-continued-
Never expected. It just came so unexpectedly and amazingly. Even i couldn't believe it myself at times. Reflecting on last year, it's like impossible. I thought i'll believe in it again, all because everything seems to be so impossible. The pessimism carries me through most of last year, until I was able to share this pessimism. Somehow, it’s not only the listening that did good, but the sharing helps a lot. Gradually, I was able to see things on a different light, she made it easier and possible.
Little by little, everything got accumulated. The initial intention slowly and steadily, has its change of course. It became and developed into something I didn’t realize until it came knocking so unknowingly, at the least expected place and timing. The disbelief slowly turns into an eagerness that makes me feel like pursuing it. Slowly, I asked myself, why didn’t I realize and noticed before. Probably, it’s what they say the right person with the right timing, fate brought and pieced everything together nicely.
It wasn’t easy, yet it wasn’t totally vague. The consequences was known, the uncertainty decreased but there are fear still. The huge boulder is off my load, and the assurance is making me sure and more committed then before. I had followed my heart all along, and it did served me well like how others did successfully before. I rolled on to learnt from my past, and apply it for the future, in hope that everything will work out despite the expectance of problems in future, all because this is probably just about one of the wishes I had fulfilled. There are no seas without waves, no roads without humps, no flight without turbulence. It’s only all about how we worked through that, that would make everything else a more memorable and better one. I trust myself to do the utmost and yes, I have that faith – for Bloms.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Marriage Is Good For Health
Source from ChannelNewsAsia.
WELLINGTON : Despite the barbs of comedians and the spectacular bust-ups documented in the gossip magazines, marriage really is good for you, international research has found.
A study of nearly 34,500 people in 15 countries found married people are less likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and substance abuse, clinical psychologist Kate Scott of New Zealand's University of Otago said Tuesday.
"What our study points to is that the marital relationship offers a lot of mental health benefits for both men and women, and that the distress and disruption associated with ending marriage can make people vulnerable to developing mental disorders," Scott said.
Being separated, divorced, or widowed is associated with increased risk of mental health disorders in both men and women, particularly with depression in men and drugs and alcohol abuse in women.
"One of the more important findings is that in recent years it has been asserted that marriage is better for men than for women in terms of mental health. This study does not agree with that position," Scott said.
"We found that compared to never getting married, getting married is good for both men and women in terms of most mental health disorders."
But the study did find that men were less likely to become depressed in their first marriage than women, and Scott said this might be due to women being more likely to follow the traditional role of a wife first time around.
Other studies have found that as gender roles have become less traditional, with women working more and becoming better educated, female depression has fallen.
The latest study also found getting married reduced the risk of substance abuse more for women than for men.
This might be due to evidence that women cut their alcohol consumption sharply when they became pregnant and this often continued while the children were young, Scott said.
The study was based on the WHO World Mental Health surveys across developing and developed countries conducted over the past decade.
WELLINGTON : Despite the barbs of comedians and the spectacular bust-ups documented in the gossip magazines, marriage really is good for you, international research has found.
A study of nearly 34,500 people in 15 countries found married people are less likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and substance abuse, clinical psychologist Kate Scott of New Zealand's University of Otago said Tuesday.
"What our study points to is that the marital relationship offers a lot of mental health benefits for both men and women, and that the distress and disruption associated with ending marriage can make people vulnerable to developing mental disorders," Scott said.
Being separated, divorced, or widowed is associated with increased risk of mental health disorders in both men and women, particularly with depression in men and drugs and alcohol abuse in women.
"One of the more important findings is that in recent years it has been asserted that marriage is better for men than for women in terms of mental health. This study does not agree with that position," Scott said.
"We found that compared to never getting married, getting married is good for both men and women in terms of most mental health disorders."
But the study did find that men were less likely to become depressed in their first marriage than women, and Scott said this might be due to women being more likely to follow the traditional role of a wife first time around.
Other studies have found that as gender roles have become less traditional, with women working more and becoming better educated, female depression has fallen.
The latest study also found getting married reduced the risk of substance abuse more for women than for men.
This might be due to evidence that women cut their alcohol consumption sharply when they became pregnant and this often continued while the children were young, Scott said.
The study was based on the WHO World Mental Health surveys across developing and developed countries conducted over the past decade.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Monday, January 04, 2010
Good Enough?
Everyone ponders that. It's a food for thought. I used to come to a stage whereby i ask this question to myself. Although i hardly ask myself that question anymore, but it's seriously something for us to think about at times. I'm not the only one who ponder over this question on whether are we good enough or not. It's difficult to define whether you are good enough or not. What seems to be good might just be the other way round for the other. This question need not be specific but can encompass everything, anything you can think of literally.
Definitely, there are many times when i feel that i'm not good for anything. Questions slowly float over your head, "Why am I the way i am now? "Who could have love me for who i am?". If i be frank to myself, sometimes, when that question came to my mind, i would gladly pull myself apart by going through every aspect and every part of me and saying what i hate about myself and getting more depressed, but i realised it's a wrong move, seriously. It's always easier to pinpoint at others, sometimes yourself but when you start to get pessimistic about life, you begin to lose that confidence. What's worse is we can fall into the trap of only listening to the negative things people have to say about us and not the positive ones. Yes, it can be difficult to not believe what are really just lies, especially when it comes from someone who's close or dear to you. One area the negativity can manifest itself is through our own pessimism. Therefore, it's sometimes hard not to be deceived.
No one is alone seriously. Because most of all are human, we feel almost the same. We have our down side, we have our good moments. All it takes sometimes it to just grab hold and pull yourself out of the self loathing. If we all walked around with a sign asking for what we most wanted in our lives the sign would say 'love me'. It's an ideal self image that one is trying to build. It's like this scenario of 'Love me the way I am. I know I am so imperfect but I do try.'
The thing is that obviously we don't carry that very sign but instead, we carry an invisible one. We all need love, be it when and from who. But you can't receive love until you learn to love yourself.
Do you?
Definitely, there are many times when i feel that i'm not good for anything. Questions slowly float over your head, "Why am I the way i am now? "Who could have love me for who i am?". If i be frank to myself, sometimes, when that question came to my mind, i would gladly pull myself apart by going through every aspect and every part of me and saying what i hate about myself and getting more depressed, but i realised it's a wrong move, seriously. It's always easier to pinpoint at others, sometimes yourself but when you start to get pessimistic about life, you begin to lose that confidence. What's worse is we can fall into the trap of only listening to the negative things people have to say about us and not the positive ones. Yes, it can be difficult to not believe what are really just lies, especially when it comes from someone who's close or dear to you. One area the negativity can manifest itself is through our own pessimism. Therefore, it's sometimes hard not to be deceived.
No one is alone seriously. Because most of all are human, we feel almost the same. We have our down side, we have our good moments. All it takes sometimes it to just grab hold and pull yourself out of the self loathing. If we all walked around with a sign asking for what we most wanted in our lives the sign would say 'love me'. It's an ideal self image that one is trying to build. It's like this scenario of 'Love me the way I am. I know I am so imperfect but I do try.'
The thing is that obviously we don't carry that very sign but instead, we carry an invisible one. We all need love, be it when and from who. But you can't receive love until you learn to love yourself.
Do you?
True?
Life is not about the people who seems true in front... But it''s about the people who remain true behind you!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Changes..
Changes. How many is adaptive to this word? How many is able to able to accept and welcome it positively? Some usually fear changes because of the uncertainty it brings. Some usually welcome it with both hands because of the good they hoped it might bring. Not being adaptive to changes, can it be a flaw?
Somehow, sometimes, adapting to changes is not about how we survive the change but more importantly, how we thrive over that change. Surviving the change doesn't mean anything seriously, it's probably just a start of what seems to be a process of making that change a good one or bad one.
Changes are feared at times but sometimes, it's not fear but it's purely misinterpretation of the situation possibly because of misplaced trust. It gets so overwhelming at times that it hit the confidence level, it allow frustration to sets in, it overcomes our courage, it make us lose the overall ability to trust even ourselves, not to mention others.
Changes, be it big or small, it will require participative actions. Only then will we be able to work out the chances in time to come. Work round it if it doesn't work going straight.
Try to fail but don't fail to try - Stephen Kaggwa (it's better to try and fail than never to try at all). We human sometimes won't want to pass that opportunity or grow older and allow those 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'to keep growing all over your head.
Changing our minds or hearts will change our lives. It's ultimately is very dependent on us. I gave it all nothing but serious and long thought, since the start. Slowly and slowly, i realise, it's making use of the time and adapting to the necessary changes. It's like a water bubbles slowly moving downside into the centre, combining into one water bubble altogether. I'll see myself in that water bubble soon..
Somehow, sometimes, adapting to changes is not about how we survive the change but more importantly, how we thrive over that change. Surviving the change doesn't mean anything seriously, it's probably just a start of what seems to be a process of making that change a good one or bad one.
Changes are feared at times but sometimes, it's not fear but it's purely misinterpretation of the situation possibly because of misplaced trust. It gets so overwhelming at times that it hit the confidence level, it allow frustration to sets in, it overcomes our courage, it make us lose the overall ability to trust even ourselves, not to mention others.
Changes, be it big or small, it will require participative actions. Only then will we be able to work out the chances in time to come. Work round it if it doesn't work going straight.
Try to fail but don't fail to try - Stephen Kaggwa (it's better to try and fail than never to try at all). We human sometimes won't want to pass that opportunity or grow older and allow those 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'to keep growing all over your head.
Changing our minds or hearts will change our lives. It's ultimately is very dependent on us. I gave it all nothing but serious and long thought, since the start. Slowly and slowly, i realise, it's making use of the time and adapting to the necessary changes. It's like a water bubbles slowly moving downside into the centre, combining into one water bubble altogether. I'll see myself in that water bubble soon..
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Zodiac / Horoscope Reading
Zodiac Reading for those born in year of Ox
The Ox loves methodical planning and everything working out in the correct time. The Year of the Tiger will throw all this to the wind with it’s fast pace and unexpected developments! People born under this sign may find 2010 a challenge but in a good way. The Ox will have to adapt to new routines, delays and obtacles thrown in his way, but he will be well able for any task and may find new hidden talents and personal power he didn’t know existed. Hobbies, relaxing pursuits and friendships will all be beautifully highlighted during the Year of the Tiger and will provide a welcome relief to any stresses he may face. Home improvements and redecorating plans will move forward smoothly with excellent results. Career opportunities will present themselves from April to June, while exciting, intense romantic encounters are likely in July, August and December. An important aspect for those under this sign in 2010 is to be mindful and caring of loved ones. It will be crucial to listen to them and also to accept any help they may offer during this changeable year.
Horoscope reading for Scorpio
This year is ideal to take strong initiatives in your professional life, they will not miss impact. You have force to overcome your fears to launch a project and all that is relating to creations in the broad sense. You affirm yourselves in manner more incisor than usual, you will seek to make developments in your relations, while going at the bottom of things. On the other hand, you are extremely likely to badly put at ease certain people you will have desire for causing so that they are shown under their true day. Be careful with abuses, do not believe that everyone needs this “shock treatment” to be shown such as he is… You will be tempted to resort to power struggles to mark your presence. Some disappoint you, others will be for you invaluable supports, you do not turn sour in front of these transformations you will have caused…, Take the advantage of the depth of your reasoning before acting to avoid making decisions too quickly, wait for April.
Love
This year starts under passion sign, it will be all or nothing, black or green! You feel life instincts which encourage you to benefit from good, you will have greatest difficulties to be reasonable, for your greater pleasure. As from April, you will fully follow this program, Love will be definitely your war-horse, you will be able to count on your attraction and persuasion capacities to arrive at living passion aspects of your desires. Profit in to entrust these secrecies which encumber you and to live your dreams… The power of your libido encourages you with excesses terribly tempting. By exceeding you in your intimacy, you will be fully in agreement with yourself. Indeed, you progress towards a better knowledge of yourself which ultimately will facilitate choices to you than you will have to make as from May with your partner or to radically transform your love life. Some couples will have to face storms or questionings which can lead to breaking up even temporary. Agreements of surface will not be sufficient any more in your eyes, you, even if it means will raise questions at the bottom of things which shock. There your sentimental sky is stabilized positively as from August, you start a new cycle in which you can build on better bases.
Wealth
This year is announced very constructive on the financial plan. Indeed, you will have in heart to consolidate your position, to reinforce your bases, and more particularly to liquidate your liability. You resolutely sort your invoices with good sense, it is the moment to make some sacrifices for a better financial balance. Your initiatives are supported by Jupiter’s energy which throughout the year encourages you to sign positive agreements in the long run, bill books, judicious placements, essential insurances, etc…. You will develop strategies to improve your long-term standard of living, you will have any latitude to devote yourself to what is really essential to you all while removing you from superfluity. The end of the year is favourable if you must make a sale of a good which belongs to you.
Relationship
You should make a temperance effort during the first four months of the year. You will tend to carry you easily, to direct you on your positions with ferocity. You can round angles without losing your assets nor your power of persuasion, be diplomat… Moreover you are sufficiently sure to let you release ballast and grant the benefit of the doubt without anything to lose there. It is as from April that you will have more facilities to leave weapons to the cloakroom, this period, until November incites you to collaborate more closely and more effectively with your entourage. Be careful on the other hand do not make promises with light, nor of concessions impossible to hold, seek balance.
Vitality
This year will be far from being of any rest, more especially as your excessivity and your emotional reactivity are likely to absorb you completely. You do not let go to subjective feelings, keep cool, take advantage from good aspects of existence which arise to you, without thinking about the past or making feel guilty. Your vitality is excellent in the whole throughout these twelve months, it is your psychic energy which will be requested. You will have absolutely to spare you as soon as possible and resource yourself in your intimacy cocoon, you will find there means surest to reload your batteries. Your form is mitigated between April and the end of June, with blows which you feel should incite you with more the calm one and of retreat. All therapies and cares related to water will be favourable to you. A feeling of respite comes to you in July and will allow you to blow nervously, it is time to benefit in all serenity from your leisure.
The Ox loves methodical planning and everything working out in the correct time. The Year of the Tiger will throw all this to the wind with it’s fast pace and unexpected developments! People born under this sign may find 2010 a challenge but in a good way. The Ox will have to adapt to new routines, delays and obtacles thrown in his way, but he will be well able for any task and may find new hidden talents and personal power he didn’t know existed. Hobbies, relaxing pursuits and friendships will all be beautifully highlighted during the Year of the Tiger and will provide a welcome relief to any stresses he may face. Home improvements and redecorating plans will move forward smoothly with excellent results. Career opportunities will present themselves from April to June, while exciting, intense romantic encounters are likely in July, August and December. An important aspect for those under this sign in 2010 is to be mindful and caring of loved ones. It will be crucial to listen to them and also to accept any help they may offer during this changeable year.
Horoscope reading for Scorpio
This year, you start a new cycle of your life. It is in you that many changes will finally occur in a visible way. You are ready to concretize aspirations you have contemplated in the shade for three years. Your external vitality is increased during this time, you feel strong impulses to live fully in harmony with your ideals.
WorkThis year is ideal to take strong initiatives in your professional life, they will not miss impact. You have force to overcome your fears to launch a project and all that is relating to creations in the broad sense. You affirm yourselves in manner more incisor than usual, you will seek to make developments in your relations, while going at the bottom of things. On the other hand, you are extremely likely to badly put at ease certain people you will have desire for causing so that they are shown under their true day. Be careful with abuses, do not believe that everyone needs this “shock treatment” to be shown such as he is… You will be tempted to resort to power struggles to mark your presence. Some disappoint you, others will be for you invaluable supports, you do not turn sour in front of these transformations you will have caused…, Take the advantage of the depth of your reasoning before acting to avoid making decisions too quickly, wait for April.
Love
This year starts under passion sign, it will be all or nothing, black or green! You feel life instincts which encourage you to benefit from good, you will have greatest difficulties to be reasonable, for your greater pleasure. As from April, you will fully follow this program, Love will be definitely your war-horse, you will be able to count on your attraction and persuasion capacities to arrive at living passion aspects of your desires. Profit in to entrust these secrecies which encumber you and to live your dreams… The power of your libido encourages you with excesses terribly tempting. By exceeding you in your intimacy, you will be fully in agreement with yourself. Indeed, you progress towards a better knowledge of yourself which ultimately will facilitate choices to you than you will have to make as from May with your partner or to radically transform your love life. Some couples will have to face storms or questionings which can lead to breaking up even temporary. Agreements of surface will not be sufficient any more in your eyes, you, even if it means will raise questions at the bottom of things which shock. There your sentimental sky is stabilized positively as from August, you start a new cycle in which you can build on better bases.
Wealth
This year is announced very constructive on the financial plan. Indeed, you will have in heart to consolidate your position, to reinforce your bases, and more particularly to liquidate your liability. You resolutely sort your invoices with good sense, it is the moment to make some sacrifices for a better financial balance. Your initiatives are supported by Jupiter’s energy which throughout the year encourages you to sign positive agreements in the long run, bill books, judicious placements, essential insurances, etc…. You will develop strategies to improve your long-term standard of living, you will have any latitude to devote yourself to what is really essential to you all while removing you from superfluity. The end of the year is favourable if you must make a sale of a good which belongs to you.
Relationship
You should make a temperance effort during the first four months of the year. You will tend to carry you easily, to direct you on your positions with ferocity. You can round angles without losing your assets nor your power of persuasion, be diplomat… Moreover you are sufficiently sure to let you release ballast and grant the benefit of the doubt without anything to lose there. It is as from April that you will have more facilities to leave weapons to the cloakroom, this period, until November incites you to collaborate more closely and more effectively with your entourage. Be careful on the other hand do not make promises with light, nor of concessions impossible to hold, seek balance.
Vitality
This year will be far from being of any rest, more especially as your excessivity and your emotional reactivity are likely to absorb you completely. You do not let go to subjective feelings, keep cool, take advantage from good aspects of existence which arise to you, without thinking about the past or making feel guilty. Your vitality is excellent in the whole throughout these twelve months, it is your psychic energy which will be requested. You will have absolutely to spare you as soon as possible and resource yourself in your intimacy cocoon, you will find there means surest to reload your batteries. Your form is mitigated between April and the end of June, with blows which you feel should incite you with more the calm one and of retreat. All therapies and cares related to water will be favourable to you. A feeling of respite comes to you in July and will allow you to blow nervously, it is time to benefit in all serenity from your leisure.
Goodbye 2009
Year 2009 saw a rollercoaster of up and down. It was a bad start to the year with a ending on a good note. Nevertheless, a special year for me (being single after nearly 30 months), after ending a failed relationship, tussled with it for months in the early part of the year.
Year 2009 was the only year by far i travelled that much, almost to 6 countries. I realised my passion for travelling is still there. Work has been smooth, although not so much for studies. Throughout this year, studies has been alright, although not too well towards the end of the year. NATAS Fair took a huge toil on me and it took me quite a fair bit on my part to get myself back.
Everything ends well eventually. My friendships blossomed with many, of which i treasured them. Learnt alot throughout this whole year as well, and last month of this year was so good, that i eventually did realise so many things.
I'll slowly reflect through my year....
January was a tough month. I was in a stage whereby i still had to be trapped in that emotional bad state. It cost me quite abit of time and effort. It was quite bad. Things became pessimistic and so negative i couldn't see any light. Nothing seems to matter. Signs were popping out all over and telling me how bad this year would have been. Plus the fact that MiuMiu is sick, which makes everything else worse.
'You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time' - adam lincoln
I took on the courage to finally tell everyone about everything. I'm glad for the support i got, which makes me moved on. I was then able to concentrate on my work and studies like never before.
Sadly, Miu Miu passed away not long after NATAS. It was a blow for my mum especially. He was like a gift from god actually and the bond we shared, i couldn't hold back my tears upon learning the news. He was and will be remembered always, no matter what.
Mauritius, the land whereby fairytale exist, almost. My first work trip and i can't go on to explain how much i've enjoyed and learnt. It's such a beautiful place that would definitely melt your heart.
I went travelling to both Genting and Ho Chi Minh even. Seeing so many things i've never did before, really wow-ed me. The culture, the food, the people, everything. It made me realise comfortably that i'm living in a safe and clean country where almost everything was taken care of. All that made me want to pin other nearby countries like Cambodia onto my list, not forgetting Penang and Ipoh which was dearly missed by me and Don.
Somehow, i feel so tempted to blog this part with regards to the 7 wonders of the year which just so happen to a different 7 wonders :-
NATAS fair was at it again and although tired, it was fun and fun and still fun. It's great to see how business is picking up and how we managed to survive this tough year. From a stage whereby everyone is fearing the sacking to a stage whereby everyone was working hard to make money for the company, it's rewarding to know everything eventually turned out well and was a huge success, which makes me feel, i can always do better.
I stepped foot into the land of Hong Kong and Macau finally. It was like a small little dream come true since young. The food and the shopping especially, tempted me. Macau and Hong Kong were a different destinations at its own end. One is a normal city in the day and dazzling sight at night, the other is a busy city on the day and buzzling destination at night. I would love to go back there again, definitely for the food i missed.
Not forgetting Hokkaido as well but this time round, it's autumn. Its yellow, red, orange maple leaves makes many jealous. Its cold weather was the first time i experience such temperature which was memorable for me. Something i wouldn't forget for my life and for the first time, i made some really good tour members which eventually became my friends.
First time MR celebrated my birthday. Not forgetting the rest as well. I'm showerd with nothing but presents, love and happiness filled that day even though the actual day happen to be my last day of my Hokkaido tour.
Halloween was indeed crazy as it can be. First time celebrated it and never did i expectmyself to be doing something like that. It used to be so far-fetched. And poof, i became some crazy serial killer which eventually, everyone had fun.
I must say, December got to be the best month of this year. Xmas lightings, Johore trips, intensive suppers trip, shopping, clubbing, whatever you can think of. I did the most courageous thing this year, partied at last, went to my first zoukout, ate my Johore bat kut teh, worked the least number of days in a month.
Interestingly, i loved this quote. Obviously, i'm at stage two. Somehow, i never believe in Santa Claus until this year.....i think i already have the best gift
Year 2009 was the only year by far i travelled that much, almost to 6 countries. I realised my passion for travelling is still there. Work has been smooth, although not so much for studies. Throughout this year, studies has been alright, although not too well towards the end of the year. NATAS Fair took a huge toil on me and it took me quite a fair bit on my part to get myself back.
Everything ends well eventually. My friendships blossomed with many, of which i treasured them. Learnt alot throughout this whole year as well, and last month of this year was so good, that i eventually did realise so many things.
I'll slowly reflect through my year....
January was a tough month. I was in a stage whereby i still had to be trapped in that emotional bad state. It cost me quite abit of time and effort. It was quite bad. Things became pessimistic and so negative i couldn't see any light. Nothing seems to matter. Signs were popping out all over and telling me how bad this year would have been. Plus the fact that MiuMiu is sick, which makes everything else worse.
'You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time' - adam lincoln
I took on the courage to finally tell everyone about everything. I'm glad for the support i got, which makes me moved on. I was then able to concentrate on my work and studies like never before.
Sadly, Miu Miu passed away not long after NATAS. It was a blow for my mum especially. He was like a gift from god actually and the bond we shared, i couldn't hold back my tears upon learning the news. He was and will be remembered always, no matter what.
Mauritius, the land whereby fairytale exist, almost. My first work trip and i can't go on to explain how much i've enjoyed and learnt. It's such a beautiful place that would definitely melt your heart.
I went travelling to both Genting and Ho Chi Minh even. Seeing so many things i've never did before, really wow-ed me. The culture, the food, the people, everything. It made me realise comfortably that i'm living in a safe and clean country where almost everything was taken care of. All that made me want to pin other nearby countries like Cambodia onto my list, not forgetting Penang and Ipoh which was dearly missed by me and Don.
Somehow, i feel so tempted to blog this part with regards to the 7 wonders of the year which just so happen to a different 7 wonders :-
- To Hear
- To Touch
- To Taste
- To Feel
- To Laugh
- To Love
It's my first time i touched my mum as well when i celebrated her birthday. That letter, which she eventually decided to frame it up, definitely touched her heart totally. I became teary when she told me how much she wanted me to burn it for her when she 'moved to heaven'. That was when, i reassured myself that my mother is the best person and dearest to me on earth. Her love to me was unique in its way and unconditional.
- To Touch
- To Taste
- To Feel
- To Laugh
- To Love
It's my first time i touched my mum as well when i celebrated her birthday. That letter, which she eventually decided to frame it up, definitely touched her heart totally. I became teary when she told me how much she wanted me to burn it for her when she 'moved to heaven'. That was when, i reassured myself that my mother is the best person and dearest to me on earth. Her love to me was unique in its way and unconditional.
NATAS fair was at it again and although tired, it was fun and fun and still fun. It's great to see how business is picking up and how we managed to survive this tough year. From a stage whereby everyone is fearing the sacking to a stage whereby everyone was working hard to make money for the company, it's rewarding to know everything eventually turned out well and was a huge success, which makes me feel, i can always do better.
I stepped foot into the land of Hong Kong and Macau finally. It was like a small little dream come true since young. The food and the shopping especially, tempted me. Macau and Hong Kong were a different destinations at its own end. One is a normal city in the day and dazzling sight at night, the other is a busy city on the day and buzzling destination at night. I would love to go back there again, definitely for the food i missed.
Not forgetting Hokkaido as well but this time round, it's autumn. Its yellow, red, orange maple leaves makes many jealous. Its cold weather was the first time i experience such temperature which was memorable for me. Something i wouldn't forget for my life and for the first time, i made some really good tour members which eventually became my friends.
First time MR celebrated my birthday. Not forgetting the rest as well. I'm showerd with nothing but presents, love and happiness filled that day even though the actual day happen to be my last day of my Hokkaido tour.
Halloween was indeed crazy as it can be. First time celebrated it and never did i expectmyself to be doing something like that. It used to be so far-fetched. And poof, i became some crazy serial killer which eventually, everyone had fun.
I must say, December got to be the best month of this year. Xmas lightings, Johore trips, intensive suppers trip, shopping, clubbing, whatever you can think of. I did the most courageous thing this year, partied at last, went to my first zoukout, ate my Johore bat kut teh, worked the least number of days in a month.
Eventually, everything ended on a good note. It was a vast difference between the start of the year and the end the year. Seriously, i hope 2010 would be a good year. There's more for me to look forward. I realise it's no longer how a day is meant to be by itself, but how i worked my way out to make my own day. Whatever happens, i hope i can end everyday on a good note like how i ended 2009. I will still miss the suppers, the jokes, the pourouts which makes up the bulk of what i can think of year 2009.....
-THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
-THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
Interestingly, i loved this quote. Obviously, i'm at stage two. Somehow, i never believe in Santa Claus until this year.....i think i already have the best gift
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I'm Happy
I realise this long ago, but today, this feeling is so strong.
Sometimes, i'm happy not because of myself, but i'm happy because someone else is happy.
Sometimes, i'm happy not because of myself, but i'm happy because someone else is happy.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
It's wonderful
to have someone to talk to over the phone when you are feeling so tired on your way home
to have someone to dream about
to have someone to cook for you
to have someone to share your woes, happiness
to have someone to whine
to have someone to worry for and be vexed about
to have someone to laugh about, laugh at and laugh with
to have someone to make you realise you are important
to have someone to make you do things you don't normally do
to have someone to feel jealous over
to have someone to make your day
to have someone to make you feel strong
to have someone to make you feel it's a state of bliss
to have someone to make you want to believe
to have someone to wake you up
to have someone to care for you
to have that someone.....
to have someone to dream about
to have someone to cook for you
to have someone to share your woes, happiness
to have someone to whine
to have someone to worry for and be vexed about
to have someone to laugh about, laugh at and laugh with
to have someone to make you realise you are important
to have someone to make you do things you don't normally do
to have someone to feel jealous over
to have someone to make your day
to have someone to make you feel strong
to have someone to make you feel it's a state of bliss
to have someone to make you want to believe
to have someone to wake you up
to have someone to care for you
to have that someone.....
Sunday, December 27, 2009
It has become a highway..
It's like a road you travel on
It's like one moment you are here, the next you are gone
It's like there are no U-turn at all
It's like at the speed you are driving at, it doesn't allow any hesitance
It can be rough sometimes, it can be smooth at times as well
It's like no matter how fast or slow you drive, you start noticing what's around you
It can be dangerous, yet it can be safeest route
It can be travelled fast or slow
In the end, you realise it's a highway to a better destination where no shortcuts will take you to...
It's like one moment you are here, the next you are gone
It's like there are no U-turn at all
It's like at the speed you are driving at, it doesn't allow any hesitance
It can be rough sometimes, it can be smooth at times as well
It's like no matter how fast or slow you drive, you start noticing what's around you
It can be dangerous, yet it can be safeest route
It can be travelled fast or slow
In the end, you realise it's a highway to a better destination where no shortcuts will take you to...
If i...let you go....
WestLife - If I Let You Go
Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me? How will I know
If I let you go?
Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you (no one like you)
You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It's such a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go ?
If I let you go ooooh baby
Ooooooooohhhhh
Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out
Ooooooooohhhhh
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
But if I let you go I will never know
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go ?
Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me? How will I know
If I let you go?
Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you (no one like you)
You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It's such a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go ?
If I let you go ooooh baby
Ooooooooohhhhh
Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out
Ooooooooohhhhh
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
But if I let you go I will never know
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go ?
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas
Yet again, it's this time of the year. Festive seasons with happy bells ringing. All year long, many have been waiting for this day. I remembered how i both look forward and dread Xmas. This year, is probably just different, yea, somehow, it's different.
Spread the joy. Enjoy the everything that comes with it. Merry Xmas.!
Spread the joy. Enjoy the everything that comes with it. Merry Xmas.!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
It's a Rollercoaster Ride
It is like a rollercoaster ride.
You know where you are going.
You know there bound to be ups and down.
You know the thrill and fear that comes with it.
You know there's no turning back.
You know you just got to ride it.
You know the risk involved even though nothing has happened before.
You know it makes you feel like flying sometimes.
You know after this ride, you will missed it.
You know that this ride will be a memorable one.
You know i love this ride.
You know where you are going.
You know there bound to be ups and down.
You know the thrill and fear that comes with it.
You know there's no turning back.
You know you just got to ride it.
You know the risk involved even though nothing has happened before.
You know it makes you feel like flying sometimes.
You know after this ride, you will missed it.
You know that this ride will be a memorable one.
You know i love this ride.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friends....
Friends. What is friends? Who can be considered my friends? Who deserve or do not deserve to be my friends? My entire life, much thanks to friends, i grew up, to be the person i am now. Also because of friends, i continue to learn and grow with them. Friends play an important part of my life. I'm sure those reading this knows that. Every single one of you, i want to let you know, you are my friend, true real friend.
It's sometimes very mysterious why we choose who we do as friend. Often we like a person right away based on some intuitive thought or feeling. When asked, we say that it just "felt" right. Other times we may observe someone for a while with admiration, and build up to a formal introduction. Friendship is a wonderful thing and is vitally important for personal growth and success.
Friendship itself is can be sparked by some kind of strange and electric power of attraction. This is what gives it such a terrific and seemingly magical power to tie people together so closely. All the same, our first impressions can often be mistaken. We've all made mistakes before in the friends we've chosen. Often, we'd like to ignore, forget, or believe that we had anything to do with the selection, but we shouldn't. It's these lessons that remind us that we are human and make mistakes, as-well-as the fact that not everyone we meet will enter into a relationship (whether business, personal, etc.), for the same reasons that we do. It's not right or wrong - good or bad. It's just life.
There's really no way to be 100% certain that everyone, or anyone, you choose as a friend will turn out to be a very good friends. Therefore, i am actually contented that i have two very close group of friends, both of which i regarded to be one of the few priorities of my life.
We human tend to look for people who share the same basic values that you do. Honesty, respect, individuality - these are all good qualities that a lot of people share. Having friends with these qualities will make it a lot easier for you to feel relaxed and at ease when you're with them. You want to develop friendships that will be both fun and rewarding - mutually beneficial to all parties involved. One person should never carry the burden of trying to make a relationship "work." It's a two way commmunication
Friends definitely will have different tastes than you do. Sometimes you may feel that a friend is not making a positive choice and discussing it is probably the best solution and choice.. Nothing is more important to friendship than communication and honesty. Friends are people who are willing to stick by you through thick and thin, who will be there when you need them, and will show you the understanding that you in turn give back. A friend you know you can depend on is one you will probably have for life.
There will be times when you feel that a friend of yours is consistently making bad choices, or is not treating you with respect. It is naturally important to see where your friend is coming from, and try to resolve any differences you might have. There are very few things as precious as having good friends, and you should not let them go easily. Hold onto your friendships; let them know you value them and do your best to solve problems as quickly as they arise. Trust your instincts and follow your heart!
For all of that, i really treasure all my friends and i'm thankful to them for what i am today as well.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Till We Part...
I held him in my own hands. I realised he is slightly bigger. His breathing still as fast. I can still remember how fondly everything was then i made him our pet, which eventually became my pet. He was one of the three i've picked. His partner, sadly, died one year before him. It brought great amount of grief and sadness to my mother and me.
I still remember how when i first held him in my hands, he was tiny. His eyes could barely open then. He was prominent out of the two, because of his grey colour fur. He was the better pet as well, because he doesn't bite, but he's always bullying Miu Miu in the initial stages of his life, before he was being bullied after that, few months before Miu Miu passed away.
He was fatter in some sense, because of his greediness. Though not as clever (he can never figure his own way home). Now that he's old (more than 2 years, or rather, 26 months old to be exact come next week), the fear is there. I didn't managed to send Miu Miu off well, and i don't want it to happen to ShooBing as well. He seems to be getting weaker day by day. No longer can i see his 'glorious' days whereby he would spinned his wheels, fast and loud, to make himself known in some sense.
He used to bite at strangers. He used to grine his teeth onto the cage grills. He used to run around actively. But now, everything slows down. He still sleep at his favourite spot with his favourite position. Which i'll fondly remember for the rest of my life. His furs began dropping, the concern exists, the fear arrives. Whatever it is, i really hope to spend some time with him, whom did meant something to me, before he left this very world.
I still remember how when i first held him in my hands, he was tiny. His eyes could barely open then. He was prominent out of the two, because of his grey colour fur. He was the better pet as well, because he doesn't bite, but he's always bullying Miu Miu in the initial stages of his life, before he was being bullied after that, few months before Miu Miu passed away.
He was fatter in some sense, because of his greediness. Though not as clever (he can never figure his own way home). Now that he's old (more than 2 years, or rather, 26 months old to be exact come next week), the fear is there. I didn't managed to send Miu Miu off well, and i don't want it to happen to ShooBing as well. He seems to be getting weaker day by day. No longer can i see his 'glorious' days whereby he would spinned his wheels, fast and loud, to make himself known in some sense.
He used to bite at strangers. He used to grine his teeth onto the cage grills. He used to run around actively. But now, everything slows down. He still sleep at his favourite spot with his favourite position. Which i'll fondly remember for the rest of my life. His furs began dropping, the concern exists, the fear arrives. Whatever it is, i really hope to spend some time with him, whom did meant something to me, before he left this very world.
Walk Your Own Journey
Never compare your journey with someone else’s. It’s a marathon with no finish line. Someone else may start out faster than you, may seem to progress more quickly than you, but every runner has his own pace. Your journey is your journey, not a competition. You will never “arrive”. No one ever does.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What Is Love?
What is love
Love is joy
Love is pain
Love is a feeling that cannot be explained
Love is what make one feel for another
So powerful
So true
-from Joe Barker-
Until it's actually, bittersweet.
Love is joy
Love is pain
Love is a feeling that cannot be explained
Love is what make one feel for another
So powerful
So true
-from Joe Barker-
Until it's actually, bittersweet.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
-Continued-
Loving someone could be so wonderful yet so painful. It is because with the greatest love, comes the deepest hurt. Thus, we should always be cautious in love so that we will not be encountering same heartaches. We love, get hurt, and learn before giving our heart again to someone. However, we should never be afraid to love again.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
What Hurts The Most?
The feeling right now, feel like bring in a coma state. It's like being in a 50-50 comatose in a hospital. There you are, comfortably lying on the bed, but yet, unconsciously bleeding. There you are, sleeping so softly and peacefully, but yet, silently hurting. There you are, continuously breathing but yet, slowly coping with everything else.
If only I’ve a time machine, I would rather be single up to the present moment, the old says it is better to have loved and lost then to never have love at all, and I found that it’s partially true because if you ever found someone you really love and at the end of the day, they changed and leave for better, what is left was just a bitten memory. It may seem to be nice and so lucky to have someone at the corner of the world still care and think of them everyday, but what it is sometimes nil, null and near impossible. Sometimes, it's just sinking the deep ocean, where sunshine hardly remain in touch and what surrounds is just dark and cold water.
-to be continued....-
If only I’ve a time machine, I would rather be single up to the present moment, the old says it is better to have loved and lost then to never have love at all, and I found that it’s partially true because if you ever found someone you really love and at the end of the day, they changed and leave for better, what is left was just a bitten memory. It may seem to be nice and so lucky to have someone at the corner of the world still care and think of them everyday, but what it is sometimes nil, null and near impossible. Sometimes, it's just sinking the deep ocean, where sunshine hardly remain in touch and what surrounds is just dark and cold water.
-to be continued....-
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
What If?
What if today was your last daY?
What if tomorrow is too late?
Could you have said goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live your moment like your last?
Leave the old memories in the past?
What if tomorrow is too late?
Could you have said goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live your moment like your last?
Leave the old memories in the past?
Monday, December 07, 2009
怎么说呢？
突然之间，好想把最近的东西都一一地写下来。
工作方面，简直是吃尽了酸甜苦辣。刚刚才换了个位子。总觉得还不错，但是很冷，真的很冷。对一个很怕冷的我来说，也是一点点的折磨。工作缓慢了下来，也慢慢地开始能喘口气。同事们一个一个地走，来应征的人，也一个一个地出现。拒绝了三个出国的机会，好以让自己能好好地专注在学业上以及跟朋友一起疯狂的玩。
学业方面是个好沉重的压力。这次的学业好像退步了不少，令我感到许多的失望。要在工作和学业上找到一个平衡点真的很不容易。但我觉得我已经在努力了。希望这次的考试，我不会搞得一塌糊涂。自从决定再次打开书本的那天，我就告诉自己我得把书念好。很庆幸的，我做到了。但对于这次的学业，我没有信心而只有无比的压力。
十二月终于来临。期待已久的十二月真的终于来了。这个月也是在这一年里最好玩的一天。购物，疯狂，大吃大喝，拍照，还有许多我好想做的东西，一时也想不起来。
现在的我放长假，心情也跟着愉快起来。希望那飘浮不定的情绪再也不会回来了。
噢！还有！好喜欢我现在的部落格。谢谢你。=）
工作方面，简直是吃尽了酸甜苦辣。刚刚才换了个位子。总觉得还不错，但是很冷，真的很冷。对一个很怕冷的我来说，也是一点点的折磨。工作缓慢了下来，也慢慢地开始能喘口气。同事们一个一个地走，来应征的人，也一个一个地出现。拒绝了三个出国的机会，好以让自己能好好地专注在学业上以及跟朋友一起疯狂的玩。
学业方面是个好沉重的压力。这次的学业好像退步了不少，令我感到许多的失望。要在工作和学业上找到一个平衡点真的很不容易。但我觉得我已经在努力了。希望这次的考试，我不会搞得一塌糊涂。自从决定再次打开书本的那天，我就告诉自己我得把书念好。很庆幸的，我做到了。但对于这次的学业，我没有信心而只有无比的压力。
十二月终于来临。期待已久的十二月真的终于来了。这个月也是在这一年里最好玩的一天。购物，疯狂，大吃大喝，拍照，还有许多我好想做的东西，一时也想不起来。
现在的我放长假，心情也跟着愉快起来。希望那飘浮不定的情绪再也不会回来了。
噢！还有！好喜欢我现在的部落格。谢谢你。=）
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Know What's BesT?
What you think is not good for you might eventually turn out to be the only best thing for you.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Never Give Up
(http://sg.news.yahoo.com/ap/20091124/twl-eu-belgium-coma-recovery-c8e2916.html)
BRUSSELS – For 23 torturous years, Rom Houben says he lay trapped in his paralyzed body, aware of what was going on around him but unable to tell anyone or even cry out.
The car-crash victim had been diagnosed as being in a vegetative state but appears to have been conscious the whole time. An expert using a specialized type of brain scan that was not available in the 1980s finally realized it, and unlocked Houben's mind again.
The 46-year-old Houben is now communicating with one finger and a special touchscreen on his wheelchair.
"Powerlessness. Utter powerlessness. At first I was angry, then I learned to live with it," he said, punching the message into the screen during an interview with the Belgian RTBF network, aired Monday. He has called his rescue his "renaissance."
Over the years, Houben's family refused to accept the word of his doctors, firmly believing their son knew what was happening around him, and gave no thought to letting him die, said his mother, Fina. She was vindicated when the breakthrough came.
"At that moment, you think, `Oh, my God. See, now you know.' I was always convinced," she said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press.
The discovery took place three years ago but only recently came to light, after publication of a study on the misdiagnosis of people with consciousness disorders.
While a 23-year error is highly unusual, the wrong diagnosis of patients with consciousness disorders is far too common, according to the study, led by Steven Laureys of Belgium's Coma Science Group.
"Despite the importance of diagnostic accuracy, the rate of misdiagnosis of vegetative state has not substantially changed in the past 15 years," the study said. Back then, studies found that "up to 43 percent of patients with disorders of consciousness are erroneously assigned a diagnosis of vegetative state."
The issue is fraught with difficult medical and ethical questions. Patients diagnosed as being in a vegetative state with no hope of recovery are sometimes allowed to die, as was done in 2005 with Terri Schiavo, the severely brain-damaged Florida woman at the center of the biggest right-to-die case in U.S. history. Her feeding tube was removed.
"It makes you think. There is still a lot of work to be done" to better diagnose such disorders, said Caroline Schnakers of the Coma Science Group.
Houben was injured in an auto accident in 1983 when he was 20. Doctors said he fell into a coma at first, then went into a vegetative state.
A coma is a state of unconsciousness in which the eyes are closed and the patient cannot be roused. A vegetative state is a condition in which the eyes are open and can move, and the patient has periods of sleep and periods of wakefulness, but remains unconscious and cannot reason or respond.
During Houben's two lost decades, his eyesight was poor, but the experts say he could hear doctors, nurses and visitors to his bedside, and feel the touch of a relative. He says that during that time, he heard his father had died, but he was unable to show any emotion.
Over the years, Houben's skeptical mother took him to the United States five times for tests. More searching got her in touch with Laureys, who put Houben through a PET scan.
"We saw his brain was almost normal," said neuropsychologist Audrey Vanhaudenhuyse, who has worked with Houben for three years.
The family and doctors then began trying to establish communication. A breakthrough came when he was able to indicate yes or no by slightly moving his foot to push a computer device placed there by Laureys' team. Then came the spelling of words using the touchscreen.
Houben's condition has since been diagnosed as a form of "locked-in syndrome," in which people are unable to speak or move but can think and reason.
"You have to imagine yourself lying in bed wanting to speak and move but unable to do so _ while in your head you are OK," Vanhaudenhuyse said. "It was extremely difficult for him and he showed a lot of anger, which is normal since he was very frustrated."
With so much to say after suffering for so long in silence, Houben has started writing a book.
"He lives from day to day," his 73-year-old mother said. "He can be funny and happy," but is also given to black humor.
Recently he went to his father's grave for the planting of a tree.
"A letter he wrote was lowered into the grave through a tube," his mother said. "He closed his eyes for half an hour, because he cannot cry."
There is little hope that Houben's physical condition will get better, but his mother said she refuses to give up: "We continue to search and search. For 26 years already."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was touched by the above article. It wasn't what happened in terms of the medical technology that i'm focusing on, but the admiration on how much his parents always believed in him. The strong belief eventually paid off. Sadly, his dad wasn't around to see that very date he could express himself, but definitely something his mum would be overjoyed about...
That's about it. Belief. How many of us hold of to a certain belief that one day, something will happen? We get easily disheartened at moments of failures that often, we do not see how we could have hold on and then stay firm.
'When you reach the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on'
How true can the above quote get? Giving up is easily..but it's always holding on that makes life more fulfilling, although it's tough.
BRUSSELS – For 23 torturous years, Rom Houben says he lay trapped in his paralyzed body, aware of what was going on around him but unable to tell anyone or even cry out.
The car-crash victim had been diagnosed as being in a vegetative state but appears to have been conscious the whole time. An expert using a specialized type of brain scan that was not available in the 1980s finally realized it, and unlocked Houben's mind again.
The 46-year-old Houben is now communicating with one finger and a special touchscreen on his wheelchair.
"Powerlessness. Utter powerlessness. At first I was angry, then I learned to live with it," he said, punching the message into the screen during an interview with the Belgian RTBF network, aired Monday. He has called his rescue his "renaissance."
Over the years, Houben's family refused to accept the word of his doctors, firmly believing their son knew what was happening around him, and gave no thought to letting him die, said his mother, Fina. She was vindicated when the breakthrough came.
"At that moment, you think, `Oh, my God. See, now you know.' I was always convinced," she said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press.
The discovery took place three years ago but only recently came to light, after publication of a study on the misdiagnosis of people with consciousness disorders.
While a 23-year error is highly unusual, the wrong diagnosis of patients with consciousness disorders is far too common, according to the study, led by Steven Laureys of Belgium's Coma Science Group.
"Despite the importance of diagnostic accuracy, the rate of misdiagnosis of vegetative state has not substantially changed in the past 15 years," the study said. Back then, studies found that "up to 43 percent of patients with disorders of consciousness are erroneously assigned a diagnosis of vegetative state."
The issue is fraught with difficult medical and ethical questions. Patients diagnosed as being in a vegetative state with no hope of recovery are sometimes allowed to die, as was done in 2005 with Terri Schiavo, the severely brain-damaged Florida woman at the center of the biggest right-to-die case in U.S. history. Her feeding tube was removed.
"It makes you think. There is still a lot of work to be done" to better diagnose such disorders, said Caroline Schnakers of the Coma Science Group.
Houben was injured in an auto accident in 1983 when he was 20. Doctors said he fell into a coma at first, then went into a vegetative state.
A coma is a state of unconsciousness in which the eyes are closed and the patient cannot be roused. A vegetative state is a condition in which the eyes are open and can move, and the patient has periods of sleep and periods of wakefulness, but remains unconscious and cannot reason or respond.
During Houben's two lost decades, his eyesight was poor, but the experts say he could hear doctors, nurses and visitors to his bedside, and feel the touch of a relative. He says that during that time, he heard his father had died, but he was unable to show any emotion.
Over the years, Houben's skeptical mother took him to the United States five times for tests. More searching got her in touch with Laureys, who put Houben through a PET scan.
"We saw his brain was almost normal," said neuropsychologist Audrey Vanhaudenhuyse, who has worked with Houben for three years.
The family and doctors then began trying to establish communication. A breakthrough came when he was able to indicate yes or no by slightly moving his foot to push a computer device placed there by Laureys' team. Then came the spelling of words using the touchscreen.
Houben's condition has since been diagnosed as a form of "locked-in syndrome," in which people are unable to speak or move but can think and reason.
"You have to imagine yourself lying in bed wanting to speak and move but unable to do so _ while in your head you are OK," Vanhaudenhuyse said. "It was extremely difficult for him and he showed a lot of anger, which is normal since he was very frustrated."
With so much to say after suffering for so long in silence, Houben has started writing a book.
"He lives from day to day," his 73-year-old mother said. "He can be funny and happy," but is also given to black humor.
Recently he went to his father's grave for the planting of a tree.
"A letter he wrote was lowered into the grave through a tube," his mother said. "He closed his eyes for half an hour, because he cannot cry."
There is little hope that Houben's physical condition will get better, but his mother said she refuses to give up: "We continue to search and search. For 26 years already."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was touched by the above article. It wasn't what happened in terms of the medical technology that i'm focusing on, but the admiration on how much his parents always believed in him. The strong belief eventually paid off. Sadly, his dad wasn't around to see that very date he could express himself, but definitely something his mum would be overjoyed about...
That's about it. Belief. How many of us hold of to a certain belief that one day, something will happen? We get easily disheartened at moments of failures that often, we do not see how we could have hold on and then stay firm.
'When you reach the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on'
How true can the above quote get? Giving up is easily..but it's always holding on that makes life more fulfilling, although it's tough.
Friday, November 20, 2009
一年就这样过了。。。
Just like that, one year has passed. So much has changed. My lifestyle, my feelings, my habits, my thinking, my mindset, my social circle, my room, my likings, my dislikes and my desktop has all changed either gradually or still in the process of changing since exactly one year ago.
Singlehood
Singlehood was hard initially. It was like a 'Welcome To The End Of The World' feeling. Besides, i've was attached for 30 months, not something i would considered short. I have fully come to terms with it, and i felt that i've moved on. Feelings fade along with time, and it certainly does. Although memories still lingers, it doesn't stay long enough for that 'once so strong feelings' to stay on. As time passes, it brings those feelings away, bit by bit, slowly and slowly, until at a certain point in time, some strong urge struck you and you felt a single, sour and aching feelingwhich makes you feel very weird. A feeling i can't explain, as though it's reminding me i lost someone whom i regard or rather, once regarded as my everything, a very part of my life. Few months back, it's like out of the sudden, when my ipod plays 'Close Your Eyes' by Westlife, i can be brought back into those memories out of the sudden and unknowingly, teary eyes follows.
Lessons Learnt
I must say how wonderful this one year has been. Firstly, this failed relationship made me learnt alot. Not only that, it made me realised things i probably never will if i remained in that relationship. I have her to thank, myself to thank and of course, all those who cared, loved and stand by me when it's considerably one of the toughest part of my life. This failed relationship taught me lots. 'Nothing come as a gift, treasure whatever you have' - I realise the harder meaning of this phrase. Never once will we human not take things for granted so we got to constantly remind ourselves. It's something so simple to be said yet extremely hard to carry it out. I learnt my faults, i learnt how i could have make things better than how it was, i learnt how much i've missed all because i wasn't sure of what i should be doing.
Love Turned Hatred
I could clearly remember how i used to blame her for everything. I just felt so unfair. I just felt so angry. I just felt totally hopeless. It felt like nearly end of the world, partly because i was so wrong, so wrong to treat her as my everything, my world. The love turned hatred was scary. Looking back, it was definitely scary, nevertheless, shocking. Someone whom you hold so dearly, someone whom you whisper speeches of sweet-nothings, someone whom you effortlessly give your love to, within a short span of time, turned into someone whom you hated and loved at the same time, turned into someone you felt out of the sudden turned into a complete stranger. I really never thought it would ever happen, and of course when it finally did, i least expect it to happen as well, but somehow, it just happened.
Just Never Want To Be
The hatred level got into a stage whereby i was so pissed at everything that i had to bear with. The pain of losing someone, the smashing of my very dream i held dearly and closely with me, the tremendous ordeal i had to endure...that affectionally earned her the title 'bitch'. Seriously, looking back, that was caused by my anger. It's like a bomb of guilt, shame and anguish has exploded into your world and the immediate reaction, afterwhich, became snowed under by despair and confusion over what actions should be taken. I never want to be the person to be in that situation in an otherwise perfectly good relationship, because that person immediately becomes the bad egg. Seriously, right now, i would rip her off that title, simply because i've moved on. Sometimes, it's so hard to see certain things when you are bearing grudges. It's so hard to look at things in another perspective. Right or wrong, it's not me to judge. But definitely, what she has done to me, isn't something i'm very proud of or happy with anyway.
Not Doing The Stupidest Thing
Initial period was so tough. If not for those people who was there for me, i wouldn't think i had the courage to even move on. I'm glad i didn't do things that would have made me regret should i have done it. The unbearable scene i've seen umpteen times, i could still recall. I nearly quitted my job. But wisely and luckily, i didn't. I hold on the that belief that if i ever do that, that would probably been one of the stupidest thing i've ever done in my entire life.
Moving On
Seriously, moving on is just a phase or rather a process. What happens after i've moved on is another part which i'm still having difficulty coping. Everything has changed so much. But thankfully, i have all the friends i loved as well as doing things i'll never be able to do should i still remain in that very relationship. Thinking back, i remember not so fondly of the suffering involved with getting over it. During this time, nothing seems to ease the pain. Life seems to be over and you just can't imagine being happy again. You can't even imagine not being miserable again. But gladly i accepted it. And probably that's who i moved on.
Happy Memories Are Meant To Be Kept
The acceptance came thankfully, fast although tough. No matter how much one wants to disassociate all those good memories, he or she can't. Same goes for me. I used to think it was those good memories which is making me harder to move on but slowly, i realise these memories are the memories which once made my life great and happy. That shouldn't be why i should forget it, instead, i'm even looking forward to creating more happy memories with people around me. Remembering the bad is even tougher but to really move on, one just got to accept it. I'm glad i did. I understand how important it is and thankfully that i am able to free myself of those unhappiness.
好马不吃回头草
Sometimes, i get questions like 'Do you still love her?' or 'If she comes back to you, will you patch back with her?'. Clearly, my answer would be no. Certain point of time early this year, my answer could have been a yes, but as time passes, it eventually turned into a no. Time to time again in between this very weird year, i reminded myself. It was so hard for me to say an indirect no to her, all because i want to be loved by her again. All good memories i had with her, stays with me throughout my whole life. However, i constantly tell myself how much i've overcome to be what i am today. It's a reminder i got to abide by, moreover, the idiom '好马不吃回头草' was so commonly mentioned by my mum and friends that it stays in my head all the time. One don't return to his nest all because it once provide him with that warmth he enjoyed so much. Now that the nest is destroyed, it's not easy to build another exact same one.
Letting Go
Letting go is probably one of the hardest thing i've ever done. It's probably one of the most painful realisation one ever has to make as well. Many thinks that holding on is what makes one stronger, but sometimes, letting go is what makes one stronger. To me, moving on doesn't equate to letting go. Moving on simply just means i've move out of that zone which has caused me so much unhappiness, however, letting go in this case to me means not holding anymore grudges, not having any feelings or hopes and sincerely wishing all the best to her. Come to think of all the emotional resources depleting just by dwelling alone, it's not worth it. It's took me only barely 2-3 months to move but took me a near to a year to really let go. Many people make pretend to understand it, but until you have gone through the transition yourself, you can never comprehend the pain one might feel.
Live With Faith
I habour the thoughts that we could be friends but things are made difficult. Let nature takes its course seems to be the only path. One story ending allows another story to takes over. I admitted how i dread singlehood initially, and seriously even till now, i'm still dreading it. It just feels so nice to love and be loved. If i can choose between the two though, i'll glady go for the former. That aside, i'm still having faith in myself, somehow, even if it's a little. That is probably what can keep me going on. Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life and letting your heart guide you alone the way like how a lantern in the dark.
Lies Persist
I'm still seeing lies on and off. It kind of numbs my nerve already. But usually now, i will just smile it off. I doubt i will be seeing any lies anymore anyway. It's seriously high time that it has to end, unfortunately, on a lower note.
Dwelling leads to More Pain
Time is too valuable in life to waste it on dwelling or harping onto the past. There are new things to be discover and of course, the courage must be there to risk it. I reckon i rather risk it rather than lose it. I always thought to myself, i've been through worse, what could have been even worse? It's not easy not to go back to what i was again. Repeatedly then, i fell back to my mistakes, and each time i do, it's a repeated painful cycle i have to go through. Thankfully, i didn't waste a huge chunk of my life. Much thanks to those who cared.
What Lies Ahead
Past one year, i shared alot, to those who cared and to those whom i care. I've been there and i know it's like. I faced so many failed relationship along the way of moving on and it made me realise how vulnerable relatonship can be. There's a quote i received from Bloms 'No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice'.
It's always better to concentrate on what you have rather than what you don't have. Ironic as it can be, i'm still trying to convince myself. It's beautiful to have that little belief in you, which i'll secretly keep it to myself. I had my fair share of friendships during this past one year, which even made me realise the importance of friendship, some close ones, some in the process of making it even better.
I remember and believe love will come around again. Whenever i look back right now, it's not those dark shadows and gloomy clouds i see, but it's those beautiful memories which once rainbow-ed my life and i definitely miss it. I'm still looking forward and someday, who knows, i'll find that 'her' again.
Singlehood
Singlehood was hard initially. It was like a 'Welcome To The End Of The World' feeling. Besides, i've was attached for 30 months, not something i would considered short. I have fully come to terms with it, and i felt that i've moved on. Feelings fade along with time, and it certainly does. Although memories still lingers, it doesn't stay long enough for that 'once so strong feelings' to stay on. As time passes, it brings those feelings away, bit by bit, slowly and slowly, until at a certain point in time, some strong urge struck you and you felt a single, sour and aching feelingwhich makes you feel very weird. A feeling i can't explain, as though it's reminding me i lost someone whom i regard or rather, once regarded as my everything, a very part of my life. Few months back, it's like out of the sudden, when my ipod plays 'Close Your Eyes' by Westlife, i can be brought back into those memories out of the sudden and unknowingly, teary eyes follows.
Lessons Learnt
I must say how wonderful this one year has been. Firstly, this failed relationship made me learnt alot. Not only that, it made me realised things i probably never will if i remained in that relationship. I have her to thank, myself to thank and of course, all those who cared, loved and stand by me when it's considerably one of the toughest part of my life. This failed relationship taught me lots. 'Nothing come as a gift, treasure whatever you have' - I realise the harder meaning of this phrase. Never once will we human not take things for granted so we got to constantly remind ourselves. It's something so simple to be said yet extremely hard to carry it out. I learnt my faults, i learnt how i could have make things better than how it was, i learnt how much i've missed all because i wasn't sure of what i should be doing.
Love Turned Hatred
I could clearly remember how i used to blame her for everything. I just felt so unfair. I just felt so angry. I just felt totally hopeless. It felt like nearly end of the world, partly because i was so wrong, so wrong to treat her as my everything, my world. The love turned hatred was scary. Looking back, it was definitely scary, nevertheless, shocking. Someone whom you hold so dearly, someone whom you whisper speeches of sweet-nothings, someone whom you effortlessly give your love to, within a short span of time, turned into someone whom you hated and loved at the same time, turned into someone you felt out of the sudden turned into a complete stranger. I really never thought it would ever happen, and of course when it finally did, i least expect it to happen as well, but somehow, it just happened.
Just Never Want To Be
The hatred level got into a stage whereby i was so pissed at everything that i had to bear with. The pain of losing someone, the smashing of my very dream i held dearly and closely with me, the tremendous ordeal i had to endure...that affectionally earned her the title 'bitch'. Seriously, looking back, that was caused by my anger. It's like a bomb of guilt, shame and anguish has exploded into your world and the immediate reaction, afterwhich, became snowed under by despair and confusion over what actions should be taken. I never want to be the person to be in that situation in an otherwise perfectly good relationship, because that person immediately becomes the bad egg. Seriously, right now, i would rip her off that title, simply because i've moved on. Sometimes, it's so hard to see certain things when you are bearing grudges. It's so hard to look at things in another perspective. Right or wrong, it's not me to judge. But definitely, what she has done to me, isn't something i'm very proud of or happy with anyway.
Not Doing The Stupidest Thing
Initial period was so tough. If not for those people who was there for me, i wouldn't think i had the courage to even move on. I'm glad i didn't do things that would have made me regret should i have done it. The unbearable scene i've seen umpteen times, i could still recall. I nearly quitted my job. But wisely and luckily, i didn't. I hold on the that belief that if i ever do that, that would probably been one of the stupidest thing i've ever done in my entire life.
Moving On
Seriously, moving on is just a phase or rather a process. What happens after i've moved on is another part which i'm still having difficulty coping. Everything has changed so much. But thankfully, i have all the friends i loved as well as doing things i'll never be able to do should i still remain in that very relationship. Thinking back, i remember not so fondly of the suffering involved with getting over it. During this time, nothing seems to ease the pain. Life seems to be over and you just can't imagine being happy again. You can't even imagine not being miserable again. But gladly i accepted it. And probably that's who i moved on.
Happy Memories Are Meant To Be Kept
The acceptance came thankfully, fast although tough. No matter how much one wants to disassociate all those good memories, he or she can't. Same goes for me. I used to think it was those good memories which is making me harder to move on but slowly, i realise these memories are the memories which once made my life great and happy. That shouldn't be why i should forget it, instead, i'm even looking forward to creating more happy memories with people around me. Remembering the bad is even tougher but to really move on, one just got to accept it. I'm glad i did. I understand how important it is and thankfully that i am able to free myself of those unhappiness.
好马不吃回头草
Sometimes, i get questions like 'Do you still love her?' or 'If she comes back to you, will you patch back with her?'. Clearly, my answer would be no. Certain point of time early this year, my answer could have been a yes, but as time passes, it eventually turned into a no. Time to time again in between this very weird year, i reminded myself. It was so hard for me to say an indirect no to her, all because i want to be loved by her again. All good memories i had with her, stays with me throughout my whole life. However, i constantly tell myself how much i've overcome to be what i am today. It's a reminder i got to abide by, moreover, the idiom '好马不吃回头草' was so commonly mentioned by my mum and friends that it stays in my head all the time. One don't return to his nest all because it once provide him with that warmth he enjoyed so much. Now that the nest is destroyed, it's not easy to build another exact same one.
Letting Go
Letting go is probably one of the hardest thing i've ever done. It's probably one of the most painful realisation one ever has to make as well. Many thinks that holding on is what makes one stronger, but sometimes, letting go is what makes one stronger. To me, moving on doesn't equate to letting go. Moving on simply just means i've move out of that zone which has caused me so much unhappiness, however, letting go in this case to me means not holding anymore grudges, not having any feelings or hopes and sincerely wishing all the best to her. Come to think of all the emotional resources depleting just by dwelling alone, it's not worth it. It's took me only barely 2-3 months to move but took me a near to a year to really let go. Many people make pretend to understand it, but until you have gone through the transition yourself, you can never comprehend the pain one might feel.
Live With Faith
I habour the thoughts that we could be friends but things are made difficult. Let nature takes its course seems to be the only path. One story ending allows another story to takes over. I admitted how i dread singlehood initially, and seriously even till now, i'm still dreading it. It just feels so nice to love and be loved. If i can choose between the two though, i'll glady go for the former. That aside, i'm still having faith in myself, somehow, even if it's a little. That is probably what can keep me going on. Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life and letting your heart guide you alone the way like how a lantern in the dark.
Lies Persist
I'm still seeing lies on and off. It kind of numbs my nerve already. But usually now, i will just smile it off. I doubt i will be seeing any lies anymore anyway. It's seriously high time that it has to end, unfortunately, on a lower note.
Dwelling leads to More Pain
Time is too valuable in life to waste it on dwelling or harping onto the past. There are new things to be discover and of course, the courage must be there to risk it. I reckon i rather risk it rather than lose it. I always thought to myself, i've been through worse, what could have been even worse? It's not easy not to go back to what i was again. Repeatedly then, i fell back to my mistakes, and each time i do, it's a repeated painful cycle i have to go through. Thankfully, i didn't waste a huge chunk of my life. Much thanks to those who cared.
What Lies Ahead
Past one year, i shared alot, to those who cared and to those whom i care. I've been there and i know it's like. I faced so many failed relationship along the way of moving on and it made me realise how vulnerable relatonship can be. There's a quote i received from Bloms 'No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice'.
It's always better to concentrate on what you have rather than what you don't have. Ironic as it can be, i'm still trying to convince myself. It's beautiful to have that little belief in you, which i'll secretly keep it to myself. I had my fair share of friendships during this past one year, which even made me realise the importance of friendship, some close ones, some in the process of making it even better.
I remember and believe love will come around again. Whenever i look back right now, it's not those dark shadows and gloomy clouds i see, but it's those beautiful memories which once rainbow-ed my life and i definitely miss it. I'm still looking forward and someday, who knows, i'll find that 'her' again.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
I'm Tired...
I'm tired. Really exhausted. Not only from the lack of sleep i'm facing, but also the stress from my studies. It's nearly driving me nuts. Most doesn't seem to understand what i'm facing. Studying part time, working full time - it's never been on my agenda. If i could choose, i would love to study full time, be a student full time, enjoy campus life and go through what i used to went through.
Sometimes, all i really need, is just that little bit of understanding, Understand why i have to do what i'm doing. Don't try changing what i have. Don't try and take away what i have as well.
I feel so disappointed i'm not getting the support i need sometimes. It makes my life so difficult. Plus the fact, i realised it's not just me being affected, my loved ones are affected as well. Putting me in a difficult position, i don't mind. But letting it affected my loved ones, i can't accept it. I feel totally helpless. It seems like there's nothing i could do.
It's just for a while more. I'm already tied up with my studies, plus my work is giving me some minor little problems, not to mention what's already burdening my heart. It's so much easier to offer advices to others, when you realise you are facing with the same problems, you are stuck...Oh, how ironic...it's like when you are really at the end of the rope and you're supposed to tie a knot and hang on, but in the end, you went to hang (yea bloms, i know you're going to smile, wahaa) yourself instead....i pray for December to come fast
Meanwhile, thank you mummy for being there for me, as always
Sometimes, all i really need, is just that little bit of understanding, Understand why i have to do what i'm doing. Don't try changing what i have. Don't try and take away what i have as well.
I feel so disappointed i'm not getting the support i need sometimes. It makes my life so difficult. Plus the fact, i realised it's not just me being affected, my loved ones are affected as well. Putting me in a difficult position, i don't mind. But letting it affected my loved ones, i can't accept it. I feel totally helpless. It seems like there's nothing i could do.
It's just for a while more. I'm already tied up with my studies, plus my work is giving me some minor little problems, not to mention what's already burdening my heart. It's so much easier to offer advices to others, when you realise you are facing with the same problems, you are stuck...Oh, how ironic...it's like when you are really at the end of the rope and you're supposed to tie a knot and hang on, but in the end, you went to hang (yea bloms, i know you're going to smile, wahaa) yourself instead....i pray for December to come fast
Meanwhile, thank you mummy for being there for me, as always
Sunday, November 15, 2009
No More Regrets..
They say life is always full of regrets..but each time, a regret takes sooo long to be forgotten. Some stays with you for a long time, and some even for life...My heart's too heavy and there's no more room for anymore regrets...anymore and i'll probably go haywire....
No more regrets please...
No more regrets please...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Happy Singles' Day
It's 11 Nov 09. Happy Singles' Day to every Singles out there....Someday, i'm sure, some singles out there will not have to spend this day ever...all the best...
Sunday, November 08, 2009
剧本。。。
突然的这几天心情都很低落。没什么心情去做任何事。做起事来无精打采，抱着一种一秒过着一秒的心情过着每一天。
心里觉得很沉重。但也说不起来那种感觉或为什么。我发现我已经失去我早已遗失的信心。我好像与很多事脱落了。好多从前看得懂的东西，到了现在变得模糊不清。 很自然的时间不管怎样都会冲淡一切。好的时光总是结束得好快，而不好的时刻总是跟着时间而慢慢的才会结束。但不管怎样那些时光迟早都会结束。
在新加坡这个社会，真的是太现实了。我看到了这社会与人之间的磨岔。丑陋的人，我看过了。在这个残酷的社会，人变得怎样肯本并不是他们的错。有时我会感到厌倦。看着我那些在外国的朋友，以及自从我开始在这行混，我看到和学到的东西真的很多很多。不管是人际关系，地里，文化或则事物。的却，我曾经想过到外国生活，也许几年后我可能会那么做。
我想每一个人的生活，也只有一个剧本吧。这本剧本要怎么写，而剧中的故事要怎么完美，完完全全就掌握在自己的手里。一本剧本要有它的低潮和高峰才能显出它的美。我才刚刚写完我的低潮，现在我就得望着高潮，继续的写我的剧本。
Sunday, November 01, 2009
恋爱的滋味
可能是单身了一阵子。可能是身边的朋友一个个都甜甜蜜蜜地在谈着恋爱。很奇怪的，自己开始在回想那时的情景 - 浪漫，纯真，简单，甜蜜。到了现在，我也不知道我自己是真么撑过来的。近来几个月都是一样，好像有点抱着一天过着一天的那种感觉。有时候，会觉得有一点空虚，好像生命里少了什么似的，但也有时候，会感到很庆幸以把过去给抛在一边。
不管怎么讲，那个狠心的阴影还在。但我本身还是很渴望在一次谈恋爱。好想在你最需要某个人的时候，她都会在。好想在我苦与乐的同时，也有那某个人来跟我一起分享。那内心深处所渴望的都慢慢地离我而去。但人往往都是这样，在我们都拥有的时候，我们都不去珍惜它，非得在失去它了过后，才来觉得好后悔。
当时的我，以把它当作是第一，唯一，最后的一次了。但回想起来，好像会对自己很不公平。我不知道要怎样形容，也只觉得这样。可能是在我生命里，还有很多人给我那份希望。一次的失败，并不代表永远的没希望。有人曾跟我说，好马不吃回头草。我也用了一点点的小时间来明白那简单而又深沟的道理。
亲情，友情，爱情。到了现在，我还是觉得生命也就只有这些。但是这些感情事，并不是单单只讲感情罢了，也就是因为这样，那简单的两个字，也变得复杂多了。就算是这样，我还是很渴望再与爱情摩擦多一次。
不管怎么讲，那个狠心的阴影还在。但我本身还是很渴望在一次谈恋爱。好想在你最需要某个人的时候，她都会在。好想在我苦与乐的同时，也有那某个人来跟我一起分享。那内心深处所渴望的都慢慢地离我而去。但人往往都是这样，在我们都拥有的时候，我们都不去珍惜它，非得在失去它了过后，才来觉得好后悔。
当时的我，以把它当作是第一，唯一，最后的一次了。但回想起来，好像会对自己很不公平。我不知道要怎样形容，也只觉得这样。可能是在我生命里，还有很多人给我那份希望。一次的失败，并不代表永远的没希望。有人曾跟我说，好马不吃回头草。我也用了一点点的小时间来明白那简单而又深沟的道理。
亲情，友情，爱情。到了现在，我还是觉得生命也就只有这些。但是这些感情事，并不是单单只讲感情罢了，也就是因为这样，那简单的两个字，也变得复杂多了。就算是这样，我还是很渴望再与爱情摩擦多一次。
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
On Route To Hokkaido
After i'm done with post, i swear i'm going to sleep. This whole tour leading trip is nothing but memorable, for both right and wrong reasons. As i'm typing, i can still hear the 'wong wong wong' hollowing sound just within my right ear, coughing as i typed along as well.
It's a fun trip. Really fun. It's a totally different from how on the day before, i dreaded going. It feels good to mingle with group passengers, talk and crap with the funny tour guide and of course not forgetting the beautiful scenary that Hokkaido has to offer during Autumn time. If only tour leading can be a job, i would most certainly be glad to take it on. Imagine, your whole life will be travelling, enjoying, interacting, very different from those collar-bound job, sitting in front of the computer and stressing as you type.
It's even funnier when everyone starts to ask if i'm single and one by one, they start to tell me how they want to introduce girls for me. Funny. I've met different sorts of people before and for this trip, there's really lots of interesting people. Some became friends and sometimes, you can really see the power of Singaporean Auntie. I suppose the international hobby of girls is mainly dominated by Aunties, Singaporean Aunties. They can shop from the start, all the way until the departing airport. Already last call, still can shop. Awesome. It's even funnier when it's obvious that shops are already closed on certain nights and they will go 'where can we go shopping tonight?'. I take my hat off them.
I finally had my collection of KitKat from Japan. At last, not forgetting my beloved 白色恋人. On the whole, the trip was great.
However, memorable because of the wrong reasons as well. Feeling sick nearly throughout the whole trip. The weather didn't help much as it makes everything else worse. Flu, cough, fever...you name it. The flight back completes the torture, the pressure change make my right ear nearly deaf. I can't help it. How i wish i can tour lead again....
On a side note, i can't forget how i cried a few times on the plane when i was watch My Sister's Keeper and the Japanese guy beside must have thought i misses home so much....
It's a fun trip. Really fun. It's a totally different from how on the day before, i dreaded going. It feels good to mingle with group passengers, talk and crap with the funny tour guide and of course not forgetting the beautiful scenary that Hokkaido has to offer during Autumn time. If only tour leading can be a job, i would most certainly be glad to take it on. Imagine, your whole life will be travelling, enjoying, interacting, very different from those collar-bound job, sitting in front of the computer and stressing as you type.
It's even funnier when everyone starts to ask if i'm single and one by one, they start to tell me how they want to introduce girls for me. Funny. I've met different sorts of people before and for this trip, there's really lots of interesting people. Some became friends and sometimes, you can really see the power of Singaporean Auntie. I suppose the international hobby of girls is mainly dominated by Aunties, Singaporean Aunties. They can shop from the start, all the way until the departing airport. Already last call, still can shop. Awesome. It's even funnier when it's obvious that shops are already closed on certain nights and they will go 'where can we go shopping tonight?'. I take my hat off them.
I finally had my collection of KitKat from Japan. At last, not forgetting my beloved 白色恋人. On the whole, the trip was great.
However, memorable because of the wrong reasons as well. Feeling sick nearly throughout the whole trip. The weather didn't help much as it makes everything else worse. Flu, cough, fever...you name it. The flight back completes the torture, the pressure change make my right ear nearly deaf. I can't help it. How i wish i can tour lead again....
On a side note, i can't forget how i cried a few times on the plane when i was watch My Sister's Keeper and the Japanese guy beside must have thought i misses home so much....
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Mad Rush
Hectic month. And worse, it's barely after halfway. Changes. How many of us can cope and adapt to it so well? The re-scheduling of the roster, changing on certain structure and moving on a different direction. It is too much to ask for and for us, too much to take.
Apart from the very fact that people has been asked to leave, some are sill leavung on their own accord, one even to the extent to forking out a one month pay worth and leave immediately. Roster forced us to work during the weekend like never before, and messed up the whole system during the weekday schedule. Now, mistakes occured more often than ever before. Everyone's stressed, with low morale.
I've never been so stressed before over work. You see the real ugly side of people. Also, you get to see people whom you can really trust. I have been affected by this roster so much as that i'm missing out on my social life, family life as well as my studies. It has been affected so badly that i'm missing out on my projects deadlines, doing and trying to complete it at wee hours as well as skipping lessons. Gosh...I almost had a nervous breakdown.
Solutions had better come fast before i can sense more even leaving myself. Meanwhile, i'm glad i am the land of the rising sun, temporaily away from office work.
Over here in Nihon, it's cold, cold, cold and cold. Nothing but cold. I misses the Sapporo Ramen, Bai Se Lian Ren, Corn Chocolate, Sashimi and this time round, i must try and Alaska crab and Sea Urchin...Yummy yummy...
Apart from the very fact that people has been asked to leave, some are sill leavung on their own accord, one even to the extent to forking out a one month pay worth and leave immediately. Roster forced us to work during the weekend like never before, and messed up the whole system during the weekday schedule. Now, mistakes occured more often than ever before. Everyone's stressed, with low morale.
I've never been so stressed before over work. You see the real ugly side of people. Also, you get to see people whom you can really trust. I have been affected by this roster so much as that i'm missing out on my social life, family life as well as my studies. It has been affected so badly that i'm missing out on my projects deadlines, doing and trying to complete it at wee hours as well as skipping lessons. Gosh...I almost had a nervous breakdown.
Solutions had better come fast before i can sense more even leaving myself. Meanwhile, i'm glad i am the land of the rising sun, temporaily away from office work.
Over here in Nihon, it's cold, cold, cold and cold. Nothing but cold. I misses the Sapporo Ramen, Bai Se Lian Ren, Corn Chocolate, Sashimi and this time round, i must try and Alaska crab and Sea Urchin...Yummy yummy...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Little By Little
Fought for own existence to get the attention..
Dream the dream that never expects any resistance..
Fading like stars among the night sky are how the feelings could be..
Little by little, everything that could be dreamt of was given..
Little by little, the pieces of dreams starts to shatter and came off..
To give it all in life and all the time, in the end, only to ponder why..
True perfection has to be imperfect, although foolish but it's true..
The day has come for acceptance..
So....this is it....
Dream the dream that never expects any resistance..
Fading like stars among the night sky are how the feelings could be..
Little by little, everything that could be dreamt of was given..
Little by little, the pieces of dreams starts to shatter and came off..
To give it all in life and all the time, in the end, only to ponder why..
True perfection has to be imperfect, although foolish but it's true..
The day has come for acceptance..
So....this is it....
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Read My Mind
How easy is it to read someone's mind? How good or bad would it even be if we possess the special capability to do so? But it all still seems so impossible. We humans can only make it easier to read someone's mind, but definitely, we can't simply read it off without understanding that person.
Often, misunderstanding occurs. And that can be one of the worst thing that can be happening to me. I hate to be in a situation whereby i caught in between trying to explain myself clearly, and at the same time, already been misunderstood by others. Precisely, it's because of this tiring explanation job, many don't even bother to explain at times. Till time either fade that misunderstanding, or if not, wait till things get worse, that relationship will be torn, possibly forever.
It always seems to us that what we remark in this consciousness is obvious. Hidden meaning aren't easy to be noticed or even discovered. Speak with empathy, make logical or educated guesses on what the person might be thinking, observe his eyes and actions...all in all, it's tiring, but necessary.
Maintaining a relationship factors in understanding whoever is involved, including spending time to do what's mentioned above. Once that level of understanding is reached, slowly, the chances of misunderstanding is minimized. Ever seen buddies who can simply just click the moment they meet? They could even know what the other party is thinking. That bond i called it, is inseperable. It's almost telepathy. I wish i could have that with all my friends, and i really do....
Often, misunderstanding occurs. And that can be one of the worst thing that can be happening to me. I hate to be in a situation whereby i caught in between trying to explain myself clearly, and at the same time, already been misunderstood by others. Precisely, it's because of this tiring explanation job, many don't even bother to explain at times. Till time either fade that misunderstanding, or if not, wait till things get worse, that relationship will be torn, possibly forever.
It always seems to us that what we remark in this consciousness is obvious. Hidden meaning aren't easy to be noticed or even discovered. Speak with empathy, make logical or educated guesses on what the person might be thinking, observe his eyes and actions...all in all, it's tiring, but necessary.
Maintaining a relationship factors in understanding whoever is involved, including spending time to do what's mentioned above. Once that level of understanding is reached, slowly, the chances of misunderstanding is minimized. Ever seen buddies who can simply just click the moment they meet? They could even know what the other party is thinking. That bond i called it, is inseperable. It's almost telepathy. I wish i could have that with all my friends, and i really do....
Friday, October 02, 2009
No, I'm Not
Not a dog
Not a puppt
Not an idiot
Not a toy
Not a retard
Not a dimwit
Not a fool
Not a jackass
Not a sparetyre
Not a pet
Not a backup
Not a sucker
Not a kid
Try harder....
Not a puppt
Not an idiot
Not a toy
Not a retard
Not a dimwit
Not a fool
Not a jackass
Not a sparetyre
Not a pet
Not a backup
Not a sucker
Not a kid
Try harder....
Saturday, September 26, 2009
It Really Hurts
My problem took a huge turn. The pain wasn't just pain, it's nearly unbearable when i moved into certain positions. Standing up from a sitting down position became a detestable task which i've been doing so easily in the past. Probably, it's until the edge of losing something that you realise how precious it is.
My lecturer was saying, Human Beings living in a cosmopolitan society like Singapore has taken things for granted way too often. She simply mentioned some words to describe it all - 'the backyard syndrome'. She further explains how a person couldn't be bothered with his backyard until a day when someone throws something into the backyard then only will he worry.
For things even as simple as walking could be taken for granted, same goes to eyesight, sense of hearing etc. Ask the blind and they'll tell you how lucky you are.
For now, i just wished my back can recover fast. I miss bending down wearing my shoes and socks, i miss lying down flat on my bed and sleep, i miss jogging and running.......
My lecturer was saying, Human Beings living in a cosmopolitan society like Singapore has taken things for granted way too often. She simply mentioned some words to describe it all - 'the backyard syndrome'. She further explains how a person couldn't be bothered with his backyard until a day when someone throws something into the backyard then only will he worry.
For things even as simple as walking could be taken for granted, same goes to eyesight, sense of hearing etc. Ask the blind and they'll tell you how lucky you are.
For now, i just wished my back can recover fast. I miss bending down wearing my shoes and socks, i miss lying down flat on my bed and sleep, i miss jogging and running.......
Friday, September 25, 2009
Happy Birthday Don
It's 24 September again. Coincidentally, it's the celebration of this 24 years of wonderful life. I'm glad i walked near half of that and made a wonderful friend. Happy 24th Birthday and May All Your Wishes Come True!! Just a few quote to celebrate your birthday as a friend alongside with our friendship! Cheers!
- Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief
- Friendship is never finished, only abandoned
- A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out
- The language of friendship is not words but meanings
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------On the side note, i was especially touched by LayHuannies and Jon for the pillow they bought. No words can explain or describe how surprising and touched i am. They learnt about my back problem and poof, they got me a pillow.
Sometimes, it's the words and actions that makes all the difference. Spread it all people. Cheers
Monday, September 21, 2009
I'm a Superman
I thought everything well over and done with. I THOUGHT. Yet, rubbish always find its way to my ears. However, i'm not the same as before, or just thought she thinks i am. I found just a song which totally speaks myself out. There you go, Superman by Eminem.
Dina Rae: Mmmmm..
Marshall: You high baby?
Dina Rae: Yeahhh
Eminem: Oh yeah?
Dina Rae: Talk to me
Eminem: You want me to tell you somethin?
Dina Rae: Uh-huh
Eminem: I know what you want to hear
[ Chorus ] [ Eminem and Dina Rae ]
I know you want me baby, I think I want you too
(I think I love you baby) I think I love you too
I'm here to save you girl, come be in Shady's world
I want to grow together, let's let our love unfurl
You know you want me baby, you know I want you too
They call me Superman, I'm here to rescue you
I want to save you girl, come be in Shady's world
(Ooh boy you drive me crazy) Bitch, you make me hurl
[ Verse 1 ]
They call me Superman
Leap tall hoes in a single bound, I'm single now
Got no ring on this finger now
I'd never let another chick bring me down
in a relationship, save it bitch
Babysit? You make me sick
Superman ain't savin shit
Girl you can jump on Shady's dick
Straight from the hip, cut to the chase
I tell a muh'fuckin slut to her face
Play no games, say no names
Ever since I broke up with what's-her-face
I'm a different man, kiss my ass
Kiss my lips, bitch why ask?
Kiss my dick - get my cash?
I'd rather have you whip my ass
Don't put out, I'll put you out
Won't get out, I'll push you out
Puss blew out, poppin shit
Wouldn't piss on fire to put you out
Am I too nice, to buy you ice?
Bitch if you died, wouldn't buy you life
What you tryin to be my new wife?
What you Mariah? Fly through twice
[ Bridge ]
But I do know one thing though
Bitches, they come they go
Saturday through Sunday, Monday
Monday through Sunday yo
Maybe I'll love you one day
Maybe we'll someday grow
'Til then just sit your drunk ass
on that fuckin runway ho
[ Chorus ]
Cause I can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman
Can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman
I can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman
Can't be your Superman, your Superman your Superman
[ Verse 2 ]
Don't get me wrong - I love these hoes
It's no secret, everybody knows
Yeah we fucked, bitch so what?
That's about as far as your buddy goes
We'll be friends, I'll call you again
I'll chase you around every bar you attend
Never know what kind of car I'll be in
We'll see how much you'll be partyin then
You don't want that, neither do I
I don't want to flip when I see you with guys
Too much pride, between you and I
Not a jealous man but females lie
But I guess that's just what sluts do
How could it ever be just us two?
I'd never love you enough to trust you
We just met and I just fucked you
[ Bridge ]
[ Chorus ]
[ Verse 3 ]
First thing you say, "I'm not fazed I hang around big stars all day
I don't see what the big deal is anyway you're just plain old Marshall to me"
Ooh yea girl run that game "Hailie Jade? I love that name!
Love that tattoo - what's that say?, rot in pieces? uh, that's great"
First off you don't know Marshall, at all so don't grow partial
That's ammo for my arsenal, I'll slap you off that bar stool
There goes another lawsuit leave handprints all across you
Good Lordy whodi, you must be gone off that water bottle
You want what you can't have, Ooh girl that's too damn bad
Don't touch what you can't grab, end up with two backhands
Put anthrax on a tampax and slap you 'til you can't stand
Girl you just blew your chance don't mean to ruin your plans
[ Bridge ]
[ Chorus ]
Dina Rae: Mmmmm..
Marshall: You high baby?
Dina Rae: Yeahhh
Eminem: Oh yeah?
Dina Rae: Talk to me
Eminem: You want me to tell you somethin?
Dina Rae: Uh-huh
Eminem: I know what you want to hear
[ Chorus ] [ Eminem and Dina Rae ]
I know you want me baby, I think I want you too
(I think I love you baby) I think I love you too
I'm here to save you girl, come be in Shady's world
I want to grow together, let's let our love unfurl
You know you want me baby, you know I want you too
They call me Superman, I'm here to rescue you
I want to save you girl, come be in Shady's world
(Ooh boy you drive me crazy) Bitch, you make me hurl
[ Verse 1 ]
They call me Superman
Leap tall hoes in a single bound, I'm single now
Got no ring on this finger now
I'd never let another chick bring me down
in a relationship, save it bitch
Babysit? You make me sick
Superman ain't savin shit
Girl you can jump on Shady's dick
Straight from the hip, cut to the chase
I tell a muh'fuckin slut to her face
Play no games, say no names
Ever since I broke up with what's-her-face
I'm a different man, kiss my ass
Kiss my lips, bitch why ask?
Kiss my dick - get my cash?
I'd rather have you whip my ass
Don't put out, I'll put you out
Won't get out, I'll push you out
Puss blew out, poppin shit
Wouldn't piss on fire to put you out
Am I too nice, to buy you ice?
Bitch if you died, wouldn't buy you life
What you tryin to be my new wife?
What you Mariah? Fly through twice
[ Bridge ]
But I do know one thing though
Bitches, they come they go
Saturday through Sunday, Monday
Monday through Sunday yo
Maybe I'll love you one day
Maybe we'll someday grow
'Til then just sit your drunk ass
on that fuckin runway ho
[ Chorus ]
Cause I can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman
Can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman
I can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman
Can't be your Superman, your Superman your Superman
[ Verse 2 ]
Don't get me wrong - I love these hoes
It's no secret, everybody knows
Yeah we fucked, bitch so what?
That's about as far as your buddy goes
We'll be friends, I'll call you again
I'll chase you around every bar you attend
Never know what kind of car I'll be in
We'll see how much you'll be partyin then
You don't want that, neither do I
I don't want to flip when I see you with guys
Too much pride, between you and I
Not a jealous man but females lie
But I guess that's just what sluts do
How could it ever be just us two?
I'd never love you enough to trust you
We just met and I just fucked you
[ Bridge ]
[ Chorus ]
[ Verse 3 ]
First thing you say, "I'm not fazed I hang around big stars all day
I don't see what the big deal is anyway you're just plain old Marshall to me"
Ooh yea girl run that game "Hailie Jade? I love that name!
Love that tattoo - what's that say?, rot in pieces? uh, that's great"
First off you don't know Marshall, at all so don't grow partial
That's ammo for my arsenal, I'll slap you off that bar stool
There goes another lawsuit leave handprints all across you
Good Lordy whodi, you must be gone off that water bottle
You want what you can't have, Ooh girl that's too damn bad
Don't touch what you can't grab, end up with two backhands
Put anthrax on a tampax and slap you 'til you can't stand
Girl you just blew your chance don't mean to ruin your plans
[ Bridge ]
[ Chorus ]
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Bad Bad Day
Broken Heart = Death
Chanced this upon a website. It seems like we human beings can literally die from a broken heart. So whatever it is, it's always better to take things at your own stride. I've heard of stories on how a lady passed away just 2 days after her partner did. A wake for one could easily turn into a wake for two.
It's always better to show concern to family or even friends who're on their down side of life. I'll never forgot how my broken heart is mended, much due to those who really showed and showered me with the necessary concern and support.
Read this article and you'll know the consequences.
Heartbreak increases heart attack risk
| |
SYDNEY : People mourning the loss of a loved one are six times more likely to suffer cardiac arrest, potential proof that you can indeed die of a broken heart, Australian researchers said Tuesday.
According to a Heart Foundation study of the physical changes suffered immediately after a profound loss, grieving people were at significantly higher risk of heart problems, said lead researcher Thomas Buckley.
"We found higher blood pressure, increased heart rate and changes to immune system and clotting that would increase the risk of heart attack," Buckley said.
Of the 160 people studied, half were mourning the loss of a partner or child, and their risk of heart attack increased six-fold, he said.
The risk, which was evident in people as young as 30, reduced after six months and levelled out after two years, he added.
A sudden flood of stress hormones is believed to be behind the grief-induced heartache, a condition that earlier studies have found is more likely to affect women.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Hectic, Furlough, Reality
NATAS Fair was a killer. It took a heavy toil on me. It was successful and i thought all those bookings were manageable. But it never turned out to be so, much due to expected but unforeseen circumstances. Seems abit contradicting but it's really how things are now. Given all the hard work and stuff, to think that i was shocked by the figure produced today by our General Manager. For a relatively decent sized company like UOB Travel, from start of the year till now, the company only made 4k. YES, you didn't see wrongly, only $4000.00 bucks!
This piece of news alarmed me. Those news on how NATAS broke its record in travel sales, those news on how H1N1 and economic downturn aren't preventing people from travelling, those news on how Singaporeans are gaining the confidence to travel suddenly seems so inaccurate. The figure of profit made me feel how insignificant i am. It's a weird and uncertain feeling.
Post NATAS was of intense atmosphere. Staying up late at work became a routine. I miss my bed, i miss my mum's home cooked food, i miss lazing in front of my computer, i miss going out for a dinner and catch up with my friends.....but i haven't been able to do much of that lately.
Macau was spectacular. Hong Kong was amazing and yummy. Everything else was comforting and nice, a great escape from the pile-up of work and rantings of some.
But yet again, it's back to the battlefield and i really dread the life of 8.30am to 11pm work. I feel like an ox, on a never ending ready-to-be-harvested plot of land...can i just...give it up? But one thing to bad glad about i passed my exams, with another burden in mind....
This piece of news alarmed me. Those news on how NATAS broke its record in travel sales, those news on how H1N1 and economic downturn aren't preventing people from travelling, those news on how Singaporeans are gaining the confidence to travel suddenly seems so inaccurate. The figure of profit made me feel how insignificant i am. It's a weird and uncertain feeling.
Post NATAS was of intense atmosphere. Staying up late at work became a routine. I miss my bed, i miss my mum's home cooked food, i miss lazing in front of my computer, i miss going out for a dinner and catch up with my friends.....but i haven't been able to do much of that lately.
Macau was spectacular. Hong Kong was amazing and yummy. Everything else was comforting and nice, a great escape from the pile-up of work and rantings of some.
But yet again, it's back to the battlefield and i really dread the life of 8.30am to 11pm work. I feel like an ox, on a never ending ready-to-be-harvested plot of land...can i just...give it up? But one thing to bad glad about i passed my exams, with another burden in mind....
What the Modern Woman Wants
Do take some time to read this essay. Definitely worth reading. Enjoy!
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- to 18-year-olds, has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries..
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls' School chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled What The Modern Woman Wants, focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-versus-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician.
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in 2000, said Britain 's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the competition since 1883. Enjoy reading folks...
What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance''Liquidation' 'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.
The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap.. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.
The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.
The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall.
Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook.
Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.
What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.
She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned.. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values.. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less.. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.
The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.
'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road . Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home.
There's one near Hougang - it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.'
'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is everything okay?' What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.
'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.'
Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love, Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...
Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear.. 'Stocks 10% increase!'
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- to 18-year-olds, has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries..
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls' School chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled What The Modern Woman Wants, focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-versus-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician.
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in 2000, said Britain 's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the competition since 1883. Enjoy reading folks...
What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance''Liquidation' 'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.
The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap.. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.
The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.
The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall.
Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook.
Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.
What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.
She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned.. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values.. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less.. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.
The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.
'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road . Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home.
There's one near Hougang - it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.'
'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is everything okay?' What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.
'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.'
Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love, Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...
Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear.. 'Stocks 10% increase!'
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.
