Do take some time to read this essay. Definitely worth reading. Enjoy!
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- to 18-year-olds, has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries..
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls' School chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled What The Modern Woman Wants, focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-versus-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician.
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in 2000, said Britain 's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the competition since 1883. Enjoy reading folks...
What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance''Liquidation' 'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.
The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap.. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.
The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.
The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall.
Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook.
Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.
What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.
She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned.. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values.. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less.. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.
The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.
'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road . Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home.
There's one near Hougang - it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.'
'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is everything okay?' What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.
'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.'
Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love, Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...
Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear.. 'Stocks 10% increase!'
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
NATAS Fair
Yes! It's NATAS!! I never look forward NATAS so eagerly before. Probably due to the fact that this NATAS is the only time to save my ricebowl, given such hard times we have been facing. And so, everything started with a bang. Training and preparation for this fair starts as early as July, which the whole of July and August being leave embargo period.
Worse of all, just one week prior to the fair, the atmosphere was intense. Adverts after adverts. Calls after calls. So much so that our low manpower couldn't handle, i swear i almost died.
Just minutes into the fair, i got my first booking. And constantly, bookings came in. Until the final day, it was annouced successful. The subsequent days was hard even till today. I lost sleep. I missed out on lots of stuff but i believe i learnt lots out of it. It was fun, memorable and certainly draining as well.
Whacky Colleagues
The Official Mascots of Warner Brothers, Gold CoastI was so excited taking photos with them. They are professional mascots and i really meant professional. They way they mimic the characters really reminds me of how they look like in cartoons. And mind you, that batman suit weighs more than 30kg.
It's fun for my job, on my end to ensure others enjoy their holidays. And now, i look forward to mine. Counting down....Wooooo
Monday, August 24, 2009
Luck
When a person gets really unlucky, he or she can really be on the down side of his life. Luck is a myterious thing. Sometimes, defined as superstitious as well. I do not really believe in pure luck, but i believe luck does play a part in our everyday lives, sometimes, a major role even.
I count myself lucky on the whole. Lucky for the fact that i have such wonderful parents, lucky to have a brother as my growing up companion, lucky to fall in love once and learnt a huge lesson from it, lucky to been through minor hardship and overcoming them, lucky to have friends who i can share my life with, lucky to even have live this long and far.
Luck is a silent companion, sometimes bringing new surprises, sometimes bringing you a chance to meet your new interest in life or even a small windfall. Most of the time, you probably never pay any attention to luck. In fact, chances are, you only think of luck when you are betting on some lottery or soccer match or participating in some contest.
But luck is so much more than just that. Being lucky is a blessing. I always relate luck to superstition. But when bad luck befalls on me, i most of the time, choose to blame on luck. Simple question will always be asked 'Why me?' And most of the time, i am never able to get any answer out of it.
I had a fairly good example. I've never won any mahjong game since start of this year, until June. It's only recently that i started winning. Lady luck wasn't with me, be it what colour of underwear i wore. I always asked myself why did i lose so much, but never had an answer. Sometimes, then you had bad luck falling on you, it's a streak and there's no escaping. I was just sick yesterday, beginning with a flu, subsequently, i felt restless. The fact that my computer went haywire and a stupid simple mistake caused me to lose all my data in my external hard disk - my photos, my movies, my music....all gone. Brinigng a headache and an itchy nose to work didn't help to start the week positively. A cut on my thumb just make everything else worse and i ponder, why the hell am i so unlucky. Naturally, things's turn better, and relief comes after.
I always feel it works that way. You need to experience the hard and difficult before you can taste the sweetness. I can just simply conclude that i rather been contented with what i have, rather than harping on what i've lost. Because in the end, there's nothing really to lose.
I count myself lucky on the whole. Lucky for the fact that i have such wonderful parents, lucky to have a brother as my growing up companion, lucky to fall in love once and learnt a huge lesson from it, lucky to been through minor hardship and overcoming them, lucky to have friends who i can share my life with, lucky to even have live this long and far.
Luck is a silent companion, sometimes bringing new surprises, sometimes bringing you a chance to meet your new interest in life or even a small windfall. Most of the time, you probably never pay any attention to luck. In fact, chances are, you only think of luck when you are betting on some lottery or soccer match or participating in some contest.
But luck is so much more than just that. Being lucky is a blessing. I always relate luck to superstition. But when bad luck befalls on me, i most of the time, choose to blame on luck. Simple question will always be asked 'Why me?' And most of the time, i am never able to get any answer out of it.
I had a fairly good example. I've never won any mahjong game since start of this year, until June. It's only recently that i started winning. Lady luck wasn't with me, be it what colour of underwear i wore. I always asked myself why did i lose so much, but never had an answer. Sometimes, then you had bad luck falling on you, it's a streak and there's no escaping. I was just sick yesterday, beginning with a flu, subsequently, i felt restless. The fact that my computer went haywire and a stupid simple mistake caused me to lose all my data in my external hard disk - my photos, my movies, my music....all gone. Brinigng a headache and an itchy nose to work didn't help to start the week positively. A cut on my thumb just make everything else worse and i ponder, why the hell am i so unlucky. Naturally, things's turn better, and relief comes after.
I always feel it works that way. You need to experience the hard and difficult before you can taste the sweetness. I can just simply conclude that i rather been contented with what i have, rather than harping on what i've lost. Because in the end, there's nothing really to lose.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Pissed...
I'm super pissed at the fact that especially when i'm running my game, my computer would shuts down on its own. It's still a fairly new computer, and a rather good one even. The fact that it fails me at certain point each time my computer is on disappoints me more than it actually pissed me.
I invested so much in this computer system, only hoping for this particular system to run as smoothly as possible. So what now, i'm faced with a near useless laptop and a 'going to spoil' computer, which means, i probably have to pound in more money just to ensure i get the hope of getting either a new notebook or having my desktop to run smoothly again.
It's either the power supply or the ram or the graphics card or everything altogether. Dammit...a hole in my pocket, yet again. Not excluding the trouble of fixing it or rather, getting my friend to fix it for me...
I invested so much in this computer system, only hoping for this particular system to run as smoothly as possible. So what now, i'm faced with a near useless laptop and a 'going to spoil' computer, which means, i probably have to pound in more money just to ensure i get the hope of getting either a new notebook or having my desktop to run smoothly again.
It's either the power supply or the ram or the graphics card or everything altogether. Dammit...a hole in my pocket, yet again. Not excluding the trouble of fixing it or rather, getting my friend to fix it for me...
Monday, August 17, 2009
Army Half Marathon
This year Army Half Marathon was a killer. After missing out last year's Marathon, i told myself, i musn't miss out this year. As usual, i went into the marathon, unprepared.
Some asked why pay to torture yourself. I always thought if i'm prepared going into the marathon, i will do better. But each time i did a long distance run, i always aimed to complete it. It's not something i can give up halfway because it's a 'once you start, there's no turning back' race. Each time i did a long distance run, it's a race. A race against myself. Endurance, determination, self-discipline all comes in.
Completing a marathon is no easy feat and has always been an achievement for me. Probably, it works the same on life as well...we are all racing everyday, against time, against ourselves etc...
Some asked why pay to torture yourself. I always thought if i'm prepared going into the marathon, i will do better. But each time i did a long distance run, i always aimed to complete it. It's not something i can give up halfway because it's a 'once you start, there's no turning back' race. Each time i did a long distance run, it's a race. A race against myself. Endurance, determination, self-discipline all comes in.
Completing a marathon is no easy feat and has always been an achievement for me. Probably, it works the same on life as well...we are all racing everyday, against time, against ourselves etc...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Happy Happy Mildred
Happy Birthday Mildred..May All Your Birthday Wishes Come True....
Hope you like the present....
Hope you like the present....
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Random
It's like tons of work piled up. The fact that NATAS Fair is coming ain't helping. Calls comes in one after another, endless. I like the fact that i'm busy at work, because it simply makes time pass faster, at the same time, u get a little stressed, but that is what spurs me on.
But in terms of academics, i think i'm starting to fail and lose myself. No longer i find myself able to study the way i loved to. No longer i find myself having the enthusiasm to drill the textbook into my head. Exam's next week, i'm still nowhere to be seen at the halfway line. I need to buck up...and motivation...anyone?
Celebrated two birthdays over the weekend. Photos soon!
But in terms of academics, i think i'm starting to fail and lose myself. No longer i find myself able to study the way i loved to. No longer i find myself having the enthusiasm to drill the textbook into my head. Exam's next week, i'm still nowhere to be seen at the halfway line. I need to buck up...and motivation...anyone?
Celebrated two birthdays over the weekend. Photos soon!
Friday, August 07, 2009
Thursday, August 06, 2009
HeartAches, HeartBreak....
What's the most hurtful thing that can happen? Usually, the most hurtful thing isn't physical, but emotional or mentally. I realised that not too long ago. Relationship bring one of the worst pain to one.
I never thought it would be my turn, and when it's my turn, it turned hell for me. But since i endured that period of down, i decided that nothing tougher can hit me. But i was wrong. Come to think of it....
Who was there for me when i was young?
Who was there for me when i needed someone?
Who was there for me when i endured what i thought is the toughest part of my life?
Who was there for me when i had happy things to share?
There's only one person i can think of, my mother. Sometimes, we shared our heart, divide our love so much that we neglect those who constantly showered us with love. But come to think of it, those who really loves you, are the ones who share your pain with you, and not the only who bring you pain.
I often thought, what would happen if my mother ever leaves me, the moment i wanted to think of it, i immediately distract myself, because, i couldn't hold myself to ponder any further for i know, i will be very affected.
Relationships are complicated. True feelings develop into kinship. Even husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, the most stable relationship to me, will eventually develop into a special kinship, which, should be able to withstand almost every obstacles for if not, it won't last.
No point harping to someone who won't share that with you. I learnt my lesson. Hatred made me move on faster than expected. It's a painful process. But one very important lesson i learnt is...
Loving someone is easy
Maintain a relationship is difficult
Letting go of it is even more difficult
By letting go, it really make you see the whole picture which only people who truly let go understands and it might even be one of the wisest decision you've ever made....i'll just hope those who meant to be together to last, and those, who don't...letting do is probably the best solution of all......
I never thought it would be my turn, and when it's my turn, it turned hell for me. But since i endured that period of down, i decided that nothing tougher can hit me. But i was wrong. Come to think of it....
Who was there for me when i was young?
Who was there for me when i needed someone?
Who was there for me when i endured what i thought is the toughest part of my life?
Who was there for me when i had happy things to share?
There's only one person i can think of, my mother. Sometimes, we shared our heart, divide our love so much that we neglect those who constantly showered us with love. But come to think of it, those who really loves you, are the ones who share your pain with you, and not the only who bring you pain.
I often thought, what would happen if my mother ever leaves me, the moment i wanted to think of it, i immediately distract myself, because, i couldn't hold myself to ponder any further for i know, i will be very affected.
Relationships are complicated. True feelings develop into kinship. Even husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, the most stable relationship to me, will eventually develop into a special kinship, which, should be able to withstand almost every obstacles for if not, it won't last.
No point harping to someone who won't share that with you. I learnt my lesson. Hatred made me move on faster than expected. It's a painful process. But one very important lesson i learnt is...
Loving someone is easy
Maintain a relationship is difficult
Letting go of it is even more difficult
By letting go, it really make you see the whole picture which only people who truly let go understands and it might even be one of the wisest decision you've ever made....i'll just hope those who meant to be together to last, and those, who don't...letting do is probably the best solution of all......
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Life's Full of Regrets
I remembered i once had a post, similarly, it's about regrets. I flashback that post, browse it through. I realised that in life, regrets are inevitable. Sometimes, we try to mend the hole, but no matter how hard we tried, the hole will never be patched back.
I had my fair share of regrets as well anyway. Most, i would just acknowledged it and smile it off, looking at the bright side of life. But for some, it remained a regret, probably will remain that way in time to come as well.
Events come and go in your life. Same goes for people. Some become your friends, some gradually became better friends, some's just aquaintances and some, they just disappear out of your life. I never know the real meaning of friends, until i reach my late teens. To me, then, friends became something from just a mere playmate to someone who's my soulmate, or probably more.
MiuMiu was the best pet i've ever owned. Till now, his death was sad. No matter how natural he died. He made me realised the word 'cute'. Then, when i first bought him, he was tiny, white and could barely opened in eyes. Barely half a year, he's struck with sickness. And slightly after a year, he parted. I suppose it's the end of his suffering, but i regretted not spending enough time with him. I wished i could play with him more, but no longer could i did.
Wonderful friend i once had. Till today, still just as wonderful. We were close before. Subsequently, i couldn't remember how things eventually gone fading...That was the friendship i truly cherished. I wouldn't blame anyone but myself for how things has changed. Yes, things changed. Humans changed. But i believe what can happened before, can happen again. Be it positively, or negatively. I hope i can find back the bond i once had with friends i cherish.
MiuMiu was the best pet i've ever owned. Till now, his death was sad. No matter how natural he died. He made me realised the word 'cute'. Then, when i first bought him, he was tiny, white and could barely opened in eyes. Barely half a year, he's struck with sickness. And slightly after a year, he parted. I suppose it's the end of his suffering, but i regretted not spending enough time with him. I wished i could play with him more, but no longer could i did.
Wonderful friend i once had. Till today, still just as wonderful. We were close before. Subsequently, i couldn't remember how things eventually gone fading...That was the friendship i truly cherished. I wouldn't blame anyone but myself for how things has changed. Yes, things changed. Humans changed. But i believe what can happened before, can happen again. Be it positively, or negatively. I hope i can find back the bond i once had with friends i cherish.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sleeping Late Makes You Fat
At my age, probably most should be either working or still studying. It has long been a tradition for people nowadays to get merely little sleep, including myself. Friends my age are either working or studying. Simply i know it's tough, sleep as much as you can whenever possible then. Article below is dedicated friends who sleep little....
Lack of sleep could get you fat
The benefits of a good night's sleep go beyond improving your concentration and overall well-being. Researchers have found that it is also good for your waistline.
Those who consistently fail to get enough sleep may experience weight gain, according to findings presented at Sleep 2009 in Seattle last month.
The annual meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies is attended by doctors, researchers and healthcare professionals.
A study on 92 healthy adults conducted by University of Pennsylvania found that those who had less than the average amount of sleep gained an average of 1.3kg during the 11-day experiment.
Another study on 1,000 volunteers conducted by Stanford University in California found that those who slept less than eight hours a night had higher levels of body fat. Those who reportedly slept the least weighed the most.
The findings are hardly surprisingly, since inadequate sleep affects the hormones that help control our appetite and metabolism, said local sleep specialist Dr Lim Li Ling.
According to Dr Lim, who is the director of Sleep Disorders Unit at Singapore General Hospital, sleep deprivation is "a stressful state which alters our body's hormonal environment".
Lack of sleep decreases the level of leptin, a hormone that makes one feel full after eating. It also increases the level ghrelin, a "hunger hormone" that stimulates one's appetite. This results in overeating and weight gain, said Dr Lim.
"People who don't get enough sleep may also feel tired and exercise less," she added.
For those who have less sleep because they stay up late, eating habits such as bingeing on calorie-laden foods to stay awake may be the reason behind the weight gain, said Ms Lim Su Lin, chief dietitian and senior manager at National University Hospital's dietetics department.
"To stay awake, they may resort to drinking high-sugar, caffeinated beverages or munching on tidbits," said Ms Lim. They may pile on the pounds as a result.
To control your appetite through the day, Ms Lim recommended sticking to three main meals a day at fixed times, and including fibre to your meals.
Fibre, which can be found in vegetables, fruits and whole grains, makes you feel full and thus deters snacking. Starting the day with a wholesome breakfast can also help you avoid binge eating later in the day.
For another group of people, the problem may be more serious than weight gain.
A substantial number of Singaporeans suffer from sleep disorders. Dr Lim estimated that 10 to 30 per cent of the local population have insomnia and up to 15 per cent have obstructive sleep apnea (OSA).
OSA is a condition where a person's upper airways are blocked during sleep. "When breathing is interrupted during sleep, the quality of sleep is affected," she said. Poor sleep is known to be as detrimental as lack of sleep.
So what constitutes a good night's sleep?
"It is simply one from which we wake up naturally (without an alarm clock), feeling refreshed, alert and able to function at peak mental performance," said Dr Lim. A person who sleeps well would not need to nap in the middle of the day.
The amount of sleep a person requires varies with age. According to Dr Lim, newborns may need as much as 16 to 20 hours, spread throughout the day, while young children should get 9 to 10 hours and teenagers, 8 to 9.5 hours.
Adults require six to 10 hours of sleep.
"Although some people take pride in getting by with very little sleep, most people who get fewer than five to six hours daily are probably not getting enough," said Dr Lim.
How to achieve a good night's rest
A guide to a good night's sleep by Dr Lim Li Ling, director of Sleep Disorders Unit at Singapore General Hospital.
- Try to go to bed and wake up at around the same time. Our sleep-wake patterns are regulated by an internal "clock" that dictates when we feel sleepy. When our daily activities synchronise with our internal clocks, we will naturally sleep better.
- If you can't fall asleep within 15 to 20 minutes, leave the bedroom and do something relaxing, such as reading or listening to soft music. You should only return to bed when you feel sleepy again, however long it takes.
- If you have insomnia, you should not read, watch TV or work in bed. Associating the bed with other types of activities, especially if they are stimulating, will make it harder to fall asleep.
- Avoid caffeine - a stimulant that can stay in your body for over 10 hours - and stimulating activities close to bedtime. Stimulating activities include vigorous exercise, intense work and exciting TV programmes.
- Long afternoon naps make it difficult for us to fall asleep at night and should be avoided.
- A daily ritual to help us relax at the end of the day is a good lead-up to sleep. This can take the form of a taking a warm bath, dimming the lights, reading quietly or listening to soft music.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Happy Birthday Xia
Special Happy Birthday Wishes to Xia......May Your Birthday Wishes Come True.....
Hope you like the surprise.....Woohoo...you know what to do...
Hope you like the surprise.....Woohoo...you know what to do...
Friday, July 17, 2009
勉强的爱，又何必呢？
"有人说： 如果你不爱一个人，请放手，好让别人有机会去爱他/她。。。 有的东西，你再喜欢也不会属于你的。。。 有的东西，你再留恋也注定要放弃。。。 人生中。。。 有许多种爱，但别让爱成为一种伤害。。。 我选择沉默。。。 当一个男人为一个女人而哭了，那说明了他真的爱了。。。 当一个女人为一个男人而哭了，那说明了她真的放弃了。。。"
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Fatal Misunderstanding
Sometimes, we act before we think. At heated moments, we tend to do things just to spite our loved ones. Many times, we just don't want to give in, all because we want the other party to know it's them who's at fault. Words are cheap, flithly cheap in fact. Actions proved the words, and not purely just words. I love to share this story which is really meaningful. Please, spend some time and read it..
Part 1...
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in This world is gone forever. This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited By LSX, translated by Safe). Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of Asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining Years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both of us refuse to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it." Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: “You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle. Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial _expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags;She would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and"Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"
After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.
I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...
I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Part 2 and end...
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heartbeat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.
That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I went to my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.
After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.
"LD, you are pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said:"Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.
Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I should sprint, I could never reach them.
I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scar in each other's heart. For me, it’s unintentional; for him, totally intentional.
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.
Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, wheneverI ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.
Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is; I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer?
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home,I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, andI had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the painI have caused you; forgive me for not telling you my illness, becauseI want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me andI would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."
He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...
The End...
Part 1...
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in This world is gone forever. This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited By LSX, translated by Safe). Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of Asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining Years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both of us refuse to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it." Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: “You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle. Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial _expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags;She would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and"Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"
After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.
I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...
I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Part 2 and end...
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heartbeat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.
That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I went to my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.
After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.
"LD, you are pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said:"Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.
Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I should sprint, I could never reach them.
I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scar in each other's heart. For me, it’s unintentional; for him, totally intentional.
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.
Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, wheneverI ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.
Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is; I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer?
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home,I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, andI had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the painI have caused you; forgive me for not telling you my illness, becauseI want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me andI would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."
He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...
The End...
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
There's A Reason For Everything
Let me share a story with everyone. This is a story, based on true events, encountered by if i still remember correctly, by a journalist or novelist with the name containing Archer. Archer himself was in jail several times, due to his insistance of his own works and on certain views. Once, during his stay in prison, he met this guy. So, the story goes...
This guy in his late middle ages, probably 40s, would always be imprisoned same time of the year. Each time, his imprisonment would last between 3-4 months. His imprisonment would always starts just before Winter and by Summer, he would be released. He did it for consecutively many many years. Same time of the year, every year, he would stand outside a shop, probably locksmith, and he would grab a brick and throw towards the window of the shop. He didn't steal or injure anyone, purely just damaging property.
Each time he do that, he would be charged under UK laws for damaging property of others, each bringing a maximum imprisonment sentence of 4 months. He was imprisoned every year, at the same time of the year that even the prison warden, the judges knew him. So, therefore, there is this year, a judge intend to show sympathy and granted him to be released with just a warning, on the account of him doing it for so many times and no point sending him to prison again.
And for that year, that guy passed away...that is because, he's pure homeless and he couldn't survive past winter..........
Sometimes, although we are showing the humane side of ourselves, we too need to find out what's strong. Extend that effort to find out the reason of the actions of others, so that it can made us understand them better, in turn, helping them better if ever possible. Probably, if the court knew about his homeless situation, they could jolly well refer him to some care organisation and he wouldn't have to die already...a sad story indeed.......
This guy in his late middle ages, probably 40s, would always be imprisoned same time of the year. Each time, his imprisonment would last between 3-4 months. His imprisonment would always starts just before Winter and by Summer, he would be released. He did it for consecutively many many years. Same time of the year, every year, he would stand outside a shop, probably locksmith, and he would grab a brick and throw towards the window of the shop. He didn't steal or injure anyone, purely just damaging property.
Each time he do that, he would be charged under UK laws for damaging property of others, each bringing a maximum imprisonment sentence of 4 months. He was imprisoned every year, at the same time of the year that even the prison warden, the judges knew him. So, therefore, there is this year, a judge intend to show sympathy and granted him to be released with just a warning, on the account of him doing it for so many times and no point sending him to prison again.
And for that year, that guy passed away...that is because, he's pure homeless and he couldn't survive past winter..........
Sometimes, although we are showing the humane side of ourselves, we too need to find out what's strong. Extend that effort to find out the reason of the actions of others, so that it can made us understand them better, in turn, helping them better if ever possible. Probably, if the court knew about his homeless situation, they could jolly well refer him to some care organisation and he wouldn't have to die already...a sad story indeed.......
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Lions Eat Man Up
Check out this link (Not for the Weak Hearted)
http://agnestansingapore.blogspot.com/2009/07/ask-you-say-in-car-and-you-no-believe.html
Seriously, if you have weak heart, do not even attempt to click on the above link. This man is seriously also asking for it. Logically, given such attraction, you should be mature and sensible enough to know what you should be doing.
As much as how human are amazed by nature and animals, they are always greedy. In this case, greediness caused his life. I too think that his friend should drive the car, attempting to knock to lion down, or at least drive the car near to chase them away. Sadly, they must be so stunned that all they can do is to panick at their own spot and shouting and watch the man get eaten alive frantically. Sad....
http://agnestansingapore.blogspot.com/2009/07/ask-you-say-in-car-and-you-no-believe.html
Seriously, if you have weak heart, do not even attempt to click on the above link. This man is seriously also asking for it. Logically, given such attraction, you should be mature and sensible enough to know what you should be doing.
As much as how human are amazed by nature and animals, they are always greedy. In this case, greediness caused his life. I too think that his friend should drive the car, attempting to knock to lion down, or at least drive the car near to chase them away. Sadly, they must be so stunned that all they can do is to panick at their own spot and shouting and watch the man get eaten alive frantically. Sad....
Friday, July 03, 2009
Think Before You Act
How many times do we often react without actually understanding or finding out the intention of acts of others? Often, this lead to unnecessary misunderstanding, which in turn, might simply just ruin the relationship between you and someone who actually cared for you, but probably put it in a different way. A story to share...
While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.
Devastated by his own actions......sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .
Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved. But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved...let this story serve as a reminder and keep this thought in mind:-
Watch your thoughts; they become words
Watch your words; they become actions
Watch your actions; they become habits
Watch your habits; they become character
Watch your character; they become your destiny
Whatever we do, we got to think of the consequences. Naturally, humans tend not think think twice before they act, causing themselves to regret what they did eventually. Hence, the regrets...is done...and there's no turning back.........
Thursday, July 02, 2009
7 Wonders of The World
True enough, we indeed have the 7 wonders of the world, physically. These tangibles are indeed wonderful, created more than decades or centuries ago. But from somewhere, i found a different kind of 7 wonders of the world that are intangible:-
- To See
- To Hear
- To Touch
- To Taste
- To Feel
- To Laugh
- To Love
These are the things we are possess and can do, which sometimes, we tend to overlook. These are the things are are truly wonderful and these are the wonders that cannot be built by man or brought by man. Make good use of these wonders...
- To See
- To Hear
- To Touch
- To Taste
- To Feel
- To Laugh
- To Love
These are the things we are possess and can do, which sometimes, we tend to overlook. These are the things are are truly wonderful and these are the wonders that cannot be built by man or brought by man. Make good use of these wonders...
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Don't Say Nothing When You Say Something
Nobody can be perfect. Not me and of course, certainly not whoever's reading this as well. Why argue over trival issues? Why get worked up and all tensed up for something that is so insignificant? Just so you can get your message across? Just so you can prove you are much better than some other people? Just so you can let people know about your unhappiness?
Oh, did i mention to anyone that my ears has slight difficulty in hearing, and when i mean slight, i really meant it. It's simply just means i can't hear as clearly as a perfect hearing person would. So in an event when i require you to repeat, it's not because i'm being irritating, but it's purely because i really can't hear.
Worse of all, there's this group of people which i have an issue with. Why say nothing after splurting out some words? Don't say nothing when you did say something. Saying things halfway, keeping me in suspense doesn't make me curious, it's simply just turned me off and worse enough, it could jolly well pised my ass off.
Call me coward if you want. The fact that i don't like to show my unhappiness doesn't mean i'm agreeing with whatever you are doing. It simply just means i DO NOT want things to turn ugly. Moreover, if it's something trival, i rather swallow down the bitter saliva and let it be, till time heals it all.
Oh, did i mention to anyone that my ears has slight difficulty in hearing, and when i mean slight, i really meant it. It's simply just means i can't hear as clearly as a perfect hearing person would. So in an event when i require you to repeat, it's not because i'm being irritating, but it's purely because i really can't hear.
Worse of all, there's this group of people which i have an issue with. Why say nothing after splurting out some words? Don't say nothing when you did say something. Saying things halfway, keeping me in suspense doesn't make me curious, it's simply just turned me off and worse enough, it could jolly well pised my ass off.
Call me coward if you want. The fact that i don't like to show my unhappiness doesn't mean i'm agreeing with whatever you are doing. It simply just means i DO NOT want things to turn ugly. Moreover, if it's something trival, i rather swallow down the bitter saliva and let it be, till time heals it all.
Drama & Movies
I used to be a hardcore lover of '霜天自尊', therefore, when i learnt that this show, '双子星' is related to '霜天自尊', it got me all hyped up. There's so much hype on how once again, the collaboration of Fann Wong and Zoe Tay would spark a new series of ups and downs.
Even the male disguise of Felicia Chin wowed me in a instant the moment i saw her on screen, her transformation is one of the part which i really like about the show. Plus the return of Benedict Goh, who used to such a great host for 'The Pyramid Game'. I still remember watching show when i'm young and no doubt he even voted himself the person with the most NGs in this show. But understandly, with someone who holds a degree in English Literature and conversing in English all his life, it's at least commendable that he made it this well in this show.
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At last, i've watched Transformer 2 and it's really a nice movie. Expectations of this movie is certainly much higher, especially after how it stole the hearts of viewers in its first part. Thjankfully, it didn't disappoint those faithful followers, like me! This part 2 Transfomer is actually a sequel to the first part which scenes mainly shoot in France and Egypt (Wow!).
Even the male disguise of Felicia Chin wowed me in a instant the moment i saw her on screen, her transformation is one of the part which i really like about the show. Plus the return of Benedict Goh, who used to such a great host for 'The Pyramid Game'. I still remember watching show when i'm young and no doubt he even voted himself the person with the most NGs in this show. But understandly, with someone who holds a degree in English Literature and conversing in English all his life, it's at least commendable that he made it this well in this show.
Lastly, blame the producers for cleverly picking our last year winner of Singapore Beauty Peagent, Ms Jessica for this short but special role. My first time seeing her on screen and her potrayal of her sweet innocent image as a bakers charms nearly all male viewers i bet. So all in all, this seems like a good show, now what i've caught nearly half of it.
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At last, i've watched Transformer 2 and it's really a nice movie. Expectations of this movie is certainly much higher, especially after how it stole the hearts of viewers in its first part. Thjankfully, it didn't disappoint those faithful followers, like me! This part 2 Transfomer is actually a sequel to the first part which scenes mainly shoot in France and Egypt (Wow!).
Real fighting Falcon and tanks were used to potray the real fighting scenes between the robots, plus the extra effort put in this time rounf for the special effects and animation. And many of the autobots cars were sponsored by General Motors in bright colour to make everything look more distinctive. Now tell me, how could one even miss such a show which has been given so much details to it.
Now, i'm just waiting eagerly to watch Ice Age 3, anyone?
Now, i'm just waiting eagerly to watch Ice Age 3, anyone?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Missing Person
The other day, a friend of mine told me, that his friend's cousin went missing. Just nearly 24 hours later, the family members had actually made a police report. They made a report to the police centre nearest to their house, and when asked where was the missing personnel last seen, the family members revealed somewhere else. Hearing this, the police centre mentioned to them that they have to report this missng personnel matter to the police centre over the area where she was last seen and not at this police centre.
I find this ridicously absurd. Never mind the trouble, but can anyone even imagine the frantic-ness and the worries the family had to face when someone dear to them went missing so suddenly? I didn't know what happen after that but i seriously hope she can be found.
I kept this thought, how can someone even went missing in Singapore? In such an island, it's not difficult to go missing, unless to a certain extent, they delibrately went missing or they met up with some mishap. But anyway, it's certainly not easy to find, if it is, Mas Selamat would have been found long ago.
Posters was up on the notice board of all MRT station. To a certain extent, it might helps, it might not even. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing someone so dearly to me out of the sudden for no reason. The set up of Crime Library (http://www.crime-library.org/) is intentionally to help source for such people and help as well. If anyone remember the case of 'Huang Na', it was a public involvement in fact, where she was eventually found.
Seriously, if someone went missing, and public involvement is there, i'm sure the chances of finding the person would be there. But there isn't much volunteers in Singapore to do that. Back in places like London, they have a special organisation just to search for missing people, but of course, it's a profession and they are paid to do so.
The chance of finding a missing person is only higher when the involvement and awareness goes higher. Here's one good story on how the involvement of public can helped solved a missing case but sadly, it's all ended up too late (http://www.asiaone.com/Digital/News/Story/A1Story20070523-8361.html ).
Let's hope these missing people will be found eventually, safe and sound. SPF did their part by having notices on their website specially for missing personnel. (http://www.spf.gov.sg/missingpersons/).
I find this ridicously absurd. Never mind the trouble, but can anyone even imagine the frantic-ness and the worries the family had to face when someone dear to them went missing so suddenly? I didn't know what happen after that but i seriously hope she can be found.
I kept this thought, how can someone even went missing in Singapore? In such an island, it's not difficult to go missing, unless to a certain extent, they delibrately went missing or they met up with some mishap. But anyway, it's certainly not easy to find, if it is, Mas Selamat would have been found long ago.
Posters was up on the notice board of all MRT station. To a certain extent, it might helps, it might not even. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing someone so dearly to me out of the sudden for no reason. The set up of Crime Library (http://www.crime-library.org/) is intentionally to help source for such people and help as well. If anyone remember the case of 'Huang Na', it was a public involvement in fact, where she was eventually found.
Seriously, if someone went missing, and public involvement is there, i'm sure the chances of finding the person would be there. But there isn't much volunteers in Singapore to do that. Back in places like London, they have a special organisation just to search for missing people, but of course, it's a profession and they are paid to do so.
The chance of finding a missing person is only higher when the involvement and awareness goes higher. Here's one good story on how the involvement of public can helped solved a missing case but sadly, it's all ended up too late (http://www.asiaone.com/Digital/News/Story/A1Story20070523-8361.html ).
Let's hope these missing people will be found eventually, safe and sound. SPF did their part by having notices on their website specially for missing personnel. (http://www.spf.gov.sg/missingpersons/).
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Paradoxes of our lives
- Today we have bigger house but smaller families
- We have fancier houses but more broken homes
- There are more incomes but also more divorces
- There are more convenience but lesser time
- We have more qualifications but lesser common sense surprisingly
- We have more knowledge but less judgement
- There are more experts but more problems
- There are more medicine but less wellness
- There are more food but less nutrition
- We multiply our posessions but reduced our values
- We added years to life but not life to years
- We spend more but have less
- We buy more but enjoy it lesser
- We learned to rush but never waited
- We have higher incomes but lesser morales
- We long on quantity but short on quality
We spend money too recklessly, laugh too ittle, drive too fast, get agitated too easily, stay up too late, talk too much, show too little and lie too often.
As we grew older, we tend to take alot of things for granted. We never knew the importance of something or even anything as time passes on. It's always when we are on the brink of losing it or when we loses it that we realise how important it is, which by then in most cases, is way too late.
It's really time that we have to remove our vocabulary of words like 'maybe', 'someday', 'perhaps', 'see first' off our dictionary. Every moments in life is precious and even if it's not special to you, it might be to someone else. Not even a second is deemed wasted, as long as we learn how to appreciates!
- We have fancier houses but more broken homes
- There are more incomes but also more divorces
- There are more convenience but lesser time
- We have more qualifications but lesser common sense surprisingly
- We have more knowledge but less judgement
- There are more experts but more problems
- There are more medicine but less wellness
- There are more food but less nutrition
- We multiply our posessions but reduced our values
- We added years to life but not life to years
- We spend more but have less
- We buy more but enjoy it lesser
- We learned to rush but never waited
- We have higher incomes but lesser morales
- We long on quantity but short on quality
We spend money too recklessly, laugh too ittle, drive too fast, get agitated too easily, stay up too late, talk too much, show too little and lie too often.
As we grew older, we tend to take alot of things for granted. We never knew the importance of something or even anything as time passes on. It's always when we are on the brink of losing it or when we loses it that we realise how important it is, which by then in most cases, is way too late.
It's really time that we have to remove our vocabulary of words like 'maybe', 'someday', 'perhaps', 'see first' off our dictionary. Every moments in life is precious and even if it's not special to you, it might be to someone else. Not even a second is deemed wasted, as long as we learn how to appreciates!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Death - Part and Parcel of Life
Although i'm not even close with him, but imagine someone whom you once acquainted. I never once had a deep impression on my acquaintances, but in this case, i tried hard to figure out who he is this time round, eventually i did. I merely worked with him briefly- during my 'good old days' of course. He's quiet, yet partial in some sense.
His departure came sudden. People sometimes feel, good people leave this world way too early. It's simply not because of that but it's more on how when good people left this world, their absence are felt. It's naturally important that you want to be missed when you leave this world, but at the same time, this naturally speaks for how much impact and impression you have left for that very person who misses you when you are still in this world.
For his loved ones, it's just a saddening news. Especially when he's someone who's so alive, at the peak of his life plus the fact that he's healthy, totally fit and healthy. I've faced so many leavings in my life so far, some, friends whom i hit off quite well with as well but i guess it's all part and parcel of life. I can still remembered a news which i read about and further elaborated by my mum which follows:-
A guy, probably around the same age as me, lost his job. Somehow, for some reason, he and his dad had a small little confrontation. In a heated moment, they quarelled and argued. On impulse, the son went back to his room, locked the door. Moments later, his dad tried to ask to ask him out, then...no answer. Worried, the parents tried to pryed open the door, they couldn't. By then, their worry worsen and soon called the Civil Defence to help. Sadly by then, the son had already jumped off the flat from his window and died instantly. His dad rushed down only to see his son's bloodied body and continously blamed himself. Too upset, he went back to the exact same floor, same room and jumped down as well. In the end, two people died - the father and son, leaving the pitiful mother alone to endure all these pain that she shouldn't have. Now let's imagine the pain someone would have experience because of the leaving of their loved ones.
It's not difficult to understand these pain. And certainly for some, it will take years to heal the entire trauma of losing someone you love. I often imagine what would happen to me, should my mum leaves me one day. That will be the saddest thing that WILL happen to me, for if it happens, i will not know how my life's going to be. It's always important to cherish your loved ones, your friends, to treat them with love and respect, of course, to only those who deservingly deserves it, for nobody knows when will god decided to take them away from you..
Lastly, R.I.P Sgt Ang.
His departure came sudden. People sometimes feel, good people leave this world way too early. It's simply not because of that but it's more on how when good people left this world, their absence are felt. It's naturally important that you want to be missed when you leave this world, but at the same time, this naturally speaks for how much impact and impression you have left for that very person who misses you when you are still in this world.
For his loved ones, it's just a saddening news. Especially when he's someone who's so alive, at the peak of his life plus the fact that he's healthy, totally fit and healthy. I've faced so many leavings in my life so far, some, friends whom i hit off quite well with as well but i guess it's all part and parcel of life. I can still remembered a news which i read about and further elaborated by my mum which follows:-
A guy, probably around the same age as me, lost his job. Somehow, for some reason, he and his dad had a small little confrontation. In a heated moment, they quarelled and argued. On impulse, the son went back to his room, locked the door. Moments later, his dad tried to ask to ask him out, then...no answer. Worried, the parents tried to pryed open the door, they couldn't. By then, their worry worsen and soon called the Civil Defence to help. Sadly by then, the son had already jumped off the flat from his window and died instantly. His dad rushed down only to see his son's bloodied body and continously blamed himself. Too upset, he went back to the exact same floor, same room and jumped down as well. In the end, two people died - the father and son, leaving the pitiful mother alone to endure all these pain that she shouldn't have. Now let's imagine the pain someone would have experience because of the leaving of their loved ones.
It's not difficult to understand these pain. And certainly for some, it will take years to heal the entire trauma of losing someone you love. I often imagine what would happen to me, should my mum leaves me one day. That will be the saddest thing that WILL happen to me, for if it happens, i will not know how my life's going to be. It's always important to cherish your loved ones, your friends, to treat them with love and respect, of course, to only those who deservingly deserves it, for nobody knows when will god decided to take them away from you..
Lastly, R.I.P Sgt Ang.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Buy what you need, save what you don't.
I wanted to use the word 'stingy' but i think it's not that serious. Ever since my love more than half a year ago, i thought my finance will be better managed(afterall, r/s does requires money, from all the dating etc). Initial months after since seems to be alright, but as times pass, i find myself always almost broke. Apart from the monthly payment of my school fees, the amount of money i'm left can actually tide me sufficiently through the rest of the month. But i realised, i have no savings. YET, i'm spending all that i've earned, which is seriously bad and bad enough.
The appropriate word now should be FRUGAL. I need to be frugal. Not because so that i can see some digits in my bank account, but because it's high time i plan for my future, be it whether it's for my future marriage or not. My bank account hit dangerously low not too long ago, and it hit me so hard. I 'woke up' temporarily. I nearly spend more than i earn, which is ridicouslously pathetic. Saving up is basically for the rainy days. Be it whether you are saving for the future life, saving for emergency or saving to replace something in your life, it's relatively important but yet difficult to save.
BUT BUT BUT, i realised i have to. I told myself for one final time. I got to be frugal, if not, i'll regret in future. From now on, I'll cut down on the unnecessaries.
Seriously, many aren't understanding the real meaning of money. More often that not, we are 'giving away' unnecessary money. Take for example, now tell me, who really use Caller-ID on your mobile? I can give one whole list of some of the unnecessary money some people are 'giving away', with some including me myself.
- Laziness is the big offender here. I've got some example. For example, if you're at home and your house phone is far away from you whereas your mobile is just beside you, some would simply just dial the numbers on their mobile and happily make that chargeable call away.
- For convenience sake, credit card was born. But it's one of the world most evil invention. It sucked money blindly, mostly to the 'cannot control spending' and 'forgot to pay bills' people.
- Impatience is another factor. We rush into buying things, and regret at a later stage. Thankfully, shops like cash converter is always there but then again, it's one of the dumbest way to part your 'money' this way.
- Indulgence is another culprit. It cause the craves in you. Common perception: Dining in coffeeshop is hot, whereas dining in restaurant is cooler. But let's be serious, that few minutes of heat won't kill, in fact, it helps in digestion, i presume. Indulging is a bonus in life, not a routine, that's why it cost.
- Bring your own water bottle out. This is one of the worse fact. Every single outlet in town sell drinks 2-100XX times more expensive than the cost of it. Imagine quenching your thirst from your own water bottle for at least 1/3 of your day, should you are out for the whole day. It's a good advice here in fact. Imagine how much money you can save.
The only time i thought Singaporeans are best at when it comes to savings is in fact also not legally known - downloading. Buying DVDs, watching movie at the theaters, buying an album ALL cost alot more as compared to you turning on your internet connection and computer for hours to download what you wanted at one game. Abit time consuming but definitely cost saving.
I've learnt so much which i didn't know before, until it hit me hard a few days ago that i actually thought it through and through. So in the end, it's only down to a simple sentence - Buy what you need, save what you don't.
The appropriate word now should be FRUGAL. I need to be frugal. Not because so that i can see some digits in my bank account, but because it's high time i plan for my future, be it whether it's for my future marriage or not. My bank account hit dangerously low not too long ago, and it hit me so hard. I 'woke up' temporarily. I nearly spend more than i earn, which is ridicouslously pathetic. Saving up is basically for the rainy days. Be it whether you are saving for the future life, saving for emergency or saving to replace something in your life, it's relatively important but yet difficult to save.
BUT BUT BUT, i realised i have to. I told myself for one final time. I got to be frugal, if not, i'll regret in future. From now on, I'll cut down on the unnecessaries.
Seriously, many aren't understanding the real meaning of money. More often that not, we are 'giving away' unnecessary money. Take for example, now tell me, who really use Caller-ID on your mobile? I can give one whole list of some of the unnecessary money some people are 'giving away', with some including me myself.
- Laziness is the big offender here. I've got some example. For example, if you're at home and your house phone is far away from you whereas your mobile is just beside you, some would simply just dial the numbers on their mobile and happily make that chargeable call away.
- For convenience sake, credit card was born. But it's one of the world most evil invention. It sucked money blindly, mostly to the 'cannot control spending' and 'forgot to pay bills' people.
- Impatience is another factor. We rush into buying things, and regret at a later stage. Thankfully, shops like cash converter is always there but then again, it's one of the dumbest way to part your 'money' this way.
- Indulgence is another culprit. It cause the craves in you. Common perception: Dining in coffeeshop is hot, whereas dining in restaurant is cooler. But let's be serious, that few minutes of heat won't kill, in fact, it helps in digestion, i presume. Indulging is a bonus in life, not a routine, that's why it cost.
- Bring your own water bottle out. This is one of the worse fact. Every single outlet in town sell drinks 2-100XX times more expensive than the cost of it. Imagine quenching your thirst from your own water bottle for at least 1/3 of your day, should you are out for the whole day. It's a good advice here in fact. Imagine how much money you can save.
The only time i thought Singaporeans are best at when it comes to savings is in fact also not legally known - downloading. Buying DVDs, watching movie at the theaters, buying an album ALL cost alot more as compared to you turning on your internet connection and computer for hours to download what you wanted at one game. Abit time consuming but definitely cost saving.
I've learnt so much which i didn't know before, until it hit me hard a few days ago that i actually thought it through and through. So in the end, it's only down to a simple sentence - Buy what you need, save what you don't.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Messy Life
So busy @ work, but i just need a break. A break away from anything that's making me so stressed up. Coming back from Genting, i came back shagged, not feeling any relaxed. However, the trip was fun in a way. But upon reaching back to Singapore, it's back to reality, back to work, school, studies, boredom and so much more. I had a great weekend to make up. Movies, Ktv, Singapore Food Expo and not forgetting my new PS3.
I've delayed the posting of my holidays for weeks and i doubt still i will post them up anytime soon. Tons of photos are making me more confused than ever. I'm still planning for more trips - Cruises in August and probably Taiwan in September. Not to forget i'm intending to go on another backpack trip to end this year with a high note....
Before all that, i need to sort my messy life. My room's messy, my work desk is messy, my school notes and books are all over, my desktop's messy...basically my whole life is in a mess...i need help..
I've delayed the posting of my holidays for weeks and i doubt still i will post them up anytime soon. Tons of photos are making me more confused than ever. I'm still planning for more trips - Cruises in August and probably Taiwan in September. Not to forget i'm intending to go on another backpack trip to end this year with a high note....
Before all that, i need to sort my messy life. My room's messy, my work desk is messy, my school notes and books are all over, my desktop's messy...basically my whole life is in a mess...i need help..
Monday, May 18, 2009
Random
At last, i played soccer again, on Friday. Went home with a bloodied toe, with toe nails cracked. I need a new soccer shoes. The ones that SAF gave sucks. It doesn't even protect. I can't count the number of times SAF personnel were injured to the these shoes they wore during my span of 2 year service in Army. But, like what my friend had said, some soccer shoes looked so nice that you don't even bear to wear it to play soccer. No choice, i have to, if i ever want to play soccer without any pain.
Went for Sis 21st party. I almost 'painted' myself black and white to suit the theme 'black and white'. Her birthday party reminds me how i celebrated mine 3 years ago. I have the urge to make one small little birthday party again this year. But then again, it's a headache planning it, i might just be too lazy again to do anything.
Lost @ Mahjong again. This year, i'm Santa Claus whole year round. I've been losing whole year and it's almost half a year now. I'm practically giving money all the time. Is it just pure unlucky or am i too lousy for this game?
I can't wait for my Playstation 3 to come. Watching those youtube videos, those high resolutions print-screen and shots players took which i found online, looking at those reviews of those exciting game, i really really can't wait for my PS3 to come. Brought my friend to this particular shop in AMK Hub. He bought some of the nicest game ever and of course, Street fighter 4. A classic game. To play this game, a joystick is definitely required. And to think that the joystick the shop sold to be exactly as the ones from the arcade actually cost $300++. Gosh, my friend bought a equally decent joystick and it costs only $29. Huge difference in price, but playing wise, probably, a little bit different only. I can't wait for it to come. Probably then, i'll be spending everyday at home playing my games rather than going out, come to think of it, i can save money on it. But only to spend it away on games.....boohooo
Went for Sis 21st party. I almost 'painted' myself black and white to suit the theme 'black and white'. Her birthday party reminds me how i celebrated mine 3 years ago. I have the urge to make one small little birthday party again this year. But then again, it's a headache planning it, i might just be too lazy again to do anything.
Lost @ Mahjong again. This year, i'm Santa Claus whole year round. I've been losing whole year and it's almost half a year now. I'm practically giving money all the time. Is it just pure unlucky or am i too lousy for this game?
I can't wait for my Playstation 3 to come. Watching those youtube videos, those high resolutions print-screen and shots players took which i found online, looking at those reviews of those exciting game, i really really can't wait for my PS3 to come. Brought my friend to this particular shop in AMK Hub. He bought some of the nicest game ever and of course, Street fighter 4. A classic game. To play this game, a joystick is definitely required. And to think that the joystick the shop sold to be exactly as the ones from the arcade actually cost $300++. Gosh, my friend bought a equally decent joystick and it costs only $29. Huge difference in price, but playing wise, probably, a little bit different only. I can't wait for it to come. Probably then, i'll be spending everyday at home playing my games rather than going out, come to think of it, i can save money on it. But only to spend it away on games.....boohooo
Sunday, May 17, 2009
6 Months of Uncertainty
It's been 6 months. I never thought i would come this far, feeling and being how i am now. It's never easy, even up till now, or rather, should i say, especially now. Humans make mistakes, and yet some mistakes, to me at the very least, are unpardonable. Not because there's no room for forgiveness, but because of how this mistake can be kept at its minimum but wasn't chosen to.
First 2 months were especially tough, much tougher and harder than i thought. I disappointed everyone who cared, even myself ultimately. Whilst among all these, i became more paranoid. I became slightly useless in that sense. Some advices falls upon deaf eyes, i chose not to ignore certain facts and continue dwelling on the unnecessaries.
I used to dread weekends because i didn't want to be alone. I used to dread finishing my work for the day because i dread going back home. It's like going back to somewhere where there will be memories haunting me. It's not as though all my friends didn't care, it's simply because i couldn't bring myself to do anything because my heart and mind didn't allow me to, other than that very something. Minutes feels like years.
Slowly, it heals, very gently, unknowingly, through umpteens time of 'wake up calls'. I gained back the weight i lost, at a slow rate. I regained my confidence gradually. Though my stand still stays. Feelings fades but it's fading at the slowest rate possible and ever. Ultimately, i ensured i didn't do anything stupid or silly.
Most people assumed i've moved on. To a certain extent, i did. A scar is always a scar, no matter how long it took, it will never heal completely. Now, the scar is still there, still bleeding occasionally. Probably, it would have healed even faster, had i not reacted the way i shouldn't on some occasions. But i told myself, if i've been through worst, what's could have happen?
Once bitten twice shy. Never again will i allow myself to be hurt the way i was hurt exactly half a year ago. Amused and confused, i pondered upon the recent messages i've been receiving. It goes on a story like this.
She had always like eating Fishball Noodles ever since she was young, but one day, a new stall opened beside the Fishball Noodles, selling Prawn Noodles. She hestitated. Despite having eaten Fishball Noodles for years, she was tempted to eat Prawn Noodles for a change, just because she though Prawn Noodles would definitely taste nicer than Fishball Noodles. In the end, she really did. She had a change and she thought she made the right choice. Months passed, one say, she got tired of Prawn Noodles, and wanted to go back to Fishball Noodles....
The story hasn't end... Like they say, 好马不吃回头草. My heart says yes, but i realised one important fact, which was contradictory, being said to me, love alone isn't enough to sustain everything, not even relationship. Which is why, even if two persons still love and care for each other, there can be tons of many others reasons why they just can't be together.
For now, it's all about taking a step at a time. I feel being single has its own advantage, even though it feels good to be attached, to be able to love and be loved. At this point of time, i realised i love myself more and i thought i should have done so more often in the past. Although my stand of staying single is there, but i still wish to fulfill my dream of having a family of my own in future. I'll just wait for cupid to serve me my fate and when it comes knocking, probably, that shall be one of the happiest day of my life. Till then, i'll lead my life normally, where i believe, i'll continue to heal and recover from those unwanted memories.
First 2 months were especially tough, much tougher and harder than i thought. I disappointed everyone who cared, even myself ultimately. Whilst among all these, i became more paranoid. I became slightly useless in that sense. Some advices falls upon deaf eyes, i chose not to ignore certain facts and continue dwelling on the unnecessaries.
I used to dread weekends because i didn't want to be alone. I used to dread finishing my work for the day because i dread going back home. It's like going back to somewhere where there will be memories haunting me. It's not as though all my friends didn't care, it's simply because i couldn't bring myself to do anything because my heart and mind didn't allow me to, other than that very something. Minutes feels like years.
Slowly, it heals, very gently, unknowingly, through umpteens time of 'wake up calls'. I gained back the weight i lost, at a slow rate. I regained my confidence gradually. Though my stand still stays. Feelings fades but it's fading at the slowest rate possible and ever. Ultimately, i ensured i didn't do anything stupid or silly.
Most people assumed i've moved on. To a certain extent, i did. A scar is always a scar, no matter how long it took, it will never heal completely. Now, the scar is still there, still bleeding occasionally. Probably, it would have healed even faster, had i not reacted the way i shouldn't on some occasions. But i told myself, if i've been through worst, what's could have happen?
Once bitten twice shy. Never again will i allow myself to be hurt the way i was hurt exactly half a year ago. Amused and confused, i pondered upon the recent messages i've been receiving. It goes on a story like this.
She had always like eating Fishball Noodles ever since she was young, but one day, a new stall opened beside the Fishball Noodles, selling Prawn Noodles. She hestitated. Despite having eaten Fishball Noodles for years, she was tempted to eat Prawn Noodles for a change, just because she though Prawn Noodles would definitely taste nicer than Fishball Noodles. In the end, she really did. She had a change and she thought she made the right choice. Months passed, one say, she got tired of Prawn Noodles, and wanted to go back to Fishball Noodles....
The story hasn't end... Like they say, 好马不吃回头草. My heart says yes, but i realised one important fact, which was contradictory, being said to me, love alone isn't enough to sustain everything, not even relationship. Which is why, even if two persons still love and care for each other, there can be tons of many others reasons why they just can't be together.
For now, it's all about taking a step at a time. I feel being single has its own advantage, even though it feels good to be attached, to be able to love and be loved. At this point of time, i realised i love myself more and i thought i should have done so more often in the past. Although my stand of staying single is there, but i still wish to fulfill my dream of having a family of my own in future. I'll just wait for cupid to serve me my fate and when it comes knocking, probably, that shall be one of the happiest day of my life. Till then, i'll lead my life normally, where i believe, i'll continue to heal and recover from those unwanted memories.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Happy Mothers Day
Actual Mother's Day celebration had to be postpone as poor little brother had to book in early for the day. However, i did a little on my part just to ensure my mother did enjoy this special day. Initial plans of whipping up a nice meal for her was cancelled. Mum is always mum. She couldn't bear to wake me up from my sweetest dream and went market without me. By the time i really woke up, the sun was shining bright.
I made it up for her by doing some errands on my own. Bought all her favourite food i can buy, plus a cake for her. She only love and only eat that cake - Bengawan Solo Pandan Coconut Cake. The actual celebration will be in a few weeks time, whereby i'll bring her together with my bro to movies. The last time i watched movies with my mother, is probably more than a decade ago. She's excited with it, plus a nice japanese meal, she will probably be the happiest mother on earth.
Seriously, everyday can be Mother's day. She yearns for me to be at home most of the time, but i seem to be always the opposite. I became so extrovert after being 'trained' by my dad. My mum always attribute my extroversion to my dad. My dad never likes staying at home. He can go out several times a day on days he doesn't have to work. Since young he never liked me and my brother staying at home, because he think that guys should be out there instead of cooping up like a girl at home. I used to be utterly homely, and especially introvert. But the nagging finally got into me and i became what my dad likes and what my mum dislikes.
On and off, i appreciate and regret the fact that i didn't spend enough time at home with mum. I tell myself to spend more time at home, and lesser time outside. So at least few times a week, i'll dine dinner at home, even though if i'm going out, i'll do it after dinner. At my age, it's probably an age whereby my mum shouldn't worry about me so much, neither do i want her to be. But mothers are always mothers, no matter how old you are, you're always a kid. In her eyes, i'm always her boy.
I'll never forget her smallest action which shown the greatest love, giving me the greatest impact of my life. She's a perfect mother in my eyes. The fact that i can grown to this age, i'm thankful to her. When i'm scared, only she's there. When i'm sad, only she's there. When i'm down, only she's there. When i'm sick, only she's there. When i'm happy, she's also there. Nothing i do is comparable to the love she gave and i appreciate that. On the other hand, i make sure that stupid brother of mine appreciate that as well because he never seem to understand and know who really brought him to this world, giving him the care and love he needs when growing up.
But in any case, Happy Mother's Day to mummy...
I made it up for her by doing some errands on my own. Bought all her favourite food i can buy, plus a cake for her. She only love and only eat that cake - Bengawan Solo Pandan Coconut Cake. The actual celebration will be in a few weeks time, whereby i'll bring her together with my bro to movies. The last time i watched movies with my mother, is probably more than a decade ago. She's excited with it, plus a nice japanese meal, she will probably be the happiest mother on earth.
Seriously, everyday can be Mother's day. She yearns for me to be at home most of the time, but i seem to be always the opposite. I became so extrovert after being 'trained' by my dad. My mum always attribute my extroversion to my dad. My dad never likes staying at home. He can go out several times a day on days he doesn't have to work. Since young he never liked me and my brother staying at home, because he think that guys should be out there instead of cooping up like a girl at home. I used to be utterly homely, and especially introvert. But the nagging finally got into me and i became what my dad likes and what my mum dislikes.
On and off, i appreciate and regret the fact that i didn't spend enough time at home with mum. I tell myself to spend more time at home, and lesser time outside. So at least few times a week, i'll dine dinner at home, even though if i'm going out, i'll do it after dinner. At my age, it's probably an age whereby my mum shouldn't worry about me so much, neither do i want her to be. But mothers are always mothers, no matter how old you are, you're always a kid. In her eyes, i'm always her boy.
I'll never forget her smallest action which shown the greatest love, giving me the greatest impact of my life. She's a perfect mother in my eyes. The fact that i can grown to this age, i'm thankful to her. When i'm scared, only she's there. When i'm sad, only she's there. When i'm down, only she's there. When i'm sick, only she's there. When i'm happy, she's also there. Nothing i do is comparable to the love she gave and i appreciate that. On the other hand, i make sure that stupid brother of mine appreciate that as well because he never seem to understand and know who really brought him to this world, giving him the care and love he needs when growing up.
But in any case, Happy Mother's Day to mummy...
Friday, May 08, 2009
Random
Results's out. I must say i should be thankful for the results i've got. Although i didn't pin high hopes, but definitely, i'm slightly disappointed, especially with one particular module. However, all in all, i considered myself lucky to be able to get through this monstrous trimester, but little ease. My decision to drop one module hopefully will serve me well enough.
I haven't been blogging about this but definitely, something to be happy about. Man Utd is still on route for Treble this year, in addition to the Charity Shield and World Cup Championship, that would be a fruitful 5 trophies this season, simple wonderful. Getting into the finals by thrashing Arsenal. Vying for a final pole first position against Liverpool with a great advantage, i'll see no reason how Man Utd could end up with none of the two. Man Utd fans, let's cheer for them...
I haven't been blogging about this but definitely, something to be happy about. Man Utd is still on route for Treble this year, in addition to the Charity Shield and World Cup Championship, that would be a fruitful 5 trophies this season, simple wonderful. Getting into the finals by thrashing Arsenal. Vying for a final pole first position against Liverpool with a great advantage, i'll see no reason how Man Utd could end up with none of the two. Man Utd fans, let's cheer for them...
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Happy 21st Birthday 妹妹！
-Dedicated to Mei Mei-
One person i wanted to wish - Happy Birthday Sis. Definitely not someone i would forget. A pity i was away in Ho Chi Minh. But i'm glad i can meet you over two occasions. Several birthdays had passed ever since i've known and this must be one of the most important one as it marks a special milestone for you. I had mine 3 years ago and i'm glad you're part of it. 3 years later, it's your turn and i'm glad i'm a part of it as well.
21 is never an easy age. But it also spells a different route, something you would love embarking on. Hope you had the best birthday in your life and more to come of course. Happy Birthday once again and May All Your Wishes Come True.....生日快乐！
One person i wanted to wish - Happy Birthday Sis. Definitely not someone i would forget. A pity i was away in Ho Chi Minh. But i'm glad i can meet you over two occasions. Several birthdays had passed ever since i've known and this must be one of the most important one as it marks a special milestone for you. I had mine 3 years ago and i'm glad you're part of it. 3 years later, it's your turn and i'm glad i'm a part of it as well.
21 is never an easy age. But it also spells a different route, something you would love embarking on. Hope you had the best birthday in your life and more to come of course. Happy Birthday once again and May All Your Wishes Come True.....生日快乐！
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Random
Back from Ho Chi Minh. Been to 2 countries within the span of weeks, totally different experience. To Mauritius, it was my first time travelling far east from Singapore whereas to Ho Chi Minh, it was my first time backpacking. I'll be a good boy staying at home this Sunday and uploads those photos, sharing some of the little drops of experience i got as well as the funny tips and incidents i chanced upon for these two trips. I truly enjoyed travelling and i'm sure i'll travel more often in time to come.
Work today was a total hell. I shan't go much into it, probably i think i know what i want and what i should do. It hasn't been smooth sailing at work. Much attibuted to the suddenl state of 'not knowing what to do'. Things taught to me seems useless, things not taught to me seems essential, causing lots of hell up nonsense.
Missed KTV, miss hanging out with friends which seem ever so difficult with each and everyone's own commitment, miss my guitar playing, miss so much things, yet so little time. I wished i'm a retiree sometimes, but probably, i'll be just glad to live till that status. But even till then, probably, i wish i had fulfilled much of what i've wanted by the time i reach that particular status.
Lastly, i finally owned Pudding.
Work today was a total hell. I shan't go much into it, probably i think i know what i want and what i should do. It hasn't been smooth sailing at work. Much attibuted to the suddenl state of 'not knowing what to do'. Things taught to me seems useless, things not taught to me seems essential, causing lots of hell up nonsense.
Missed KTV, miss hanging out with friends which seem ever so difficult with each and everyone's own commitment, miss my guitar playing, miss so much things, yet so little time. I wished i'm a retiree sometimes, but probably, i'll be just glad to live till that status. But even till then, probably, i wish i had fulfilled much of what i've wanted by the time i reach that particular status.
Lastly, i finally owned Pudding.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
五月天 - 溫柔(還你自由版)
我特别喜欢这首歌。它的歌词牵动了我的心。而且，当我看到这首歌的MV时，我不知不觉地落下几滴眼泪。我觉得这支MV完完全全捕抓到了歌词的含义，在加上歌曲的曲风，对我而言，简直就是一首非常感人的歌。
走在風中 今天陽光 突然好溫柔
天的溫柔 地的溫柔 像你抱著我
然後發現 你的改變 孤單的今後
如果冷 該怎麼渡過
天邊風光 身邊的我 都在你眼中
你的眼中 藏著什麼 我從來都不懂
沒有關係 你的世界 就讓你擁有
不打擾 是我的溫柔
不知道 不明瞭 不想要 為什麼 我的心
明明是想靠近 卻孤單的黎明
不知道 不明瞭 不想要 為什麼 我的心
那愛情的綺麗 總是在孤單裡 再把我的最好的愛給你
不知不覺 不情不願 又到巷子口
我沒有哭 也沒有笑 因為這是夢
沒有預兆 沒有理由 你真的有說過
如果有 就讓你自由
這是我的溫柔
嘿 我給你自由
我給你自由
我給你自由
我給你自由
我給你全部全部全部 全部自由
喔~
喔~
喔~
這是我的溫柔 這是我的溫柔
還你一個自由 還你一個自由
喔~
不知道不明瞭不想要為什麼 我的心
那愛情的綺麗
總是在孤單裡
再把我的最好的愛給你
不知不覺不情不願 又到巷子口
我沒有哭也沒有笑 因為這是夢
沒有預兆沒有理由你真的有說過
如果有 就讓你...
自由...自由...
這是我的溫柔...
這是我的溫柔...
這是我的溫柔...
這是我的...溫柔...
就讓你自由
喔~
喔~
Random
Everyone's talking about it, even though it hasn't really affect Singapore or rather 'yet' i suppose since WHO raises the alert level to five this morning. However, business in my company is badly affected. The rumours and speculations came true yesterday evening when big boss announced the future plans and the possible measures that MIGHT be taken.
I don't feel easy. In fact, it's uncomfortable. Times are bad enough, given the surprise appearance of Swine flu, the future of this industry seems dim. I've been receiving calls on checking about where and how Swine flu are affecting certain travel destinations. Some funnier customers even ask would i know when the Swine flu will stop. It was made as though i'm the one spreading the Swine flu. But frankly speaking, this Swine flu seems much more dangerous than SARS. It's not only more contagious, it can make an affected person infectious even before his or her symtoms appear. But nevertheless, we all pray that it won't be as worse as the Spanish flu which happens in 1918 that killed tons of people. Travelling seems more dangerous now. That makes my job stability even worse. More about Swine Flu can be found in this website. (http://www.crisis.gov.sg/flu/).
It's hard juggling between school and work and for that fact, i've duly decided to drop one module. Unwillingly, i had to conform to the fact that those classmates of mine who's intending to drop are dropping module which i very much wanted to take. But then again, i'll see how things goes come 8 May when my results is released. I had actually wanted to change my course/school upon someone's reccomendation and i almost did. Much after much consideration, i decided to stay. But i wonder sometimes, it's so hard to communicate with some of my classmates. Never mind that i had to single-handedly do a group project for one of the module previously, probably with the help of one of the group members only.
Sometimes, i was wondering. Probably it's the personality. I can talk just about anything under the sun to some people, but towards some, it's so difficult to find a topic or conversing that him or her. No blaming them of course. Probably, it's something i learnt that human tend to have selective exposure - they only feel comfortable towards certain personality of people. I feel like giving up already.
I don't feel easy. In fact, it's uncomfortable. Times are bad enough, given the surprise appearance of Swine flu, the future of this industry seems dim. I've been receiving calls on checking about where and how Swine flu are affecting certain travel destinations. Some funnier customers even ask would i know when the Swine flu will stop. It was made as though i'm the one spreading the Swine flu. But frankly speaking, this Swine flu seems much more dangerous than SARS. It's not only more contagious, it can make an affected person infectious even before his or her symtoms appear. But nevertheless, we all pray that it won't be as worse as the Spanish flu which happens in 1918 that killed tons of people. Travelling seems more dangerous now. That makes my job stability even worse. More about Swine Flu can be found in this website. (http://www.crisis.gov.sg/flu/).
It's hard juggling between school and work and for that fact, i've duly decided to drop one module. Unwillingly, i had to conform to the fact that those classmates of mine who's intending to drop are dropping module which i very much wanted to take. But then again, i'll see how things goes come 8 May when my results is released. I had actually wanted to change my course/school upon someone's reccomendation and i almost did. Much after much consideration, i decided to stay. But i wonder sometimes, it's so hard to communicate with some of my classmates. Never mind that i had to single-handedly do a group project for one of the module previously, probably with the help of one of the group members only.
Sometimes, i was wondering. Probably it's the personality. I can talk just about anything under the sun to some people, but towards some, it's so difficult to find a topic or conversing that him or her. No blaming them of course. Probably, it's something i learnt that human tend to have selective exposure - they only feel comfortable towards certain personality of people. I feel like giving up already.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Easy vs Difficult
Life's full of ups and downs. It's hard to find a balance in between. Certain things that are within our control, it is usually deemed easy. However, those that are not within our limit or means, it can cause lots of turmoil. Chanced upon this meaningful phrases that i would like to share.
- Easy to occupy an entry in the telephone directory, Difficult to occupy the heart of someone.
- Easy to judge the errors of others, Difficult to regconise own errors.
- Easy to hurt those whom we care or love, Difficult to heal those wounds.
- Easy to forgive others, Difficult to ask for forgiveness.
- Easy to exhibit victory, Difficult to accept defeat with dignity.
- Easy to day dream, Difficult to fight for a dream.
- Easy to say we love and care, Difficult to demostrate it.
- Easy to critisize others, Difficult to improve or perfect ourselves.
- Easy to think of improving, Difficult to stop thinking and doing it.
- Easy to receive, Difficult to give.
- Easy to occupy an entry in the telephone directory, Difficult to occupy the heart of someone.
- Easy to judge the errors of others, Difficult to regconise own errors.
- Easy to hurt those whom we care or love, Difficult to heal those wounds.
- Easy to forgive others, Difficult to ask for forgiveness.
- Easy to exhibit victory, Difficult to accept defeat with dignity.
- Easy to day dream, Difficult to fight for a dream.
- Easy to say we love and care, Difficult to demostrate it.
- Easy to critisize others, Difficult to improve or perfect ourselves.
- Easy to think of improving, Difficult to stop thinking and doing it.
- Easy to receive, Difficult to give.
Monday, April 27, 2009
[Monday Blues Killer] The Shoe Box
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
Saturday, April 25, 2009
周杰倫 - 阳光宅男
我开始爱上了这首由周杰倫所唱的歌。轻快而又开朗的一首歌。只想跟大家分享。
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钥匙挂腰带皮夹插后面口袋
黑框的眼镜有几千度来海边穿西装裤
他不在乎我却想哭
有点无助他的样子像刚出土的文物
他烤肉竟然会自带水壶
写信时用浆糊
走起路一不注意就撞树
我不想输就算辛苦
我也要等我也不能让你再走寻常路
我决定插手你的人生
当你的时尚顾问别说你不能
让我们乘着阳光
海上冲浪吸引她目光
不要怕露出胸膛
流一点汗你成了型男
让我们乘着阳光
看着远方别当路人甲
让美女缺氧
靠在你肩膀
我微笑在你旁边撑伞
喔对了对女生用心疼
约会要等讲笑话不能闷
别太冷像我一样就刚好
对爱的人接吻要深
拥抱要真
来电显示给个甜蜜的昵称
穿着要个性
这只是刚刚入门
接下来你还要会弹琴会写歌会双截棍
头脑清楚不能迷糊
我要将你彻底改造基因重组大变身
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钥匙挂腰带皮夹插后面口袋
黑框的眼镜有几千度来海边穿西装裤
他不在乎我却想哭
有点无助他的样子像刚出土的文物
他烤肉竟然会自带水壶
写信时用浆糊
走起路一不注意就撞树
我不想输就算辛苦
我也要等我也不能让你再走寻常路
我决定插手你的人生
当你的时尚顾问别说你不能
让我们乘着阳光
海上冲浪吸引她目光
不要怕露出胸膛
流一点汗你成了型男
让我们乘着阳光
看着远方别当路人甲
让美女缺氧
靠在你肩膀
我微笑在你旁边撑伞
喔对了对女生用心疼
约会要等讲笑话不能闷
别太冷像我一样就刚好
对爱的人接吻要深
拥抱要真
来电显示给个甜蜜的昵称
穿着要个性
这只是刚刚入门
接下来你还要会弹琴会写歌会双截棍
头脑清楚不能迷糊
我要将你彻底改造基因重组大变身
Friday, April 24, 2009
At Last
A tough week. A busy one as well. I realised how much i have integrated into my lifestyle ever since i'm single. I caught up with the hobbies and interests i used to do. I started playing my guitars again. I missed those days whereby i would jam. I definitely had the strongest urge to buy the amplifier that i have been talking about donkey years ago. Maybe, this Sunday.
Movies. I have been missing all my favourite movies on screen. I've only caught one movie after i'm back from paradise. Fast and Furious 4. Nice experience, nice car, nice companion and of course, nice movie.
Last exam paper ended yesterday. We had a few drinks after the exam. The feeling was great. It's feels good to be away from work and back to studies and mugging, feels like a student again. I really missed those days when i'm still a student, nothing to worry. Carefree and fun. Probably, i didn't make the most out of it, that is why, i can only recall those memories. Teachers and parents like always lecture us on how good it is to be a student rather than out there working and earning a living. It never came to my mind the real meaning of what they said, because to me, i was purely wondering, how tough working life can be. Now that i'm both working and studying, i've seen both sides of the world, and if not more. Even in this trade, travelling around gets me more exposure and see certain things in different light. I'll never forget the stories i heard when i'm overseas. I'll never forget the poor along the street in the city of Toyko whereby people perceived it as rich and developed. I'll never forget the meaning of a Mauritian on how they value the fact of 'you reap what you sow'. Having said that, i aspire to travel overseas to experience and learn more. I ever tried asking will i be doing this all alone but i went on to realise that experiencing such a thing with a companion would be a more fruitful journey. So many countries i want to visit. Hopefully, there comes a day i truely understand certain life issues.
However, given my workload and heavy school work, I'm considering dropping one module just because there's simply too much for me to handle, at the same time, i felt i had a strong dependence on keeping myself occupied. Somehow, i have no idea why.
I'm counting down to my next trip to Ho Chi Minh..after the guys exam is over, probably, we will meet up more and have more fun...can't wait for May to come, seriously...
Movies. I have been missing all my favourite movies on screen. I've only caught one movie after i'm back from paradise. Fast and Furious 4. Nice experience, nice car, nice companion and of course, nice movie.
Last exam paper ended yesterday. We had a few drinks after the exam. The feeling was great. It's feels good to be away from work and back to studies and mugging, feels like a student again. I really missed those days when i'm still a student, nothing to worry. Carefree and fun. Probably, i didn't make the most out of it, that is why, i can only recall those memories. Teachers and parents like always lecture us on how good it is to be a student rather than out there working and earning a living. It never came to my mind the real meaning of what they said, because to me, i was purely wondering, how tough working life can be. Now that i'm both working and studying, i've seen both sides of the world, and if not more. Even in this trade, travelling around gets me more exposure and see certain things in different light. I'll never forget the stories i heard when i'm overseas. I'll never forget the poor along the street in the city of Toyko whereby people perceived it as rich and developed. I'll never forget the meaning of a Mauritian on how they value the fact of 'you reap what you sow'. Having said that, i aspire to travel overseas to experience and learn more. I ever tried asking will i be doing this all alone but i went on to realise that experiencing such a thing with a companion would be a more fruitful journey. So many countries i want to visit. Hopefully, there comes a day i truely understand certain life issues.
However, given my workload and heavy school work, I'm considering dropping one module just because there's simply too much for me to handle, at the same time, i felt i had a strong dependence on keeping myself occupied. Somehow, i have no idea why.
I'm counting down to my next trip to Ho Chi Minh..after the guys exam is over, probably, we will meet up more and have more fun...can't wait for May to come, seriously...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
你不是我的历史，因为你现在什么都不是。
One day before my exam, a surprise came. Timing was nice. Just when i'm wits out with me stressing all over my exams. I didn't feel sad or whatsoever, purely and merely pissed. Literally, i could strangle if that very person were to appear in front of me.
I don't know where i got all the courage in the world to do what i did. Nevertheless, i did. I heeded advices and went ahead. I would have expected the following reply to be harsh, very different but nevertheless, that marks the end of everything, like, finally...
I don't know where i got all the courage in the world to do what i did. Nevertheless, i did. I heeded advices and went ahead. I would have expected the following reply to be harsh, very different but nevertheless, that marks the end of everything, like, finally...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Back from Mauritius
I know...here i am, back from Mauritius ever since last Saturday. Many friends are eager to see the paradise they heard so much about. Indeed, it is a paradise, definitely a place for the lovey-doveys, so nice that i think even a couple who's about to divorce will patch back after a trip to Mauritius. Haa, i know it's abit exaggerating. I can't describe much because i believe my photos will do most of the talking but then again, those photos are nothing as compared to being there yourself.
Due to time constraints though, because of my exams, i'll only be able to do it after my exams. Meanwhile, do check back for updates..
Due to time constraints though, because of my exams, i'll only be able to do it after my exams. Meanwhile, do check back for updates..
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
April Fools Day
Was that meant to tell me i'm the greatest fool on earth on this particular April Fools day? It was a call never meant to be.
There is no room for regrets. I personally feel there is no point telling me how you think you might have took the wrong step. There is no point telling me what's happening to you because i knew it all along, it's just that despite those coming from your own mouth, my life goes on. I'm not sure of the intention but certainly, it is still affecting me.
I have been adapting everything. It wasn't easy, but i'm making things work. I hate the fact that since exactly 4 months ago, the question 'how am i' have been brought up to me time and time again. I feel pathetic in the way why should i even answer that question. I'm wondering why after nearly 2 months plus, that number appeared on my mobile phone again. What's the point of telling me how you miss the life before. Just to make sure those memories haunt me again? I felt funny when i was told how miserable things are but i'm certainly not buying that.
If blessings is what you need, take it. If showing off to me is what you want to do, go ahead. Other than that, just leave....don't bother....
There is no room for regrets. I personally feel there is no point telling me how you think you might have took the wrong step. There is no point telling me what's happening to you because i knew it all along, it's just that despite those coming from your own mouth, my life goes on. I'm not sure of the intention but certainly, it is still affecting me.
I have been adapting everything. It wasn't easy, but i'm making things work. I hate the fact that since exactly 4 months ago, the question 'how am i' have been brought up to me time and time again. I feel pathetic in the way why should i even answer that question. I'm wondering why after nearly 2 months plus, that number appeared on my mobile phone again. What's the point of telling me how you miss the life before. Just to make sure those memories haunt me again? I felt funny when i was told how miserable things are but i'm certainly not buying that.
If blessings is what you need, take it. If showing off to me is what you want to do, go ahead. Other than that, just leave....don't bother....
