I miss you, MiuMiu

Some would think, what the hell in crying over the death of just a mere small little hamster. But seriously, it wasn't easy. If you think it's absurd, then you are wrong. Especially after 1 years and 4 months, prematurely approx 6 months away from hiss expected life expectancy, he left us just like that. To me, i never once regard him as an 'it'. Instead, he remain as someone who is a 'him' to me, and more so dearly to my mum.

The night before, my mum and i were still talking about him - how toturing is it for him to be alive, with his sickness and illness - his head swells to a terrible state, his lumps grew bigger than ever, despite visits to the vet. My mum turned in after that conversation, briefly after that, i got myself ready to turn in. I walked through the living hall to the toilet, on my way, i passed by the cage, ever so familiar with him inside, he was nibbling, certainly not his usual self at this hour of the night. Without noticing much, also aware that he indeed is getting sicker, i presume he must have been tired. Though worried, since months ago, i got myself mentally prepared for the worse scenario, but despite that, it hit me hard.

The next day, i woke up to a bad news, a terrible one. I got out of my bed and went out. There squatting down was my mum. In front of her is a plastic bag, inside was a wrapped newspaper. Immediately i knew what happened. But i was too shocked that i stayed still, till i heard the expected from my mother. There she is, teary eye, delivering the bad news to my ears. Without saying much, i went to do my usual washup. That was one of the worst mornings of my entire life. Memories of how i made him my pet, till how he accompanied me and my mum as companion, till the days whereby i stood by him when he was sick, till my mum tireless care for it. I felt an ache in my heart. I was hurt emotionally. I directed my sadness, somehow it turned into anger when i thought of the ultimate reason i became their owner.

For the first time, my mum cried over a death of a pet. He wasn't just a pet. My mum treated him like nearly his own. She would chat with him. I remembered the days i played with him. Never mind the biting on both our fingers. It was seriously nothing as compare to what he had suffered. I cried as well. Never once we once so attached to him. From two, we are left with one. I couldn't bear to take care of him when he was still alive, leaving the responsiblity to my mum. I always felt bad, because i thought i brought it upon him. Although the vet claimed it's due to his bad genes, i still felt bad. I'm glad the night before, i was with him.

One week plus after his death, my mum was still upset. I went to check out the video of him, which i uploaded long ago on youtube. I cried. He was so cute, so clever. I really missed him. I wished i could care for him more. But it's all too late. I seriously hope we have been good owners to him, because he's really a good companion for us.

Hope you rest in peace, Miu Miu.

Thanks for all you've done

I've missed you for so long

I can't believe you're gone

You still live in me

I feel you in the wind

You were always there for me

You were always there waiting

And now I come home and I miss your face so

I close my eyes to see

I carry the things that remind me of you

In loving memory of you

Sick-to Be

I feel so tired. I think i must cut down on going out so often. Mum's complaining i'm treating home like hotel and that she's going to charge me by room rates soon. I'm beginning to fall sick, probably due to the late nights i'm having.

I'll be alone at home from 8 Apr to 10 Apr. Anyone want to come my house and havoc? I'm having the whole house to myself. Wahaa..perhaps steamboat or mahjong?

I was browsing through my folders and i realised i have near 40 movies not watched yet. I think i will need one week or even more to complete all the movies. Being a vivid movie-lover, i basically love movies, no matter what genre they belong to. Sometimes, it feels good to have someone sharing the same interest as you. Because it's always nice talking and sharing what you know and like with someone who likes them as well...

I'm high on the 'Street Fighter' games again after that particular visit with Donna. He even suggested we go on a game marathon. I felt as though i'm back to the age whereby 'Street Fighters' and 'Power Rangers' lived my life together with me. That's insane but fun..

Oasis is coming to Singapore. But their tickets is so expensive. I won't pay $88 because it's not shiok having to stand somewhere far away. I'm targeting the $158 ticket. Anyone?

Friends & Best Friend

Speaking about best friend. Can one have more than just one best friend? Or there can never be more than one best friend because if he or she does, then those won't be called best friend. There can only be ONE BEST friend because he or she is simply the best out of all the friends you have.

When i'm young, i never knew understand what best friend is. To me then, best friend are just told who treats you well. And being young, you changes best friend like changing clothes. Subsequently, you realised how much friends matter to you and those who spent more time with you will ultimately be one of your good friends. I can still remember how i would rate my friends based on Gold, Silver and Bronze category. Starting from Gold of course and when you realised you reach the bronze category, there's not much left, because in my primary school days, there's no good friends or best friend..there's only friends who plays with you.

When i'm in Secondary school, perception changes. You realise the saying of 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'. You can really see those who who really treat you as a friend. I've made some amazing friends throughout my Secondary school days. That was where i made my first best friend and now, he's my best friend still - 11 years of friendship. I've made some wonderful friends but i realised that the amount of time you spend determine who's closer to you.

After awhile, you realised friends come and go. However, the more i proceed down to my path of life, i made more friends and of course, lost contact with some as well. I must say technology plays an important role in friendship, especially maintaining friendship. Without having to meet or talk on the phone, you can chat endlessly. There's is also every little chance of making new friends over the net, but then again, there are bound to be people abusing it, so much so that making friends over the network has became a 'prey on prey' issue. I've personally made few online friends before and i am glad till now, i'm still in contact with some.

However, as i grew older, i realised how important friends can be. My dad always say, "在家靠家人，在外靠朋友." I never forget what he said because even told it's a common saying, commonly spoken, it carries a heavy meaning in it. Right now, i've plenty of friends, some true to you whereas some, not so.

After that fateful event, i can't stopped telling myself how thankful i am to all my friends for being there for me. Just last week, i attended a lesson. My lecturer was asking everyone if they had a best friend. Afterwhich, he mentioned about his best friend and how close they were. It reflected upon me, because some of my friend mentioned they don't even had a best friend. Sometimes, it's never easy to build a friendship, not even to mention maintaining it. I've a few good friends which i treasured and i would want to see our friendship last. These are the friendship i've built over years and i'm sure i want to maintain is over decades.

Someone mentioned how she has a best friend, but there's a limit to how much she can shared with her friends. Towards my very own best friend, i realised how much i can depend on as well as share my life with. It feels good having a best friend. I always imagine the day when i get married, and he will be there, being my best friend, telling me how happy he is as well, sharing every single bit of my happiness. I will also never forgot how, when i'm all down and out, he's there to lend me his listening ear, giving me advices and opinions to ensure i see things through.

I do hope all my friendships will last forever....

My First NATAS

At last, first NATAS of the year is history. First time full involvement in NATAS was no joke. Indeed it wasn't an easy one but neither as tough as i thought. Sales seems pretty slow, most probably because of the bad times. But then again, the queue outside seems to be ever so long. I've entertained enquiries after enquiries. I've even seen the weirdest thing of all. I experienced the awesome power of some aunties and sometimes, it really makes me think why some people bothered to queue so long and pay $3 into this fair and head for the exit with NOTHING.

Studies is tough. I feel the stress. Deadlines after deadlines haunting me. The real test of full time work and part time studies is here. Plus the fact that i'm still bothered by so many other things, both necessary and unnecessary.

I realise music is still one of the best thing on Earth. It's like a magical pill that works wonder to my emotional self. I swear i could sit down, relaxed on an inclined rocking chair, listening to my favourite music (rock on) on surround sound home theater system blasting, pacing my heartbeat and feeling my body as it plays....this shall be life...

I watched 'He's just not that into you' on Tuesday. It's a nice movie, full of truths. It makes me feels happy that i'm single and i want to be like that, at least for now. Although i still can't believe what i've lost, but then again, i gained something in the process. It's a long healing process, nobody could predict anything, not even myself. Let natures takes its course...times seems to be your best friend and worst enemy.

First Day of NATAS

First day of NATAS. I somehow look forward to my very first official NATAS fair when everyone is feeling the other way round. But today has been a disappointing. I got more enquiries than ever before but i don't have many bookings coming in, sadly. I'm disappointed with myself, although i very much wanted to do well.

This is the first time i felt that slightest pressure on me. This is the first time i look at my bookings and know that i need to do more. This is the first time i even think i need to make as much bookings as possible.

Plans of going overseas has been called off, both with MR and also with Xero4. Now, i'm just on plan with going Ho Chi Minh come May.

I don't know why it matters so much to me. I'm contemplating but at the very least, it's because of it that i'm feeling much better...

I'm tried, shagged...whatever you can name...

Random

At last, i'm beginning to love my life once again. I really need to play more sports. I miss those days whereby i'm so active and into sports. Played badminton on Saturday but just a barely 45 minutes session is enough to cause the aches which i haven't experience for a very long time. I'm yearning for more badminton sessions.

Caught lots of movies recently and speaking of movies, did i mention that Singaporeans are voted the country whereby our population watched the most number of movies. So far, this year's movie hasn't disappoints me any bit. Surprisingly, Slumdog Millionaire appeared to be a cool underdog to everyone by having 8 academy awards out of 10. I'm looking forward to watch it soon.

NATAS fair is coming. Everyone in the office is damn mad crazy, slogging away like bulls. I got to work consecutively for 12 days. Plus 4 assignments to be handed in 2 days from now. I just hope this tough period passed fast enough.

But so far, i'm happy with how i'm feeling. =)

11 more days to go...

马来人 or not?

马来人. I'm so used to this word called at/on me that it doesn't matter or rather, i didn't bother to explain that i'm actually not. I used to HATE whoever calls me that when i'm younger, much much younger. My mum told me i started looking like that when i was 4 years old, and whenever i'm naughty or misbehave, she will tell me how unlike i am to my brother and the reason why i'm like that is because she picked me up from the rubbish bin

I can still remember each time my mum said that, i cried. Until one fine day when she realised that she has been hurting me emotionally, so much so that something big happened to me (which i shan't mention because it's only for me to know). Since then, my mum never mentioned anything with regards me looking like a malay.

As i grew older, it's became more of a disturbance. Throughout my uniformed school lives, teachers who don't know me would question whether i'm taking the right paper when i have my mother tongue exam. Initially, i got upset, but as i grew older, i started seeing things differently. I won't say i wasn't affected at all, but at least, i don't take it to heart whatever people say.

Whatever it is, nobody understands my feelings growing up in this kind of awkward situation. I shall list a few to say.
- When it's Ramadan (Muslims fasting period), i always have eyes staring at me whenever i dine outside.
- Whenever i bought food from a malay store, they will always speak to me in malay
- Whenever i'm taking a lift with strangers, especially malays, i would rather press the buttons myself.
I could go on and on...but i rather not.

It's always hard meeting new people. I always have to let people know i'm not what they see. It's difficult because even after explaining, they will still bomb you with questions, like asking if i'm of mixed blood, or whether my grandparents or ancestry has any malay or muslim origin. I hate this part on convincing people.

Till now, it has became more of a joke. I always make sure it doesn't affect me. Because having lived with it for more than 20 years, it doesn't bothered me anymore, unless someone goes a little beyond the limit.

New Blogskin

Life have been just great, if not, just better. At last, a new blogskin to kickstart my refreshed life.

我已经是那个和尚了

其实我想我已经是那个和尚了。

Putting It Behind

One day, a monk and his disciple decided to head down the hill from their temple (which is located on top of the hill) to get some herbs from the town. At the foot of the hill, just before they cross a river, they saw a lady who had fallen down and blood was bleeding out profusely. The monk saw it and without hesitation, he moved forward and offered to help. After stopping the blood, he offered to carried the lady on his back and cross the bridge to the other side of the river because the lady stayed on the other side.

After crossing the bridge, the monk put the lady down and both the monk and the disciple continued their trip to town. On their way to town, the disciple appeared unhappy. The monk saw it and asked, "what happen to you? Why do you appear so unhappy?' The disciple said, 'You are not a good role model, you mentioned that we monks have to stay a distance from opposite sex yet you still carried a lady on the back.'

Hearing this, the monk laughed and said "WHAT?! So you are unhappy because of this? I've already put her behind me long ago already yet you are still thinking about it??!"

Someone told me this story and i believe some day, i'll be just like the monk.

Will You?

Would you wake up 3 hours before her at 5.45am just to fry omelette, warm the tuna and sandwich them between 2 slices of bread, making 3 portions of that and get yourself washed and dressed trying to catch first few buses because you knew traffic jam would be expected given it's peak hour. After a long journey and two bus trips, you reached her place after 1 hour and 15mins and when you look at the watch, it's 8am. You feel glad you reached early so that at least you know, by the time she's out of the house, you're there. Surprised to see you, you handed her that breakfast you made and send her to work. By the time the both of you reached her workplace, it's already near 9am due to yet again, traffic jam. You sent her to the lift lobby and you left that place for home, knowing all you get to spend with her is just half an hour. On your way back, you know it's going to take another an hour yet still, your heart was smiling when you are on your way back. By the time you reach home, it's already near 10am. So in the end, it's still down to 'will you?'

A Chapter Closed

At last, this post is up. I wrote in early Jan. It took me alot to write this post and finally one month later, i found the courage to post this up. It's not easy. Because this post says it all. My purpose to write this post is not to insult anyone, scold anyone or hurt anyone but to give those who care an explanation and at the same time, let those who care know what's actually happening. Some have been asking me tons of questions. Some have been asking me about her. Some have been wondering what had actually happened. So here you go. (It's a long post and it's all about the whole event so if it doesn't interest you, please, don't read on)

I suppose everyone who gets to read this blog know that about 2 years and 8 months ago, i found this girl who became my girlfriend. I was with her for 2 and a half years. Some may think it's short, whereas some may think it's long. Throughout this period of time, we were good. Everyone, well, almost everyone thought we were a great couple. Even i myself thought so too. We had plans for our future from working hard together, getting married, getting a flat etc. Of course, no relationship were perfect. We had our fair share of fights and quarrels as well. Trust me, i haven't been a good boyfriend. Being my first relationship, it wasn't easy for me maintaining this relationship. Both of us tried hard to keep it going and it did.

Something i want to confess here which some didn't know. For her temper and her wilfulness, at times, our quarrel got overheated. There was once whereby things for a little violent. That happened on impulse. Anger got the better of both of us but somehow, we managed to get everything settled as always and our relationship was never affected.

I have always find it hard to get along with her parents. Her dad didn't like me all along, perhaps my first impression didn't impress him enough. Neither do i like her whole family because they really have got weird lifestyle and habits. And because of her family, we do quarrel as well. But that wasn't enough to do any great damage to our relationship. As for my parents, she didn't like my dad. However, my parents dotes on her. They would cook her favourite food on the days she come to my house. However, she only like my mum, she don't show her dislike on my bro or dad. But at the very least, she did show respect to my family.


Being my first relationship, i'm always fearful of losing her. To me, she meant the whole world. I could turn away anything just for her. It's as though my whole life revolves around her. I put her first in front of anyone else. But to her, i'm like a bonus or luxury to her, whatever you may call it. I wasn't her priority and never was. I'm well aware of that but it was never a problem to either one of us because our relationship are still going smoothly. But because she meant the world to me, i was kind of possesive over her. When we just got along, i was not happy with her in contact with any guy. We argued a few times, gradually along the way, i realised that i have to give her the freedom she wants and i did. We spoke to each other a few times and agreed. So it was so called a happy ending for both of us. She got her freedom and i learnt something (loving someone doesn't mean possessing someone).


Seriously, i gave almost my all to her. Precisely because i'm so close to her, i became emotionally dependent on her. Especially more so when i'm in army. I'm sure every guy would know how tough it is to go through National Service. Not because it's tough physically, but it's tough mentally and emotionally. I'm blessed that she was there for me. Throughout my 2 years of NS, she was always there for me. And till now, i'm grateful to her for going through these 2 tough years with me. Even when i started my school in MDIS, she showed great support. We were supportive in each other lives most of the time. I never wanted to let her feel she's alone in the battlefield of her studies. I accompanied her to school, never wanting her to feel lonely on her way to school. I don't even mind waiting three hours for her doing nothing just to make sure she gets home safely. Even my current job, she's the one who showed me the greatest encouragement and because of this job, we meet almost everyday. Perhaps because of this, things turned abit more routine and became stale. Although i don't feel that way, but somehow, i sense it in her.


I know her so well - her temper, her character, her needs...almost everything. But it's just that after that fateful event, out of the sudden, she seem so far away from me. Even till now, there's plenty of question marks above my head, but seriously, there's nothing i can do. I can't even ask for any answer because i was not given any chance and all. From when it all just happened, i'm desperately doing all i can to find those answer up till now, i never want to get bothered by it because it's pointless to me.


Seriously, i can't accept the fact that our relationship came to an end out of the sudden. It's just on 17th Nov 08 that it's our 30 months together. We wished each other 30 months together at night. On the 18th Nov 08, we were still together buying birthday present for her dad. Up until 20th Nov 08, i even went to change her necklace which cost a bomb, but i didn't mind because she said she wanted to be pretty on her birthday. That night, she was on the phone with someone whom she denied telling me the truth and then...the next day, she initiated the break-up. It was so sudden that i thought it was a joke. I couldn't believe anything i heard. I can still clearly remember what happened that day. I will never forget it.


I came to know the truth eventually. She denied that guy was the cause for our breakup. She claimed that guy was just a friend to her. Seriously, everyone knows he likes her. On her birthday itself, she received 2 bouquet of flowers. One from me and one from him. I felt that he's total rubbish and totally not trusthworthy. His words that day made me fuming and amused. How can someone whom know her for barely one month tell someone who has been with her for 2 years and a half that he can take care of her better than i do. Seriously, the fact that she still defends him saddens me.


I'll never forget one very sentence she said which literally pissed my ass off.
'I know what goes around comes around, but as long as i'm happy, i don't care'.
Nobody knows how irresponsible this sentence can be. It's not a matter on what's she's going to do but it's more like how ruthless and unfeeling a person can turned out to be, especially when i didn't thought of her to be like that, not at all.


Subsequently, me and her are just friends weeks after the initial breakup. However, i suppose absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in this particular, call me bloody useless because i really am. Even after umpteen times of advices from my parents and friends, i took the wrong step. Obviously, i regretted but relieved because i've seen through her. 20 Dec 08, we were still going out on that day, still holding hands and doing what most couple did. This is the wrong step i took, we went into an open relationship. I only knew it was a wrong step the next day. Next day came, I knew she was with that guy, as she claimed that she was friend with that guy only. I didn't suspect or think much. But what i saw with my own eyes that day were image of her and that guy feeding each other. Images of her scratching his back still haunts me now and then. I will never forget how cheeky she is knowing i called and yet showed then guy, laughing it off and put her mobile back into her call. Even after i called her, she still can deny. All the way until the next morning, she can still tell me both of them are just friends. In my mind, it's all questions. Do friends feed each other? Do friends hug each other? Do friend keep calling and ask where are you, what time will you be reaching home? But to her now, friends are supposed to do that. 'FRIENDS'


For the first time, i was angry. Determined not to fall into her lies, i poured out to my friends. They gave me advice and consoled me. I felt that the world is still a better side. I thought i could live without her. It's was so tough, i failed again. I'm in pain for almost a month by then, but because i was too emotionally dependent on her, i once again failed. I feel i'm a let-down to my parents and my friends. They were all so concerned for me and telling me the right thing to do, but i did the wrong things over and over again. I feel so bad that i dare not tell anyone of them what happened anymore. Because i was afraid they might despise me, they will hate me, they will give up on me. I realised their importance so much ever since such a thing happen to me. Even people whom i'm not close made me feel that they do care and concern.

On 30 Dec 08, she told me she's sorry and that she wanted to be friends with me. I fell for that. But as much as i do, i realised i couldn't trust her that much.


I've seen couples break up based on mutual understanding and agreement. Even after she had done to me, i still thought we could be friends. All my friends, well, almost all my friends think i'm crazy and stupid, especially after what she told me. Sometime in December, she said that i wasted 2 and a half years of her life (we were together for 30 months). When i heard it, i was not only hurt, but pissed and disappointed as well. Throughout this 2 and a half years, i spent so much time on her, at times even neglecting my friends and family. My mum used to warn me of spending too much time, effort and love on her, but i was blindedfolded. I listened to no one else. After hearing what she said, i felt sorry. I felt i let my friends and family down. At the same time, i feel happy because my friends are still there for me even after what had happened to me.

Till now, i'm proudest of two things i've done for her, out of so many. I'll never forget how i fetched her home cooked food by bicycle from my house to her school. Whole journey took me 2 and a half hours, all by bicycle. I'm always happy to do that for her, so long she gets to eat home cooked food (cos her mum's never cook, that's why she loved home cooked food). All i wanted to hear was the sweetest thing she would ever said to me each time i fetched her food. Second thing is to make sure she remains healthy and alert for her exams. Every year, she gets stressed over her exams. I will buy her bird nest no matter what prior to her exams to make sure she gets the tonic she needs so that she can do better.


Good friends of mine told me, even if she thinks i've wasted 2 and a half years of my life, i shouldn't think that way. Someone even told me that i didn't waste my time at all, in fact, I learnt alot from this 2 and a half years. I pondered awhile and realised the whole truth of what he said to me. Because of what he said, i'm moving on much better.


And because of that, i make my final meeting with her. It was spanned over 2 days. I carried the thought that i can be friends with her and that i can trust her. But i realised i can't. In the end, her actions doesn't tally with what she said. That explains my blog entry on 3 Jan 09. As for what happens after that doesn't matter because i want to get out of it.

Every now and then, i still see them. She still claims both of them are just friends, to me, to her friends and to her colleagues. But each time i see them, intimate actions follows. I admit my heart feels sour but i didn't let that bother me that much. I just prayed to god that i don't have to see either one of them at all. She still think she calls the shots, choosing when to contact me and when not to. To me, i can never be together with her anymore, not even friends because i do not trust her anymore, moreover, it's never possible as long as that guy is around. But to me, she's a changed person. The girl i love no longer exist and will remains in my heart, forever and ever.

As for the future, i'm not sure how long will i take to heal. But i'm thankful that my friends were there for me when i needed them the most...i don't and won't want to let anyone of you down ever again. I'm healing and it is going to take a long time to fully recover. To me, i've lost confidence in relationship and my inferiority is coming back. I won't even want to go into a relationship ever again because i never want to be hurt again. Once bitten, twice shy. At least for now, that's what i thought. I just want to widen my social circle, hang out with my friends again and of course, my ever loving family.

SKorean granny fails driving test 771 times

To those still learning driving, don't ever give up. Because i strongly believe you won't fail as many times as this old woman below. Or perhaps someone will, but still, it's just that someone. So for the others, jiayou!

SEOUL (AFP) - - A dogged South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, but a local newspaper reported she will keep trying.

The 68-year-old, identified only by her last name Cha, has taken the test almost every working day since 2005 in the southwestern city of Jeonju. She failed again Monday for the 771st time.
"It was a record-breaking number here," Choi Yong-Cheol, a police sergeant supervising the test in the city's Deokjingu district, told AFP.

"I wonder if she will try it again for a 772nd time."
The Korea Times said Cha will in fact be back for another attempt.
Choi said that Cha cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test, averaging scores of 30-50 whereas the pass mark is 60 out of 100.

Local media said that Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes, carrying the items in a handcart, but wants to get a car for her business.
Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses.

"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her," one officer was quoted as saying.

Be Happy, Joanna

I've seen how vulnerable life is. This post is for a friend of mine. Though not close with her, but she has been really helpful and sincere towards me. I pray for her grandma to be ok, at least, living her life well enough and happily.

NA

Just moments ago, my mobile message tone rang. Out of the sudden, out of nowhere, after so many weeks, she sent me an sms. "hello, how's miu miu and shoobing?"

What i saw just now couldn't make me believe she's sincere in asking. Furthermore, who is she to ask me this question.

Get Well Soon..Please

I feel like killing one of my hamsters. Yes, you are not seeing things. I bet if you are in the same situation as me, you MIGHT feel the same as well. But of course, i can't bear to do such a cruel thing.

MiuMiu is currently very 'sick'. His body is full of 'wounds' and 'sickness' i presume. From one big lump on his body months back, he has currently 5 lumps on this body, with 1 bloody now. Bloody because he bit on his own lump, causing blood is flowed out constantly.

Just last week, i separated him from the other hamster, ShooBing. All because he changed. He started bullying ShooBing, biting him on his butt until now, ShooBing trembles at the sight of MiuMiu. What's worse, ShooBing has his butt rotten and injured due to the constant attack from MiuMiu.

Nevertheless, i didn't blame MiuMiu as much as i wanted to because given anyone who see MiuMiu now would give him all the sympathy in the world. MiuMiu not only has 5 lumps on his body but his right eye is shrinking (i guess it's caused by the fight between him and ShooBing). What's even worse is MiuMiu's face is starting to swell ridiculously. I couldn't go on any longer. Right now, i just wish MiuMiu would go to somewhere much better peacefully, rather than suffering now i presume. I intend to bring him to the vet but i presume the vet would not be able to do anything like how she has mentioned the last time i went to her, telling me how the lump is part of the body and cannot be removed and also telling me how small the hamster is and any medication might prove too strong for him. I'm at loss..total loss.

I regretted what happened to them today. From buying this hamster as a birthday gift to someone whom i once loved so much till just weeks after that, their prospective owner decided that she can't and don't want to take care of them, nicely putting them @ my house instead yet claiming them to be her precious all the way until today whereby my mum grew the greatest bond and feelings for them and with them. I'm filled with regret. Somehow, i thought and i feel i brought this upon them. What should i do? There's no way i can ask the vet to end their life because i reckon she won't. I need help somehow, someway...

Be Strong

I held back my tears when i saw it. Lucky Don was here. So tough to keep my feelings to myself because it's so torturing. But i believe, someday, it will become numb..

Bloody Hell

So frustrating. Every night, each time i log on to my msn, for sure, if someone is online, he will ask me how's my day. My answer would be 'normal lo'. That has been the answer to his question every night. Then we ponder over how would a day be perfect, so perfect that i would answer him 'perfect' one day. Don't even mention about a perfect day, even a good day is tough for me now.

My rantings and previous rubbish appears to be of no intereststo anyone i know. Some may think i'm just being emo. Some may think it's just me. But seriously, it's because i don't know what other channels can i pour.

Some thought i'm just being useless. Some thought i've already recovered. The fact that i didn't poured out is because i choose not to talk about it, even though i very much wanted to. It's not something i'm super proud of, and certainly it's not something i'm happy about. I don't want people to think i'm pathetic as well.

I don't like what i'm feeling. I don't like how i'm feeling. I don't even know how i should feel. Everyday, i'm planning what should i do in coming days so that i can keep myself occupied. I don't know if i'm being stupid or fucked up. I don't want anyone to think i'm irritating to keep sharing such things which is totally unrelated to them. But as much as it is, this whole issue means the world to me. All because it's bloody irritating.

No one knows how much i wanted to quit my job. No one knows how dreadful i am, working in where i am. All because she got this job for me. All because i always see things i don't like to see. I know it's stupid if i quit, but seriously it's torturous. I'm still hanging on.

The Bravery Of A Mother

This is a very touching blog of how a lady fought the battle of her cancer and live life so positively. In the end, she passed away peacefully, leaving two children and a wonderful husband behind.

Check it out --> (http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com)

Got to know this through of a friend of mine

Bad 牛 Year for Those Born in the Year of Ox

I don't know why. It's just that everything aren't going my way right from the start of this year. Perhaps, i thought things would be better when i stepped foot into Lunar New year, into the year of OX, afterall, i'm born in the year of OX. Perhaps what i read is really happening. Every readings of the Zodiac for Ox aren't good in the Year of Ox. There you go, the reading of those born in the Year 1985. For the rest, you can check out this website --> (http://www.chinesefortunecalendar.com/2009/2009Zodiac.htm)

If your birthday is before February 4, then your astrological sign is Rat, not Cow. (Verify Your Sign)

Cow people should have a nice Rat year in 2008. Many things end up with their expectation. However, it won't be the same in the year of Cow. Many Unlucky Stars are coming to Cow people and there is no strong Lucky Stars coming to help them. Therefore, the fortune of 2009 is unstable and unpredictable. Troubles and obstacles will appear soon or later and wait for the challenge. Cow people need to pay attention on everything during the entire year of the Cow.

According to Chinese Zodiac, if the zodiac sign of birth year is same to the zodiac sign of yearly cycle, then that's an unlucky year to the person. Many troubles will come to bother the person. The person needs to manage events with caution at work, at home or traveling to avoid argument, lawsuit, accident, libel, blooding and money loss.

Career: The Unlucky Year Star and Fighting Stars move to your career area in year 2009. People relationship in your business or job circle will be poor. Business development has the difficulty to expand. You will face strong competition with coworkers in the company. Unfortunately, you are the underdog in the competition. You might keep losing your spirit, cannot focus on your task and then impact your job performance. The good news is that a Knowledge Star appears this year. If your job is related to art, writing, publishing, entertainment, creativity, acting or speech, then you have the chance to show your talent to people and open the door for your better job opportunity.

Money: Cow people's money luck is connected with the career luck in 2009. Since your career performance won't get any good anticipation, therefore to increase a good income becomes remote possible. Plus, an Unlucky Broken Star shows in the money area. That means it's hard for you to pile up wealth into your savings. In short, money comes, then money goes this year. Therefore, you shouldn't do any short term risky investment. Anything related to money, you need to think twice before you leap. If you don't have any financial plan, then it's hard for you to balance your expense and income.

Love: Because the Knowledge Star comes into your life, it implies the wisdom, talent and loneliness. If you are married, then you might have more argument with your spouse or children. If you are in love, then you will have less times to meet your lover and the love relationship becomes distant. If you are a senior, then you have to pay attention on the health of your spouse to avoid visiting hospital. If you are single, it's not a good time to pursuit the impossible dream.

Health: The Unlucky Year Star comes strongly to you in 2009. Many things will disturb Cow people. Worry and anxiety will bring you lots of mental and physical pressure. Therefore, you need fully pay attention on your health. You have to stay alert for any changes of your body. Because you might lose your focus, you need to pay attention on the safety while your are walking and driving on the street to avoid the traffic accident.

Fortune: Cow people always have unsatisfied events in every Cow year. The fortune in career, wealth. health, love and family will below expectation in 2009. But you don't have to despair or give up. In your career, you just have to hold on your job position, keep your profile low, work harder for your daily job. You need to follow your financial plan and do not waste unnecessary expense. You need to remember to show the care and love to your family members, spouse or lover. You also have to watch your own health. In this case, you will have a peaceful the year of the Cow.

Seriously, given the current situation that i'm in - economic downturn, company business not going good, studies is beginning to become more and more hectic, leading a single life etc, i can't help but to think this is really going to be a bad year. Someone changed this negative mindset of mine please...

California woman makes history with healthy octuplets

LOS ANGELES (AFP) - - In only the second time in US medical history, a woman in California has given birth to eight babies, who remain in intensive care but are in a stable condition.

Dozens of medical workers in four delivery rooms helped welcome the healthy octuplets in only five minutes at a medical center Monday in Bellflower, 30 kilometers (18 miles) south of Los Angeles.

"Today we had an unprecedented, very exciting day when we, our team of 46 physicians, nurses as well as respiratory therapists delivered eight babies, all alive born and very vigorous," said Karen Maples, an obstetrician/gynecologist at the hospital managed by the Kaiser Permanente group.

Maples said the babies were born premature by nine and a half weeks, between 10:33 am and 10:38 am (1833 GMT and 1838 GMT). They weighed between 1.5 pounds (680 grams) and 3.4 pounds (1.54 kg).

The doctors and mother, who requested anonymity for her children, had expected seven babies.
"After we got to baby G, which is what we expected, we were surprised by the arrival of baby H!" said Maples at a press conference.

"It's quite easy to miss a baby when you have seven. Performing an Ultrasound is very difficult," admitted another doctor Harold Henry.

The babies were resuscitated at birth and are "all doing good," according to Mandhir Gupta, head of neonatology at the center.

"All of them are in stable condition. Two of them have breathing tubes and are on a ventilator. A third one also needs some oxygen. The others are breathing (on their own) and doing well," he said.

"They face many obstacles, weight is a concern, (the smaller one) has a long way to go."

Although not commenting on the identity of the mother, Gupta said she is "doing very, very well, she's really excited that she got all of these babies, and that they're doing good so far."

"She's going to breastfeed them," he added. "She's a strong woman."

In a press release, Kaiser Permanente said it was only the second time octuplets have been born and lived through the day.

Local California television station KCAL9 said the first occurrence in US history was in Texas a decade ago, but one of the infants died a week after being born.

See what the doctor says over here --> (http://sg.news.yahoo.com/ap/20090127/twl-mother-octuplets-1be00ca.html)

It's simply heart-warming and amazing to feel upon reading the above news. Imagine a life being born to the world, so small yet having such a great impact. Imagine how their parents would feel. The joy these children will bring...oh...

I want to have lots of children next time as well....if possible...

Bad Year AheaD?

Lost $100 over in just 2 days. Crap....perhaps, it's the start of the already expected bad year for me...

The Extract - Quotation

The Extract

从没有为了谁不顾安危
付出一切
只能够靠感觉
她不会是个好人
也不会是个好情人
少了她的日子也能过

Happiness Overdue

Last year this time, i'm a very happy guy...but this year.........

Star Cruise Promo

Just thought i share with you guys. It's a good offer which i think it's hard to resist. This Friday Superstar vigro is having a promotion. 2D1N @ only $99 person. It's for staff rate. In another words, if you are interested, you can actually book under my name and you travel. Minimum 2 pax. Usual price is $590 per person if you are refering to the normal rate. I don't earn any commission so no worry. You can check with any travel agent to see if u can get this amount as well.

Anything can call me

Forgot to add on, this promo has a special departure date which is this coming Friday and/or Saturday. That means it's 2D1N instead of my earlier posted 3D2N. In another words, departure is 23rd Jan 09 or 24th Jan 09. Choose whichever date you want.

Random

I have lots of post which i haven't been updating in on my blog. They will come as soon as i got all the photos and once i've got all the moodwhich is as follows:

MR Xmas Celebration
Xero4 Xmas Celebration
Countdown Celebration
Tribute to my hamsters (cos they deserve it)
The beginning of the end (you'll know what it is all about soon enough)

School finally started. And i reckon it's going to keep me company for a long run to come. Since i have much more free time in hand, i rather concentrate on studies, all because i heard it's tough. Somehow, all the lecturers who taught me for this trimester mention how tough the Murdoch programme is. So tough that there is a decent % of failure rate each year, and worse off, there is one year which i think was 2 batches before me which recorded a 100%. I almost got scared off my wits. I'm sure i need help, but among all my friends, not all if not, none took the kind of modules i'm taking. So i assuming i have to really depend on myself and strive harder to pass because juggling between studies and work is near hell to me.

Even though school's started and work's kind of accumulating, i managed to find time together with my buddies for some soccer action. Our first time playing street soccer yesterday. Good and bad. Good because it's fun, ultimate fun. It's been a long time since we last played soccer less the beach soccer of course. It's funny to see how Jon was excited each time the ball comes to him and he will struck up way up high. Bad is because Don's injured. Seriously, hope he will recover in time for 31st. Because i've given him the status 'indispensable' to the team.

Comes 31st, we will be playing our first cage match. Excited, really excited. I'm having thoughts to buy my 2nd pair of soccer shoes and of course, i'll make soccer a more regular activity among us.

Gonna make pineapple tarts today. Courtesy of ShuXia. She's indirectly helping me with it, so i hope i don't let her down, and more importantly, i don't make my wallet down. Haa

NA

Gong
-missed but not forgotten-
Dumb

NA

I have so many things to say. Those are words which i had wanted to say it long ago, but i always didn't have the chance to. The only way to do it well and safely is to talk face to face or even on the phone. Alot of times, i hesitated. The phone was picked up, but i paused and hesitated. I'm scared and worried. Of course, it's wasn't easy on me. I didn't want to type because i'm not sure who would read it. So i rather not do anything and let myself live in silence rather than to mess things up..

Random

2 movies down. Red Cliff 2 and Ong Bak 2. I seriously thought both's going to be nice. But it turned out that only Red Cliff 2 didn't disappoint me. Ong Bak 2 is a total flop. I somehow hope Ong Bak 3 is the continuation of what is being left off in Ong Bak 2. If not, it's going to make no sense.

Ever since Vicky brought us to Thai Express, i've been loving the food there. Yesterday we went there again. I'm so in love with the food my Bro and Don ordered - soft shell crab with black pepper glass noodles. Hmm...yummy..I'm going to eat it some day again!

Tomorrow at last, my school is going to start. Excited, and so looking forward to start...but at the same time, sad because i'm going school alone. Anyone wanna accompany me to School? Haa..

Bid Good-bye to Smell

Smell is finally leaving for UK again for his studies. Really thought i could send him off but sadly, last minutes changes made me stuck in between. Can't break my promise so i had to send him off through a message. Thankfully, he received them and acknowledge it. Smell, all the best for your studies in UK and when you're back, i hope i can be there to fetch you. And hopefully, we can go out and go crazy again! Jia You...All the best!

Random

At last, i'm starting to buy my CNY clothes. Bought my first CNY clothes today. I love it. Somehow, it gets abit tired to look myself in the mirror and realised i'm still the same like last year. Ever since i threw away that 'nerdy student' image when i was in Secondary 3 then proceed to that 'slacky poly student' image to finally now, it's a long few years. At last, i decided a mini makeover on my part. Also, i intend to make myself look a little different and of course, i will need time to achieve what i've intended to appear. I'll use CNY as a starting point.

I'm feeling so drowsy now, yet i don't want to sleep, because to me, the night is still young. Because i'm enjoying new stuff now. My new keyboard, my new games, my 'new' room and of course this new live messenger. The latest window messenger - Live Messenger version 2009 is super cool. The best feature would of course be the interface, followed by the favourite features whereby i can put those who's close and always chatting with me under that category. And and and, the animated display pictures. And it's only until today then i realised Windows Live has come up with some many other programme. Take for example their Mail, which allows you to get multiple email account into one mail - gmail, yahoo mail, hotmail etc. You need not log on to all three separately. Cool stuff isn't it. Wah, i'm all in for Windows right now. I'm going to change job and work for Microsoft soon!!''

I'm so looking forward to tonight!!

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On another hand, i can't help but laugh at the photos of the exposed Zhang Zi Yi and her fiance. He was trying to be intimate so much so that he stick his face on her butt. That photo made me laugh. I went on to read on some of the forums and found out she has a special tag on her - 'small boobs and no ass'. Come to think of it, does it all means no boobs = no popularity? Everyone seems to be expecting a hot actress or international superstar should have big boobs...so much so that some even insured their boobs for millions. Gosh...

'Fooling' - Quotes from Adam Lincoln

'You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time'

A nice Quotation from Adam Lincoln.

See No 'Evil'

Why do i have to keep seeing things i don't want or like to see? Out of the sudden, this whole working place become like a place i hated to come and have phobia with. Yet i have to come to this place at least 5 times a week. Oh gosh, i don't know how am i going to deal or last over here. I'm still considering...hard...

MiuMiu, Get Well Soon

MiuMiu almost killed himself last night. Luckily, i was awake. His growing lump got stuck in between the grill of the cage. I heard squeaks sounds and i knew something was not right. I rushed to the hamster cage and saw MiuMiu struggling. He was trying to break free. It's as though he's trying to tear part of his body away to free himself. I quickly woke my mum up. We tried to free him but at the same time, we were afraid we'll hurt him. As we watched and tried to figure out something, MiuMiu did something which made me feel hurt. He bit his own lump, hoping he could free himself. Seeing this, i feel like crying. I can literally understand his pain. I couldn't stand it and i tried my very best and thankfully, within a min, i got him freed safely. It was clear he was in a shock. Even Shoobing panic and was running all over MiuMiu the moment MiuMiu was freed. Poor MiuMiu, i really hope the vet will do something to his lump this time round. I'll make sure such event will not happen again. MiuMiu was still clearly in a state of shock this morning as he sits there motionless. Pray for MiuMiu to get well soon...

World Is So Unfair..

I'm so worried for MiuMiu right now. His left eye turned red and abit swollen. Fur around his left eyes started dropping and it's almost bare. Worse still, his unremovable lump grew even larger. I've no idea what to do now. I just hope the vet will be able to do something to do when i bring it to the vet soon.

*Hope nothing happens to MiuMiu, PRAY*

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I'm still coughing and my fever keep coming back. I feel so choked, as though my airway is seriously being blocked. The medicine didn't help....i'm feeling so uncomfortable from the difficulty of breathing...ARGH!

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Was talking to my mother and found out more regarding the Bangkok fire accident. One of the victim, a Singaporean, in his 40s was burnt to death alive. Indeed it was sad, but what makes it even sadder is the fact that he is such a filial son. He's a single man. He refused to get married in fear that his wife might not be able to get along with his mum, causing unhappiness to his mum. He lived with his mum in a 5 room flat all along as his other two brothers were already married. And because he wanted to let his mum feel more comfortable, he went to renovate his whole 5 room flat.

I bet his mum must be utterly sad now...my deepest condolences....

I can't help but relive a quote which i chanced upon from a blog of my friend

"There are some people who left this world too early, but there are also some people who left this world too late"

"There are some people i wished is dead, but there are also some people whom i wish lived'

Life is so contradicting.

NA

Reality is cruel.

I told him, no matter what, she still holds that special place in my heart.

Bitten For The Last Time

17th is always a special day to me. But i suppose it's all clear not that i perhaps shouldn't hold this special day that dear to my heart. I always thought and believe, but it seems like it's all lies and rubbish.

Even someone put himself as 'listed as in a relationship' for a few hours before changing his status back to single again. What does that mean? It's simple. I told myself umpteen times. Once bitten twice shy. I'm bitten not only once but i'm sure that will be the last time i'm being bitten. Plaster anyone?

NA

I still feel that an emotional person shouldn't fall in love at all. Because the consequences is going to be disastrous, real disasterous.

I still feel the same as before. I don't know..if it's going to be so sweet yet so painful. Seriously, i'm jealous about it but i know i have no say. Perhaps some day, the photo will change..perhaps, it will never..

2009!!

Countdown to year 2009 is kind of weird. It's kind of special as well. At the very least, the few of us managed to countdown together. It's just that we are missing some people, or rather, i am missing some people.

This few weeks, i have been out quite often, that is why i'm falling sick now. In another words, there are lots of photos to be uploaded as well. I'll slowly put them up in my blog gradually.

That few hours was great...i enjoyed myself...thank you...my first day of year 2009 ain't that bad afterall...

Unhappiness

Yayaya....Am i a monster? Am i a dinosaur? Am i so scary? Nobody needs to be scared of me.. There's nothing to be scared of me. None of my friends needs to be scared of me. Moreover, there's no strings attached.

There won't be any new year resolutions/wishes for me. They don't work out or come true anyway. So why have it....but one thing is for sure, i wished for myself to be happy....it's been a long time since i feel happy..Happy not in the sense that i laugh or smile or what. Happy as in real happiness..

I'm still sick..mum got worried and took care of me like how she always do. Suddenly, i realised i'm back to the past, that unconditional love my mum had for me. Now i miss her out of the sudden.

Sick again?

Popped flu medicine and panadol. Thought i could sleep. But i could hardly breath now. I keep coughing. I'm so scared my asthma would come back....pray pray pray

NA

I was disappointed at that sms. Initially, i had thoughts of rejecting that trip because i was afraid that i'll be alone. In the past, i have letters accompanying me, i can go online and made online calls but now, not anymore. Nevertheless, i decided to go because i think that i should really go there and relax, trying to make a brand new start. But sadly, the whole trip was cancelled.

Today was a tough day for me. So many ups and downs of emotions for me and i almost couldn't take it. Those words was harsh to me, and it was really hurting. But like what many said, the truth hurts. It's hard getting someone whom you love out of your life entirely. Neither do i want to do that. But then again, i couldn't bear the thought of seeing someone i love doing things which might make me feel upset.

I'm also another one left hanging on the air and mind it, it has been one and a half months. I could barely tell myself to be strong and stand up any longer. Nobody can have the best of both worlds and in any case which i think i have to give in so that someone can be happier, i will. In any case which i think i have to do something so that at the very least, i can sleep much better at night, i will.

What i did today in school, those actions are nothing but for real. Especially the last action before i actually set foot and left. But i supposed that might be the last time i did that.

Yes, time will tell you everything, but perhaps by then, things are not the same and it's all a little too late.
What you said makes sense, perhaps, i'm not the better guy.
But i'm sure i am the one who knows you best, knows you well and love you always.

Start of Year 2009

Received a call from office this morning. It's from my superior. I thought it's something wrong which i've committed. But it turned out otherwise. Perhaps, this is the reason why my right eye have been twitching for the past one week. Perhaps this is like what Jon said, a brand new start to my new year of 2009. I'm finally going away from Singapore....Hope this will be a good trip and a new start to year 2009. Cheeros!

My Deepest Condolences..

Nothing is more dear than losing your loved ones. I was at loss for words earlier on. Seeing what i saw pains me. I can understand and feel that pain, perhaps not as much as they do. Still, i understand who in this world can truely stick with you thick and thin, and come to think of it, what i've been through is going to be nothing as compared to what i've just saw.

My Deepest Condolences my friend...cheer up

NA

What if i'm not sick?
What if i'm not happy?
What if i'm missing you?
What if i'm kicking and alive?
What if i'm supposed to live life well enough?

I guess i'm dreaming about those 'what ifs'.

Maybe you are happier without me.
But whatever it is, my heart doesn't give you the blessings..because it don't allow it...there's still something special my heart is holding onto.
However, i wish you happy everyday..

Gosh....fever's gone. Cough is still there, flu is still there...worse of all, my sorethroat and asthma seems to be acting up. Shucks....

Sick

Fever, Flu, Cough...it all came at one time....i feel so weak...

NA

After so many days, coming up to slightly after a month,
After so much tears,
After so much thoughts,
Afetr so much sleepless nights,
After listening to so many advices,
After realising so many things,
i've decided at last...
be it good or bad, at least i know, i have the support of my family, my friends and most importantly, myself.

To tag along with this decision, comes this song - Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows.

Goodluck to you..
I've told you before, i hope you will be happy..and i still have that hope now
That is if, someone don't exists...all the best...
Hope you remember this number '3'

Pre and Post XMAS!

Xmas is a season of thanksgiving. Although sadly, it seems totally different to be this year, as compared to the previous year, i'm glad i spent it with my loved ones. I think it's naturally important to spend it with those whom you love and loved you as well.

Although there's someone i especially wanted to celebrate with this year, but it's impossible anymore.

I was with MR the moment the clock ticks off at 12am, knocking on the door of xmas. It's was a rare gathering but sadly, i'm too tried go really enjoy the joyous mood of all. Sorry MR Guys. Nevertheless, i'm happy that once again, i got to see all my MR friends again...I shall update the photos here soon...

Xmas is also another special day - it's my dad's birthday. Happy...erm....47th Birthday!!! Haa...i almost lost count but still, i would like to wish my Dad a very happy birthday. Had a mini celebration on my own part along with some unexpected people and totally, it was enjoyable. I'll never forgot the aftermath of the whole event - three dudes playing LAN game overnight, well, almost.

Finally, I'm going to have a post Xmas celebration with Xero4 and gang. Now that finally Donovan's back, we'll gonna have fun yet again...can't wait for the sun to rise...i know i'm in for a feast tomorrow.

NA

It's hard to believe...it's even harder to accept.
I want to say i miss you, because i really do.
But i can't tell anyone. Not even those dearest to me.
This xmas wasn't merry at all. I hope things are just going to be better

NA

Wishing you all the best and all i can say is...goodluck to you...

Thanks to Those Who Lent Me Their Shoulders

I've learnt. Alot...Thanks to those who have adviced. Thanks to those who have shared. And even much more thankful to those who lend me their shoulders for me.

NA

我想那已经很清楚了。既然已经说得那么明白，我也会尊重那番话以及决定。而在我内心深处，则是许许多多的不舍。

NA

我在昨天晚上做了一个梦。那是一种提示吗？当我醒来时，我才发现原来只是一场梦。我抱着失望的心情睡了回去。梦里的我们是多么的开心，我现在也好希望这一个多月所发生的事情也只是一场梦。说真的，人往往会在梦里找到他们在白天所想的一切，就如日有所思，夜有所梦。

突然觉得很心酸。但我也没办法，只好忍着。

NA

我任然觉得我没做错。真的错的不是我。对我而言，我只相信我的眼睛。对！我很失望，也很伤心，但那一切的一切都已经过去了。我根本就不是王八蛋，因为从头到尾，我都一直很努力的挽回，而且还全心全意地相信她。

都已经一个月多了。我也在这一个月多里受了很多痛。真的够了。再拖下去，我真的就会崩溃了。我真的不敢相信我竟然还爱她。但我也知道那只是我的一厢情愿。

NA

我就连想做一个朋友的责任都这么难吗？为什么无论我现在做什么事，到头来都会被搞扎呢？我突然觉得我很没用。为什么老是做错事，而且更糟糕的是那些事更本不是我故意的。

说真的，如果你爱一个人，你会为她掉眼泪吗？你会因为她而瘦了好几公斤吗？你会因为她而有了黑眼圈吗？你会因为她而茶饭不思吗？我并不在意任何东西，因为我真的很爱她。如果以上的任何事你更本没做过，那你更本没资格爱一个人。

我很不甘心。但是我决定我已经很累了。可能爱一个人真的就是要她开心，虽然我很想继续的保护和疼她。

NA

真的得落到这样的下场吗？为什么无论我多么努力，也是没用呢。每当我觉得很伤心，觉得很无助的时候，很自然的，第一个想到的人是她。但是每当我最想打给他的时候，我犹豫了。到了这个时候，我还在犹豫不决。看来我真的得做出一些牺牲，虽然我真的很不想，但是我真的觉得很辛苦，很痛。真的很痛。只希望这样的话，她会开心，虽然我知道我一定会后悔，但我别无选择。而且从开始到现在我更本没觉得被关心。我几乎每天心里都在哭。如果爱一个人是那么痛苦，我真的宁愿永远都别再爱任何人了。

NA

我现在才知道原来是那么痛的。那些话真的把我的心给刺伤。但我知道真正关心我的人还在。我似乎觉得有些事，我还是别说比较好，这样一来，我可能会好过一些。我原本以为我至少还能在我最伤心的时候找到一点光芒，但是看来到头来我还是必须靠自己。再痛也得忍下去。

我一直在想那时那几个小时的事，我真的很开心。昨天下午的那些话也把我从一个小羊变成了一个很开心的人。可能有些事，不知道的更好。虽然那样的话会很痛，但是我想这样的话会比较好。

我尝试放手，但是很难。每一次我尝试那么做，我就会觉得非常痛苦。我舍不得，真的舍不得。

NA

那短短的几个小时，我真的很开心。但是快乐后的痛苦往往是最痛的。

NA

才刚刚过了12点。今天以是17/12/08。对我而言，今天跟以往一样，都是一个对我来说很特别的日子。虽然有点不一样，少了另外一位主角，但在我心里，那些感觉与感受都在而协一点也没少。

虽然那些短讯令我哑口无言，但我觉得我也没资格讲什么。最重要的是我心里所想的。也许你知道，或也许根本没人能理解。

NA

我不知道我到底要什么。我的心里很乱。就连现在无论做什么事情都无法提起任何的经或心情。一直都在我身旁扶持，开导，鼓励以及安慰我的朋友已离开新加坡。开学的第一天也将来临。工作也变得越来越不适应。一个本来以为能够开开心心过每一天的人， 突然变成了一个相似迷了路的小羊，完全没有方向，整天过这一种‘一天过一天的日子’。


但我也知道有很多的朋友能谅解我。他们也在这个时候不停的安慰我。也就因为有他们，我还能撑着。我也已经真的觉得麻木了。也就只有这种痛才能让我觉得比较好过。


我尝试放手，但是很难，真的很难。唯一能做的就是暂时活在以前那美丽以及快乐时光和回忆里，同时也是尽量地咬紧牙根，忍住种种的痛来过这个还没方向的生活。

NA

真的没人能够完完全全的了解我心里的感受吗？

我感到很庆幸我有一班朋友在这个艰难时期开导我，安慰我，以及鼓励着我。我这几个礼拜都在想，是我对不起我自己，或者是另有原因？有些时候，我们必须知道 ‘纸是包不住火’的事实。

我已经开始觉得麻木了。这一次的打击对我来说真的是很大。它完完全全的把我的信心给打碎。我一直问自己。是我付出得太多而没被珍惜，或者是我根本就不因该付出那么多? 多次，那些从口中说出来的话，就像是一把把的剑刺穿我的心。现在我真的不知该怎么办。但也只有我自己知道我心深处的感受。

Time of My Life - Standard Chartered Marathon & Zouk

Two main event i would like to highlight during this period of time. Thanks to these two events, i'm able to divert myself to them.

Firstly would be the Standard Chartered Marathon. It's my very first time running the marathon. It was no easy feat. However, i didn't complete it within my targeted time of 6 hours. I took 6 hours, 26 mins and 6 secs. A pity though because i thought i could have done better. Seriously, when running a marathon, as compared to me running a half marathon a year ago, it's so much of a difference. It's not about the speed and stamina, but it's more of my own endurance and psychological barrier.

My motivation was her. Yes, i told her this marathon was for her. She's the one who has been supporting me. That kept me on for quite a few kilometers until my leg finally gave in @ 15km. Subsequently, it's 'walk and jog and walk' for me all the way until i reached 34km, my leg couldn't listen anymore. I didn't know walking can be that painful. It was so painful that it kept in a speed of strolling. Eventually, i reached the last 100 metres and i tried for a sprint, knowing that i would get cramp if i were to do that. I ignored that fact and crossed the finishing line with a cramped right leg, drops of tears and thoughts of her.

Finally, i got my very first marathon medal and the finishers tee. I'm proud of myself. Next year, i'm going try even harder and break my own personal timing. This time round, it will be all by myself. I will handle everything from pre-marathon to post-marathon.

Finisher Tee-Shirt

My First Marathon Medal

Zouk (Mambo Night)

Finally, i'm stepping foot into Zouk with my friends again. It's been really long since i came to this place with them. At last, three of us's back together to enjoy soem MAMBO!!

Mambo again!

High, higher, highest

Death...

After so long, i realised my tolerance for alcohol has dropped as well. That goes the same for Don accordingly to he himself. We boldly ordered 2 jugs, getting 4 jugs back because of the 1 for 1 promo. I got myself in a near drunken state just after 3/4 jug. And by the time we hit the dance floor with drinks all consumed, i'm starting to see stars.

The feeling was high and of course nice. I just purely enjoyed the music and dance with it. By the time i downed another 2/5 jug of whisky dry, i almost hit KO. By 3am, i feel super bad and went outside to sleep while the guys still continue dancing. Heard from Don the moment i went out, nice music started coming in..DARN!

After mambo, we went to nearby coffeeshop to eat. Here's the funny part that got Gavian laughing and all of us finds it amusing. This shop sells roti prata but surprisingly, they don't sell kosong/plain prata but they only sell egg or onion prata. Ridicously, we order egg prata from them. $1.40 for one egg prata is a killer but nevertheless, something to fill the stomach full of alcohol.

By the time i reached home, i took a quick bathe and immediately KO on the bed. Though still feeling nauseous, but i felt happy. Because it's been a long time since i feel so happy, even though it's only for that few hours.

NA

It's a tough period for me. I wished for things not to turn out like that as well. Perhaps, it's just meant to be. Only time will tell....i just wish to soak myself in this pain and live it, until it numbs me. Still, those memories stays with me.

Meanwhile, the lyrics of this song makes my heart raced and emotions running around. It's by Westlife, titled 'Fool Again'.

Baby I know the story
I ve seen the picture
It s written all over your face
Tell me what s the secret
That youve been hiding
And who's gonna take my place

I should have seen it coming
I should have read the signs
Anyway I guess it's over

Can't believe that I m the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know you never told me

Baby you should have called me
When you were lonely
When you needed me to be there

Sadly you never gave me
To many chances
To show you how much I care

I should have seen it coming
I should have read the signs
Anyway I guess it s over
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know you never told me

About the pain and the tears
Ohooooo if I could I would
Turn back the time

Oh yeah
I should have seen it coming
I should ve read the signs
Anyway I guess it's over
Can t believe that I m the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know you never told me
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know
you never told me

NA

All i want to say is that i had the best 2 years, 6 months and 4 days of my life...

NA

I'm so so far away from the one I love right now. There is no reason to anything or explain. While I recall all the words you spoke to me, all the things you did to me and for me, i can't help but wish that I was there with you. I yearn to be back where I'd love to be.

But since things have come till this stage, the only thing I ask of is that she's being taken care of well I'm not beside her. Hope she's happy.

No longer am i able to help her wipe her mouth with my handkerchief.
No longer will she be able to eat the homecooked food i travel miles to deliver toher
No longer will i be there to lend her a listening ear readily
No longer will i be able to help her with her dailys stuff
No longer will i be able to take care of her needs, wants and sometimes, demands
No longer will i be able to stroke stroke her whenever she feel uncomfortable or sick
No longer will i be able to send her to school, making sure she won't feel lonely on her way to school
No longer will i be able to whip up nice dishes for her
No longer will i be able to cook instant noodles for her which i know she especially loves it
No longer will i be able to go around and find nice food for her
No longer will i be able to wish her goodnight
No longer will i be able to let her rest on my shoulder when she's on the bus, feeling tired.
No longer will i be able to surprise her and still surprise her even know she roughly knows it

Too much 'no longer' to list. I regretted not doing alot of things. Right now, there's no hatred but regrets. We all need that person who can be true to you. Now I wish I'd stayed by those moments i didn't. If i'm ever lonely and I'm tired, I'll only be missing you again.

There's nothing here for me to hope for, to be happy about now. There's no one here whenever i faces problems, whenever i needed that special kind of warmth and love. I really can't help but think of the times I've had with you as those pictures and some memories are the only things that reminds me of you.

Some search and never finding a way, and before long, they waste away. I'm glad I found you 2 and a half years ago, something told me to you're the one and even till now, i firmly believe so. I gave my all, to selfish ways but certainly with every intention of making you happy. And how I miss someone to hold, to love right now. However, when hope begins to fade, it does hurt, in fact, it hurts alot.

Though the hope is hard to find, but i never give up and i never will....

Love You Always

NA

It's a tough week for me. Why must i always make mistakes? Sometimes, i just hate myself, for being, so uselesS? It's a huge decision i'm making and therefore, i'm going to fulfill it. Pardon for my mistakes but note on my intentions. Time is our friend now and i hope something good will come out of it, i'm sure it will if we both try.

Movie just now sucks. 'Body of Lies' wasn't a good movie. I slept at the beginning of the movie. But guilt filled my heart, i actually had wanted to watch the movie even though i sensed some boredom. But there's this huge head in front of my blocking my view, which kind of turns me off, leaving me nothing much to watch. Near halfway through, i was not concentrating well. My heart is yearning. i miss her

I'm back at home, still feeling empty...where's she?

NA

I'm 3 kg lighter. My stomach is getting weaker and weaker. I LS almost everyday, well, in fact, everyday. It's a tough one past few days, but thankfully it's over. Now i'm happily clearing leave, BUT, ever since i started work, leave seems a chore. I literally have got NOTHING to do. Or should i say, i DO NOT know what to do. I does not have a strong interest in game as much how i used to.

It's been a long time since i watched a movie. I badly want to hit the movie theaters. So someone, please ask me out for a movie. I want to visit SITEX this time round. I'm looking out for a powerful HDD. Every softwares/programs now consume such a huge chunk of space that i can't help but think technology is improving and expanding way too fast, at a speed that even some couldn't cope, like me. I'm thinking of getting an external HDD, whereas Dear intend to get a thumbdrive. And perhaps Dear forgot that she has a printer to get as well, one which we postpone during the previous IT fair. Haa, i shall remind her again.

Missing Her...

NA

Luckily, everything went well. I sincerely hope Dear had the best birthday party of her life and of course, it SHOULD be a memorable one. Dear has so many friends who's helping her with her party, especially her school friends and working colleagues. Think i almost got everyone pissed for arriving so late.

But still, nothing is worse that the rain. When it poured, it has everyone's heart who was present then racing. But thank god, rain stopped as the crowd starts coming in. It's only that stupid carpark which has SO limited lots that once a car go in, it will surely have difficulty coming out because it has become a one way lane. But everyone managed to be there, somehow.

Finally, everything is over. Everyone witness the entering of adulthood of Dearie. Happy Birthday to Dearie first. Everything will be alright, forget about the past..let's move on

December come!

I'm waiting for December to come. Mainly because i have 16 days OFF from work out of the total 31 days. On top of that, i'm going to have tons of meetups and celebrations with my friends. Mambo (possibly) with MR, Christmas with MR, Christmas with Xero4, Countdown with Xero4, Marathon, Pool, Movies...everything is coming back...

Of course, my first ever candle light dinner with Dearie...

But first, i need my stomach to fully recover. My stomach's still feeling bloated every now and then and it's really making damn uncomfortable...

Confirmed Happiness

I'm confirmed! After passing my actual confirmation day for 19 days, my lady boss took time out from her routinely busy yet not so busy schedule and dragged me into the room. Routine questions came before i expressed my thoughts and feedbacks. Bah! My signature was on that appraisal form and i'm officially a staff in UOB Travel Planner. I don't know if it's good news but so far, it has been good for me. The everyday handling of holiday and tour packages really make me learn alot about the world and of course, i look forward to my next tour lead...hopefully...someday, i'll be able to go travelling around the world with Dear....Will you?

I found a super good deal. Most car companies are renting out their cars during the CNY at WeeWAH! rates. And worse, you need to rent at least a minimum of 7 days. Which means, daily rates range between $80 - $150 per day x 7 days which gives you $560 for a super kuku car like Fiat Punto to $1000 over for a above average saloon car. Madness, pure madness. But thankfully, i managed to find a car rental for 6 days @ only $450. Madness as well? Of course....

PrimaTaste - Char Kway Tiao DIY

I regret not to take a photo of my masterpiece on Saturday. I’ve bought this Primataste ‘Char Kway Tiao’ packet whereby it includes the necessary sauces to cook Char Kway Tiao. Trust me, even if you have the best of the ingredients necessary for any dishes and you lack the skill, you will be a failure still. I’m glad I’m succeeded and I’m proud of it…

The content includes sesame oil, dark soya sauce, pork/lard oil and their chilli paste. I added my own noodles and kway tiao, the necessary and yummy ingredient. Everything was going fine until after I’ve finish added the noodles and kway tiao. Cooking for a 4 person share of Char Kway Tiao is really not easy. I stir fried the content inside the wok until my arm almost gave in. I can feel the intense ache at this point of time (now then I realize how hard it is on those hawker who’s serving nice food to public as a living). But thankfully, I managed to complete this masterpiece by MYSELF and it was really nice, with review supported from Dear, Mum and my brother.

I’m going to try the other Primataste, perhaps Laksa first.

With my stomach satisfied on Saturday, Sunday turned out to be a disappointment instead. Steamboat used to be my favourite but not now. I simply can't stand myself gorging down food after food like how i used to love doing so much...What's worse that that for the past two days, i'm down with sickness - bloated stomach and fever. Now, food is my best friend and also my worst enemy.

Tomorrow's my OFF Day and i'm gonna run all my necessary errands!!!

School's A Chore!

School's a chore out of the sudden, not because i have to spend time to study tons and loads of stuff but because of the school fees. The hefty school fees has made me panting and worrying. I supposed most private school student which jolly well includes me and Dear and even my classmates are vexed over school fees at a certain point of our studies. Apart from the school work and exams, it's just another thing that we have to be worried about...I seriously hope this one year plus would quickly passed by which by then, hopefully, i would enter another new phase of my life...

I've at last proved that Dear's my lucky star. Someone who's abit superstitious like me would have to use time to prove otherwise. I'm really patang when it comes to certain things. For example, not patting on the shoulder when betting/gambling, not cutting fingernails @ night, not pointing your finger towards the moon etc etc, lots to list in fact. But las, i finally proved after so many weeks on that Dear's my lucky star. Past few losses counts for nothing after i've so far, won all the matches i've bet this weekend, with one more match to go....Bingo!

Went for a shopping spree and Dear really made my eyes open today, although i appeared otherwise. I didn't know Chinatown've got so much good stuff - cheap clothes, yummy food and even interesting people. Today i can considered myself explored quite abit of Chinatown, although it's only a small bit of area. She of course, didn't go home empty handed, with her bag and hands full of 'achievements'. Whereas for me, i discovered this new snack outlet by this Thai uncle. He's selling this cute small little pancake which i find it yummy and tasty with its fragrance. I'm looking forward to 2 weeks later, cos i'll be in Chinatown once again...

Random

Work has been great. I finally learnt the skills to survive in this patience-demanding workplace. Seriously, it's always the shit of the others that make work so tough on me. Thankfully, rainbow's here after that short period of rainstorm.

Bought a polo tee and jean from Giordano. Festive season is coming, which at this point of time coincides with the finiancial tsunami, giving everyone more reason to shop because shops everywhere are banging on their discounts. Here at UOB, staffs are getting 40% off most of the items @ Giordano and me being a not-so-active shopper decided to seize the chance and make myself happy for once.

At last, Dear's decided on her mini birthday gathering. So all's not gone yet. Yes, there's going to be food, fun, entertainment, crapping and of course driving around at night, roaming Singapore again in wee hours...can't wait!!!

It's fun being matchmakers and both me and Dearie is in the midst of hooking two singles up. Hopefully, somehow, miracle works and may the cupid struck the love arrow on their ASS!!! Not a bad idea to be a matchmaker afterall, isn't it, Dearie?

Needs

I need my sleep.
I need my rest.
I need my off and leave.
I need my food

Life's Too Routinal

I’m seriously dozing off. At work now, but I’m not working. There’s nothing for me to do. Seriously, my own opinion of working on Saturday is crap, especially for such a small travel agency like us. Was given the appraisal form by boss just now. 3 months passed, yet I’m still not confirmed yet.

Seriously at times, I feel that life is too stagnant, although I very much wanted to add colours to it but I just couldn’t, either someone or something does not allow me to do so. I used to be a super outgoing person, who never fails to go out every weekend, either to hang out around, watch movies or even just window shop. But right now, I’m either working or studying, if not, I’m just lazing at home, getting the rest I needed so as to continue my routinal schedule.

Perhaps when someone enters a certain age or rather a certain phase of life, it’s really time to slow things down and get serious. I have my own plans and goals in life right now which is indeed something comforting. The only problem is to work towards it, and seriously, it’s difficult….very difficult

Birthday

Happy Birthday? I wouldn’t say this year birthday was really a happy one. 2 years after my 21st birthday, it’s like any other normal day to me when it comes to 23th birthday a day ago. Ever since that eventful birthday which had been made possible by Dearie, my parents and friends 2 years ago (which is my first and only birthday party I ever had), I would have expect the subsequent birthday to be NORMAL. Normal in the sense that there isn’t really much to look forward to. Apart from the fact that I do get to have friend acknowledging this special day for me, my family wishing me and of course, Dearie.

Imagine eating instant noodles all by yourself on your birthday. Imagine traveling out to eat dinner alone. I spent that so called special day on my own. Any other normal day, if I were to do the same thing, it’s considered a blessing because it’s a day away from work. BUT, because I hold some hopes, some hopes in thinking that I’m going to truly enjoy myself with all the wishes and present I’ve received from those who still remembered this special day of mine, plus the fact that my birthday this year is coincidentally a public holiday, which I thought I really ‘tan deo’ (in hokkien).

First and foremost, I thought this would be a very special birthday when my colleagues all sprung me a surprise when my senior suddenly ordered me into the room, lecturing me nicely so as to get into the mood. Suddenly, everyone was out of the office. I didn’t find anything amiss until a birthday cake suddenly pop out held in the hand of one of my colleagues, only then I knew I’m being fooled by my colleagues. Nevertheless, this thoughtful moment by them made me feel that this birthday is a wonderful one. Of course, not forgetting me receiving my very first present from one of the remembered person in my life – Da Jie Jie, when she together with Dearie, sprung me my first birthday surprise.

Of course, my friends never forget me and they never once will as always. They took time out to celebrate for me. I chose the venue and we really had a great time feasting @ Sakae Sushi. It’s great hanging out with them and thanks to them, I no longer need to carry a bag which is more appropriate for outing rather than to work, given my office wear. Thanks to Don, Jon, JJ, Gav.

The next two days are the days I’m looking forward to. However, due to unforseen circumstances, plans changed. My family celebrated my birthday with dinner @ Cafe Cartel instead of the long awaited Fish n Co. Where on my birthday itself were spent all alone. Imagine eating instant noodles and having to travel outside to buy your own dinner...but i suppose with hope and expectation comes disappointment.

Of course, not forgetting my hamsters! Their birthday falls under the same week of my birthday. It's been a year since i brought them back to their new home. I have to say i have been feeling guitly towards them. Especially towards MiuMiu. He now has 2 lumps on his body but yet nothing can be done as the vet has said it's most likely due to the poor genes left to him by his parents. Poor him...Sometimes, i really think is he really enjoying what he's doing now..

I promise them a treat soon and i'm going to do it right after the 'thunderstorm is over'....soon soon..

My Birthday's Nothing

A year older but it's really nothing much....just like any other normal day.

Meanwhile, don't be too sad, Dearie. I'm here for you...

Thank You Da Jie Jie!

It totally caught me in a surprise. I totally didn't expect Da Jie Jie to still remember my birthday. I'm touched, indeed touched. I'm puzzled why Dear keep checking my shirt size the day before. It's weird, very weird. I thought she wanted to buy me a shirt, but instead, it's Da Jie Jie who wanted to....

Just one more working day and i'll be hitting a great weekend. Pass this weekend and i'll be a year older, so are my beloved hamsters, MiuMiu and Shoobing. But Miu Miu seems sick which affect me abit. I'm worried, yet i feel so helpless. What's even worse is that i've got to wake up at 4 plus in the morning later on to help out in Changi Airport. A total of 180 passengers to check in, total crazy shit. I wonder how will i survive tomorrow. Think tomorrow is a long day.

Had a great day with you, Dear. Muacks!

Random

Everyone has been busy, so busy i couldn't think of anyone who can spare some evening time to catch free movies with me. If you think i'm wrong, do let me know and you'll get to go movie with me for FREE! Movie's called Rock N Rolla in GV. But do note that the review isn't that great, so DO NOT BLAME ME if you really spare that precious time and in the end, realise it isn't worth your time. But doesn't really matter since it's FREE..i still do hope i'll be able to recover fully to catch this movie as well

Has been sick since Thursday. I really hate sore throat. The feeling of swallowing be it food, water or even your saliva is a torture. Simply can't help but keep feeling and be reminded of the uncomfort and pain. My bout of sickness always starts with sore throat. The next to follow would be the flu and it bounds to make me feel as though i'm in hell. Somehow, the flu medicine would make me drowsy the whole day, no matter how many hours of sleep won't help..I must watch my diet these few days if i want to enjoy my feasting come next week when i'm another year older.

Have been making plans and realise not only i'll be feasting but i'll also be spending a bomb on just eating alone in the spans of 4 days next week. Still, it's a yearly affair, so why not. Sakae Sushi, Fish n Co, Kublai Khan and of course, not forgetting my secret recipe cakes...yummy!

I'm hooked on Hong Kong Dramas. I used to think more of Hong Kong movies rather than drama. Rather, i'm seldom a fan of drama because it's frustrating and tiring to catch episodes and episodes. But no longer do i have those mindset. Right now, it's fun catching episodes after episodes. It's as though i've something to look forward to. But seriously, if only i owned the whole series, i bet i'll watch the whole series within a day or two. Anyone has any Hong Kong drama to lend or recommend?




I'm in love with this biscuits. It's similar to the Hello Panda under the same company 'Meiji'. But right now, i'll prefer it over Hello Panda because it's really much nicer than Hello Panda. Much because of the hard and more crispy biscuits shell. The chocolate filling is more or less the same as Hello Panda's. I've one right in front of me right now, but i have to watch my diet if not, my sore throat might just worsen again. REn!!!!!

An OFF Day Wasted

I still thought today will be a very fulfilling day because i'm on OFF. Away from the office = no worries, no stress, no troubles, no nasty customers, no irritating phone call. BUT, my laziness got the better of me yet again. Worse enough, i realised i forgot to collect my diploma certificate when i'm on my way to meet Dearie for dinner.

Only a week left before i can declare myself a year older, but i'm starting to show signs of falling sick. It always start with my throat. So i better down gallons and gallons of water before i really do fall sick.

That earlier phone call i receive from my colleagues certainly didn't make me feel better. The way my company works really bring down new employees morale. Imagine them deploying the way of 'you only know where you went wrong only when you did something wrong'. In another words, you will first need to get scolding for doing something which you don't even know it's wrong before you actually know it's REALLY wrong. Total rubbish, no wonder my company has seen a high numbers of quitters since donkey years ago. I'm still hanging in there meanwhile because it's not that tough for me and i quite enjoyed myself there, except for the way they work.

Seriously looking forward to tomorrow......

Tedious Days Ahead

Sick. My irritated nose is hinting to me that i'm going to get flu soon. I actually thought that the past few days of mild flu isn't going to continue but it seems like something worse is coming.

Lesson totally sucks today. Business Statistics is a killer. Anyone has got any idea what the hell is that? I'm totally nuts about what the lecturer is even trying to go through, my mind is even in a total blank state after lunch time. Somehow, we human beings often lose the war to the digestion of yummy food, increasing the rate of failure to concentrate.

Work has been tremendously over-whelming. But i guess stress does help motivates me abit. Seriously, stress hasn't been a good friend in my company, especially when one and a half year ago from the time i join until now, there hasn't be a single person who passed the probation of 3 months. Not because they were not up to the mark but because they quit even before they reached the 3-month mark. Rumoured has it that there is already a total of more than 15 people. I certainly hope i'm not one of them, especially after knowing what's happening and what IS GOING TO HAPPEN to Singapore is months to come. We can certainly expected unemployment rate, finiancial crisis and also, my pockets burnt of course.

Actually, i'm not really looking forward to my birthday. Especially after i know how tedious it's going to be, not on me but Dear. Thanks for everyone making the effort to celebrate my birthday and i very much appreciate it - you guys colour my life.

My sudden thought of whipping up a good dish really make me look forward to this weekend. That is of course, provided i endured this expectedly difficult week, especially when i've got to work on Saturday. Sad!!

Haircut, Movie and Dinner

Life is so unpredictable. The news brother brought to us yesterday made me feel that life is indeed unpredictable. You never know when is going to be the last sentence you are going to say. You never know when is going to be the last time you talked or ever seen your parents or loved ones. The fact that that Private was so well and alive as described by Bro made everything seem so impossible. It's just the night before he turned in that he appeared fine and who would have thought 6 hours later, he would say goodbye to this world.

That piece of news sent me to do some thinking. I used to be where he used to be, i fully understand and i hate to say, it's really a pity. A life gone just like that, i feel pity for him, i feel sad for his parents. Really...still, i bear this hatred which i refused to pour it over here..
Bro came back home, shagged. Even wanting to catch some Champions League action, which only then i realised there's a match hours later. Bad luck struck me. I set my alarm clock at 3am only to realise when i woke up it's 5am and i vaguely remembered what happened when i shut the alarm clock off hours before when the pain of my foot hurts.

I went out the brightly lit living room to see the red mark on my foot. Only then i realised i fell down hours ago and fell back to sleep immediately right after that, missing that victory match by Man Utd.

Morning was full of positiveness. It's been a long time since we are going to hang out the whole day. Started off the outing with a haircut. This haircut was special. All because i finally did away with the short crew cut which i'm so used to ever since i got enlisted 2 years plus ago. Whereas for her, she trimmed her hair and off we went to catch 'Connected'.

Story plot exactly the same as the English version 'Cellular' which i caught it quite long ago, nevertheless, it's still as nice and exciting. Dinner was the long awaited Seoul Garden. There she went as usual, being the herbivore, kept attacking all the veggies, whereas me, being a faithful carnivore, concentrated on my chicken of different flavours. By the third round, we were also KO and only helped ourselves to a small serving of desserts and fruits. When's our next outing, Dearie?