At last, i played soccer again, on Friday. Went home with a bloodied toe, with toe nails cracked. I need a new soccer shoes. The ones that SAF gave sucks. It doesn't even protect. I can't count the number of times SAF personnel were injured to the these shoes they wore during my span of 2 year service in Army. But, like what my friend had said, some soccer shoes looked so nice that you don't even bear to wear it to play soccer. No choice, i have to, if i ever want to play soccer without any pain.
Went for Sis 21st party. I almost 'painted' myself black and white to suit the theme 'black and white'. Her birthday party reminds me how i celebrated mine 3 years ago. I have the urge to make one small little birthday party again this year. But then again, it's a headache planning it, i might just be too lazy again to do anything.
Lost @ Mahjong again. This year, i'm Santa Claus whole year round. I've been losing whole year and it's almost half a year now. I'm practically giving money all the time. Is it just pure unlucky or am i too lousy for this game?
I can't wait for my Playstation 3 to come. Watching those youtube videos, those high resolutions print-screen and shots players took which i found online, looking at those reviews of those exciting game, i really really can't wait for my PS3 to come. Brought my friend to this particular shop in AMK Hub. He bought some of the nicest game ever and of course, Street fighter 4. A classic game. To play this game, a joystick is definitely required. And to think that the joystick the shop sold to be exactly as the ones from the arcade actually cost $300++. Gosh, my friend bought a equally decent joystick and it costs only $29. Huge difference in price, but playing wise, probably, a little bit different only. I can't wait for it to come. Probably then, i'll be spending everyday at home playing my games rather than going out, come to think of it, i can save money on it. But only to spend it away on games.....boohooo
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
6 Months of Uncertainty
It's been 6 months. I never thought i would come this far, feeling and being how i am now. It's never easy, even up till now, or rather, should i say, especially now. Humans make mistakes, and yet some mistakes, to me at the very least, are unpardonable. Not because there's no room for forgiveness, but because of how this mistake can be kept at its minimum but wasn't chosen to.
First 2 months were especially tough, much tougher and harder than i thought. I disappointed everyone who cared, even myself ultimately. Whilst among all these, i became more paranoid. I became slightly useless in that sense. Some advices falls upon deaf eyes, i chose not to ignore certain facts and continue dwelling on the unnecessaries.
I used to dread weekends because i didn't want to be alone. I used to dread finishing my work for the day because i dread going back home. It's like going back to somewhere where there will be memories haunting me. It's not as though all my friends didn't care, it's simply because i couldn't bring myself to do anything because my heart and mind didn't allow me to, other than that very something. Minutes feels like years.
Slowly, it heals, very gently, unknowingly, through umpteens time of 'wake up calls'. I gained back the weight i lost, at a slow rate. I regained my confidence gradually. Though my stand still stays. Feelings fades but it's fading at the slowest rate possible and ever. Ultimately, i ensured i didn't do anything stupid or silly.
Most people assumed i've moved on. To a certain extent, i did. A scar is always a scar, no matter how long it took, it will never heal completely. Now, the scar is still there, still bleeding occasionally. Probably, it would have healed even faster, had i not reacted the way i shouldn't on some occasions. But i told myself, if i've been through worst, what's could have happen?
Once bitten twice shy. Never again will i allow myself to be hurt the way i was hurt exactly half a year ago. Amused and confused, i pondered upon the recent messages i've been receiving. It goes on a story like this.
She had always like eating Fishball Noodles ever since she was young, but one day, a new stall opened beside the Fishball Noodles, selling Prawn Noodles. She hestitated. Despite having eaten Fishball Noodles for years, she was tempted to eat Prawn Noodles for a change, just because she though Prawn Noodles would definitely taste nicer than Fishball Noodles. In the end, she really did. She had a change and she thought she made the right choice. Months passed, one say, she got tired of Prawn Noodles, and wanted to go back to Fishball Noodles....
The story hasn't end... Like they say, 好马不吃回头草. My heart says yes, but i realised one important fact, which was contradictory, being said to me, love alone isn't enough to sustain everything, not even relationship. Which is why, even if two persons still love and care for each other, there can be tons of many others reasons why they just can't be together.
For now, it's all about taking a step at a time. I feel being single has its own advantage, even though it feels good to be attached, to be able to love and be loved. At this point of time, i realised i love myself more and i thought i should have done so more often in the past. Although my stand of staying single is there, but i still wish to fulfill my dream of having a family of my own in future. I'll just wait for cupid to serve me my fate and when it comes knocking, probably, that shall be one of the happiest day of my life. Till then, i'll lead my life normally, where i believe, i'll continue to heal and recover from those unwanted memories.
First 2 months were especially tough, much tougher and harder than i thought. I disappointed everyone who cared, even myself ultimately. Whilst among all these, i became more paranoid. I became slightly useless in that sense. Some advices falls upon deaf eyes, i chose not to ignore certain facts and continue dwelling on the unnecessaries.
I used to dread weekends because i didn't want to be alone. I used to dread finishing my work for the day because i dread going back home. It's like going back to somewhere where there will be memories haunting me. It's not as though all my friends didn't care, it's simply because i couldn't bring myself to do anything because my heart and mind didn't allow me to, other than that very something. Minutes feels like years.
Slowly, it heals, very gently, unknowingly, through umpteens time of 'wake up calls'. I gained back the weight i lost, at a slow rate. I regained my confidence gradually. Though my stand still stays. Feelings fades but it's fading at the slowest rate possible and ever. Ultimately, i ensured i didn't do anything stupid or silly.
Most people assumed i've moved on. To a certain extent, i did. A scar is always a scar, no matter how long it took, it will never heal completely. Now, the scar is still there, still bleeding occasionally. Probably, it would have healed even faster, had i not reacted the way i shouldn't on some occasions. But i told myself, if i've been through worst, what's could have happen?
Once bitten twice shy. Never again will i allow myself to be hurt the way i was hurt exactly half a year ago. Amused and confused, i pondered upon the recent messages i've been receiving. It goes on a story like this.
She had always like eating Fishball Noodles ever since she was young, but one day, a new stall opened beside the Fishball Noodles, selling Prawn Noodles. She hestitated. Despite having eaten Fishball Noodles for years, she was tempted to eat Prawn Noodles for a change, just because she though Prawn Noodles would definitely taste nicer than Fishball Noodles. In the end, she really did. She had a change and she thought she made the right choice. Months passed, one say, she got tired of Prawn Noodles, and wanted to go back to Fishball Noodles....
The story hasn't end... Like they say, 好马不吃回头草. My heart says yes, but i realised one important fact, which was contradictory, being said to me, love alone isn't enough to sustain everything, not even relationship. Which is why, even if two persons still love and care for each other, there can be tons of many others reasons why they just can't be together.
For now, it's all about taking a step at a time. I feel being single has its own advantage, even though it feels good to be attached, to be able to love and be loved. At this point of time, i realised i love myself more and i thought i should have done so more often in the past. Although my stand of staying single is there, but i still wish to fulfill my dream of having a family of my own in future. I'll just wait for cupid to serve me my fate and when it comes knocking, probably, that shall be one of the happiest day of my life. Till then, i'll lead my life normally, where i believe, i'll continue to heal and recover from those unwanted memories.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Happy Mothers Day
Actual Mother's Day celebration had to be postpone as poor little brother had to book in early for the day. However, i did a little on my part just to ensure my mother did enjoy this special day. Initial plans of whipping up a nice meal for her was cancelled. Mum is always mum. She couldn't bear to wake me up from my sweetest dream and went market without me. By the time i really woke up, the sun was shining bright.
I made it up for her by doing some errands on my own. Bought all her favourite food i can buy, plus a cake for her. She only love and only eat that cake - Bengawan Solo Pandan Coconut Cake. The actual celebration will be in a few weeks time, whereby i'll bring her together with my bro to movies. The last time i watched movies with my mother, is probably more than a decade ago. She's excited with it, plus a nice japanese meal, she will probably be the happiest mother on earth.
Seriously, everyday can be Mother's day. She yearns for me to be at home most of the time, but i seem to be always the opposite. I became so extrovert after being 'trained' by my dad. My mum always attribute my extroversion to my dad. My dad never likes staying at home. He can go out several times a day on days he doesn't have to work. Since young he never liked me and my brother staying at home, because he think that guys should be out there instead of cooping up like a girl at home. I used to be utterly homely, and especially introvert. But the nagging finally got into me and i became what my dad likes and what my mum dislikes.
On and off, i appreciate and regret the fact that i didn't spend enough time at home with mum. I tell myself to spend more time at home, and lesser time outside. So at least few times a week, i'll dine dinner at home, even though if i'm going out, i'll do it after dinner. At my age, it's probably an age whereby my mum shouldn't worry about me so much, neither do i want her to be. But mothers are always mothers, no matter how old you are, you're always a kid. In her eyes, i'm always her boy.
I'll never forget her smallest action which shown the greatest love, giving me the greatest impact of my life. She's a perfect mother in my eyes. The fact that i can grown to this age, i'm thankful to her. When i'm scared, only she's there. When i'm sad, only she's there. When i'm down, only she's there. When i'm sick, only she's there. When i'm happy, she's also there. Nothing i do is comparable to the love she gave and i appreciate that. On the other hand, i make sure that stupid brother of mine appreciate that as well because he never seem to understand and know who really brought him to this world, giving him the care and love he needs when growing up.
But in any case, Happy Mother's Day to mummy...
I made it up for her by doing some errands on my own. Bought all her favourite food i can buy, plus a cake for her. She only love and only eat that cake - Bengawan Solo Pandan Coconut Cake. The actual celebration will be in a few weeks time, whereby i'll bring her together with my bro to movies. The last time i watched movies with my mother, is probably more than a decade ago. She's excited with it, plus a nice japanese meal, she will probably be the happiest mother on earth.
Seriously, everyday can be Mother's day. She yearns for me to be at home most of the time, but i seem to be always the opposite. I became so extrovert after being 'trained' by my dad. My mum always attribute my extroversion to my dad. My dad never likes staying at home. He can go out several times a day on days he doesn't have to work. Since young he never liked me and my brother staying at home, because he think that guys should be out there instead of cooping up like a girl at home. I used to be utterly homely, and especially introvert. But the nagging finally got into me and i became what my dad likes and what my mum dislikes.
On and off, i appreciate and regret the fact that i didn't spend enough time at home with mum. I tell myself to spend more time at home, and lesser time outside. So at least few times a week, i'll dine dinner at home, even though if i'm going out, i'll do it after dinner. At my age, it's probably an age whereby my mum shouldn't worry about me so much, neither do i want her to be. But mothers are always mothers, no matter how old you are, you're always a kid. In her eyes, i'm always her boy.
I'll never forget her smallest action which shown the greatest love, giving me the greatest impact of my life. She's a perfect mother in my eyes. The fact that i can grown to this age, i'm thankful to her. When i'm scared, only she's there. When i'm sad, only she's there. When i'm down, only she's there. When i'm sick, only she's there. When i'm happy, she's also there. Nothing i do is comparable to the love she gave and i appreciate that. On the other hand, i make sure that stupid brother of mine appreciate that as well because he never seem to understand and know who really brought him to this world, giving him the care and love he needs when growing up.
But in any case, Happy Mother's Day to mummy...
Friday, May 08, 2009
Random
Results's out. I must say i should be thankful for the results i've got. Although i didn't pin high hopes, but definitely, i'm slightly disappointed, especially with one particular module. However, all in all, i considered myself lucky to be able to get through this monstrous trimester, but little ease. My decision to drop one module hopefully will serve me well enough.
I haven't been blogging about this but definitely, something to be happy about. Man Utd is still on route for Treble this year, in addition to the Charity Shield and World Cup Championship, that would be a fruitful 5 trophies this season, simple wonderful. Getting into the finals by thrashing Arsenal. Vying for a final pole first position against Liverpool with a great advantage, i'll see no reason how Man Utd could end up with none of the two. Man Utd fans, let's cheer for them...
I haven't been blogging about this but definitely, something to be happy about. Man Utd is still on route for Treble this year, in addition to the Charity Shield and World Cup Championship, that would be a fruitful 5 trophies this season, simple wonderful. Getting into the finals by thrashing Arsenal. Vying for a final pole first position against Liverpool with a great advantage, i'll see no reason how Man Utd could end up with none of the two. Man Utd fans, let's cheer for them...
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Happy 21st Birthday 妹妹！
-Dedicated to Mei Mei-
One person i wanted to wish - Happy Birthday Sis. Definitely not someone i would forget. A pity i was away in Ho Chi Minh. But i'm glad i can meet you over two occasions. Several birthdays had passed ever since i've known and this must be one of the most important one as it marks a special milestone for you. I had mine 3 years ago and i'm glad you're part of it. 3 years later, it's your turn and i'm glad i'm a part of it as well.
21 is never an easy age. But it also spells a different route, something you would love embarking on. Hope you had the best birthday in your life and more to come of course. Happy Birthday once again and May All Your Wishes Come True.....生日快乐！
One person i wanted to wish - Happy Birthday Sis. Definitely not someone i would forget. A pity i was away in Ho Chi Minh. But i'm glad i can meet you over two occasions. Several birthdays had passed ever since i've known and this must be one of the most important one as it marks a special milestone for you. I had mine 3 years ago and i'm glad you're part of it. 3 years later, it's your turn and i'm glad i'm a part of it as well.
21 is never an easy age. But it also spells a different route, something you would love embarking on. Hope you had the best birthday in your life and more to come of course. Happy Birthday once again and May All Your Wishes Come True.....生日快乐！
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Random
Back from Ho Chi Minh. Been to 2 countries within the span of weeks, totally different experience. To Mauritius, it was my first time travelling far east from Singapore whereas to Ho Chi Minh, it was my first time backpacking. I'll be a good boy staying at home this Sunday and uploads those photos, sharing some of the little drops of experience i got as well as the funny tips and incidents i chanced upon for these two trips. I truly enjoyed travelling and i'm sure i'll travel more often in time to come.
Work today was a total hell. I shan't go much into it, probably i think i know what i want and what i should do. It hasn't been smooth sailing at work. Much attibuted to the suddenl state of 'not knowing what to do'. Things taught to me seems useless, things not taught to me seems essential, causing lots of hell up nonsense.
Missed KTV, miss hanging out with friends which seem ever so difficult with each and everyone's own commitment, miss my guitar playing, miss so much things, yet so little time. I wished i'm a retiree sometimes, but probably, i'll be just glad to live till that status. But even till then, probably, i wish i had fulfilled much of what i've wanted by the time i reach that particular status.
Lastly, i finally owned Pudding.
Work today was a total hell. I shan't go much into it, probably i think i know what i want and what i should do. It hasn't been smooth sailing at work. Much attibuted to the suddenl state of 'not knowing what to do'. Things taught to me seems useless, things not taught to me seems essential, causing lots of hell up nonsense.
Missed KTV, miss hanging out with friends which seem ever so difficult with each and everyone's own commitment, miss my guitar playing, miss so much things, yet so little time. I wished i'm a retiree sometimes, but probably, i'll be just glad to live till that status. But even till then, probably, i wish i had fulfilled much of what i've wanted by the time i reach that particular status.
Lastly, i finally owned Pudding.
