Finally on 12/12/06, i'm officially an Ammunition Technician. This vocation may sound very technical but it's more to that. I never mention before what i've learnt. Though for the past few weeks, i didn't absorb totally what is taught to us or rather what was given to us, but it seems that this vocation require u to know a vast knowledge of ammunition. Yea! Soon i'll be sewing my fire badge on and after that, my cpl rank very soon..

Finally, my 2 days leave is here. I'm so deprived of a long break ever since i cleared my leave 3 months ago.

Thanks for my Dear, meimei got her job. My 1st day of leave was spent well but ended very terribly and badly. So bad that my life seems to be worthless at that very point of time. Dear was sweet enough to take leave to accompany me.

Watched eragon, a movie about dragons. It's been a long time since dragons appeared in movies. There's always this very interesting thing to have those fictional characters in movie. It's like such things never appeared in real life, so people would generally wonder how these fictional characters live, behave, move, etc etc...

A bad day for Dear to take leave too cos she ain't feeling well. Towards our way home, shitty happened. What should not be done has been done by me and i regretted is very very much. But the pain inflicted sometimes is so painful that it last for days and sometimes even weeks. In this case, it cause me a hell of fear. I'm scared..so scared that i couldn't get to sleep. I asked myself alot of questions, questions that even i myself don't want to find out the answers. What happened that night makes me ponder. My morale was brought down, my confidence dashed. Nevertheless, i try to stay positive. Assurance did make me feel better. Positive thinking should set me on the path of healing. Wounds takes time to heal..i need time...

Finally, Dear started teaching tuition again. Finally, it's back to the routine a few months ago. I missed those time where i would spend an hour and a half doing alot of thinking, and other stuff etc. Dear has got her extra income now and i'm glad. We've discussed and we want to save on our money and not spend it unnecessarily.

I helped Dear calculated her exam fees and the amount of unbelieveble. I feel so bad out of the sudden. I have to try my means to help her. I really hope she can do well, i hope she does. She's starting to take intiative and i'm glad.

Her card is still on the way. I'm running out of ideas..i hope she won't get disappointed. I wondered if she will feel touched but i know it's hard.

My 1st R21 movie was a bad experience. Not because it's a lousy movie, it's certainly a movie that i've been waiting for cos the 1st and 2nd part of this movie is just so good that i've actually anticipated for the 3rd part. And now, finally it's here and rated R21 for the 1st time. Of cos i expected some disgusting scenes..but it's isn't disgusting..it's simply gruesome.
i almost vommited umpteen times on and off during the shows. Even if you don't look at the screen, the screaming of that torturous sound is enough to make what's inside your stomach purge out..gosh...
Several parts of the movie shows us why it's R21.

*The intro part right at the start has already give us a rough idea of what this movie is going to be like - a man using a concrete block and literally smashing his feet with it and the feet basically just got distorted and eventually get torn away from his leg. Gosh...
*The below scene where this person body is being hooked all over his body using sharps hooks. To save himself, he had to put himself of these hooks so as to escape from a bomb which is about to explode. The 'Hooked' Man

*A naked woman bring hang a freezed to death. She had water splashed and shoots on her til she became frozen.
*A man had pigs grinded into juices and liquid with all the intestines and organs spilled on him with he himself being tired up.
*A man with his whole body attached onto certain mechanism. The mechanism is activated and gears started moving. Each parts of his body is being twisted and of cos, dies eventually.
*The most disgusting part - a female surgeon perfoming a surgery on the mastermind using wierd tools like drilling machine, razor...all that to cut off his skull. The whole process of how the scalp is peeled off, how the skull is being cut off using the razor and drilling of the skull is being shown. That is not all, they even showed us the brains moving..gosh...

At that point of time, i'm already feeling super uneasy up my chest..

Didn't meet up with Dear today. Hope she did enjoyed herself tonight with her friend. I wasn't really happy with regards to my work, but that didn't really matter. I haven't told Dear what happen yet. I don't wan her to worry, but it's so much painful to bottle it up. My friends know what is it like cos they've been through what i'm going through..i'm just so tired..

Woot...had an very unexpected surprise from Dear. What happened yesterday is really nothing. It all dissolve with that surprise. Not many people can have such surprises. I think in a relationship, rare surprises will somehow spice up everything, it'll also solve problems / misunderstandings etc..it makes one party appreciate the effort made for all those surprises. It will make no wonder why people will envy me or Dear...The surprise she made for me today was very meaningful. Brought me to the place where i 1st confessed to her. Flashbacks of those moments immediately came to my mind. It was warm-hearting and touching. It's one of the most touching thing she's ever done for me. The dinner was expensive, but that out of the point. The main point is, she's touched my heart today, deep down inside. I appreciated what she did for me, we talked about alot of things and i think this progression would only become an envy. Love you Dear

My vocation has been super sucky. By the time i ORD, i think i will be rotten. Haiz...shall put more details in here soon..too tired to think of anything..i shall sleep through the night, wishing i would dream of what Dear dreamt 2 days ago..

Woke up feeling a tight pain on my thigh..had a leg cramp in the middle of the night..a torturous one..Now it still hurts as i walk..

What u said yesterday night just make my heart as painful as my thigh..

Finally, got back my 'repaired' handphone from Sony Ericsson Customer Servce Center on friday. Seems like a new phone to me now..just that everything is gone - the photos, songs, messages etc...but it's ok..the important stuff has already been backed up. Shall transfer it soon..

I dislike disappointments. I hate last minute change of plans. But more often that not, situations don't allow things to go our way. I still find it hard to accept the sudden change of plan at those very last minute. I'll go crazy..i'll get frustrated. It just seems i can't accept those change immediately. Sometimes, being alone makes my mind think clearer. It helps to let me so called move away from everything and chill...after a while, i'll just accept it. Even though the acceptance can cause bad consequences, but it's something i'll have to live with.

As if my impression wasn't bad enough. Just because one is elder or more senior means one can talk to the younger one in a sarcastic way. I don't even know you..i don't even intend to know you. I don't need to know you either. Day ruined..but nevertheless, worthless to feel all that just because of one idiot. Shan't elaborate too much..too many people is being complicated into it..

I've to start to find things to do on my own. Life ain't the same anymore. I've got my new posting - office work (phew). Camp is still the same, just that is further on top abit at the headquarters. NS life is totally different from the life before NS. Now that i'm going to spend more time on myself, i'll find things to fill myself up and also to kill time. I'm glad i found some, giving me the excuse to cool down...never been worse...

Oh..my mood is ruined! Though it's non of my damn business..i still don't feel good. I find such irresponsible people disgusting. Simply disgusting. To think that i still know them..to think that such people still exist around my circle of friends..phui..i despise such people..they are not my friends..not anymore..

Although mood's ruined, i'm still happy to be able to gave Dear her final surprise for her birthday! Hehe..hope she like it..Not something wonderful, but i'm sure she liked it. Seeing her sweet smile on her face tells me so...So sweet of her to do something for me too..hehe.. (will i get a gdnight message tonight?)

Went Chomp Chomp to eat. Finally!! Ate quite alot of food. Going back there reminds me on that very day where i drove my best friend there for supper. As usual, food like BBQ stingray, chicken wings, sugar juice etc will filled up the table. I guess today it's the last time i can eat such oily, fried and unhealthy food so freely. Went for my medical checkup today. The review was good but an unpleasant one. My condition's improving but i'm diagnosed to have high cholesterol. Which means i have to control my diet now already. Less fried food, oily food..basically food that has high fats content. All my favourite food!!! Well, for the well being of my health..it's really time i do something about it. It's not just for me but also the people around me, who care for me. I'll take good care of myself..

Recently i'm so broke..i've subscribed to the new starhub maxonline promotion and spend quite alot of food..yummy food. But sometimes, it's just that u didn't keep track on how you spent your money and u tried hard to think and wonder. I've never regret spending any money on you..i don't complain.i don't calculate..As long as u are happy, any money spent is worthwhile..

Something is very wrong with my house water pipe system. The toilet heater, the kitchen sink, the toilet bowl all has been leaking water. Nothing is done to solve the problem yet. Haiz..hope this month utilities bill won't come up to a big sum..

Daniel Powter
Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

I hate myself for getting for paranoid so easily..i'm not only letting myself feel hurt, but also the people around me..i should really reflect over what was said. What one do or say in the present, shall affect the future. Whatever is done or said, one will have to bear the consequences. Sometimes, i'm just angry with myself, for letting myself out so easily. I should really learn how to control, look at things more openly. I thought i wouldn't have to let you angry, upset, worried, troubled etc...again..but yet time and time again...i did it unintentionally. I really should learn to let go...but it's so not true over what was said earlier on..really no true...

Tml's the jamming session. Hopefully, my guitar skills is still up to some standard. What day will tml be...a good one?

I WANT LAPTOP, I WANT LAPTOP
I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE
STARHUB GIVE ME LAPTOP, STARHUB GIVE ME LAPTOP
I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU

(Sing the above song to the rhyme of nursery song '3 blind mice')

The long awaited starhub promotion is finally here again. I've already missed the previous one, so i'm not going to let it slipped past my hands again, if not, i'll be living with regret for another a year plus or so. Just when i thought i could get that laptop, the bad news came...my parents went to re-contract my Max online in June without my knowledge..thus, letting me making a fool of myself..Now i have to spend an extra 120 bucks to terminate the contract before setting my hands on that very laptop. Next month's pay is going to get burned again. But i won't regret..i know i won't..

Finally i went to Vivocity today. I've been wanting to go since like donkey years ago. Went to Dear today as part of her birthday celebration. Almost couldn't get to celebrate with her today..sorry dear dear...It's just some misunderstanding. Treated her to a meal that wasn't very nice. Afterwhich, we toured that area. We walked around and round but it seems that we haven't finish exploring that area. I shall make sure i explored the whole area on my next visit with dear. We've already planned and that shall be the place where we watched The Death Note. Hee...there's also plenty of thingsa to eat, dozens of shops..woot!! One can shop to death there lo..the crowds just make things worse.

Woo...i'm finally sastified..hee

Really hope dear enjoyed herself to her...happy birthday!

After so many days, i'm finally back at home. Well, no bed is better as compared to my own bed - as cosy and comfortable than any other. Well, i'm attached to Tekong Ammo Dump during the past few days including today. It's supposed to be 'On Job Training', but it turns out that most of us spent our time sleeping away. The Sgt down there were all slackers. Anyway, it's just a small retail outlet and there's isn't really much to do as the 'season' was low too. Passing my NS life this way ain't that bad an idea i thought to myself but Tekong is just too far for me, so i guess i'll struggle throughout my Ns life.

Sometimes, one may get accused for the wrong reasons. I'm so tired of certain nonsense..i'm so tired of not being trusted...i'm so tired of having to bear with all this accusations, living with it, and to pretend that nothing has happened. But i have no choice, sometimes, situations don't allow to voice our concerns out. So white lies came about and it's just makes life seems abit more meaningless. Why can't they just trust i wonder..maybe it's just that they were concerned for their beloved.

Recently over at Tekong, i passed my time sleeping and also hearing nice songs from my friend's mp3 player. I've decided to download them all! Oh ya, finally my games came, out of the 12 i ordered, only 6 arrived. I wondered where's the other 6?!?!?! I hope i've not been cheated, cos it's not only my games, i also helped my friends order. Gosh...

Yay!! Tml's coming..can't wait..

It's been a month..well, as promised..here u go...better late than never isn't it..hee!

The 1st time i spend my birthday with me beloved..

Without my papa and mama, this party would not happen..thank you!!

My cousins!!

My Secondary School Buddies!!

My UOB Colleagues!

Natural Objection? My Best Buddies! Die-hard PALS!!

My 'sis' and her bf...

Finally..it's cake cutting time!! Hehe..Dear's doing the honour

This is the 2nd part of the action of that night..this is (before)

this is the (during)...awww....my face?!?!?!


Shall post up the presents given by them soon..hehe..there are plenty of them..i love them all!!

Pray it's not lost..Please!!! *Fingers Crossed*

Something very unhappy happened. That's the worse thing i ever wanted it to happen, yet it does. I'm sandwiched or rather, i feel sandwiched. Both are important to me, i know one is unreasonable, i explained, talk some sense and he gladly admitted. At the same time, one is hurt. I'm so afraid in the end, something i'm so afraid of would happen. I will try and make things ok, really hopefully, i can ensure everything would be ok, everyone too..

Today's 1st lesson at OETI at Ayer Rajah camp. Lessons after lessons, just makes me feel like falling asleep. Tml onwards til maybe ard friday, i won't be at home. I'll be away for a few days, so don't miss me peeps..

I feel so bad not being able to complete Dear's birthday card on time. Although she don't mind, but i feel so bad. Hopefully, i can give her by end of this month. Sorry dear..

I want to exercise. It's been sooo long since i last did. I'm going to exercise regularly. I don't want tummy, i want to keep myself healthy and if possible fit. So i shall eat more from now onwards and exercise regularly.

My heart is only for you..only you..the love for u cannot be compared to anyone else. Cos it's only for that special you. No matter how much care and concern i show to anyone else, you are still my priority. I know my limits, rest assured i won't go beyond it.

If only you could shower early everytime...the time i have to chat with you would be longer...the things i wanted to say won't have to wait til tml...the things i wanted to say won't vanish as the time ticks...sob..

Damn...i had to use Firefox Mozilla in order to post. I regretted switching from blogger basics to Blogger in Beta. In case for those who haven't change, don't be a stupid fool like me and change it. It's much better sticking to the previous one.

Today i had my lessons at School of Ammunition. 2 months ago, i was still wondering if i could adapt to this new environment or not, but now, i kinda can't bear to leave this place. This camp serve the best camp food i've ever eaten so far..The guard duty is the slackest in SAF as far as i know. This place isn't as 'xiong' as other camps. Argh..but i won't pin too much hopes that i'll ever come back to this place ever again except for 1st Dec whereby i'll come back there to collect my Certificate for passing out the course as Ammunition Technician.

Next week i'll be entering another phase of this Ns life. I'll be attached to both Tekong and PLAD (Pasir Leba Ammo Depot). But it's only for a short few days. Afterwhich, i'll be attached to OETI. I'll be hopping from camps to camps within this short period of time. Finally, i've applied my 2 days leave. I'm going to make few use of it. Leave is so precious when u are serving Ns where everything is so regimental.

Finally, i finished deleting. While deleting, i realised alot of things. I wouldn't want to compare but it just kept me pondering and wondering. I could see the difference between now and the past. I'm jealous..i'm feeling envious..but that's all over. It shall be kept a while in my mind awhile and gone as the time ticks...

I hate my calls and smses to be ignored. Sometimes, i just feel no point in sms-ing since i know there won't be any replies. But that's just not the way i do things. Have been down with flu for the past few days..yet, i doesn't have any handkerchief with me. I feel so terrible..Awww!!!! HElp me!!!

Next week is my fear...i got this strong feeling that next week, something bad will happen..hope it won't come true..

Happy 6th Month Anniversary Dear! Muacks!

Surprise!! Woot..today's only a half day for me because of some event in the evening. If i'm not wrong, it's the dunno how many anniversary of Singapore Armed Forces Ammunition Command. 11:30am and i'm already dismissed. Shiok..thought today won't be meeting Dear, but still we managed to meet each other for a 'funny' lunch. Dear got reminded of something and just kept on laughing and teasing me. Haa..

My craving for that spring chicken at Dear's house nearby coffeeshop is still there. I'm abit disappointed not being able to eat. It smells so nice, taste so nice...argh..i don't care, i'm going to eat it on wednesday.

Sometimes, one should think and not act on impulse. What people say of you is what they think, personally, it should affect you but not to the extent of going to change or do anything just because of what that person say. For example, the person may not like black, but u wear black clothes everytime, therefore, she/he comment or criticise and you don't like it. But your favourite colour of clothings is black, are you going stop wearing black clothings just because that very person said that, if yes, that damn stupid of you. Sometimes, people criticise not because it's true of what they say but because of their preferences, because of how they see things. You might see things in your own way which is different from them, if so, make your stand, stick to it. Don't get affected so much. But if u see the need to change, go ahead. Provided you won't regret and u will like it.

PHUI!

Some interesting facts

1. If you are trying to kill a population of ants before they can all escape, draw a chalk line around them to contain them..They will never cross it.

2. Place a few grains of rice onto stuff that tends to get rusty. The grains of rice will suck up the moisture to prevent it from getting rusty.

3. A cold drink can on the skin below your eye can helps to remove black eye.

4. Soak your leg in your own bucket of urine to remove athlete's foot.

Awww...i feel so sick now..ZzZz..i feel like dying now..Flu has been bugging me since early morning. I'm so irritated by it. I feel so restless now, but i don't want to sleep yet. I'm going brave through this and watch Man Utd vs Blackburn.

Mentioning about flu. I still remember why we human beings get so tired and restless whenever we kena flu. There's also a reason behind as to how come all flu medicine if not most flu medicine cause drowsiness. Whenever we had flu, most of us will tend to sneeze, but do u know that each time u sneeze, your heart stop beating once. Which means it pump and works one time lesser. Imagine each time u sneeze, u at least sneeze twice. On and off again, you will sneeze, within an hour after u start sneezing, u will feel as though something has sucked away all your energy. So to prevent your from sneezing, flu medicine makes u feel drowsy, not only let u get rest but also make u fall asleep, so that u won't sneeze. Makes sense right!!

Now i just hope i won't get fever. I feel so cold now..Brrr...

Wanted to make a post 2 days ago..but didn't..Hasn't been of the best of mood recently. Out of the sudden, so many things came to my mind recently. I'm troubled, upset, feeling down...Nothing is making me feel better but worse instead.

Recently has been back to playing maple. Don's more mad about maple than me. I think i'm going to plau Audition soon too, due to Dear's request. I haven't tried it before but i guess it's quite a nice game since i've heard it from quite a few people.

I never knew it would happen to me. I thought all along, everything is fine. Though Dear reassured me, i still feel uneasy after all was said. Of cos i wanted everyone to accept me but i just don't know why it turned out that way. The reaction and response i get doesn't make me feel that way. I'm disappointed, i'm sad, i'm afraid. I'm afraid Dear would get affected. I really hope things would turn out to be better.

Dear's birthday coming soon. I've been cracking my head hard to plan out things. I know she wants it to be a simple one, but my very 1st time celebrating her birthday, i really want to make it a birthday of her life.

My course's ending soon. All the bad news's coming up towards the end of this dumb course. Firstly, there's this dinner held next monday. They actually forced us to go. The venue is at Singapore Expo and the dinner ends only at 10:30pm. Gosh..i wonder what time will i reach home. Secondly, my balance of two days leave has to been cleared within 13th Dec to 22 Dec, but yet, i can't choose the two days i wanted it to be. They forced me to take on the 13th and 14th of dec. That totally ruined my mood. Thirdly, i'll get to know my posting as early as 1st Dec instead of 12th Dec. That's like so early..i wasn't prepared for anything. It's so hard to adapt to a new environment. Lastly, my attachment to Tekong. I seriously wondered how am i going to past that few days. That's all headache for me. Feeling so vexed.

Luckily, there's something for me to look forward to this weekend. I'm going to have a Drama show marathon with Dear. Just thinking of that makes me feel that time's passing faster than usual. We're going to shop for her dad present too. Hmm, i can't wait for this weekend to come..

I did quite well for my test yesterday. Sadly, Dear's test didn't turn out the way she want it to be. Yesterday, she said i mentioned something that knock her senses. I know she studied hard, it's just carelessness that cause that upset. Dear don't be too unhappy le k, next time just be more careful. I want to be your motivation in your studies, someone whom u can rely on to push u, asisst u and accompany u in your studies. Let's work harder, u can do it i believe!

Recently, Dear's flu has been acting up over and over again. Seeing her like that just makes my heart aches. I know consulting doctor is a big no no to her. Just hope she can get well soon, meanwhile, i shall feed her with my daily dosage of nagging and love, hopefully, she'll get well real soon. =)

This computer is making me so mad that i am determined to reformat it over this weekend. I can't seem to solve the current problem now. Hopefully after reformatting it, everything would be ok..haiz..

I want to go Vivocity. So much has been said about this biggest shopping complex and i have always wanted to go there. I wanted to go with Dear..but it seems quite impossible. But i shall go there someday soon. And also, there's food expo coming up real soon at Singapore Expo. Dear promised to go with me before, i wonder it it's going to happen. We gave the previous time a miss because of laziness. Hopefully, i really get to go this time round. I miss the food there..ArgH!!

Hearing what dear says..i ponder alot. I wonder why things come to such state. I feel so unwelcome. Something is quite wrong, i'm not sure if i'm right, but i just got this strong feeling of rejection. A feeling that makes me feel fearful. I keep asking myself and telling myself things might not be the way i thought it is, but as days passess by, it seems more true. I should have known better, or at the very least, know what to do. I shouldn't make things more difficult or whatsoever for Dear. Let things go its natural way, shan't force it through or things might just get worse. I have to learn to adapt and not for things to adapt the way i want it to me all the time.

I've learn alot of things through fishball. Men's talk..we shared alot of things with each other. Time passes quite fast that way. This week won't be good i think..a bad week...