First day of NATAS. I somehow look forward to my very first official NATAS fair when everyone is feeling the other way round. But today has been a disappointing. I got more enquiries than ever before but i don't have many bookings coming in, sadly. I'm disappointed with myself, although i very much wanted to do well.
This is the first time i felt that slightest pressure on me. This is the first time i look at my bookings and know that i need to do more. This is the first time i even think i need to make as much bookings as possible.
Plans of going overseas has been called off, both with MR and also with Xero4. Now, i'm just on plan with going Ho Chi Minh come May.
I don't know why it matters so much to me. I'm contemplating but at the very least, it's because of it that i'm feeling much better...
I'm tried, shagged...whatever you can name...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Random
At last, i'm beginning to love my life once again. I really need to play more sports. I miss those days whereby i'm so active and into sports. Played badminton on Saturday but just a barely 45 minutes session is enough to cause the aches which i haven't experience for a very long time. I'm yearning for more badminton sessions.
Caught lots of movies recently and speaking of movies, did i mention that Singaporeans are voted the country whereby our population watched the most number of movies. So far, this year's movie hasn't disappoints me any bit. Surprisingly, Slumdog Millionaire appeared to be a cool underdog to everyone by having 8 academy awards out of 10. I'm looking forward to watch it soon.
NATAS fair is coming. Everyone in the office is damn mad crazy, slogging away like bulls. I got to work consecutively for 12 days. Plus 4 assignments to be handed in 2 days from now. I just hope this tough period passed fast enough.
But so far, i'm happy with how i'm feeling. =)
11 more days to go...
Caught lots of movies recently and speaking of movies, did i mention that Singaporeans are voted the country whereby our population watched the most number of movies. So far, this year's movie hasn't disappoints me any bit. Surprisingly, Slumdog Millionaire appeared to be a cool underdog to everyone by having 8 academy awards out of 10. I'm looking forward to watch it soon.
NATAS fair is coming. Everyone in the office is damn mad crazy, slogging away like bulls. I got to work consecutively for 12 days. Plus 4 assignments to be handed in 2 days from now. I just hope this tough period passed fast enough.
But so far, i'm happy with how i'm feeling. =)
11 more days to go...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
马来人 or not?
马来人. I'm so used to this word called at/on me that it doesn't matter or rather, i didn't bother to explain that i'm actually not. I used to HATE whoever calls me that when i'm younger, much much younger. My mum told me i started looking like that when i was 4 years old, and whenever i'm naughty or misbehave, she will tell me how unlike i am to my brother and the reason why i'm like that is because she picked me up from the rubbish bin
I can still remember each time my mum said that, i cried. Until one fine day when she realised that she has been hurting me emotionally, so much so that something big happened to me (which i shan't mention because it's only for me to know). Since then, my mum never mentioned anything with regards me looking like a malay.
As i grew older, it's became more of a disturbance. Throughout my uniformed school lives, teachers who don't know me would question whether i'm taking the right paper when i have my mother tongue exam. Initially, i got upset, but as i grew older, i started seeing things differently. I won't say i wasn't affected at all, but at least, i don't take it to heart whatever people say.
Whatever it is, nobody understands my feelings growing up in this kind of awkward situation. I shall list a few to say.
- When it's Ramadan (Muslims fasting period), i always have eyes staring at me whenever i dine outside.
- Whenever i bought food from a malay store, they will always speak to me in malay
- Whenever i'm taking a lift with strangers, especially malays, i would rather press the buttons myself.
I could go on and on...but i rather not.
It's always hard meeting new people. I always have to let people know i'm not what they see. It's difficult because even after explaining, they will still bomb you with questions, like asking if i'm of mixed blood, or whether my grandparents or ancestry has any malay or muslim origin. I hate this part on convincing people.
Till now, it has became more of a joke. I always make sure it doesn't affect me. Because having lived with it for more than 20 years, it doesn't bothered me anymore, unless someone goes a little beyond the limit.
I can still remember each time my mum said that, i cried. Until one fine day when she realised that she has been hurting me emotionally, so much so that something big happened to me (which i shan't mention because it's only for me to know). Since then, my mum never mentioned anything with regards me looking like a malay.
As i grew older, it's became more of a disturbance. Throughout my uniformed school lives, teachers who don't know me would question whether i'm taking the right paper when i have my mother tongue exam. Initially, i got upset, but as i grew older, i started seeing things differently. I won't say i wasn't affected at all, but at least, i don't take it to heart whatever people say.
Whatever it is, nobody understands my feelings growing up in this kind of awkward situation. I shall list a few to say.
- When it's Ramadan (Muslims fasting period), i always have eyes staring at me whenever i dine outside.
- Whenever i bought food from a malay store, they will always speak to me in malay
- Whenever i'm taking a lift with strangers, especially malays, i would rather press the buttons myself.
I could go on and on...but i rather not.
It's always hard meeting new people. I always have to let people know i'm not what they see. It's difficult because even after explaining, they will still bomb you with questions, like asking if i'm of mixed blood, or whether my grandparents or ancestry has any malay or muslim origin. I hate this part on convincing people.
Till now, it has became more of a joke. I always make sure it doesn't affect me. Because having lived with it for more than 20 years, it doesn't bothered me anymore, unless someone goes a little beyond the limit.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
New Blogskin
Life have been just great, if not, just better. At last, a new blogskin to kickstart my refreshed life.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Putting It Behind
One day, a monk and his disciple decided to head down the hill from their temple (which is located on top of the hill) to get some herbs from the town. At the foot of the hill, just before they cross a river, they saw a lady who had fallen down and blood was bleeding out profusely. The monk saw it and without hesitation, he moved forward and offered to help. After stopping the blood, he offered to carried the lady on his back and cross the bridge to the other side of the river because the lady stayed on the other side.
After crossing the bridge, the monk put the lady down and both the monk and the disciple continued their trip to town. On their way to town, the disciple appeared unhappy. The monk saw it and asked, "what happen to you? Why do you appear so unhappy?' The disciple said, 'You are not a good role model, you mentioned that we monks have to stay a distance from opposite sex yet you still carried a lady on the back.'
Hearing this, the monk laughed and said "WHAT?! So you are unhappy because of this? I've already put her behind me long ago already yet you are still thinking about it??!"
Someone told me this story and i believe some day, i'll be just like the monk.
After crossing the bridge, the monk put the lady down and both the monk and the disciple continued their trip to town. On their way to town, the disciple appeared unhappy. The monk saw it and asked, "what happen to you? Why do you appear so unhappy?' The disciple said, 'You are not a good role model, you mentioned that we monks have to stay a distance from opposite sex yet you still carried a lady on the back.'
Hearing this, the monk laughed and said "WHAT?! So you are unhappy because of this? I've already put her behind me long ago already yet you are still thinking about it??!"
Someone told me this story and i believe some day, i'll be just like the monk.
Will You?
Would you wake up 3 hours before her at 5.45am just to fry omelette, warm the tuna and sandwich them between 2 slices of bread, making 3 portions of that and get yourself washed and dressed trying to catch first few buses because you knew traffic jam would be expected given it's peak hour. After a long journey and two bus trips, you reached her place after 1 hour and 15mins and when you look at the watch, it's 8am. You feel glad you reached early so that at least you know, by the time she's out of the house, you're there. Surprised to see you, you handed her that breakfast you made and send her to work. By the time the both of you reached her workplace, it's already near 9am due to yet again, traffic jam. You sent her to the lift lobby and you left that place for home, knowing all you get to spend with her is just half an hour. On your way back, you know it's going to take another an hour yet still, your heart was smiling when you are on your way back. By the time you reach home, it's already near 10am. So in the end, it's still down to 'will you?'
Saturday, February 07, 2009
A Chapter Closed
At last, this post is up. I wrote in early Jan. It took me alot to write this post and finally one month later, i found the courage to post this up. It's not easy. Because this post says it all. My purpose to write this post is not to insult anyone, scold anyone or hurt anyone but to give those who care an explanation and at the same time, let those who care know what's actually happening. Some have been asking me tons of questions. Some have been asking me about her. Some have been wondering what had actually happened. So here you go. (It's a long post and it's all about the whole event so if it doesn't interest you, please, don't read on)
I suppose everyone who gets to read this blog know that about 2 years and 8 months ago, i found this girl who became my girlfriend. I was with her for 2 and a half years. Some may think it's short, whereas some may think it's long. Throughout this period of time, we were good. Everyone, well, almost everyone thought we were a great couple. Even i myself thought so too. We had plans for our future from working hard together, getting married, getting a flat etc. Of course, no relationship were perfect. We had our fair share of fights and quarrels as well. Trust me, i haven't been a good boyfriend. Being my first relationship, it wasn't easy for me maintaining this relationship. Both of us tried hard to keep it going and it did.
Something i want to confess here which some didn't know. For her temper and her wilfulness, at times, our quarrel got overheated. There was once whereby things for a little violent. That happened on impulse. Anger got the better of both of us but somehow, we managed to get everything settled as always and our relationship was never affected.
I have always find it hard to get along with her parents. Her dad didn't like me all along, perhaps my first impression didn't impress him enough. Neither do i like her whole family because they really have got weird lifestyle and habits. And because of her family, we do quarrel as well. But that wasn't enough to do any great damage to our relationship. As for my parents, she didn't like my dad. However, my parents dotes on her. They would cook her favourite food on the days she come to my house. However, she only like my mum, she don't show her dislike on my bro or dad. But at the very least, she did show respect to my family.
Being my first relationship, i'm always fearful of losing her. To me, she meant the whole world. I could turn away anything just for her. It's as though my whole life revolves around her. I put her first in front of anyone else. But to her, i'm like a bonus or luxury to her, whatever you may call it. I wasn't her priority and never was. I'm well aware of that but it was never a problem to either one of us because our relationship are still going smoothly. But because she meant the world to me, i was kind of possesive over her. When we just got along, i was not happy with her in contact with any guy. We argued a few times, gradually along the way, i realised that i have to give her the freedom she wants and i did. We spoke to each other a few times and agreed. So it was so called a happy ending for both of us. She got her freedom and i learnt something (loving someone doesn't mean possessing someone).
Seriously, i gave almost my all to her. Precisely because i'm so close to her, i became emotionally dependent on her. Especially more so when i'm in army. I'm sure every guy would know how tough it is to go through National Service. Not because it's tough physically, but it's tough mentally and emotionally. I'm blessed that she was there for me. Throughout my 2 years of NS, she was always there for me. And till now, i'm grateful to her for going through these 2 tough years with me. Even when i started my school in MDIS, she showed great support. We were supportive in each other lives most of the time. I never wanted to let her feel she's alone in the battlefield of her studies. I accompanied her to school, never wanting her to feel lonely on her way to school. I don't even mind waiting three hours for her doing nothing just to make sure she gets home safely. Even my current job, she's the one who showed me the greatest encouragement and because of this job, we meet almost everyday. Perhaps because of this, things turned abit more routine and became stale. Although i don't feel that way, but somehow, i sense it in her.
I know her so well - her temper, her character, her needs...almost everything. But it's just that after that fateful event, out of the sudden, she seem so far away from me. Even till now, there's plenty of question marks above my head, but seriously, there's nothing i can do. I can't even ask for any answer because i was not given any chance and all. From when it all just happened, i'm desperately doing all i can to find those answer up till now, i never want to get bothered by it because it's pointless to me.
Seriously, i can't accept the fact that our relationship came to an end out of the sudden. It's just on 17th Nov 08 that it's our 30 months together. We wished each other 30 months together at night. On the 18th Nov 08, we were still together buying birthday present for her dad. Up until 20th Nov 08, i even went to change her necklace which cost a bomb, but i didn't mind because she said she wanted to be pretty on her birthday. That night, she was on the phone with someone whom she denied telling me the truth and then...the next day, she initiated the break-up. It was so sudden that i thought it was a joke. I couldn't believe anything i heard. I can still clearly remember what happened that day. I will never forget it.
I came to know the truth eventually. She denied that guy was the cause for our breakup. She claimed that guy was just a friend to her. Seriously, everyone knows he likes her. On her birthday itself, she received 2 bouquet of flowers. One from me and one from him. I felt that he's total rubbish and totally not trusthworthy. His words that day made me fuming and amused. How can someone whom know her for barely one month tell someone who has been with her for 2 years and a half that he can take care of her better than i do. Seriously, the fact that she still defends him saddens me.
I'll never forget one very sentence she said which literally pissed my ass off.
'I know what goes around comes around, but as long as i'm happy, i don't care'.
Nobody knows how irresponsible this sentence can be. It's not a matter on what's she's going to do but it's more like how ruthless and unfeeling a person can turned out to be, especially when i didn't thought of her to be like that, not at all.
Subsequently, me and her are just friends weeks after the initial breakup. However, i suppose absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in this particular, call me bloody useless because i really am. Even after umpteen times of advices from my parents and friends, i took the wrong step. Obviously, i regretted but relieved because i've seen through her. 20 Dec 08, we were still going out on that day, still holding hands and doing what most couple did. This is the wrong step i took, we went into an open relationship. I only knew it was a wrong step the next day. Next day came, I knew she was with that guy, as she claimed that she was friend with that guy only. I didn't suspect or think much. But what i saw with my own eyes that day were image of her and that guy feeding each other. Images of her scratching his back still haunts me now and then. I will never forget how cheeky she is knowing i called and yet showed then guy, laughing it off and put her mobile back into her call. Even after i called her, she still can deny. All the way until the next morning, she can still tell me both of them are just friends. In my mind, it's all questions. Do friends feed each other? Do friends hug each other? Do friend keep calling and ask where are you, what time will you be reaching home? But to her now, friends are supposed to do that. 'FRIENDS'
For the first time, i was angry. Determined not to fall into her lies, i poured out to my friends. They gave me advice and consoled me. I felt that the world is still a better side. I thought i could live without her. It's was so tough, i failed again. I'm in pain for almost a month by then, but because i was too emotionally dependent on her, i once again failed. I feel i'm a let-down to my parents and my friends. They were all so concerned for me and telling me the right thing to do, but i did the wrong things over and over again. I feel so bad that i dare not tell anyone of them what happened anymore. Because i was afraid they might despise me, they will hate me, they will give up on me. I realised their importance so much ever since such a thing happen to me. Even people whom i'm not close made me feel that they do care and concern.
On 30 Dec 08, she told me she's sorry and that she wanted to be friends with me. I fell for that. But as much as i do, i realised i couldn't trust her that much.
I've seen couples break up based on mutual understanding and agreement. Even after she had done to me, i still thought we could be friends. All my friends, well, almost all my friends think i'm crazy and stupid, especially after what she told me. Sometime in December, she said that i wasted 2 and a half years of her life (we were together for 30 months). When i heard it, i was not only hurt, but pissed and disappointed as well. Throughout this 2 and a half years, i spent so much time on her, at times even neglecting my friends and family. My mum used to warn me of spending too much time, effort and love on her, but i was blindedfolded. I listened to no one else. After hearing what she said, i felt sorry. I felt i let my friends and family down. At the same time, i feel happy because my friends are still there for me even after what had happened to me.
Till now, i'm proudest of two things i've done for her, out of so many. I'll never forget how i fetched her home cooked food by bicycle from my house to her school. Whole journey took me 2 and a half hours, all by bicycle. I'm always happy to do that for her, so long she gets to eat home cooked food (cos her mum's never cook, that's why she loved home cooked food). All i wanted to hear was the sweetest thing she would ever said to me each time i fetched her food. Second thing is to make sure she remains healthy and alert for her exams. Every year, she gets stressed over her exams. I will buy her bird nest no matter what prior to her exams to make sure she gets the tonic she needs so that she can do better.
Good friends of mine told me, even if she thinks i've wasted 2 and a half years of my life, i shouldn't think that way. Someone even told me that i didn't waste my time at all, in fact, I learnt alot from this 2 and a half years. I pondered awhile and realised the whole truth of what he said to me. Because of what he said, i'm moving on much better.
And because of that, i make my final meeting with her. It was spanned over 2 days. I carried the thought that i can be friends with her and that i can trust her. But i realised i can't. In the end, her actions doesn't tally with what she said. That explains my blog entry on 3 Jan 09. As for what happens after that doesn't matter because i want to get out of it.
Every now and then, i still see them. She still claims both of them are just friends, to me, to her friends and to her colleagues. But each time i see them, intimate actions follows. I admit my heart feels sour but i didn't let that bother me that much. I just prayed to god that i don't have to see either one of them at all. She still think she calls the shots, choosing when to contact me and when not to. To me, i can never be together with her anymore, not even friends because i do not trust her anymore, moreover, it's never possible as long as that guy is around. But to me, she's a changed person. The girl i love no longer exist and will remains in my heart, forever and ever.
As for the future, i'm not sure how long will i take to heal. But i'm thankful that my friends were there for me when i needed them the most...i don't and won't want to let anyone of you down ever again. I'm healing and it is going to take a long time to fully recover. To me, i've lost confidence in relationship and my inferiority is coming back. I won't even want to go into a relationship ever again because i never want to be hurt again. Once bitten, twice shy. At least for now, that's what i thought. I just want to widen my social circle, hang out with my friends again and of course, my ever loving family.
I suppose everyone who gets to read this blog know that about 2 years and 8 months ago, i found this girl who became my girlfriend. I was with her for 2 and a half years. Some may think it's short, whereas some may think it's long. Throughout this period of time, we were good. Everyone, well, almost everyone thought we were a great couple. Even i myself thought so too. We had plans for our future from working hard together, getting married, getting a flat etc. Of course, no relationship were perfect. We had our fair share of fights and quarrels as well. Trust me, i haven't been a good boyfriend. Being my first relationship, it wasn't easy for me maintaining this relationship. Both of us tried hard to keep it going and it did.
Something i want to confess here which some didn't know. For her temper and her wilfulness, at times, our quarrel got overheated. There was once whereby things for a little violent. That happened on impulse. Anger got the better of both of us but somehow, we managed to get everything settled as always and our relationship was never affected.
I have always find it hard to get along with her parents. Her dad didn't like me all along, perhaps my first impression didn't impress him enough. Neither do i like her whole family because they really have got weird lifestyle and habits. And because of her family, we do quarrel as well. But that wasn't enough to do any great damage to our relationship. As for my parents, she didn't like my dad. However, my parents dotes on her. They would cook her favourite food on the days she come to my house. However, she only like my mum, she don't show her dislike on my bro or dad. But at the very least, she did show respect to my family.
Being my first relationship, i'm always fearful of losing her. To me, she meant the whole world. I could turn away anything just for her. It's as though my whole life revolves around her. I put her first in front of anyone else. But to her, i'm like a bonus or luxury to her, whatever you may call it. I wasn't her priority and never was. I'm well aware of that but it was never a problem to either one of us because our relationship are still going smoothly. But because she meant the world to me, i was kind of possesive over her. When we just got along, i was not happy with her in contact with any guy. We argued a few times, gradually along the way, i realised that i have to give her the freedom she wants and i did. We spoke to each other a few times and agreed. So it was so called a happy ending for both of us. She got her freedom and i learnt something (loving someone doesn't mean possessing someone).
Seriously, i gave almost my all to her. Precisely because i'm so close to her, i became emotionally dependent on her. Especially more so when i'm in army. I'm sure every guy would know how tough it is to go through National Service. Not because it's tough physically, but it's tough mentally and emotionally. I'm blessed that she was there for me. Throughout my 2 years of NS, she was always there for me. And till now, i'm grateful to her for going through these 2 tough years with me. Even when i started my school in MDIS, she showed great support. We were supportive in each other lives most of the time. I never wanted to let her feel she's alone in the battlefield of her studies. I accompanied her to school, never wanting her to feel lonely on her way to school. I don't even mind waiting three hours for her doing nothing just to make sure she gets home safely. Even my current job, she's the one who showed me the greatest encouragement and because of this job, we meet almost everyday. Perhaps because of this, things turned abit more routine and became stale. Although i don't feel that way, but somehow, i sense it in her.
I know her so well - her temper, her character, her needs...almost everything. But it's just that after that fateful event, out of the sudden, she seem so far away from me. Even till now, there's plenty of question marks above my head, but seriously, there's nothing i can do. I can't even ask for any answer because i was not given any chance and all. From when it all just happened, i'm desperately doing all i can to find those answer up till now, i never want to get bothered by it because it's pointless to me.
Seriously, i can't accept the fact that our relationship came to an end out of the sudden. It's just on 17th Nov 08 that it's our 30 months together. We wished each other 30 months together at night. On the 18th Nov 08, we were still together buying birthday present for her dad. Up until 20th Nov 08, i even went to change her necklace which cost a bomb, but i didn't mind because she said she wanted to be pretty on her birthday. That night, she was on the phone with someone whom she denied telling me the truth and then...the next day, she initiated the break-up. It was so sudden that i thought it was a joke. I couldn't believe anything i heard. I can still clearly remember what happened that day. I will never forget it.
I came to know the truth eventually. She denied that guy was the cause for our breakup. She claimed that guy was just a friend to her. Seriously, everyone knows he likes her. On her birthday itself, she received 2 bouquet of flowers. One from me and one from him. I felt that he's total rubbish and totally not trusthworthy. His words that day made me fuming and amused. How can someone whom know her for barely one month tell someone who has been with her for 2 years and a half that he can take care of her better than i do. Seriously, the fact that she still defends him saddens me.
I'll never forget one very sentence she said which literally pissed my ass off.
'I know what goes around comes around, but as long as i'm happy, i don't care'.
Nobody knows how irresponsible this sentence can be. It's not a matter on what's she's going to do but it's more like how ruthless and unfeeling a person can turned out to be, especially when i didn't thought of her to be like that, not at all.
Subsequently, me and her are just friends weeks after the initial breakup. However, i suppose absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in this particular, call me bloody useless because i really am. Even after umpteen times of advices from my parents and friends, i took the wrong step. Obviously, i regretted but relieved because i've seen through her. 20 Dec 08, we were still going out on that day, still holding hands and doing what most couple did. This is the wrong step i took, we went into an open relationship. I only knew it was a wrong step the next day. Next day came, I knew she was with that guy, as she claimed that she was friend with that guy only. I didn't suspect or think much. But what i saw with my own eyes that day were image of her and that guy feeding each other. Images of her scratching his back still haunts me now and then. I will never forget how cheeky she is knowing i called and yet showed then guy, laughing it off and put her mobile back into her call. Even after i called her, she still can deny. All the way until the next morning, she can still tell me both of them are just friends. In my mind, it's all questions. Do friends feed each other? Do friends hug each other? Do friend keep calling and ask where are you, what time will you be reaching home? But to her now, friends are supposed to do that. 'FRIENDS'
For the first time, i was angry. Determined not to fall into her lies, i poured out to my friends. They gave me advice and consoled me. I felt that the world is still a better side. I thought i could live without her. It's was so tough, i failed again. I'm in pain for almost a month by then, but because i was too emotionally dependent on her, i once again failed. I feel i'm a let-down to my parents and my friends. They were all so concerned for me and telling me the right thing to do, but i did the wrong things over and over again. I feel so bad that i dare not tell anyone of them what happened anymore. Because i was afraid they might despise me, they will hate me, they will give up on me. I realised their importance so much ever since such a thing happen to me. Even people whom i'm not close made me feel that they do care and concern.
On 30 Dec 08, she told me she's sorry and that she wanted to be friends with me. I fell for that. But as much as i do, i realised i couldn't trust her that much.
I've seen couples break up based on mutual understanding and agreement. Even after she had done to me, i still thought we could be friends. All my friends, well, almost all my friends think i'm crazy and stupid, especially after what she told me. Sometime in December, she said that i wasted 2 and a half years of her life (we were together for 30 months). When i heard it, i was not only hurt, but pissed and disappointed as well. Throughout this 2 and a half years, i spent so much time on her, at times even neglecting my friends and family. My mum used to warn me of spending too much time, effort and love on her, but i was blindedfolded. I listened to no one else. After hearing what she said, i felt sorry. I felt i let my friends and family down. At the same time, i feel happy because my friends are still there for me even after what had happened to me.
Till now, i'm proudest of two things i've done for her, out of so many. I'll never forget how i fetched her home cooked food by bicycle from my house to her school. Whole journey took me 2 and a half hours, all by bicycle. I'm always happy to do that for her, so long she gets to eat home cooked food (cos her mum's never cook, that's why she loved home cooked food). All i wanted to hear was the sweetest thing she would ever said to me each time i fetched her food. Second thing is to make sure she remains healthy and alert for her exams. Every year, she gets stressed over her exams. I will buy her bird nest no matter what prior to her exams to make sure she gets the tonic she needs so that she can do better.
Good friends of mine told me, even if she thinks i've wasted 2 and a half years of my life, i shouldn't think that way. Someone even told me that i didn't waste my time at all, in fact, I learnt alot from this 2 and a half years. I pondered awhile and realised the whole truth of what he said to me. Because of what he said, i'm moving on much better.
And because of that, i make my final meeting with her. It was spanned over 2 days. I carried the thought that i can be friends with her and that i can trust her. But i realised i can't. In the end, her actions doesn't tally with what she said. That explains my blog entry on 3 Jan 09. As for what happens after that doesn't matter because i want to get out of it.
Every now and then, i still see them. She still claims both of them are just friends, to me, to her friends and to her colleagues. But each time i see them, intimate actions follows. I admit my heart feels sour but i didn't let that bother me that much. I just prayed to god that i don't have to see either one of them at all. She still think she calls the shots, choosing when to contact me and when not to. To me, i can never be together with her anymore, not even friends because i do not trust her anymore, moreover, it's never possible as long as that guy is around. But to me, she's a changed person. The girl i love no longer exist and will remains in my heart, forever and ever.
As for the future, i'm not sure how long will i take to heal. But i'm thankful that my friends were there for me when i needed them the most...i don't and won't want to let anyone of you down ever again. I'm healing and it is going to take a long time to fully recover. To me, i've lost confidence in relationship and my inferiority is coming back. I won't even want to go into a relationship ever again because i never want to be hurt again. Once bitten, twice shy. At least for now, that's what i thought. I just want to widen my social circle, hang out with my friends again and of course, my ever loving family.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
SKorean granny fails driving test 771 times
To those still learning driving, don't ever give up. Because i strongly believe you won't fail as many times as this old woman below. Or perhaps someone will, but still, it's just that someone. So for the others, jiayou!
SEOUL (AFP) - - A dogged South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, but a local newspaper reported she will keep trying.
The 68-year-old, identified only by her last name Cha, has taken the test almost every working day since 2005 in the southwestern city of Jeonju. She failed again Monday for the 771st time.
"It was a record-breaking number here," Choi Yong-Cheol, a police sergeant supervising the test in the city's Deokjingu district, told AFP.
"I wonder if she will try it again for a 772nd time."
The Korea Times said Cha will in fact be back for another attempt.
Choi said that Cha cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test, averaging scores of 30-50 whereas the pass mark is 60 out of 100.
Local media said that Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes, carrying the items in a handcart, but wants to get a car for her business.
Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses.
"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her," one officer was quoted as saying.
SEOUL (AFP) - - A dogged South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, but a local newspaper reported she will keep trying.
The 68-year-old, identified only by her last name Cha, has taken the test almost every working day since 2005 in the southwestern city of Jeonju. She failed again Monday for the 771st time.
"It was a record-breaking number here," Choi Yong-Cheol, a police sergeant supervising the test in the city's Deokjingu district, told AFP.
"I wonder if she will try it again for a 772nd time."
The Korea Times said Cha will in fact be back for another attempt.
Choi said that Cha cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test, averaging scores of 30-50 whereas the pass mark is 60 out of 100.
Local media said that Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes, carrying the items in a handcart, but wants to get a car for her business.
Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses.
"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her," one officer was quoted as saying.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Be Happy, Joanna
I've seen how vulnerable life is. This post is for a friend of mine. Though not close with her, but she has been really helpful and sincere towards me. I pray for her grandma to be ok, at least, living her life well enough and happily.
NA
What i saw just now couldn't make me believe she's sincere in asking. Furthermore, who is she to ask me this question.
Get Well Soon..Please
I feel like killing one of my hamsters. Yes, you are not seeing things. I bet if you are in the same situation as me, you MIGHT feel the same as well. But of course, i can't bear to do such a cruel thing.
MiuMiu is currently very 'sick'. His body is full of 'wounds' and 'sickness' i presume. From one big lump on his body months back, he has currently 5 lumps on this body, with 1 bloody now. Bloody because he bit on his own lump, causing blood is flowed out constantly.
Just last week, i separated him from the other hamster, ShooBing. All because he changed. He started bullying ShooBing, biting him on his butt until now, ShooBing trembles at the sight of MiuMiu. What's worse, ShooBing has his butt rotten and injured due to the constant attack from MiuMiu.
Nevertheless, i didn't blame MiuMiu as much as i wanted to because given anyone who see MiuMiu now would give him all the sympathy in the world. MiuMiu not only has 5 lumps on his body but his right eye is shrinking (i guess it's caused by the fight between him and ShooBing). What's even worse is MiuMiu's face is starting to swell ridiculously. I couldn't go on any longer. Right now, i just wish MiuMiu would go to somewhere much better peacefully, rather than suffering now i presume. I intend to bring him to the vet but i presume the vet would not be able to do anything like how she has mentioned the last time i went to her, telling me how the lump is part of the body and cannot be removed and also telling me how small the hamster is and any medication might prove too strong for him. I'm at loss..total loss.
I regretted what happened to them today. From buying this hamster as a birthday gift to someone whom i once loved so much till just weeks after that, their prospective owner decided that she can't and don't want to take care of them, nicely putting them @ my house instead yet claiming them to be her precious all the way until today whereby my mum grew the greatest bond and feelings for them and with them. I'm filled with regret. Somehow, i thought and i feel i brought this upon them. What should i do? There's no way i can ask the vet to end their life because i reckon she won't. I need help somehow, someway...
MiuMiu is currently very 'sick'. His body is full of 'wounds' and 'sickness' i presume. From one big lump on his body months back, he has currently 5 lumps on this body, with 1 bloody now. Bloody because he bit on his own lump, causing blood is flowed out constantly.
Just last week, i separated him from the other hamster, ShooBing. All because he changed. He started bullying ShooBing, biting him on his butt until now, ShooBing trembles at the sight of MiuMiu. What's worse, ShooBing has his butt rotten and injured due to the constant attack from MiuMiu.
Nevertheless, i didn't blame MiuMiu as much as i wanted to because given anyone who see MiuMiu now would give him all the sympathy in the world. MiuMiu not only has 5 lumps on his body but his right eye is shrinking (i guess it's caused by the fight between him and ShooBing). What's even worse is MiuMiu's face is starting to swell ridiculously. I couldn't go on any longer. Right now, i just wish MiuMiu would go to somewhere much better peacefully, rather than suffering now i presume. I intend to bring him to the vet but i presume the vet would not be able to do anything like how she has mentioned the last time i went to her, telling me how the lump is part of the body and cannot be removed and also telling me how small the hamster is and any medication might prove too strong for him. I'm at loss..total loss.
I regretted what happened to them today. From buying this hamster as a birthday gift to someone whom i once loved so much till just weeks after that, their prospective owner decided that she can't and don't want to take care of them, nicely putting them @ my house instead yet claiming them to be her precious all the way until today whereby my mum grew the greatest bond and feelings for them and with them. I'm filled with regret. Somehow, i thought and i feel i brought this upon them. What should i do? There's no way i can ask the vet to end their life because i reckon she won't. I need help somehow, someway...
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Be Strong
I held back my tears when i saw it. Lucky Don was here. So tough to keep my feelings to myself because it's so torturing. But i believe, someday, it will become numb..
