Dear. Thanks to her for accompanying me, we had to wait for a long time of 3 little pigs to settle their whatever dumb stuff. Sorry to her for dragging that time and not able to eat our dinner earlier. Walked around before heading to This Fashion. Dear bought some nice shorts. Til now, she still couldn't find any nice heels. Anyone got any recommendations?

Was so happy when she allowed me to send her home. Wee!! Sent her home and on the way, i teach her some malay words. It's funny how she learn it. Funny not because i'm laughing at her, but because she looks cute when she pronounce some of the words. I'll never laugh at u for doing something funny or wrong de..=p

Tml is a better day..i can foresee...

I feel so much better now..i've settled everything..i've got the assurance that i wanted..i'll fulfil my promise as much as i could..i hope time can show her everything..i really love her..

A rotten day. My eyes hurt, my heart aches and my leg's in pain. I'm tired mentally..just very tired..peace and silence doesn't make me feel better..it makes me kill my brain cells. My mobile hasn't rang. I've heard the same old message ring tone on my way home just now - mrt, lrt and even on my way home. But none appears to be my mobile phone. Maybe she's busy...maybe she just want to be alone..I had this urge to just off my mobile phone, but i had this thinking that she might need me..til now...not yet..Or maybe it's just me.

I'm not an asshole and i'll try not to be one. At the very least, i'm certain that i placed my priorities well. I feel so happy to hear herr voice. I feel so happy when i'm with her. I feel so happy when she tells me things instead of having my to ponder and think what is on her mind. One thing led to another. I failed. I failed utterly. Not her fault..it's mine. I feel that i hasn't gain that trust that i desperately wanted. I need that trust to keep myself alive. Maybe it's just me thinking too much. I won't know if i've gained anything unless i'm told. I dared not ask for fear that it will smashed up my heart into thousands over pieces. I won't know until she told me.

No one has given me that feeling before. Maybe it's not because of me. 7 mins has passed, it hasn't give me enough reason to rest my heart down. Nobody's here for me, at least not yet. Sis's sleeping. Don's not online. Mum's sleeping. Dear's MIA. Will tml be a better day? Or rather, will i be able to sleep well tonight?

17/06

A very special day. It's been a month since we are together. Our 1st month anniversary. Another 1st time of my life. She woke up with a cheery mood. I woke up earlier than expected. Somehow, i can't get back to sleep. I continued making the surprise for her. I planned lots of surprises for her. Had a hard time thinking of what to wear for this special occasion too. This ain't just any normal day. I wore something that she has never seen before. She wore quite nicely too.

Met her up with my hand holding 3 surprises. All 3 surprises were meant just for her - a hand-made card, 3 glass frame thingy and a pooh bear mini bolster. The mini bolster was handed out to her the moment i met her and other 2 remained as surprises. After settling our lunch, she got the 2nd surprise - the card i made. I must say among all the surprises i made, i especially love this one. Cos not only does this card takes me plenty of work and time to do it, i think of her every bit when i did that card. Thankfully, she loves it and i could see my love is totally absorbed by her. The content were from the bottom of my heart and hopefully she can feel it. We took our neocards and neoprints after walking lazily for quite a distance from Plaza Singapura to Cineleisure. As usual, she would complained about the walking distance and hot weather. We started out by taking neocards. It turned out not to be as nice as the one we took a few days ago at Far East Plaza. After taking 2 type of neocards and laminated them (the 1st one we took had the surface stick to the tranparant side of my wallet, thus disfiguring our faces and spoilt the neocard, therefore, we laminate all our neoprints and neocards.) As the neocards don't turn out the way we want it, we switch to neoprint. I must say it's the nicest neoprint i've ever taken. Both of us looks great inside the neoprint after much decor by the both of us but i appeared like a butch in 2 poses. Gosh..i can't believe i can actually look like a sissy butch with my damn face.

Changed our movie to 'Almost Love' instead of 'Cars'. Didn't regret changing movie as the movie didn't disappoint us. It was nice and quite touching. I had tears rolled down my cheeks while watching, dear didn't know..haa..she would have laughed at me if i told her. Haha..This korean movie was quite nice with the story plot not bad. After watching the movie, i had some feelings evoked out. I had this wish now. A wish i want to fulfil. I try my best to fulfil it, and when i do..the feeling will be simply great.

We stopped by the soya bean drink store for a drink before she open her 3rd and the last surprise of the day - the 3 glass thingy. It's a glass thingy with love words/sentences on it. Hope it did make her feel loved. We settled our dinner at this place call express lunch at the new shopping area at Dohby Ghaut area. The dinner was kinda special to us cos u cook it yourself for a short while and u eat it while ur food it hot, if not, super hot. But the dinner isn't worth the money. It's still considered abit too expensive. We loitered around and went to PCbunk. Went to Asiasoft office with the intention of verifying my maple account. Closed at 8pm so i missed it as a result. Somehow, i had the sudden urge to play maple. I'm level 69 now. Only 1 more level away from the 3rd job. I was wondering by the time i enter Ns, what level would i be. Would anyone still be helping me train. Would my guild still stands well? I don't want my account to extinct. I must find someone to take over my account. I love this character very much. I'm going to turn 3rd job by end of this week. Got a few new maple mates too. Dear said she want to learn how to play too..Feel so happy..wahaha

Had swesens. She can still eat after that dinner. Gosh, she ordered an ice cream which has a candle on top. It's supposed to be for birthday but we had it for our 1st month anniversary too. Blew the candle and suddenly, i feel a strong love between both of us. Parted unwillingly this time round. Very unwillingly. Sob...

Had a chat with sleepy gong gong. Played maple before catching the soccer match. The feeling of watching soccer match in the middle of the night alone is shiok. Just me and the tv. Disappointing match though. A lousy one. I slept at 5:30am after playing maple a while with Don. Ir's been so long sicne i slept so 'early'.

Today i woke up the latest. So long since i last woke up so late. 11:30am, got off my bed, got online and chiong maple. Of cos as usual, had my daily dosage of Dear's voice. Met her 3 plus pm, went to her house, bought beer for her dad as Father's day present..quite special huh..Dear's good enough to help me massage my leg and her dad also helped me to apply ointment and massage my leg for me. Haa..I don't how to describe the feeling at that point of time but it's just good. Both her papa and mama treats me good. Don't know why, i feel so full today after just a small packet of noodles. Managed to fix Dear's computer. All done and well. I'm just going to eat my chilli crab, shower and wait for her call while mapling.

Dear's not feeling well..She sounds unwell and shagged. She must be sleeping soundly now..let's hope she will get better later..I'm kinda worried..very worried in fact..

Today was a very very good day. .I slept past the cold and lonely night yesterday. Rain outside left me trembling on my bed. I couldn't sleep until 3 plus am. I barely slept for 4 hours and i woke up. Prepared myself and out i went. I accompanied Dear Dear to the interview today. Fetched her at Serangoon MRt station. The 1st sight i saw her, i saw a different her. A mature looking, feminine and pretty her. She looks different today. Pretty in another way. Don't know why, just by seeing her today makes my smile from grin to grin.

Her interview was successful and had to go for a draggy body checkup before taking our 'veggie' lunch. Vegetarian food doesn't taste that bad afterall. Haa..Headed back to the office in my anticipation. She didn't knew what was going on. I had to rushed her back to the office, run to the florist and back to the quiet office. I passed the flower i bought for her - specially meant for our 1st month anniversary, although there's still a day before the actualy day. Somehow, the feeling's back. That same feeling is back, the same old feeling that i had when i 1st gave her the blue rose to confess my love for her a month ago. Sweet, nice and lovely feeling. She accepted the flower with a smile, just like that previous time. She's happy...so am i. And oh ya, she finally got her debit card. So envy..haa..but i can use her debit card so no need to envy either.

Finally, it's party time. Birthday celebration for a few birthday people and had a game. Lousy game i would say. Lucky i'm not in the same group as the bitches, if not i'll just drop down lying dead.

Work's finished and off we went for the 1st part of our celebration. We had teppanyaki..We went shopping. Dear bought my sunglassess. Thanks Dear. I like it very much. I also bought facial wash and cream to save my 'rotten' face. Finally got my silver ear studs too. Hmm, i'm going to dressed myself up unlike my usual self tml. I want to be different tml cos tml is just a different day as compared to yesterday. Finally, we took our very 1st neoprint with each other. Had 3 poses and we were glad we chose the last one. The neoprint card fits perfectly into my wallet but not hers. No worry Dear, anytime, u can just take my wallet and admire it. Hehe..shall post the neoprint up someday somewhere on the net.

Argentina won a whopping 6-0. Cmon all World Cup chasers. Face the facts, the champions is already out. In fact, it's already out after all 1st round of matches are played. Argentina has shown the quality and had all the luck they needed and which they lacked of 4 years ago. They are surely the number 1 contender for the most anticipated trophy in soccer world. Count on them to earn u big bucks, count on them to set a record and count on them to win the Trohpy. I shall wait for that very day where i see they lift up the gold trophy. I simply just can't wait!!

I was damn late for work today. 1st time i was so late. Already late, i still missed my stop and turned up later in the end. Reached work at around 9:25am. Wahaha..luckily, didn't get scolding from boss. But today, i didn't had my seat privately for myself. Someone's sitting with me. That ruined my day totally. She and another 'same of her kind' was happily chit chatting away and even gave me names. That was enough to make my day worse. Thought lunchtime would make me feel better, well it did only for work in the afternoon to be ruined by then again. Idiotic. In the end, i sit apart from them. Finally, peace at last. If not, i'll be feeling so restricted and frustrated.

Day was rotten until the last call that dear made to me. It somehow brightens up my day abit. She left off work earlier. Her volume was low and that explains her leaving off early. I can only sit and ensure that half an hour ticking away like a snail. Super long..

Finally, it's end of work. Met them, went to Isetan. Dear bought a skirt and a shirt. Very very nice. I like them alot. Think she likes it too. I'm nt sure whether she knows that i likes them alot of not. Maybe she does, maybe she don't. I got a little upset over that she said when she was trying that shirt and skirt but it's just me thinking too much. I should have understand her better. Maybe that's one of the reason why most girls don't like guys to go shopping with them. Sis says she would love to have Hongqi accompanying her for shopping. I would love to do that for Dear too if given the opportunity but apparantly, i've got little appreciation for female apparels, therefore my opinions don't really count most of the time.

I know Dear's still feeling bad over what had happen. I'm nt feeling good either if she continue feeling that way. Maybe it's just the way i feel things from her. Sometimes i want to change her, but i can't and i don't want. I'm afraid i might give her the idea that i don't like her usual self and she might find it hard to change herself just because of me. I don't change people unwillingly. She knows she's not tactful enough. I know i'm too sensitive. For that, i'll have to change and put myself in her shoes. It takes both hands to clap, not just one.

Tml i'll be going with Dear to interview. I don't mean to make her feel bad just because she feels that she asked me to go then i go. It's simply because she mentioned of how scared/nervous she would have been. I know that it just not me to leave her stranded down there by herself while waiting for her interview. I want to be there for her and go through with her. This is one of the promises i made to her before. Don't ever feel bad ok..i just don't want my love for u to go wasted. Don't feel bad please..

Work has been boring for me. Working with the wrong people has make things worse for me. Not being able to work with the people i want make things hell for me. I feel so restricted inside the office. But anyway, i'm still fine with it. I'll just do my own stuff, ignore what i dun like to hear or see. I've decided not to come clean between me and her. I don't want to let anyone feel what she think that anyone would feel. I'll take back what i said to her ealier on. Work is work, so i should just draw a proper line.

Our day is soon..will she be really happy..i wondered..i really hope she will...she's asleep now..

Finally, i managed to wake up in the middle of the night for some 15 mins of world cup action. Wahaha..had wanted to watch a midnight soccer match but always ended up going back to disturb after receiving wake up calls from Donovan and my Beloved alarms clocks. This time round, Dear tried waking me up, i woke up yes but saldy, i sleep back. Don too woke me up but yet again, i sleep back. Haha..but don't know why, somehow, i woke up some time later to catch the last few actions of the Brazil match. It's a match that was supposed to be interesting and fulls of action, but it turned out to be a disappointment instead. Boohoo, they only managed a 1-0 win against what i deemed as a lowly Croatia.

Woke up today and starting boiling the eggs for JieWan. Dear had wanted to make the egg herself actualy but i took over the duty instead. One failed, one passed. I forgot the timing. It's been soo long since i last boil an egg. Now i know. To boil an half boiled egg, put the egg into boiling water for around 6 mins. For an totally hard boiled egg, put the egg into the boiling/hot water for around 9 mins. The egg became inedible by the time it reaches the office. In the end, Dear and i ate but not JieWan. Hmm..

Today Dear left work early to celebrate her friend's birthday. It's the time 1st time we didn't knock off together ever since we were together. The feeling just isn't right. I'm not used to it. Guess it goes the same for her too. She did asked me if i want to join them or not but i rejected. I guess i made her feel quite disappointed. I feel bad also, but i had my own reasons. She'll understand i hope..

This two days have been losing the money i won from previous few matches. Ended up not winning or losing. World cup this year has been rathering disappointing. Strong teams which are expected to excel didn't played that well, only managing marginal win. Only Argentina is the best right? Wahaha..oops..nope..Spain's strong too. Just watched that match, can conclude thet are serious contenders. Bye bye ENGLAND!!

Tml i want to meet Dear earlier. But she needs her sleep. I want her to have enough sleep, so that she won't doze off in the office. Today, someone complained about ther high error rates recently. Dear has always been on the low error rate side. So, it should been the person verifying her work. Any retarded person who know that if a person has a low error rate for a long time and suddenly if the error rate is high, the fault can't lies on her but somebody else, in this case, the person who verify. And that someone didn't gives instructions correctly lo. Fancy teaching newbie how to verify. I bet someone else can do a better job. This office is starting to grow some thorns around the beautiful flowers. Some has become more horny with their pathetic voices. Some has behaved as if the office is their only world. But who cares...puke...I'm glad with who i'm working with now. The few temp staff etc..except for one who especially likes to act cute..GOSH!! she don't lives up to her name by the way..

ARGH!! I don't like my mummy. She 'destroyed' my favourite shirt - a shirt that my dear dear gave me. It's no ordinary shirt. It's a shirt that touched me, a shirt that almost make me shed my precious tears. There's a little bit of stain on the collar. It's not very obvious, but can be seen closely. I wonder what will dear react when she learns about it. My mum's feeling bad about it, me either. How..Sorry Dear.

Today's only me and Dear Dear. The other two 'flowers' took off. Can consider today quite quiet bah. I know Dear Dear's missing them. Had YaKun for breakfast today again, but this time round, it's not as tasty as the past few times that i ate. hmm, decided not to eat YaKun again. Dear is getting more gong day by day. She didn't even know i called and woke up her, in the end, she woke up late. She came and met me with quite a grumpy face. I know something's wrong. she lost something while she's on the bus. She's sad..Hmm..cheer up Dear.

Work was rather plain today. 1st time i had lunch with dear alone during lunchtime. Yup, another 1st time. Just before i left her desk to my desk to work, she was still smiling at me. And then the next moment, her face changed. I knew something's very very wrong. She refused to tell me. Her mood sudden'y changed. In fact, i was more scared than worried. Suddenly, my mind is in a whirl. I can't work and luckily, she managed to tell me what's on her mind troubling her. Dear Dear, don't think too much already k..Don't think of things that might not even happen.

Mid afternoon, work's piling up. Very luckily, Yoon Foong is back to help. It's really different with her around. Work seems to be more enjoyable, more relaxed and more fun. No matter how much work there is, i'll never feel any stress with her around. Dear received bad news in the afternoon. A bad news that got me blaming myself for a short period. She's not blaming me, that makes me feel even bad. One who's supposed to pave the way for her has obstructed her. I don't know what i should do, although i'm feeling better now, i still don't feel good. I shall not think too much as i often said to her. Dear is in serious shopping mood recently. She needs to get some apparels. Sob, but she don't seem keen to go shopping with me..hmm, i wonder why..can understand too, how to bring a guy to shop..it will only spoils their shopping mood..

She's making breakfast for me tml. I'm so looking forward to it. 1st time i'm eating something that a girl make for me other than my mum. Yup, yet another 1st time. Oh another thing, i can't wait for Saturday!!

I want the Argentina Jersey!! I want!! I want!!!

Today's the meet the parent session. Finally it's my turn. To tell the truth, i was kind of nervous with that very small bit of fear. I've already met her mum before but not her dad. From the past conversation that we had, the impression that was on my mind is that her dad was quite strict, but one who dotes quite on her. It's was raining cats and dogs already even before i stepped my foot out of the house. I drenched myself inside out. Gosh, don't know why, both the LRT and MRT were especially cold today. That makes me 'high'.

She was kind enough to fetch me from the MRT. She brought a big sized windbreaker and an umbrella. Even though i know she's going to fetch me, these gestures does touched my heart. Today has another 2 '1st time' recording even since i'm with her. And luckily, i managed to salvage her computer too. I reformatted her computer to win XP. Finally, her computer has recovered. Hopefully, she will be able to use her MSN messenger normally so that i can chat with her online. Hehe...Her parents were kind enough to bought dinner back to. Her dad was solemn. Cool. Somehow, i find my dad in her dad. Both our dads have similiarities. The way they act, talk and express themselves is the same. Haha..so coincidental..I'm lucky enough to have her dad to send me home as well, if not i should still be sleeping on the train by now.

Finally, my Dear is back. The forever radiant and happy her is back. Her assurance cast no doubts on me. I'll be missing her day by day.

Argentina won! Yay..I watched the match..happily enjoyed it. Don woke me up..Dear woke me up too. Thank you!! Many times, i feel like going back to my cosy bed, but i want to watch them play, watch them win and supports them. They didn't disappoint me. 2-1 was the scoreline and i was more than happy. I simply can't wait for 22nd June when Argentina is going to play with loggerheads Netherlands. That match, i'm going to watch at dear's place. That Macdonald there. Hopefully she'll be able to watch with me. She had this wish which i wanted to fulfill with and for her too. So, i'll be looking forward to it so much. Hope there's won't be disappointment. At the same time, i don't want to her to tell lies because of me anymore. So i shall just keep my finger crossed and prayed. Hehe..

Tml only both of us at work. Lichin and JieWan got their own stuff to attend to. Dea's going to be bored. But fear not, i'll go and chit chat with you..Be sure to call me too. My appetite's back. My mood's better. I'm back..just like her!

Hmm..now i'm back home..showered and applied lotsa products on my humpy face. All thanks for Dear. She knows my inferiority..she knows my suffering and she knows i'm troubled over my humpy face. She lended me her products, and even wanted to bring me to do facial. She actually wanted to help me take care of my face. Ohh...how useless am i..very right? So i shall help myself too..let's not waste her efforts. I shall cut down (oops, did i say cut down?) on oily and heaty food, drink more water, not to hug my pillow (too much?) and to regulary applied the products she bought for me/lended me. I really hope to have the face that is able to see people openly. A face that won't become a topic of people.

Recently, Dear's not very happy. She has lost her radiant smile..one which never fails to make my day. I miss that happy her. The one who always goes around 'bullying' me. I love her nagging..i love her scolding..i love her 'sa jiao-ing' to me..but now, the one i seen is the sad side of her who recently will out of a sudden keep quiet, keep me guessing what is she thinking about or even drops a few tears. Those tears should dropped in the 1st face but i suppose the pain inflicted to her is just too deep. Today, i had a short conversation with her. I know how much she has given up the word 'TRUST'. She don't trust people easily now. One that she used to trust alot has distanced from her. One whom she shared alot and alot of happy memories with has starting to lost contact with her. Dear's really sad of all this. This therefore caused her not daring to trust anyone, not daring to pour out for she feels that she might be hurt again..Seeing her like that, it really aches my heart. She's afraid that i might be the one in the future..suddenly, i really lost a sense of security upon hearing what she said. Putting myself in her shoes, i can totally understand what make her said all that. I wanted to gain that trust from her. I wanted to be one whom she can trust alot if not totally. I wanted to be the one whom she will be the 1st person to share her happiness/sadness with. I know right now, i might not be able to place a very important spot in her heart but i'm really trying my best. She's got to believe me. All i need is time and i'm sure she's willing to give me that.

Now i've got something to tell u, my relationship with you ain't any ordinary relationsip. It's not puppy love, and it can't even be crush. Don't ask me why cos i don't know how to explain to you. I need time to tell u why i called our relationship LOVE. This is the 1st time i love a girl so much. Sis knows that, Mum knows that, Don knows that. All i need to do now is prove. I also need your help to allow me to prove. Firstly, trust that everything i do for u is really from the bottom of my heart. Secondly, know that u are already one of my priorities and don't doubt that. Thirdly, share everything u wanted to pour out with me (if possible). Although i can't be there for u physically, i'm just a ring away. I care how u feel, or should i put it..i feel how u feel. I don't fake my tears either. I don't fake my love. Feel my love with your heart and u'll know. At least for now, i know u truly truly loves me. And that is the same for me too..like i said before, u made me realise how precious happiness is. U make my realise how is it like not to be lonely. It's really nice to have a person who who understands me, who cares for me. The feeling of being loved is heavenly. Thanks for everything my Dear.

Appetite hasn't been good recently. I don't know why. Mixed feelings are all over. The long awaited world cup has started. My usually highly excited mood was flatten. I don't seem to be as interested. Something's wrong with me. I'll just need to figure out. Maybe it's because of seeing her like that. How painful it is. Maybe it's because i'm missing her like crazy. Maybe it's because of how i have to independently now. Argh..it's painful to think.

Let's talk about yesterday. Me, Dear, Lichin and Jiewan went shopping! Haa, we went isetan. Lichin was taking her own sweet time choosing her facial products whereas the rest of us went up and browse around the clothes. Dear saw alot of clothes she like. She has been thinking of wearing high heels shoes too. I would love to see her wear too. (Don't worry dear, go ahead and wear, i'm willing to piggyback you if u happen to fall. I'm there). I saw my favourite Billabong slippers. AHH!! I want..i want..i want!!!After shopping, we went far east. I was buying drink and something happen. I was talking to this counter girl and suddenly, dear got angry. Hmm..i make her feel jealous..oh gosh..i guess it's the way i talk to girls. I have to mind myself. I have to care how she feel. Sorry for making u feel that way Dear. Then dear suddenly feel like eating Shilin chicken. She was there telling JieWan. I feel so bad, it's has been me trying to stop her from eating all this because of her cough and she wanted to slim down. But it's really making me feel bad that she has been yearning to eat and has to turn to her friend for it instead of me. Suddenly, i feel that she's like a stranger to me. What have i done?! I thought to myself..is that how i'm supposed to treat my girlfriend. I went ahead and bought the chicken for her. Afterwhich, we went to take some neoprints. Those neoprint were cool. Lichin was the craziest among us. Gosh, but everything was fun.

Dear's getting along quite well with my parents, especially my mum. I'm glad that they get along well. Tml's my turn to have meet-the-parent session. I'm wondering how will it turn out. Good? Bad? Hmm, no matter what, i'm facing it. I wanted our relationship is see light, and not hide in darkness..What comes may, i'm willing to go through anything to be with her. But 1st, i'm going to stop being a bad guy and make her come up with lies all the time just to be with me. I'm a bad sinner and it's time i compensate..

I feel like a bad guy..i'm selfish too..to make myself happy, i didn't really put myself in her shoes. I hope she's really ok.

Our relationship is opening up. I don't like the feeling of hiding. I just realised it's painful yesterday.

She make me feel bad. I wish i could dumb my pc away. She doesn't believe she's above all. I don't like to be accused. For now, i hate my computer..

Met up with Dear early morning today. We decided to take breakfast today and had Ya Kun toast bread for breakfast. Stepped inside and we start to decide on what we want to eat. As usual, she would be attracted to eggs. She's such a big egg lover. We ordered a slices of Kaya Toast and Butter Sugar Toast. We waited for quite long until the dumb auntie realised that she has forgotton to make our order. Damn..we were already late for work. Rushed to office and had the toast. Today's breakfast was one of the best i've ever eaten. I finished mine and wanted more. Just too delicious. A nice way to start the day. I want to eat it again..Friday shall we?

Work before lunch was lazy. I keep on dozing off. It was until i cut my middle finger with a staple bullet that i woke up totally. The staple bullet poked right through into my finger and blood started oozing out. Damn, i had trouble counting and handling those applications for the rest of the day. Blood started oozing out again when i was asked to carry the computer into a room. I rubbed my wound against the round and dirty surface of the monitor and it was smeared with my blood instead. Haa..

Don't intend to OT today. So we left at 6:30pm. Today, time seems to flies quite alright. Lunchtime today, we gave Yilin her farewell card and present. Today is her last day at work. Apart from being a nice colleague, i must say she's quite nice as a friend too. Crappy in her own nice way. Remember to keep in touch k..

During lunchtime, they were talking about some unhappy things. JieWan was greatly affected. Was affected for the whole day. Her teary eyes tells us how hurt and upset she is. I guess my dear is also affected. It's just too childish for people at their age to still play the 'i don't friend you, u don't friend her' games. Knowing JieWan's plight makes me feels how grudge can be bear easily and how people can appear to be nice to you yet backstab u right after u turn ur back away. One fine example is my brother. He showed his true colours today. He didn't matter his friends much. Oh well, that just explains why he hasn't has much friends since he was young..even up til now. If this friend of his read the sms my brother send me, i guess he'll be fuming mad. My brother even make comments on my friends and girlfriend. I was wondering to myself..what right has he got? To a person who always scold his girlfriend, such person with a character has no rights to comments on other people's friend. Much more, he can't even handle his relationship with people well. He has got a big problem interacting with people. Maybe he should jolly well fly out this earth and make some weird martian friends there.

I have to stop my nagging already. Sometimes, i just keep on nagging at my Dear without realising until she make me realise it. Dear, if u are reading this, i hope u can tolerate me. I don't mean to nag at u sometimes. Next time, just listen in what i say for the 1st time, if i repeat again, just ignore me or gimme a 'bo hiu' face..then i will know that i'm nagging and i should stop.

I decided to listen to my Dear. What she say is so true. It's really time i have to depend on myself and no one else. My future only lies in my hands. Others are only there to assist and guide. I've decided to take on part time degreecourse and work at the same time once i completed my NS. I won't want to depend on my parents anymore..as in finiancially. I have to be independent finiancially. There's alot of people whom i want to prove them wrong and there's alot of people whom i don't want to let down because of their trust and support in me. I'm near 21. I don't want to depend on my parents on anything anymore. There's alot of things thet feel i should be able to handle myself. At the same time, i also don't want to interfere in certain things in my life. At my age, freedom on certain stuff should be given, if not, i'll go forced myself to it and go bonkers. Let's just say i'm damn serious now. My future starts now..

Out of the sudden, i feel that i do not have a family..no father..no mother..no brother..

I love chatting with her. We only hanged up our phones at 3 plus last night. We can talk just about anything and everything under the sun. In the past, i've always think that my night will be lonely if my best of friends not there for me..i used to be afraid of loneliness cos the feeling loneliness gives is very dull and bad. But for now, at least i know my night won't be lonely. Someone out there's with me. She makes loneliness a stranger to me. She makes happiness seems more precious than ever.

I woke up early today. I went to somewhere with her. She had actually don't want me to accompany her but i feel that i have to and i want to. I mentioned before that i wanted to be there for her cos that time when she received the sad news, i think i was the 1st person she informed. I could still remember that i was at the train that night, happily on my way home. The news came as a blow or rather a damaging hit on my heart. I could feel that bad feeling again. I'm in her shoes. I totally understand how she feel. That immediately directed me to her. I worry for her, i wanted to suddenly rushed back to where we parted that night and be there for her. Like i said, i'm in her shoes, i know at that point of time, someone is needed. I wanted to be there for her but she needs peace and to be alone. That night, she cried to me once i reached home. It ache my heart to see her like that. So i told myself to pull her up and do my utmost to help her. And so, i couldn't give myself any reason not to go with her today.

After that, we went to cut our hair. We couldn't locate the saloon what she has been talking about and so we settled for an unknown one. Service was lousy as expected. Both of us aren't sastified with our hairstyle. Worst, she's totally displeased with her hair but to tell the truth, i like her new hair. She looks cute. My hair looks as though someone has just put a big bowl on my head and cut round the circumference of the bowl. SUX!

Intended to visit Don today with my Dear but didn't. Rain disappoint us and we postpone to evening instead. We were starving actually but i dragged til my mum came home before we started cooking. My cooking was good today. Even mum praise me today. Though Dear didn't praise me, but by saying the food is nice, i'll take it as praising. (Oops, am i not going to be able to sleep tonight?)

I'm a bad guy. I make Dear cried today. I understand how she feel. I put myself in her shoes. I sudden'y realised that if i were her, i might not be happy too. Her tears make me feel very bad and sad. Out of the sudden, i got this rush that i wanted to tell her how much i love her. How far i am willing to go just for her. How strong my love is for her so much so that i won't even take more than one glance at any girl. If all that could be shown through an action, i swear i'm going to do it. She was upset for a while and seeing her feel that way, i really feel very bad. It's the 1st time that she cried because of me. I failed her. A person who is supposed to make her happy, give her happiness, nurture her sadness for her has make her upset. I'm going to promise not to let that happen again. I want to let her know it's not easy for me to fall into a relationship, it's even not possible for me to like another or any girl. I'm not being shameless here but i can say i'm a devoted and faithful guy. One that will keep his promises as far as he could. I don't failed people easily and if i did, i'm not fit to even live in this world. Sorry once again Dear and do trust me and don't think too much. I only love you, i'll only love you and i can only love you.

Today's the 1st time she saw my parents. She was happily chatting away with my mum while eating and thankfully, my mum got a very good impression of her. She saw and greeted Dad too. Dad too has a good impression of her. Seeing my parents being able to accept her and supported me in this relationship brings and gives me the courage to love her even more. My parents wants me to be serious, stay devoted and love her more. They advice me on quite alot of things and told me a girlfriend is actually no different from a wife. Both are the same - we have to stay with them and love them forever. The only difference is the status. I believe i can make the path, lit it up and walk it well. Sis also gave me good advice. Sometimes, a woman's heart is so big a maze that i can never finish exploring. That's when people came in and advices started to pave more path for me. I'm starting to understand better and i wanted to do more than what i could for her. I could go miles just for her. She gave me that trust to bring her with me while walking that path, so i shall just guide her, be her eyes and never let go.

Seeing her cough badly today makes my heart aches again.

Tml i got to work again. I'm going to wear that shirt again. It's my favourite shirt now. simply love it..

Hasn't been able to find an appropriate time to post. Finally, it's the time. Mood's good and time's right, so i shall just blog.

I had a wonderful weekend. A rather memorable one. The 1st 24hr together. It's not easy to be together for 24 hour. But at least we had and we're glad we did. I surprised her with a bag and wallet. I was afraid that she might not like it. I'm afraid she would scold or say me. I was afriad she won't even accept it. Luckily, my fears was redundant. Phew..She accepted them, she liked them and she's happy. I could tell from her expression. A relief.

Finally, my vacation before my enlistment is confirmed. I'm glad and so thrilled. I simply can't wait for that day to come.

The 1st time i went her house on Saturday. Her room was very very neat. Finally i saw the radio that has been providing the background music while i'm chatting with her every night. Her bed was tidied and occupied with bears. I saw bear bear too. Her room is really much organised than mine. I yearn for such room but my laziness got the better of me. Let me continue staying in that 'dog kennel' while i wait relunctantly for the change of sleeping place when july 21st comes. By then, i'll be missing this 'Dog KENNEL' like crazy.

We went East coast Park. This time round, we managed to set up our tent successfully..er..maybe not successful but at least the tent stands and didn't collapse for the next 10 hours or so. That sense of achievement is great..Haha..But by the time we finish setting up, we were all sweat..or i think it's just me who's all sweat. We chatted and spent our time together. Time flies and before we know it, it's morning. The dumb fan we bought disappoint us. Making us especially hot. We constantly apply baby powder on us, but it proved to be of not much use. Now whenever i smell or see baby powder, it will only reminds me of her..By the time we woke up from our short nap, it's already near dinnertime. We were desperately hungry and starving. Our breakfast was proper but our lunch was pathetic. Twisties and Milo was our lunch. As usual, waking her up from her nap would be quite a difficult task. But she's cute when she did all that grumbling. Haha..We went to Ang Mo Kio..Had our dinner..This dinner is the most sumptuous we ever ate together. Stingray, Five Spices, Bee Hoon, Claypot Chicken Rice filled the table. In the end, we couldn't finished. As expected. That meal was the most i've ever see her eat. Well done Dear..

Headed home shortly only my day to be ruined. Let's not mention abt it as such things aren't mentioning here.

Today, her 'nu er' came for her 1st day of work. She's good enough as to accompany her 'nu er' today. I couldn't eat well this afternoon. Just don't feel right. This all lasted until i got home earlier on.

Today i had a little chat with Farhan. His sister had some health problem. He's greatly affected by it. I can see how terrible he's feeling. He's getting enlisted this sat. Hope he is able to take things lightly, even though i know it's hard. He must be feeling super down now. His plight makes me feel sorry for him. He is a happy go lucky guy. One that takes thing easily and seldom gets unhappy. He always enjoy life to the fullest. But today, i've seen one of his saddest moment. I'm really affected and sad. But i believe Farhan's strong. Let's hope he can get enlisted with his mood getting better and his sis recovering well.

His situation makes me suddenly realised how vulnerable life is again. This feeling is certainly a strong one. Like what she said, i have to cherish her more. I have to cherish everyone who's dear to me. Even though there's some argument between me and my parents, that's just small matter. There's not grudge between family members. There can only be love. Same goes to my gf and my friends. Let me really enjoy my life now while waiting for enlistment date. Even though that's the date that i dread most but sooner or later, it has to come. I'll have to face it with everyone knows that i'm not entering army without letting those's who dear to me know that i really love them.

I won't betray that trust. Obstacles are there but i'm sure we can overcome it. Let's do it..

I want to be the person who load the boulders off that heavy bag of yours. I won't let u carry it alone.

Dang! My Mum haven't iron that -shirt..i have been longing to wear it..argh!

Duh! I shall not think and shall make the most out of today..if possible..

Don Don, how's ur leg? Get Well Soon...i can't wait to go out with u again, hang out and we are supposed to do lotsa stuff before i enter army. Argh...

I'm a Damn Scorpio..!!