Huge Dilemma

I can't help, but simply feel that I'm really STUCK at the crossroads. It's no simple route by any means. On my left, it’s the tangible items that attracts (2 months of wages with 13th month bonus), on my right, it’s the prospect of career advancement with a better salary payout.

Being where I am now, I chose to blame my company for poor Human Resource management. The lack of review in its remuneration of existing colleagues, especially more so for subsidiary. It doesn't work on the basis where a subsidiary level colleagues should be treated differently in the very first place, not even to mention how biased they can be.

To put it simply, I'm underpaid, and that makes it very difficult to me to request or expect my salary to be on par with the market, alongside with my fellow graduates so to speak. To be honest, this stepping stone that I initially thought proved to be a huge mistake. I felt that the longer I stay, my value depreciates even further.

That has dealt me a great blow. Had I known it earlier, I would have left. But the prospect of learning what I need for future, kept my heart and soul. Unfortunately, my hopes of depending on that one person who can guide me and teach me, failed me thoroughly.

There I went, bent and set on leaving. It's back to the bad old days where job searching is definitely draining me mentally and eating up my precious time. But that's the only way to go, as I come to realize this harsh truth.

Job searching, going for interview etc are such a mental torture. It leaves you with too much an uncertainty to bear, which actually translate to various negative feelings. But having said that, the good thing is, my source of income is still intact.

Time wait for no one, especially for people like me. To take this chance, while I still have that drive, passion and strength in me, I ought to think for myself, to prevent myself for really wasting my own time because whatever I am doing now, is simply not productive and it doesn't gain me experience I require. It's definitely time to move on now...i reckon, for now, I'll still have to perform that mental torturing routine