Saturday, November 28, 2009
Know What's BesT?
What you think is not good for you might eventually turn out to be the only best thing for you.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Never Give Up
(http://sg.news.yahoo.com/ap/20091124/twl-eu-belgium-coma-recovery-c8e2916.html)
BRUSSELS – For 23 torturous years, Rom Houben says he lay trapped in his paralyzed body, aware of what was going on around him but unable to tell anyone or even cry out.
The car-crash victim had been diagnosed as being in a vegetative state but appears to have been conscious the whole time. An expert using a specialized type of brain scan that was not available in the 1980s finally realized it, and unlocked Houben's mind again.
The 46-year-old Houben is now communicating with one finger and a special touchscreen on his wheelchair.
"Powerlessness. Utter powerlessness. At first I was angry, then I learned to live with it," he said, punching the message into the screen during an interview with the Belgian RTBF network, aired Monday. He has called his rescue his "renaissance."
Over the years, Houben's family refused to accept the word of his doctors, firmly believing their son knew what was happening around him, and gave no thought to letting him die, said his mother, Fina. She was vindicated when the breakthrough came.
"At that moment, you think, `Oh, my God. See, now you know.' I was always convinced," she said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press.
The discovery took place three years ago but only recently came to light, after publication of a study on the misdiagnosis of people with consciousness disorders.
While a 23-year error is highly unusual, the wrong diagnosis of patients with consciousness disorders is far too common, according to the study, led by Steven Laureys of Belgium's Coma Science Group.
"Despite the importance of diagnostic accuracy, the rate of misdiagnosis of vegetative state has not substantially changed in the past 15 years," the study said. Back then, studies found that "up to 43 percent of patients with disorders of consciousness are erroneously assigned a diagnosis of vegetative state."
The issue is fraught with difficult medical and ethical questions. Patients diagnosed as being in a vegetative state with no hope of recovery are sometimes allowed to die, as was done in 2005 with Terri Schiavo, the severely brain-damaged Florida woman at the center of the biggest right-to-die case in U.S. history. Her feeding tube was removed.
"It makes you think. There is still a lot of work to be done" to better diagnose such disorders, said Caroline Schnakers of the Coma Science Group.
Houben was injured in an auto accident in 1983 when he was 20. Doctors said he fell into a coma at first, then went into a vegetative state.
A coma is a state of unconsciousness in which the eyes are closed and the patient cannot be roused. A vegetative state is a condition in which the eyes are open and can move, and the patient has periods of sleep and periods of wakefulness, but remains unconscious and cannot reason or respond.
During Houben's two lost decades, his eyesight was poor, but the experts say he could hear doctors, nurses and visitors to his bedside, and feel the touch of a relative. He says that during that time, he heard his father had died, but he was unable to show any emotion.
Over the years, Houben's skeptical mother took him to the United States five times for tests. More searching got her in touch with Laureys, who put Houben through a PET scan.
"We saw his brain was almost normal," said neuropsychologist Audrey Vanhaudenhuyse, who has worked with Houben for three years.
The family and doctors then began trying to establish communication. A breakthrough came when he was able to indicate yes or no by slightly moving his foot to push a computer device placed there by Laureys' team. Then came the spelling of words using the touchscreen.
Houben's condition has since been diagnosed as a form of "locked-in syndrome," in which people are unable to speak or move but can think and reason.
"You have to imagine yourself lying in bed wanting to speak and move but unable to do so _ while in your head you are OK," Vanhaudenhuyse said. "It was extremely difficult for him and he showed a lot of anger, which is normal since he was very frustrated."
With so much to say after suffering for so long in silence, Houben has started writing a book.
"He lives from day to day," his 73-year-old mother said. "He can be funny and happy," but is also given to black humor.
Recently he went to his father's grave for the planting of a tree.
"A letter he wrote was lowered into the grave through a tube," his mother said. "He closed his eyes for half an hour, because he cannot cry."
There is little hope that Houben's physical condition will get better, but his mother said she refuses to give up: "We continue to search and search. For 26 years already."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was touched by the above article. It wasn't what happened in terms of the medical technology that i'm focusing on, but the admiration on how much his parents always believed in him. The strong belief eventually paid off. Sadly, his dad wasn't around to see that very date he could express himself, but definitely something his mum would be overjoyed about...
That's about it. Belief. How many of us hold of to a certain belief that one day, something will happen? We get easily disheartened at moments of failures that often, we do not see how we could have hold on and then stay firm.
'When you reach the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on'
How true can the above quote get? Giving up is easily..but it's always holding on that makes life more fulfilling, although it's tough.
BRUSSELS – For 23 torturous years, Rom Houben says he lay trapped in his paralyzed body, aware of what was going on around him but unable to tell anyone or even cry out.
The car-crash victim had been diagnosed as being in a vegetative state but appears to have been conscious the whole time. An expert using a specialized type of brain scan that was not available in the 1980s finally realized it, and unlocked Houben's mind again.
The 46-year-old Houben is now communicating with one finger and a special touchscreen on his wheelchair.
"Powerlessness. Utter powerlessness. At first I was angry, then I learned to live with it," he said, punching the message into the screen during an interview with the Belgian RTBF network, aired Monday. He has called his rescue his "renaissance."
Over the years, Houben's family refused to accept the word of his doctors, firmly believing their son knew what was happening around him, and gave no thought to letting him die, said his mother, Fina. She was vindicated when the breakthrough came.
"At that moment, you think, `Oh, my God. See, now you know.' I was always convinced," she said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press.
The discovery took place three years ago but only recently came to light, after publication of a study on the misdiagnosis of people with consciousness disorders.
While a 23-year error is highly unusual, the wrong diagnosis of patients with consciousness disorders is far too common, according to the study, led by Steven Laureys of Belgium's Coma Science Group.
"Despite the importance of diagnostic accuracy, the rate of misdiagnosis of vegetative state has not substantially changed in the past 15 years," the study said. Back then, studies found that "up to 43 percent of patients with disorders of consciousness are erroneously assigned a diagnosis of vegetative state."
The issue is fraught with difficult medical and ethical questions. Patients diagnosed as being in a vegetative state with no hope of recovery are sometimes allowed to die, as was done in 2005 with Terri Schiavo, the severely brain-damaged Florida woman at the center of the biggest right-to-die case in U.S. history. Her feeding tube was removed.
"It makes you think. There is still a lot of work to be done" to better diagnose such disorders, said Caroline Schnakers of the Coma Science Group.
Houben was injured in an auto accident in 1983 when he was 20. Doctors said he fell into a coma at first, then went into a vegetative state.
A coma is a state of unconsciousness in which the eyes are closed and the patient cannot be roused. A vegetative state is a condition in which the eyes are open and can move, and the patient has periods of sleep and periods of wakefulness, but remains unconscious and cannot reason or respond.
During Houben's two lost decades, his eyesight was poor, but the experts say he could hear doctors, nurses and visitors to his bedside, and feel the touch of a relative. He says that during that time, he heard his father had died, but he was unable to show any emotion.
Over the years, Houben's skeptical mother took him to the United States five times for tests. More searching got her in touch with Laureys, who put Houben through a PET scan.
"We saw his brain was almost normal," said neuropsychologist Audrey Vanhaudenhuyse, who has worked with Houben for three years.
The family and doctors then began trying to establish communication. A breakthrough came when he was able to indicate yes or no by slightly moving his foot to push a computer device placed there by Laureys' team. Then came the spelling of words using the touchscreen.
Houben's condition has since been diagnosed as a form of "locked-in syndrome," in which people are unable to speak or move but can think and reason.
"You have to imagine yourself lying in bed wanting to speak and move but unable to do so _ while in your head you are OK," Vanhaudenhuyse said. "It was extremely difficult for him and he showed a lot of anger, which is normal since he was very frustrated."
With so much to say after suffering for so long in silence, Houben has started writing a book.
"He lives from day to day," his 73-year-old mother said. "He can be funny and happy," but is also given to black humor.
Recently he went to his father's grave for the planting of a tree.
"A letter he wrote was lowered into the grave through a tube," his mother said. "He closed his eyes for half an hour, because he cannot cry."
There is little hope that Houben's physical condition will get better, but his mother said she refuses to give up: "We continue to search and search. For 26 years already."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was touched by the above article. It wasn't what happened in terms of the medical technology that i'm focusing on, but the admiration on how much his parents always believed in him. The strong belief eventually paid off. Sadly, his dad wasn't around to see that very date he could express himself, but definitely something his mum would be overjoyed about...
That's about it. Belief. How many of us hold of to a certain belief that one day, something will happen? We get easily disheartened at moments of failures that often, we do not see how we could have hold on and then stay firm.
'When you reach the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on'
How true can the above quote get? Giving up is easily..but it's always holding on that makes life more fulfilling, although it's tough.
Friday, November 20, 2009
一年就这样过了。。。
Just like that, one year has passed. So much has changed. My lifestyle, my feelings, my habits, my thinking, my mindset, my social circle, my room, my likings, my dislikes and my desktop has all changed either gradually or still in the process of changing since exactly one year ago.
Singlehood
Singlehood was hard initially. It was like a 'Welcome To The End Of The World' feeling. Besides, i've was attached for 30 months, not something i would considered short. I have fully come to terms with it, and i felt that i've moved on. Feelings fade along with time, and it certainly does. Although memories still lingers, it doesn't stay long enough for that 'once so strong feelings' to stay on. As time passes, it brings those feelings away, bit by bit, slowly and slowly, until at a certain point in time, some strong urge struck you and you felt a single, sour and aching feelingwhich makes you feel very weird. A feeling i can't explain, as though it's reminding me i lost someone whom i regard or rather, once regarded as my everything, a very part of my life. Few months back, it's like out of the sudden, when my ipod plays 'Close Your Eyes' by Westlife, i can be brought back into those memories out of the sudden and unknowingly, teary eyes follows.
Lessons Learnt
I must say how wonderful this one year has been. Firstly, this failed relationship made me learnt alot. Not only that, it made me realised things i probably never will if i remained in that relationship. I have her to thank, myself to thank and of course, all those who cared, loved and stand by me when it's considerably one of the toughest part of my life. This failed relationship taught me lots. 'Nothing come as a gift, treasure whatever you have' - I realise the harder meaning of this phrase. Never once will we human not take things for granted so we got to constantly remind ourselves. It's something so simple to be said yet extremely hard to carry it out. I learnt my faults, i learnt how i could have make things better than how it was, i learnt how much i've missed all because i wasn't sure of what i should be doing.
Love Turned Hatred
I could clearly remember how i used to blame her for everything. I just felt so unfair. I just felt so angry. I just felt totally hopeless. It felt like nearly end of the world, partly because i was so wrong, so wrong to treat her as my everything, my world. The love turned hatred was scary. Looking back, it was definitely scary, nevertheless, shocking. Someone whom you hold so dearly, someone whom you whisper speeches of sweet-nothings, someone whom you effortlessly give your love to, within a short span of time, turned into someone whom you hated and loved at the same time, turned into someone you felt out of the sudden turned into a complete stranger. I really never thought it would ever happen, and of course when it finally did, i least expect it to happen as well, but somehow, it just happened.
Just Never Want To Be
The hatred level got into a stage whereby i was so pissed at everything that i had to bear with. The pain of losing someone, the smashing of my very dream i held dearly and closely with me, the tremendous ordeal i had to endure...that affectionally earned her the title 'bitch'. Seriously, looking back, that was caused by my anger. It's like a bomb of guilt, shame and anguish has exploded into your world and the immediate reaction, afterwhich, became snowed under by despair and confusion over what actions should be taken. I never want to be the person to be in that situation in an otherwise perfectly good relationship, because that person immediately becomes the bad egg. Seriously, right now, i would rip her off that title, simply because i've moved on. Sometimes, it's so hard to see certain things when you are bearing grudges. It's so hard to look at things in another perspective. Right or wrong, it's not me to judge. But definitely, what she has done to me, isn't something i'm very proud of or happy with anyway.
Not Doing The Stupidest Thing
Initial period was so tough. If not for those people who was there for me, i wouldn't think i had the courage to even move on. I'm glad i didn't do things that would have made me regret should i have done it. The unbearable scene i've seen umpteen times, i could still recall. I nearly quitted my job. But wisely and luckily, i didn't. I hold on the that belief that if i ever do that, that would probably been one of the stupidest thing i've ever done in my entire life.
Moving On
Seriously, moving on is just a phase or rather a process. What happens after i've moved on is another part which i'm still having difficulty coping. Everything has changed so much. But thankfully, i have all the friends i loved as well as doing things i'll never be able to do should i still remain in that very relationship. Thinking back, i remember not so fondly of the suffering involved with getting over it. During this time, nothing seems to ease the pain. Life seems to be over and you just can't imagine being happy again. You can't even imagine not being miserable again. But gladly i accepted it. And probably that's who i moved on.
Happy Memories Are Meant To Be Kept
The acceptance came thankfully, fast although tough. No matter how much one wants to disassociate all those good memories, he or she can't. Same goes for me. I used to think it was those good memories which is making me harder to move on but slowly, i realise these memories are the memories which once made my life great and happy. That shouldn't be why i should forget it, instead, i'm even looking forward to creating more happy memories with people around me. Remembering the bad is even tougher but to really move on, one just got to accept it. I'm glad i did. I understand how important it is and thankfully that i am able to free myself of those unhappiness.
好马不吃回头草
Sometimes, i get questions like 'Do you still love her?' or 'If she comes back to you, will you patch back with her?'. Clearly, my answer would be no. Certain point of time early this year, my answer could have been a yes, but as time passes, it eventually turned into a no. Time to time again in between this very weird year, i reminded myself. It was so hard for me to say an indirect no to her, all because i want to be loved by her again. All good memories i had with her, stays with me throughout my whole life. However, i constantly tell myself how much i've overcome to be what i am today. It's a reminder i got to abide by, moreover, the idiom '好马不吃回头草' was so commonly mentioned by my mum and friends that it stays in my head all the time. One don't return to his nest all because it once provide him with that warmth he enjoyed so much. Now that the nest is destroyed, it's not easy to build another exact same one.
Letting Go
Letting go is probably one of the hardest thing i've ever done. It's probably one of the most painful realisation one ever has to make as well. Many thinks that holding on is what makes one stronger, but sometimes, letting go is what makes one stronger. To me, moving on doesn't equate to letting go. Moving on simply just means i've move out of that zone which has caused me so much unhappiness, however, letting go in this case to me means not holding anymore grudges, not having any feelings or hopes and sincerely wishing all the best to her. Come to think of all the emotional resources depleting just by dwelling alone, it's not worth it. It's took me only barely 2-3 months to move but took me a near to a year to really let go. Many people make pretend to understand it, but until you have gone through the transition yourself, you can never comprehend the pain one might feel.
Live With Faith
I habour the thoughts that we could be friends but things are made difficult. Let nature takes its course seems to be the only path. One story ending allows another story to takes over. I admitted how i dread singlehood initially, and seriously even till now, i'm still dreading it. It just feels so nice to love and be loved. If i can choose between the two though, i'll glady go for the former. That aside, i'm still having faith in myself, somehow, even if it's a little. That is probably what can keep me going on. Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life and letting your heart guide you alone the way like how a lantern in the dark.
Lies Persist
I'm still seeing lies on and off. It kind of numbs my nerve already. But usually now, i will just smile it off. I doubt i will be seeing any lies anymore anyway. It's seriously high time that it has to end, unfortunately, on a lower note.
Dwelling leads to More Pain
Time is too valuable in life to waste it on dwelling or harping onto the past. There are new things to be discover and of course, the courage must be there to risk it. I reckon i rather risk it rather than lose it. I always thought to myself, i've been through worse, what could have been even worse? It's not easy not to go back to what i was again. Repeatedly then, i fell back to my mistakes, and each time i do, it's a repeated painful cycle i have to go through. Thankfully, i didn't waste a huge chunk of my life. Much thanks to those who cared.
What Lies Ahead
Past one year, i shared alot, to those who cared and to those whom i care. I've been there and i know it's like. I faced so many failed relationship along the way of moving on and it made me realise how vulnerable relatonship can be. There's a quote i received from Bloms 'No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice'.
It's always better to concentrate on what you have rather than what you don't have. Ironic as it can be, i'm still trying to convince myself. It's beautiful to have that little belief in you, which i'll secretly keep it to myself. I had my fair share of friendships during this past one year, which even made me realise the importance of friendship, some close ones, some in the process of making it even better.
I remember and believe love will come around again. Whenever i look back right now, it's not those dark shadows and gloomy clouds i see, but it's those beautiful memories which once rainbow-ed my life and i definitely miss it. I'm still looking forward and someday, who knows, i'll find that 'her' again.
Singlehood
Singlehood was hard initially. It was like a 'Welcome To The End Of The World' feeling. Besides, i've was attached for 30 months, not something i would considered short. I have fully come to terms with it, and i felt that i've moved on. Feelings fade along with time, and it certainly does. Although memories still lingers, it doesn't stay long enough for that 'once so strong feelings' to stay on. As time passes, it brings those feelings away, bit by bit, slowly and slowly, until at a certain point in time, some strong urge struck you and you felt a single, sour and aching feelingwhich makes you feel very weird. A feeling i can't explain, as though it's reminding me i lost someone whom i regard or rather, once regarded as my everything, a very part of my life. Few months back, it's like out of the sudden, when my ipod plays 'Close Your Eyes' by Westlife, i can be brought back into those memories out of the sudden and unknowingly, teary eyes follows.
Lessons Learnt
I must say how wonderful this one year has been. Firstly, this failed relationship made me learnt alot. Not only that, it made me realised things i probably never will if i remained in that relationship. I have her to thank, myself to thank and of course, all those who cared, loved and stand by me when it's considerably one of the toughest part of my life. This failed relationship taught me lots. 'Nothing come as a gift, treasure whatever you have' - I realise the harder meaning of this phrase. Never once will we human not take things for granted so we got to constantly remind ourselves. It's something so simple to be said yet extremely hard to carry it out. I learnt my faults, i learnt how i could have make things better than how it was, i learnt how much i've missed all because i wasn't sure of what i should be doing.
Love Turned Hatred
I could clearly remember how i used to blame her for everything. I just felt so unfair. I just felt so angry. I just felt totally hopeless. It felt like nearly end of the world, partly because i was so wrong, so wrong to treat her as my everything, my world. The love turned hatred was scary. Looking back, it was definitely scary, nevertheless, shocking. Someone whom you hold so dearly, someone whom you whisper speeches of sweet-nothings, someone whom you effortlessly give your love to, within a short span of time, turned into someone whom you hated and loved at the same time, turned into someone you felt out of the sudden turned into a complete stranger. I really never thought it would ever happen, and of course when it finally did, i least expect it to happen as well, but somehow, it just happened.
Just Never Want To Be
The hatred level got into a stage whereby i was so pissed at everything that i had to bear with. The pain of losing someone, the smashing of my very dream i held dearly and closely with me, the tremendous ordeal i had to endure...that affectionally earned her the title 'bitch'. Seriously, looking back, that was caused by my anger. It's like a bomb of guilt, shame and anguish has exploded into your world and the immediate reaction, afterwhich, became snowed under by despair and confusion over what actions should be taken. I never want to be the person to be in that situation in an otherwise perfectly good relationship, because that person immediately becomes the bad egg. Seriously, right now, i would rip her off that title, simply because i've moved on. Sometimes, it's so hard to see certain things when you are bearing grudges. It's so hard to look at things in another perspective. Right or wrong, it's not me to judge. But definitely, what she has done to me, isn't something i'm very proud of or happy with anyway.
Not Doing The Stupidest Thing
Initial period was so tough. If not for those people who was there for me, i wouldn't think i had the courage to even move on. I'm glad i didn't do things that would have made me regret should i have done it. The unbearable scene i've seen umpteen times, i could still recall. I nearly quitted my job. But wisely and luckily, i didn't. I hold on the that belief that if i ever do that, that would probably been one of the stupidest thing i've ever done in my entire life.
Moving On
Seriously, moving on is just a phase or rather a process. What happens after i've moved on is another part which i'm still having difficulty coping. Everything has changed so much. But thankfully, i have all the friends i loved as well as doing things i'll never be able to do should i still remain in that very relationship. Thinking back, i remember not so fondly of the suffering involved with getting over it. During this time, nothing seems to ease the pain. Life seems to be over and you just can't imagine being happy again. You can't even imagine not being miserable again. But gladly i accepted it. And probably that's who i moved on.
Happy Memories Are Meant To Be Kept
The acceptance came thankfully, fast although tough. No matter how much one wants to disassociate all those good memories, he or she can't. Same goes for me. I used to think it was those good memories which is making me harder to move on but slowly, i realise these memories are the memories which once made my life great and happy. That shouldn't be why i should forget it, instead, i'm even looking forward to creating more happy memories with people around me. Remembering the bad is even tougher but to really move on, one just got to accept it. I'm glad i did. I understand how important it is and thankfully that i am able to free myself of those unhappiness.
好马不吃回头草
Sometimes, i get questions like 'Do you still love her?' or 'If she comes back to you, will you patch back with her?'. Clearly, my answer would be no. Certain point of time early this year, my answer could have been a yes, but as time passes, it eventually turned into a no. Time to time again in between this very weird year, i reminded myself. It was so hard for me to say an indirect no to her, all because i want to be loved by her again. All good memories i had with her, stays with me throughout my whole life. However, i constantly tell myself how much i've overcome to be what i am today. It's a reminder i got to abide by, moreover, the idiom '好马不吃回头草' was so commonly mentioned by my mum and friends that it stays in my head all the time. One don't return to his nest all because it once provide him with that warmth he enjoyed so much. Now that the nest is destroyed, it's not easy to build another exact same one.
Letting Go
Letting go is probably one of the hardest thing i've ever done. It's probably one of the most painful realisation one ever has to make as well. Many thinks that holding on is what makes one stronger, but sometimes, letting go is what makes one stronger. To me, moving on doesn't equate to letting go. Moving on simply just means i've move out of that zone which has caused me so much unhappiness, however, letting go in this case to me means not holding anymore grudges, not having any feelings or hopes and sincerely wishing all the best to her. Come to think of all the emotional resources depleting just by dwelling alone, it's not worth it. It's took me only barely 2-3 months to move but took me a near to a year to really let go. Many people make pretend to understand it, but until you have gone through the transition yourself, you can never comprehend the pain one might feel.
Live With Faith
I habour the thoughts that we could be friends but things are made difficult. Let nature takes its course seems to be the only path. One story ending allows another story to takes over. I admitted how i dread singlehood initially, and seriously even till now, i'm still dreading it. It just feels so nice to love and be loved. If i can choose between the two though, i'll glady go for the former. That aside, i'm still having faith in myself, somehow, even if it's a little. That is probably what can keep me going on. Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life and letting your heart guide you alone the way like how a lantern in the dark.
Lies Persist
I'm still seeing lies on and off. It kind of numbs my nerve already. But usually now, i will just smile it off. I doubt i will be seeing any lies anymore anyway. It's seriously high time that it has to end, unfortunately, on a lower note.
Dwelling leads to More Pain
Time is too valuable in life to waste it on dwelling or harping onto the past. There are new things to be discover and of course, the courage must be there to risk it. I reckon i rather risk it rather than lose it. I always thought to myself, i've been through worse, what could have been even worse? It's not easy not to go back to what i was again. Repeatedly then, i fell back to my mistakes, and each time i do, it's a repeated painful cycle i have to go through. Thankfully, i didn't waste a huge chunk of my life. Much thanks to those who cared.
What Lies Ahead
Past one year, i shared alot, to those who cared and to those whom i care. I've been there and i know it's like. I faced so many failed relationship along the way of moving on and it made me realise how vulnerable relatonship can be. There's a quote i received from Bloms 'No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice'.
It's always better to concentrate on what you have rather than what you don't have. Ironic as it can be, i'm still trying to convince myself. It's beautiful to have that little belief in you, which i'll secretly keep it to myself. I had my fair share of friendships during this past one year, which even made me realise the importance of friendship, some close ones, some in the process of making it even better.
I remember and believe love will come around again. Whenever i look back right now, it's not those dark shadows and gloomy clouds i see, but it's those beautiful memories which once rainbow-ed my life and i definitely miss it. I'm still looking forward and someday, who knows, i'll find that 'her' again.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
I'm Tired...
I'm tired. Really exhausted. Not only from the lack of sleep i'm facing, but also the stress from my studies. It's nearly driving me nuts. Most doesn't seem to understand what i'm facing. Studying part time, working full time - it's never been on my agenda. If i could choose, i would love to study full time, be a student full time, enjoy campus life and go through what i used to went through.
Sometimes, all i really need, is just that little bit of understanding, Understand why i have to do what i'm doing. Don't try changing what i have. Don't try and take away what i have as well.
I feel so disappointed i'm not getting the support i need sometimes. It makes my life so difficult. Plus the fact, i realised it's not just me being affected, my loved ones are affected as well. Putting me in a difficult position, i don't mind. But letting it affected my loved ones, i can't accept it. I feel totally helpless. It seems like there's nothing i could do.
It's just for a while more. I'm already tied up with my studies, plus my work is giving me some minor little problems, not to mention what's already burdening my heart. It's so much easier to offer advices to others, when you realise you are facing with the same problems, you are stuck...Oh, how ironic...it's like when you are really at the end of the rope and you're supposed to tie a knot and hang on, but in the end, you went to hang (yea bloms, i know you're going to smile, wahaa) yourself instead....i pray for December to come fast
Meanwhile, thank you mummy for being there for me, as always
Sometimes, all i really need, is just that little bit of understanding, Understand why i have to do what i'm doing. Don't try changing what i have. Don't try and take away what i have as well.
I feel so disappointed i'm not getting the support i need sometimes. It makes my life so difficult. Plus the fact, i realised it's not just me being affected, my loved ones are affected as well. Putting me in a difficult position, i don't mind. But letting it affected my loved ones, i can't accept it. I feel totally helpless. It seems like there's nothing i could do.
It's just for a while more. I'm already tied up with my studies, plus my work is giving me some minor little problems, not to mention what's already burdening my heart. It's so much easier to offer advices to others, when you realise you are facing with the same problems, you are stuck...Oh, how ironic...it's like when you are really at the end of the rope and you're supposed to tie a knot and hang on, but in the end, you went to hang (yea bloms, i know you're going to smile, wahaa) yourself instead....i pray for December to come fast
Meanwhile, thank you mummy for being there for me, as always
Sunday, November 15, 2009
No More Regrets..
They say life is always full of regrets..but each time, a regret takes sooo long to be forgotten. Some stays with you for a long time, and some even for life...My heart's too heavy and there's no more room for anymore regrets...anymore and i'll probably go haywire....
No more regrets please...
No more regrets please...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Happy Singles' Day
It's 11 Nov 09. Happy Singles' Day to every Singles out there....Someday, i'm sure, some singles out there will not have to spend this day ever...all the best...
Sunday, November 08, 2009
剧本。。。
突然的这几天心情都很低落。没什么心情去做任何事。做起事来无精打采，抱着一种一秒过着一秒的心情过着每一天。
心里觉得很沉重。但也说不起来那种感觉或为什么。我发现我已经失去我早已遗失的信心。我好像与很多事脱落了。好多从前看得懂的东西，到了现在变得模糊不清。 很自然的时间不管怎样都会冲淡一切。好的时光总是结束得好快，而不好的时刻总是跟着时间而慢慢的才会结束。但不管怎样那些时光迟早都会结束。
在新加坡这个社会，真的是太现实了。我看到了这社会与人之间的磨岔。丑陋的人，我看过了。在这个残酷的社会，人变得怎样肯本并不是他们的错。有时我会感到厌倦。看着我那些在外国的朋友，以及自从我开始在这行混，我看到和学到的东西真的很多很多。不管是人际关系，地里，文化或则事物。的却，我曾经想过到外国生活，也许几年后我可能会那么做。
我想每一个人的生活，也只有一个剧本吧。这本剧本要怎么写，而剧中的故事要怎么完美，完完全全就掌握在自己的手里。一本剧本要有它的低潮和高峰才能显出它的美。我才刚刚写完我的低潮，现在我就得望着高潮，继续的写我的剧本。
Sunday, November 01, 2009
恋爱的滋味
可能是单身了一阵子。可能是身边的朋友一个个都甜甜蜜蜜地在谈着恋爱。很奇怪的，自己开始在回想那时的情景 - 浪漫，纯真，简单，甜蜜。到了现在，我也不知道我自己是真么撑过来的。近来几个月都是一样，好像有点抱着一天过着一天的那种感觉。有时候，会觉得有一点空虚，好像生命里少了什么似的，但也有时候，会感到很庆幸以把过去给抛在一边。
不管怎么讲，那个狠心的阴影还在。但我本身还是很渴望在一次谈恋爱。好想在你最需要某个人的时候，她都会在。好想在我苦与乐的同时，也有那某个人来跟我一起分享。那内心深处所渴望的都慢慢地离我而去。但人往往都是这样，在我们都拥有的时候，我们都不去珍惜它，非得在失去它了过后，才来觉得好后悔。
当时的我，以把它当作是第一，唯一，最后的一次了。但回想起来，好像会对自己很不公平。我不知道要怎样形容，也只觉得这样。可能是在我生命里，还有很多人给我那份希望。一次的失败，并不代表永远的没希望。有人曾跟我说，好马不吃回头草。我也用了一点点的小时间来明白那简单而又深沟的道理。
亲情，友情，爱情。到了现在，我还是觉得生命也就只有这些。但是这些感情事，并不是单单只讲感情罢了，也就是因为这样，那简单的两个字，也变得复杂多了。就算是这样，我还是很渴望再与爱情摩擦多一次。
不管怎么讲，那个狠心的阴影还在。但我本身还是很渴望在一次谈恋爱。好想在你最需要某个人的时候，她都会在。好想在我苦与乐的同时，也有那某个人来跟我一起分享。那内心深处所渴望的都慢慢地离我而去。但人往往都是这样，在我们都拥有的时候，我们都不去珍惜它，非得在失去它了过后，才来觉得好后悔。
当时的我，以把它当作是第一，唯一，最后的一次了。但回想起来，好像会对自己很不公平。我不知道要怎样形容，也只觉得这样。可能是在我生命里，还有很多人给我那份希望。一次的失败，并不代表永远的没希望。有人曾跟我说，好马不吃回头草。我也用了一点点的小时间来明白那简单而又深沟的道理。
亲情，友情，爱情。到了现在，我还是觉得生命也就只有这些。但是这些感情事，并不是单单只讲感情罢了，也就是因为这样，那简单的两个字，也变得复杂多了。就算是这样，我还是很渴望再与爱情摩擦多一次。
