Stress..

Oh great..i'm sick..yes..again..Counting the number of days i'm sick ever since i got into my new vocation, it can be seriously said to be dangerous. I think my immune system is getting poorer. Time for supplements and regular exercise..plus of cos, proper diet. I can't afford to be sick all the time. It makes me feel as though i'm a handicapped, a useless person.

The trauma is back. I'm traumatized. I don't know what i should really do. Should i changed my metality of how i see it now? I used to thought just it alone will be strong enough to hold on to everything. It will overcome everything. But what was said yesterday night makes me feel that, it's not just about it. There's more things that's being involved, things that i've never considered it to be one before. My mood is ultimately low. Just because of certain things, it can endanger the whole thing between u and me. Is it so vulnerable that words can cause it to be broken? Is it so simple that it doesn't deserve any respect? I don't act on impulse is unavoidable..but know what to say, what not to say. Anger words may be harsh. The one saying might not feel the same way as the one hearing it. To me, it may just be anger words..but to me, it's these words that makes me ponder - pondering what a person am i, what have things come to such state, what can be done, why those words was said. So many things to think.

My physical headache out of the sudden is being overlapped by this mental headache. I couldn' sleep. Tears don't flow from my eyes easily..if it does, it will also mean that my heart is crying. I'm not comparing to anything before. It's just that, promises made must be kept. I don't nag at a person with bad intentions. If i know i will get scolding, coldness or whatever jus because i nag, do u think i will still go ahead with the nagging. I couldn't bear to just forget abt everything and just dump everything. This way, complications won't occur but it will show that i'm not concerned. I'm sad..but i know i'm not the only one..Right now, i'm still thinking..The thought of being left alone, not being able to contact is scary. Everything is still whirling up my mind now..i can't seem to sort them out right..cos i still haven't get pass myself. Somehow, i don't know who am i, what kind of a person i am. Failure?

Business hasn't been good. Had this very thought of giving up. Anyway, support from family and friends isn't that great. I shouldn't say there isn't any at all. But there's people doing the same thing as me. I'm stil learning. I've seen people succeed in it. Some may think i'm just nt cut out for it, why waste my time..but why can't i learn. All i need is time.

My maple is doing well. But i'm going to stop playing soon. I'm always playing at the wrong timing. It just cause so much misunderstanding. I don't want what i do to be an excuse being added to what's so unnecessary. Cos it will cause all the disappointment, hurt and sadness...