Sometimes a greater act of love has a selfish underlying. One do good to feel good. And when one love, whomever it is one love, is it something that one think is above our human selfish nature or of the same level?
Love is selfish to a certain extent. I've learnt how human heart can change so easily..so fast. I don't believe in having flings and at the same time maintaining a healthy relationship with your beloved. Sometimes, i just don't want certain things to happen. I rather don't chance it. A moment one can feel so loved but at the other, one can feel so cold..it's so complicating that i'm still being troubled by it, trying hard to understand alot of things.

This weekend is coming to an end and it still seems so blur to me. I pass this weekend normally - just some studying with Dear. Times flies...i feel so sleepy yet i can't get to sleep..

My inferiority's increasing recently. I don't know what to do with my face. I have two sides to take, either one i take, there's people i'm letting down. It's so painful and hard to make a decision. There's still some other matters too. I do feel useless at times, assurance does makes things better but if mentioned all the time, assurance can't be of much help anymore.

Back to my computer..this stupid computer is stuck with some CMOS checksum error. I don't know what the hell is that. I'm wondering if reformatting my computer would help but i'm so irritated by it. This coming week doesn't seem to make me look forward to. Not even the weekends..i wonder why...

Dear's eyes is causing her soo much problems again recently. Eyes problem ain't a joke but it's so expensive to consult an eye doctor. Polyclinic don't provides those services and not to even mention normal clinics. We'll have to either visit to hospital or eye clinic but those clinics are so EX!! Til now, couldn't find out any problem with Dear's eyes. I'll just pray that it's just some irritation and will be gone for good. I can't imagine how much pain Dear is going through for my eyesight is still considered ok. But seeing her in pain worries me, what makes it worse is that i don't know how to help her. Gosh...

Went for this demostration yesterday. It's a demo held by the School of Ammunition. I actually had to wake up at 5am just to reach that damn camp at 6:45am. Haa, poor fishball has to stayover at my house just because he lives at Seng Kang (see, Singapore ain't that small anyway). To prepare for the demo, i had to prepare my ear plugs, helmet (damn, remind me of BMT..i had phobia of wearing the helmet cos it always brings me headache), FAD and ID tag. It's like going back to BMt again. Sianzz...thanks Gavian for the FAD.

We were brought to this ground and i was quite surprised to see there's actually live firing and demolition ground is singapore. It's like an empty plot of land with trees and hills all around. We saw demo of grenades. The most shocking part is the power of the demo block whereby when they explode it, 700m away and u can still feel the ground shaking. How many can actually view such a thing in theif whole lifetime, not many..unless there's a war in singapore. Woot..

Spent almost half a day studying today. Well, actually dear did most of the studying while i'm just slacking ard. Her tests are just round the corner. Ain't that bad a idea to study here cos it's not only air-conditioned but also quiet (at most of the times).

Been back to games like Swat 4. Might be down and out for a few days cos i'll be reformatting my pc soon. The day for attachment is drawing near, which means i'm going to have new problems, new worries and maybe new friends..sian...life is so unpredictable. I even heard of my 39 year old married to a 19 year old brunei girl. They have been married for a year and before that, he's like going to Batam almost every week to have his own fun. He really makes us realise that life is short. But i don't ever think i'll do such a things. Not for me.....

Omg..blogger is damn dumb. It has been having problems recently. It tooks me so much trouble just to post up that previous post.

Received news that i only need to work for half day on friday. That news excite me so much so that my heart started to jump around, feeling so happy and started to think of what to do on that day with Dear. Was so happy when i heard Dear's intending to take half day off to accompany me. Woot..aww, dear has to dine with her colleagues. Hehe, she has been craving for Crystal Jade for a long time and i really hope she enjoyed it. Meanwhile, i've start making plans with my friends and all, but everything is like so no confirmed. I don't want to rot at home at such a lovely friday. Hmm, i've made the worse plans! Hopefully, everything will turn out my way.

Have been having bad headaches recently. My neck ache and hand aches are causing me great irritation too. I won't know is it because i sleep too much in camp already. Everyday is like the same for me. Not much changes and days just passess by like a routine. I'm sick and tired already. Weekend is what i'm always looking for, to be exact, a fulfilling weekend and not just any other weekend.

Dear's test coming up. Really hope she can do well. I'll motivate her and encourage her whenever i can. Hope it can be of some help.

I'm very sure there's somthing very wrong with my pc. It's been a super long time since i last formatted it. It restarts by itself every now and then, if not, it will just hang down there out of the sudden. I feel so lazy to reformat cos it will means i have to transfer hundreds of file into my external hdd and redownload programs that's necessary for me.

People who wants to purchase stuff from the Wallet shop, i've got 15 % discount voucher that's valid til 9 nov 2006, if interested, please contact me.

Woot! Heard from my friend that Death Note 2's coming. So fast huh..i can't wait to watch it, i want to see what's going to happen to that brutal murderer. Had a great k box session today with my mum and dear. A totally different experience. Mum was like a pumpkin and chose to sing only classic and oldies whereas me and dear were busy choosing songs. We chose so many songs that the list shot up to the max several times. It's only til today that i realised dear could really sing well. What other people say doesn't really matters. It's just that if u enjoy singing, then just sing. U sing for yourself, not others. Sing for those who appreciate, not criticise. I think i sang the most today although i know for certain songs, i couldn't make it. I know i don't have a mesmerizing voice, not even a voice that is considered nice, but i still can sing. I believe that certain songs are suited only for certain voices.

So far, i've been hooked on a korean drama called 'my girl'. It's a love comedy with lotsa of funny scenes, some touching too. Watching drama with dear has never been better. We would be like watching it and then halfway through, disturb one another. Dear's a good good girl today. She studied today! I can see she's more than determined and really putting in great effort in studying. I really want to try my utmost to help too.

Dear's eyes has been painful recently. I really hope she will be ok. I'm going to bring her to an eye doctor sometime soon. Contact lens is the main cause of her problem i assume. I hate contact lens..Argh!! Just like dear's eyes, my hands hurts almost every now and then every day. It's causing me lotsa of disturbance. But nothing makes it feel better than a few minutes of massage by either my mum or dear. Hmm, when am i going to get my next massage session..

Guilty...don't know why, i still feel that way. Aww, not a good feeling..although i'm being assured, i still feel uneasy. I looked at our photo, somehow i feel i cannot lose her. I can't..

Finally went town with Dear today. Woot! It's part of my birthday celebration. Went to Plaza Singapura, even catch a movie called 'Death Note' which Dear hate it for it's ending. The movie was nice but it's ending doesn't really ends well. Other than that, lunch at cafe cartel was great. Was intending to go for some shopping but end up without knowing what to buy. Wore this very nice coat that Dear bought for me, i love it, i matched it with the t-shirt that parents bought for me.

Past few days at Sch was very slack. Days in camp is starting to become more and more relaxed. Just when i'm starting to get used to it, i realised how many more days am i left in this school. I'll miss my coursemates so much cos they are the ones who's with me when i'm feeling so bored. They are the ones who help makes time past faster than it seems for me. Thank you guys..

Received several birthday wishes recently. Thanks everyone for your precious greetings and birthday wishes. Thanks for the presents from everyone too.

Oops..nt sure if i've just done the right thing. Told her abt the disappointment and made her change her plan. Will she blame me, i wonder...hopefully things will go the way we want it to be. Alright, no more vcd tml, no computer games tml..simply just plain reading and studying..

The nightmare still floats around my mind, creating lots of disturbance to me. I almost can't take it. Luckily, assurance soothes my mind and heart down. Yesterday is really a terror, a bad day..but everything's now over and alright after some nice talking. I can't promise i'll live up to your expectations but i'll try. I know i hasn't been good the past few days, i've already reflect on myself and know what to do. Yes, we may think very differently, but it's just how we click, adapt to each other that matters more.

"A man who never makes his beloved angry is a failure in life" --- Read this somewhere and it's just so true., isn't it..

Celebrated my birthday in advanced. Almost a week before my actual birthday. My 1st ever birthday party. Thanks everyone for coming. Received my very 1st present from Dear. Afterwhich, followed by my aunty and one by one, presents starts coming in. Dad and mum have been rushing around, helping me with this party, and also not forgetting my aunty who's the great cook of the famous curry that as everyone talking about it. If not for my Dear, this party's also not possible. Expected crowd turned up, luckily. Everyone just starts to come an hour after the actual time. Had a few photographs taken, shall post it up soon. I think the best part of the party is the cutting of the birthday cake. Cut the cake with my beloved. The feeling is just so lucky. When they were singing the birthday song, i just feel a gush of embarrassment. The feeling is weird but nice. I feel so happy and lucky. Received lots of presents this year, shall post the photos of them up here soon. So far, that's only part one of my birthday celebration. This coming weekend, i'll receive more presents from my bro and my Dear. Surprises after surprises. This is really my best birthday of my life. I'm looking forward to this weekend. Dear's going to spoilt me i think..haa..

My bro might be going for overseas attachment for 3 and a half months. When i heard this news, i was thinking to myself - good riddance. Finally, i thought i can have some peace all to myself. But i think it's still going to be weird without him at home. Never mind, i think it will be a good training for him, time for him to learn how to live his life without taking things for granted. Hope he'll learn some lesson he ought to.

Have been cracking my brain of what to get for Dear for her birthday. I know it's still quite far away but it's never too early. I have to start preparing for her big day. Really hope her birthday spent with me will be one memorable one, one that she won't be able to forget. I want to make her birthday really happy on that very day.

Dad asked me where's my digital camera..out of the sudden, the feeling of sadness is pain. Heartache and sad. He reminded me of how i'm feeling when i just lost my digital camera. I'm going to save up and buy a new digital camera. It will be of good use i know..meanwhile, i shall put up with this mental torture.

Had a real bad nightmare. One that i never wanted it to happen. People always say u dream what u think so often of. Maybe it's true, what's the point of thinking so much..it's not going to happen..

Two days before, i was still feeling relieved over the recovery of Dear's eye. Two days from now, i'll be happily giggling away, celebrating my birthday with friends and relatives of mine. Tml's the damn guard duty. I know it's going to be a boring one but it's not going to spoil my mood for Saturday's party. Bought a Singtel prepaid card to prepare for the upcoming lonely night tml. That damn camp up til now still can't receive Starhub reception except certain areas. I'm still trying hard to figure out how many areas are there and where are they.

Two classmates out of course. One happy, the other sad. Cruel world with cruel superior. I'm glad that so far, i'm considered in the safe zone cos i've been a good boy, passing all the tests i ought to be passing.

Recently, i've been on a winning streak. Have been winning bets on soccer matches. Bets were small because it's just playing for fun, the feeling of winning, just gives u a sense of happiness. I love Man Utd.

Yesterday Dear gave me a letter in return as part of our 5 months together. Content was sweet and heart-warming. It made me think alot of our future. She's certainly not a materialistic girl, but i certainly hope that in the future, i am able to give her comfort in terms of materiality too. In our age now, gender should be equal. There's no such thing as who is more superior than who. Both sexes should be treated equally with respect and therefore, there's no such things as guys should do this instead of girls. Maybe it's all just because of the character and behaviour of how a girl and guy should have.

She still hasn't sms or call me. What's happening to her? Is she ok? So worried....

Happy 5th Month anniversary. Finally it's been 5 months since i'm together with Dear. Gave her a note and a packet of potato chips as compensation. Your real gift will arrive real soon, be patient Dear. As i was writing the note, alot run through my head. I'm sure i'm right on the track and we are considered stable and loving.

Yesterday night was scary. I didn't expect Dear's eyes to turn out to be so bad. In the evening, she only complained it to be abit irritated and the moment she called my after her bathe, she told me it's pain. I became so worried that i actually panic and get frustrated awhile. She listened to me and consulted a doctor. Poor her, the damn doctor can't detect anything but only gave her two type of eye drop. By then, Dear's eye has already taken a bad turn. It redden. I was so scared, she was there crying and all i could do is console her, assure my presence, making her feel better. She slept eventually and by the time i woke her up in the wee hours of the night, she's already fine. A great relief. I was able to sleep well at last, i was so worried abt her that i can't sleep well. Contact lens has never been a good replacement for specs as far as i'm concerned. Cos it has direct contact to the eyes, i hope this will be a good lesson. Dear, in future, if the contact lens starts to irritate ur eyes or even cause discomfort to you, even if it's only abit, do take it out and wear glasses instead. And remember, always bring a pair of glasses with you when u are out.

Chilled out with Dear after work at Mac just now. I find it quite a nice place to hang out. Shall go there more often with Dear. Watched Dragon Tiger Gate at Mac just now. The experience was nice. Shall go there more often. Tml's another day...can't wait..

Dear gave me a sweet surprise yesterday. She bought me this very nice Polo t-shirt which i spotted at a departmental store at Bishan the other time, but didn't buy it because it's cost quite expensive. It totally came as a surprise because she too agreed that the polo t-shirt was kinda ex. Really didn't expect that, thank you Dear. I'm going to wear it on this coming sat birthday party!

Yesterday finally met up with my friends. Dear met up with Regi too. It's been a long time since i last met Gavian and Don. Poor gav, something happen to him. It's the 1st time seeing him so depressed. I know it's hard for him. He gave me alot of advices, he tell me alot of things, he made me realised alot of things about relationship that i overlooked. I noticed there's alot more i should have done and could have done. Yesterday long talk with him makes me want to cherish my beloved more. It's not easy for two to come together easily, all the more we shouldn't just let it go like that. My confidence is almost shattered, and fear came. Somehow, i had this urge to call her and tell her i love her. I want to give her a warmest hug all of the sudden. I was so afraid i wasn't able to meet up, but luckily, everything went well. Had a nice sweet talk with Dear before i went home. Everything's well and hopefully, we can make things work out.

My birthday party's coming soon. The namelist is piling up. Just went to reserve the cake. It's the 1st time i had such a cake for birthday. Hope everything will go smoothly. I'm looking forward to that very day.

No good night sms...but the morning call make up for it..muacks! Feel so Heart-warming now..

It's another weekend pass..next week this time, i'll be celebrating my very 1st birthday party. Mum said i'm turning 21 soon, it's really time i grow up, plan for the future and look ahead. As much as i wanted to stay young at heart, i still have to move on. I'll look forward to next week now..

Today is such a lousy day. Everything didn't seems to go well and smooth. Sometimes, i just feel so disappointed with myself that keeps me pondering over and over again. Lotsa things make me come to realise that alot of things just aren't so simple. Relationships is a big qns mark still. I hate people who rob people off their feelings. I've come to realise that how a relationship can be so vulnerable. Past memories dun stand for what happen in the present. People become heartless once something just happens. They didn't think of how love is given, received, appreciated. Trust, confidence, relience, etc..all these words can actually kills. Sometimes it's not how much we trust a person but how we trust. Usually, wrong usage of trust would shatter the confidence of one. A close friend of mine said, NS men tends to be more depressed. I totally agree but to what extend should we not show it out to our loved ones for who can really understand how we NS men feels, seriously not much, almost down to none.

People not responsible towards their partner is certainly those i depise most on. Some may say flings are nothing but seriously i find it super irresponsible. Ewww, i can't imagine all that, i find it disgusting even. Phui...

I really regretted what i did today. So apologetic that it made me guilty for the whole of today, and i guess, for the days to come even.

Watched Rob-B-Hood today. A super nice and funny movie, which really touching scenes that almost send my tears flowing down. I was thinking,it's really nice to be able to have a kid of your own, to raise it up and love it like a precious diamond. How i wish i have a kid of my own..

Wonderful weekend. 1st time i spent 2 nights straight at Dear's house. Both nights stay was unexpected. Friday had some really bad news on my next posting. No one wanted to be posted back to PAD (Pierce Ammo Depot). It's a place i never wanted or wished to go. It's hell. Staying in is a sure thing the moment someone stepped into PAD. I really hope the rest of my NS life would just past smoothly. Staying in is certainly something i wouldn't want to.

Met up with Dear after work, as always, she managed to smoothen my mood. Had actually wanted to play some candles, sparklers and paper lantern before heading for home but who knows the moment i got off the lorry, her mum actually allows me to stay over. Woot...so happy, bought this very nice Fried Hokkien Noodles. I'm just too happy for anything else. The rest of the night was spent slacking around.

Next time, didn't managed to wake up early enough to go for Dear's tuition. Gosh, sleeping over is just so comfortable and cosy that i wouldn't want to wake up. Rest of the day basically is just nua-ing with Dear at her house. Haa, watched the new police story with Dear. Actually, nua-ing with Dear ain't such a bad idea afterall. All the way until night, mood starts to get heavy again. Thought of having to go back home after sending Dear home from tuition just makes me feel not right. I'm so reluctant. I was hoping and praying that I'm able to stay over for another night. All went well and YES!, i was able to stay for another night. Really unexpected.

I'm beginning to feel the acknowledgement. She said her mum really likes me, even tried bonding me and her sister together. I hope i can make them like my own family and vice versa. It's a good feeling. That very night, i watched Hua Zhu Ge Ge once again. Funny scenes makes me think back how my whole family used to catch this drama like mad. But yesterday night was quite scary. I think it's just me. Heard noises from the living room, but i think it's more like the horror show that we watched earlier on that makes my mind uneasy. Dear even ignored me for a period of time, she's just too tired i understand. But i'm scared of out my wits. Lucky, Dear still managed to wake up, stand by me. Phew, she woke up, and really out of the sudden, my fears all vanished. It was overclouded by the concern and love Dear showed. Held her hands til i saw myself entering the dreamland.

Sent Dear for her last tuition of this year. Over the past few months, i've been sending Dear to tuition. I never expect myself to be able to wait for her for 1 and a half hour to finish her tuition. Those memories is something i can't bear to let go and they shall remain in my mind. I really miss those times. It's sweet to me, maybe she don't know, but all i can say is i enjoy every moment of it. Past few days has pass in just a blink of an eye. Now i'm missing her. I shall countdown to this friday again where i'll be enjoying myself once again. Monday to thursday better pass by fast!

Haze has been kind of bad recently. Yesterday's PSI even shoot up to 170++. But today PSI went back way low. Dear must take good care. Sis too...hope you are feeling better..

Miss her

Today is full of disappointments..Disappointment after disappointment..will tml be a better day?

Styled my short short hair for the 1st time since 21st July. When i say styled, i mean spiked my that very very short hair of mine. Though it's still short, at the very least, it stands up and not flat down like a coconut head. I shall meet up with Dear and see if she's able to spot it. Haa..

Thanks Dear for buying mooncake for my family and me. There's chocolate flavour mooncake. I've never tried before, Dear purposely bought that flavour mooncake all because she knew i like chocolate. Thankszz..Mooncake festival is coming, very near, tml to be exact. It's been donkey years since i last played with candle, sparklers and paper lantern. Still remember vauguely the last time i played all that was nearly more than 5 years back with my bro. It's always good to be able to play what u used to play when u were yong especially when it seems a little bit childish but all is only for the fun of it. I wanted to relive this memories with my Dear. Hopefully, i'll be ablt to do it. *pray*

Recently, tests has been loading up very fast. Test every 2 days with the chapters and topics to study getting more and more each time. I'm glad that i've never fail any of my test yet. Hopefully, this can carry on. Dear's goodluck has never been better, i'm sure i can do it.

-Miss Dear-

Today is quite eventful i would say. I don't know why. In the morning, i'm still feeling restless with my heart feeling heavy, up til just now, i was so happy. The thought of Dear just makes me happy. She makes my day as always.

Thankfully for Rayvee, i'm able to chat with Dear today. If not for me, i'll be passing today with low morale. Today test wasn't too difficult, maybe because i did some last minute prepartory work. Dear did something real sweet today. Just before i'm preparing to go for my test today, she called me, even though she thought i might have already off my mobile phone. She wished me goodluck. That 2 words 'goodluck' is simple yet carries sooo much meaning at that point of time. I'm high on hopes and happy.

In the end, i didn't disappoint her and myself. 44/60 for MCQ, isn't that bad a result right. Well, i suppose so. I need another 6 more marks to get past the passing mark. Rest of the day was spent missing her, thinking abt her and sleeping. Slacking day i would say. Hope tml would be like that too.

Poor Dear hasn't been happy at work. Gossips kills. I agreed totally. Sometimes, words can speak louder than action. One don't necessarily have to punch a person on the cheat to make the person feel hurt. Especially aunties who's suffering from Menopause whereby they tend to go bonkers every now and then. If someone is really out to get you, there's really no way to hide it. All u can do is to just ignore it. By reacting negatively, it would only make you yourself more painful and dropping into the trap she set. She wants to backstab you, she wants to sabo you, she just wants u dead. Don't make her do all that, don't let things get her way. Phui..Dear, ignore her! Time will pass faster thinking of me, chatting with people u are comfortable with. Trust me, whatever happens, i'm here. Pop me a sms and before u know you, i'm there for you.

Love is selfish. That's so true. I think i've been sticking onto Dear so much so that she feels that she really needs time for herself and some other stuff. I feel so bad. I feel useless yet again. I'm so sorry Dear. I need time to adapt. I love this honeymoon period and if possible, i don't want it to end at all, cos i love my life now. I'm contented with what i have and i want and hope it stays the way it is. I'm very very relieved to hear that if i can't change, i'll let u know. I know that even if i failed, u are still there for me. That very sentence touches the bottom of my heart and make me feel so loved. I'm glad that u were there for me. Thank you for taking part of your time during work, lunch, sleep just to accompany me. I appreciate that and love you!

Dear, sometimes, u have to find out the reason behind certain things. Who choose to leave u alone 1st? How hard have u tried before things actually turn out that way. How much have u cried over all that matter? It always hurts me at that period of time. Just when i thought it's already blown away, it came back again. I seriously hope this time round, dun let your feelings set in so deep for i don't want u to get hurt again. Love you Dear..

Hearing what's said by papa and mama about didi just now makes me feel how important it is for two person st stay together. I'm glad i'm doing fine, in fact alot better. I don't know why i've such a brother. It takes lots of understanding, tolerance and trust in a relationship. I'm building it still, but i'm sure my relationship has no lack of that. I'm just going to cherish Dear...Muacks!

I feel so lost. Whole night i couldn't sleep well. I reflect on what was said. I then realised i'm abit useless. I can't seems to control my emotions well. Luckily by that time, she's already asleep. I don't know how in the future it will turn out but i hope it won't turn out badly but turn out the way she wants it to be. Hope she can be happy. Miss her...

Dear's gone home. She forgot to take out the SINGTEL sim card from the mobile phone that she's going to sell. Die! I just knew it's going to be tough tml. Won't be able to hear her voice for long tml..sob..Damn Starhub. Apparantly, my camp only receive reception from Singtel and M1 but not starhub. Singtel gets the best reception all because of the 2 big singtel statelite behind the camp. Oh damn, what am i going to do tml. Can't call her during work is already worse enough, worse still, not that my lunchtime and morning time i can't even call or sms her. Shucks! Ahhh....

This weekend i must say is one that i've been waiting for. Everyday at work is really a torture. Weekend is really the time i need, to save myself from those torture, to be free of lessons, tests, exams and stupid things from camp. Sometimes, i just wish i get out of course and they would post me to somewhere near my house to be a clerk, but all that are just wishful thinking of mine. As usual, the fetching of Dear Dear to and fro isn't troublesome at all. We had wanted to catch Rob-b-hood, but didn't cos somehow it clash with Dear tuition. Not to worry, i'm going to catch it next week no matter what, so let me pray, time please pass faster. Saturday please come!!

~The Monokuro.Boo Photo Frame~

Finally bought a Monokuro.Boo photo frame. Both me and Dear are starting to love Monokuro.Boo series of stuff. We find is cute and just like it, it's simple which to them it's best. Simple is best..how great. Put our photo in that very frame. Finally, there's a photo of us in my room. Kicha! The room now is so quiet and empty. It's so different from afternoon. I miss those moments just now. Come back!!!

I don't feel like studying now..not in any mood to study..my heart's still feeling very heavy. I wasted the night away yesterday, i regretted so much. I wanted her to study too, but at the same time, i want to let her rest and sleep. I feel so useless at that point of time. I said before i want to make sure she study but i failed. Now i feel very bad. But i can understand, who wants to study. It's a weekend, who wants and likes to study on this very day. I'm really scared that Dear can't cope with her studies..i wanted to know that i really want to help her...but i don't know how..

Just watched finish a movie called 'Millionaire 1st Love'. It's a korean romance movie. A very nice and touching movie. It has some meaningful content. I'll cherish Dear alot..

Eww..i hate coffee..As much as i like the smell of it, the taste of it just seems so different with the smell. I tried plenty of times to try and fall in love with this amazing drink. I tried replacing tea with coffee but each attempt to do that always failed. Be it pure coffee drink, coffee flavoured stuff or basically anything to do with coffee, i can't stand it. Today coffee made me vomit. Ewww...yucks! I Hate COFFEE!!!

Finally Friday is here. A day i've always been waiting for since every sunday night comes. I'm going to enjoy my whole lot of time with Dear tml. Hooray!! Mum and bro's away. I can have the whole house for myself but sadly, there's still dad. I still can't claim this house as mine own. Don't care, i shall own it for as long as i can..

Wee!! Dear sent me a gdnight sms. I totally didn't expected it. Usually, Dear would fall asleep right after she starts to get sleepy. Her sweet goodnight sms make me so happy til i can't get to sleep. Wahaha..She said she hasn't been sweet recently, actually, she's sweet to me everyday. Love you!

Woot! Today is a happy happy day! Fetching Dear from places to places had never been better. The feeling is always good. Waking up early in the morning with something to expect, hmm, i like that kinda feeling. As usual, Dear would be lazing around on her bed and in the end, she turned up late for tuition. Haa, she's cute when she's sleepy.

Nth much today and was just lazing at home. And finally it's time to head for Don house for his Birthday Party. Happy Birthday Don!! Dear's dress in her nicest today. To me, Dear can be very pretty if she wants to. Went to Don's party. Pretty alright, i was thinking if mine would be like his. Food was nice, his parents as friendly as ever, Donna always happy-go-lucky and lotsa people i don't know too. Bought him a pair of shoes, hope he like it.

Afterwhich I and Dear headed back home. Pass by Pasar Malam and so we bought some food. We bought this otah from this malay store. It's super nice. Dear was busy cooling down her tongue as the otah was too spicy for her, well, as for me, it's taste especially nice. Just couldn't get enough of it. It's certainly one of the nicest otah i've ever eaten. Dear didn't managed to stay overnight my house tonight for fear that next week stay would be burned away. Aww, a little bit wasted. I just can't wait for next week to come!!

Sunshine after a heavy downpour. I'm relieved. I'm apologetic. Had my very 1st weekend started today ever since my vocation started out. For the past few days, day is passed slowly. I'm basically rotting under this training shelter for hours. It's like waiting for lunch then after lunch, u wait to go home. I can only say i'm starting to adapt to the new environment there. Thanks to my friends there and of cos my Dear Dear..Army life is starting to take shape but still i really hope it would get better after today. Had my very 1st lesson today. It was as bad as anything that u can imagine. I have tons of terms to memorise. Ammunitions, grenades, propellers, bullets, just bascially anything u can think of and has anything to do with explosives or ammo. Gosh, it's been years since i last took an exam or test, i seriously wonder how am i going to handle all that. Worse thing is, the test in on monday and i only had sunday to prepare myself for the TEST!

Had crystal jade today. It's been a long time since i had such a nice dinner. Going on double dates isn't that bad afterall. The feeling was nice, really nice. I really enjoyed today. Finally bought Don's birthday present. I'm broke officially this month. I'll be munching on bread in recent days to come. Poor Dear is going to suffer with me. Tml is going to be a good day, i can foresee...

Where is my Dear Dear....

Happy 18th Birthday Didi. May all your birthday wishes come true.

Didi celebrated his birthday today. He started he birthday lowly and as per normal. He went for work as usual. His real birthday celebration starts with him celebrating with his girlfriend. Nice and sweet of his girlfriend to make him birthday cards. It's so nicely drawn that both my mum and me couldn't believe it's drawn by her. When he reached home, he held a plastic bag that's full of presents. Envy envy envy..i wonder will i get alot of presents this year too..Wahaha..

Mum bought didi a nice mango ice cream birthday cake. I'm not really interested but did loves it, it's his birthday, of cos shld buy a cake according to his preference. We celebrated didi birthday with a birthday song, didi making a birthday wish, cutting a cake and eating the cake. Didi receive the most practical presents ever from both papa and mama which is Hong Baos with $$$ inside. Woot! I wonder how much will i get on my birthday itself..$$money faced now$$. Anyway, happy birthday to didi once again and shall pass him his belated birthday present tml.

Happy 18th Birthday Didi. May all your birthday wishes come true.

Didi celebrated his birthday today. He started he birthday lowly and as per normal. He went for work as usual. His real birthday celebration starts with him celebrating with his girlfriend. Nice and sweet of his girlfriend to make him birthday cards. It's so nicely drawn that both my mum and me couldn't believe it's drawn by her. When he reached home, he held a plastic bag that's full of presents. Envy envy envy..i wonder will i get alot of presents this year too..Wahaha..

Mum bought didi a nice mango ice cream birthday cake. I'm not really interested but did loves it, it's his birthday, of cos shld buy a cake according to his preference. We celebrated didi birthday with a birthday song, didi making a birthday wish, cutting a cake and eating the cake. Didi receive the most practical presents ever from both papa and mama which is Hong Baos with $$$ inside. Woot! I wonder how much will i get on my birthday itself..$$money faced now$$. Anyway, happy birthday to didi once again and shall pass him his belated birthday present tml.

My new vocation isn't that good, at least it's not to be. I both happy and unhappy of this vocation - Ammo Technician. Happy because it's like going to sch, learning stuff everyday, carrying with you only a file around and not only that, but it's a 8am - 5:30pm vocation. Which means, i can get to enjoy mum's homecooked food, i can get to sleep my comfortable bed at night, i can get to see dear after work and chat with her til late at night. Unhappy simply because i'm still not used to this environment, unhappy because i have to surrender my mobile phone the moment i'm inside camp which means no calling or sms-ing to Dear Dear. That makes me miss her alot but fear not, cos that makes my heart grows fonder. Time with her became as important and as precious as a diamond. In this camp (SAF Ammunition Command), everything is very strict. The thought of maybe having to stay in after i get posted out after 3 months makes me just sian-ed. I'm only in this camp for 3 months til 12 Dec and afterwhich, i'll be posted to several ammo depot to serve the rest of my NS life there. The thought of maybe having to return to Tekong to go through live range shooting makes my heart go down. But i'm just not going to think about that and just try to enjoy my 3 months at this new camp. I realised that many do not want be to feel so sian, i shall buck up and not make them worry too much for me. At the same time, i want to pour out all unhappiness. I know she'll be there for me.

Lately, i have been abit unreasonable towards Dear. It's simply just that i'm still not used to not being able to call her whenever i want and the time i have with her has greatly decreased. There's alot of things she has to commit and meanwhile i fail to understand that. I promise i'll learn. Just that sometimes, all i need is some assurance. Dear, don't mind too much what people say. Each time someone says something about us or you, don't be afraid that u'll get teased or make fun of. Who cares about them, if u are going to let what they say, it will only make them achieve what they intend to and only make urself more miserable. Do what u intend initially, do what u think it's right and what makes u really really happy. Sometimes, i really didn't feel anything from you because it's just u not to show it out often. But deep in my heart, i know it, i never doubt you. Just that dear wants to see it. Thank you for being so forgiving towards me, allowing this lousy boyfriend of yours to learn. I really really felt your importance especially recently, it's so strong that i can't explain. Each time before i meet or call you, it seems that there's alot of my mind i want to tell you, but each time i met you or called you, my mind just went blank. I just want to heae your voice, feel as if i'm with you. Then after we said bye, the feeling is back again. I can't explain what feeling is that but all i know is that i love my Dear.

I just can't wait to hear her voice again. No mood to continue this post alrdy...to be continue...

Time flies..It seems that it's just yesterday when i'm still jumping in joy and hugging Dear upon the news that her dad let her stay over at my house. I say bye to her just now reluctantly. I dislike that feeling. It's the same feeling of how i feel when i used to sent her to her void deck lift and had to say bye to her. Whenever that moment comes, u feel like saying alot of things, but none just came out of the mouth. But i know she knows what i'm going to say.

Dear and i are both hooked on playing maple together with each other. We had lots of fun. I really hope she does enjoy playing it. I can't wait for her to come my house again and play maple. Hmm, wondering if she's coming on the 30th or not..*pray and hope*

Tml is the start of another phase of my NS life. I've lots of question marks all over my head. I really hope it will be a smooth day tml. Maybe not just for yesterday but the rest of my National Service. There's alot up on my mind now, luckily, Dear's there for me..

Happy is my mood now. I'm in an especially good mood now. Dear's staying my house for another night. So so so happy. It's not easy to have Dear to stay my house for straight two nights. It's a special moment. Just before i thought im going to be lonely thinking about the monday vocation, this happens. Blessing i must say.

I forgot to mention in my previous posts how Dear's my lucky star. Since BMT, i realised i'm not that unlucky. Things that's bad did not fall on me, i guess it's must be the lady luck that i'm having with me. Even my vocation which seems to be the most difficult one to believe. I actually got somewhere near my house and her school, not only that, i need not stay in. Shiok!

Recently, Dear has been troubled over her studies. Her new term has started, new subjects that she has never deal with, thus she fret over the books that she's required to buy or own. Seeing her fret over all that, i really wish i could do my bit to help her. I went to her school library to hunt for those books, helped her photocopy and i don't mind doing any this. Please don't feel bad Dear. Cos that's only the least i can do. Another thing, it's seriously better to buy a brand new book, one that i own it 1st hand, 1st time. I know it might be abit expensive but i'm sure it's worth the buy. U not only need it, but also, seeing a brand new book is just different from a 2nd hand one. I want to chip in abit..Anything u need, please let me know.

Yay, played maple with Dear today. The feeling is just so fun. Hehe..i want to get married in maple!! Can't wait..

Happy 4th Month Anniversary Dear! Muacks!

My main maple character is finally level 77.

Just got my vocation - Ammo technician at SAF ammo comd. It's located at somewhere in the east, not that far from my house, i'm glad. But i'm afraid at the same time too. Handling with weapons and ammo can be fearful cos any mistakes can proved to be costly. One can get charged with just one small mistakes. Let's hope i'll be used to the job scope and handle it well. Luckily, i was told i need not stay in, which means there's still Mum's homecooked food, there's still late night chatting with Dear, there's still maple and lastly a nice bed to sleep in.

Cook a nice meal for the family today. Actually it's just for mum and Dear. Glad the dishes turned out to be quite ok. Mum like it, Dear's happy with me. I'm just too humble to comment. I love my cooking and loved it when u see people saying the food i cooked is not bad. I'm floating.wahaha..it's always a pleasure and enjoyment to cook for your loved ones. No wonder there's a saying that goes, to captures the heart of the person u love, captures the person's stomach 1st. It's true to a great extent. Whipping up a meal for your loved ones is something that's sweet, be it whether your food turns out to be good or not, it's always the thoughts that count. So whip up something pple!

Recently has been making Dear angry. So sorry i hasn't been a good recently. I promised i'll be better. Love u lots!

Don's birthday coming...Jon's birthday just passed. Happy Belated Birthday Jonnie Boy!

Life has really been great ever since my block leave started. I'm really enjoying myself so far. Everything seems ok except for the fact that i'm kind of poor because what i get per month is only a mere 350 bucks by SAF. Anyway, i won't get to spend much money. Most of my money spent is on food.

Was abit shagged because i chiong maple with Don through the night. In the end, both of us didn't reach the targeted level that we aimed for. Supposedly to wake up early to continue our 'adventure', but laziness and tiredness got the better of us. We slept through the early morning and didn't played much. Lunch today was great. It's one of the best lunch i ever had with Dear. The travelling may seem long but to me, it's always special. The feeling is just so tingly sweet - the feeling of being able to meet someone whom u misses, and the thought of able to see her, eat with her and spend time with her even just for awhile. Today's her 1st lesson of the new module. I'm happy that i can send her to school. Well, thjat's the very least i can do for her, a way of showing my support for her. Really hope she can enjoy her studies and know that she's not alone.

Glad she's enjoying her monday classess. Hopefully, the other two day is just as good. Just now we were talking about how marriages can't be based just on love alone. Actually, that has to be true to a certain extent. A relationship can't survive on just love alone, but a relationship certainly cannot do without love. It's how we maintain it that keeps it going..so, i'll really treasure whoever's with me now..

Oh gosh, i'm still coughing. Obviously til now, the cough syrup isn't helping. Now even Dear kena my virus and is starting to cough. I want to see a doctor!!!

Many at times, things won't not go your way. But it's how u try and make things right, how u convince people and proof people wrong or proof to them that u can do it. I'm finding it tough to keep it going and will still find it tough in future. But i'm not giving up. I'm just trying to progress step by step. The impression i leave might not be good but i'm not going to give up. Yes, i may feel sad and disappointed by the response i get. Sometimes, i feel cold and unwelcome when i'm at her house. Yet sometimes, i feel so loved and heart-warming. She assured me nothing is going to happen. That assurance makes my heart float freely. I'm not going to think of what might happen and what might not, instead, i'll just think of how am i going to make things right. I want everyone to acknowledge this relationship of ours. It might be tough but it 's not impossible. The response i get in the future might be discouraging but i'm sure constant assurance and effort will help. No matter what, all i need is time, or rather all we need is time. I'm sure, someday..yes, someday, i'll be truly truly be part of her family, her life..

Don's coming to chiong maple with me. Finally Dear set her hands on the keyboard today playing maple. Amazingly, she played through 3 levels! I really hoped she enjoyed it. She was saying how she wish she could take my computer home. I had this urge to really save up a sum of money and buy a laptop with her. Today, didi and Dear talked. Yes, somehow i feel this is the start to erase the unfamiliar uneasiness between didi and her. Things are going to smooth. My mama miss Dear...actually i'm more like it to be the one missing her.

Counting down, i'm only left with one week to really rot, slack and spend time to do the things i want. I want to spend lotsa time with Dear while i could. I'm disappointed upon the news that she can't stayover this week. But i'm sure we could enjoy each other company on the phone or outside as well. I just hope this week will be a great one and i'll spend it wisely. Meanwhile, i'm more and more worried about my vocation. I really hope to get somewhere near my house. I don't want to get anywhere which is super far from my hse. All the more i would not want to stay in. A 8-5 job vocation is the best thing i can ever ask for at the moment. Please help me!!

Dear's eyes in pain..i'm loss for words when i heard what she say. It's real scary how her eyes become like that. Contact lens..I hate them. I've seen people take out and put contact lens before. It just yucks me. I couldn't even bear to touch my eye ball. It's a real hassle to put on contact lens. And also to take care or maintain it. Let's hope Dear's eyes will be ok by tml.

Man utd winning. 1st match i watched this season. They play quite alright. Now it's halftime. They are leading 1-0. Thanks to my hero - Ryan Giggs..Everyone hail him. Hmm...so bored now...shall wait for the 2nd half to start...sianzz

I cooked again today. Finally. I love cooking. The feeling it gives me is simply great. Today is Dear's 1st time trying my dried noodle. She claimed that it's nice. My whole family who tried before gave the same comment too. It seems that i badly want to make kitchen my favourite place but it seems so not possible with grumpy mum around. I was thinking to myself, next time in the future, i shall be the cook of the house. I shall whip up nice dishes for my family, sastifying their stomachs. Whole day was spent rotting with Dear. Went shopping with her. Just realised that the simplest things in life can simply just be me and her going out walking around, that can be the greatest thing ever. Precious time tickling away in this manner to me is good. We were just enjoying each other company. Tml i'm going to shop again. The thought of being able to walk around with her and eat just makes me smile. Tml shall come faster than i can expect.

Rented this VCD about seduction. It's a korean movie called Art of Seduction. Funny show which makes me wonder how seduction can be good or naughty. Wahaha..seduction is quite a tough job i would say. U either do it successfully and get the person under your control or u either screwed it up and ended up being a big dumb fool.

Maple maple maple. Don don's the same lvl as me. Haa..once i was 10 level more than him and today, he's of the same level as me. I'm still enjoying maple. I want to share my joy of playing maple with Dear but it seems the game doesn't really interest her. I shall try and train her character for it to be fun enough for her to play. How i wish i can have a laptop. Then i'll be able to carry it around the house. The thing i miss most after i came out from Tekong is food. I miss food like crazy - teppanyaki, tibits, steamboat, seafood..wahaha..mum mum!!

Tml i'm going to eat sushi. Sushi lovers, envy me!! I shall go watch Man Utd win Tottenham now and wait for Dear's call...ciao!

Today's a weird day. Woke up feeling like a big super sotong. I was kinda not myself today. Dragged myself around the house. Maybe that's what will happen after staying in for Tekong for soo long and the change of environment kind of stuck me. Lunchtime is what i'm waiting for. This will continue to be the case for the next few working days. It's not common to have lunch with Dear anymore. My new vocation's starting soon, so might not have the chance anymore.

Finally met up with Farhan. This lazy bum finally met me up with his newly cut botak head. He look super funny without his cap on. Wahaha..i'm just happy that i look much better botak than him. As always, we would go around crapping with each other. Did alot of catching up today. Tml will be his 1st time taking plane. Hmm, he;s going thailand. Thailand's my dad favourite vacation country. Somehow, i don't really like it.

Was troubling where to go with Dear since her tuition was cancelled. As mentioned, my mind isn't working today and it's all blank. I had this sudden urge to relive those memories. Instead, we went to Junction 8. Finally bought our puzzle frame, yay!! Going to make our 1st jigsaw puzzle. Wanted to catch little man but in the end, we missed it after much wishy washy.

Had a chat with Dear. Chatted about our future. I would greatly prefer her not to me a very career-minded woman. The movie 'click' really taught a good lesson. I don't want Dear to be an old hag after getting married too. We'll be 2 working adults taking care of children of our own. There's so much about future to talk about. I've more or less thought of what to do after i ORD. I have to start planning already.

I've come up with the guest list. My birthday party will be at my house. The celebration would be at 21st October. Those invited, hope you are gladly make it for my birthday party. More details will be up soon..

I miss those days where we would buy candy floss, kacang puteh and ice-cream and we'll walk to raffles place and sit by the river, chit chat and spend time together. I miss those moments where i feel so cosy at her house at night, feel so heart-warming when she's at my house. I miss those days where we would go out after work, loitering around. I miss those days where i would fetch her to and fro from wherever to wherever. Miss her voice now...

I finally found back myself. It's only back at home that i feel that i'm i myself. Here i am, in wee hour of the night, happily typing away in this once so personal computer of mine.

I've said bye to Tekong, been through 7 weeks of crap / rubbish / torture. Life certainly has changed abit ever since i got enlisted. Recruit is no longer in my dictionary. Now i shall introduce myself - Private Low. From the day i cut my hair botak til today, happenings are everywhere and every now and then. Army life in tekong is certainly not good but it isn't as bad i thought it would turned out to be. I'm excused from lots of stuff. I'm excused Sunlight (which means marching or any outdoor training under the torturous sun, i'm excused), excused field camp, excused route march, excused swimming, excused live range and excused grenade throw. Basically what i do there is listen to crap, eat and sleep. It's like a chalet to me, a restricted chalet. The conception of most people is that boy who enter BMTC (Basic Military training Centre) will come out as a true man who has grown independent and tougher. That's only very true to a very small extent. What's being taught is actually considered useless.

I've spend more money on NS so far than i received from them. They always talk about letting us have a good and memorable experience in BMTC. Sure, i did have memorable experience in BMTC but most for the wrong reasons. I'm so 'lucky' to kena guard duty. That guard duty was a memorable one. It was real creepy to patrol around the 'haunted' island. Dim lights didn't helped much to lessen my fear. It's really scary and that guard duty experience really freaked and shagged me out. Another bad experience is confinement. I was yet again 'luckily' confined. Confined just because i left my rifle alone with my physical body just 4 steps away for my rifle. All my intention was to put it on the floor so i could help my friend with the tent setting up, but was caught instead and sent for confinement instead. The feeling of not being able to spend ur weekend outside with ur loved ones and spent it in a place where u hated alot sux. However, i've made some great friends, met some interesting people and seen some ugly and stupid idiots. It's the 1st time i share the same bunk with 12 others guys, showered naked with 7 other guys at one time and also riot/crap/suffer together. Now that everything has some to an end, which means it's another beginning. Once i get my vocation next week, it's another beginning again.

It's one obstacle down. We overcome it, successfully. I must say, our relationship is much much better, stable. We had lotsa conflicts along the way but all those are settled, all for the better. I've known more of her and vice versa. We have also learned how to maintain our relationship well. Love is not everything yet it's something close to that everything. All i can say that it's powerful. It can make u feel jealous, happy, sad, angry...It can even make u a better person. It certainly has made me one and is still making. I've realised the shortcomings that i don't know in the past, i've also realised how i can treat a person better. I've learnt what is it like to maintain relationship with her, with my parents and others. I want to be a better boyfriend. She's certainly worth every mile i go. We've progressed steadily and well. Everything is going on well and our love right now sees a bright future ahead. Love her..

For the past 7 weeks, i've not been updating myself with the outside world and happenings. I almost forgot what is it like. Many things happen within this period of time. Jon had a new gf, Don's leg has recovered. I was sick twice during this period and is still sick. Dear's sick too. I want to take care of her. She needs me, i know that. I'll just hope she recover soon. Seeing her so sick make my heart aches. Get well soon Dear..

Army life hasn't been good so far. Was excused from Field Camp. Fell sick on the 1st day of field camp. Got warded and was on drip. Whole arm left numb for days. Fell more sick the next few days. Got confinement for some stupid dumb mistake. Sucks..

i have a pretty dear dear..she smile..so sweet........

Though she claims it's a joke..i really don't feel good when i heard it..for i say before i want to be a man she can rely on

15 days has passed. Here i am, back home again, blogging. Before i got enlisted, i thought the next time i'll blog would be mostly about my army life. But right now, i really has nothing to blog about army life. Army to me is like jail. Alot of things is restricted because they wanted to be regimental. So i conclude that there's isn't much difference between us and those jailbirds. It took me around 3-4 days to adapt to the life there, not totally though. I think for me to totally adapt to the life there, it will take 3-4 weeks instead. Waking up early in the morning is not really a problem for me. But i feel more and more restless day by day. Day by day, i feel like waking up later and later. It's not because i'm tired but it's because i dread of the day. Each day starts with me hoping that night would fall faster.

Lucky for me, my training programme isn't that tough as compared to the other PES status enlistees. I'm excused from sunlight for 56 days!! Which means i'm excused from most marching and training. The sun and heat in tekong can really kills. The temperature there is 1 degree celcius higher than mainland. My face simply went rotting under the sun there.

I got my rifle and isn't really fantastic afterall. It's just a dumb black thing where alot of people claims to be their wife. I rather exchanged this 'wife' for some tibits for at least they can sastify my hunger. Inside is rather boring. Everything is like so dead, u wake up, breakfast, training, lunch, training, dinner, training then sleep. and the cycle continues..

Every night is what i'm waiting for, for that's the time i relax myself and chat with my Dear. I'm glad that at times, i'm able to call her in the afternoon. Basically, my superiors are quite good. I've been missing my Dear Dear since the day i enlisted. It will continue for the next 5 weeks. Hope she will be able to hold on for the next 5 weeks. Yesterday is my book-out day. It's a day i've been waiting for since the 1st day i enter Tekong. But very very very lucky for me, i fell sick. I went to fetch Dear Dear from work. I waited for her and when i saw her, i suddenly feel like crying. I never had this feeling before, now i know that my heart has really grew fonder. Grew fonder for the person that i've been missing for the past 15 days. I disappoint Dear for not being to come out healthily, not only that, she spend the whole night worrying for me yesterday. Including my mummy. Seriously, nothing is better than home. Yesterday when i reached back home, i had this strange feeling. As though it's not my room anymore. I feel weird. But i'm glad to be home, with all my loved ones with me. I'm lucky. Sorry Dear, i bore u yesterday night and this morning. I'll concentrate on getting well and on my next weekend bookout, i'll compensate u. We'll do what u want..

Recently, Dear's sad. Or rather, it's yesterday that she's sad. I don't know how to tell Dear. I want to tell her, cos i tot i might be of some help, at least to make her feel better. But at the same time, i'm afraid to remind her of unhappy things. Dear care alot of others, so much so that she can ignore how she feels. She isn't a happy girl now. She has no chance to defend herself. It's really unfair to her. I really feel like doing alot of things, but this things is between she and her ??????????. I've no rights to say anything. Dear Dear, what i can do now is listen to u, be there for me, spend time with you. -i'm loving and missing u more day by day-

I saw Farhan in there. It's really makes me happy to see my friends in Tekong. Cos it's like, u don't have alot of friends in there, friends are what makes the stay better. Glad that Jonathan found his love. Glad that Don is recovering well. As for Gav, he's kind of missing in action. But i'm sure he's doing fine.

Tml i'm booking in already. Booking in sure sux. I won't feel good for sure. I hope Tuesday can come soon..

Yea..it's been days since i last blogged. This will be the last time i'm blogging as a civilian i suppose. The next time i'm blogging as a civilian will be two years later. This week has no work. Basically, was just slacking and enjoying myself, of cos not forgetting to make final preparations for my army life.

Lots of things went through my head recent days. It's funny to think of it, i'm just going through what my friends are going through a year ago. Still remember that a year ago, it was me who consoled them, making them feel better from the Pre-NS syndrome. Now, it's the other way round. I've learnt alot abt the army life and i know it's not going to be easy but at the same time, not that bad either. I'm going to miss my family, miss my Dear, miss my friends, miss my sister, miss the freedom i had and wanted, miss my bed..but come to think of it, i'm going in to learn more things, things that i won't be able to learn anywhere else. I guess it can make me more independent, more decisive and also stronger (hopefully).

I'll be confined for 2 weeks. I really don't know how am i going to spend this 2 weeks. I seriously wonder how long will i take to adapt, how will the life inside be. I guess only i can tell myself that answer when i get in. And of cos, i have my own worries when i get in. I'm still worried for my Dear. Really hope she can take good care of herself. Have a proper 3 meals each day, sleep well whenever possible and stay happy most importantly. Don, while i'm not around, train yourself to 3rd job. Wait for my return. I'll be counting down everyday. I can't wait for 4th August to come.

It seems like i have to bring alot of things, but the list of things i have to pack seem so little..Argh..abit stress..I'm going to make sure my last night of civilian life before i go army is well spent..

I really hope she will be ok. i'm very worried. I'm not in the best of mood now. The thought of going Ns, the thought of not being able to be there for her and take care of her, and alot of others things makes me feel so restless. Please see a doctor ASAP...

Today we celebrated our 2nd month anniversary. I rented a car on sat. Drove her around and my parent too. I've never expect that i would be able to drive a like i like around. It's something i'm happy to do and i'm sure she does felt it that way too. It's the 1st time my mum sat on the car i drove.

Yesterday night was enjoyable. I somehow really really treasure the time that's left with her. It's seems like time's starting to pass very fast. Somehow i had the urge to stop the time from moving. I really hope that those happy memories will come back again and not just flashed back on my mind. 2 months has passed. It's wonderful to see how time actually flies. We've been through alot, be it good or bad, but i'm sure, whatever has happened so far is for the better of the future - a future that both of us want and are working towards.

Today we went to watch Re-cycle which's a damn lousy movie. Afterwhich had a not do nice dinner at Pizza-hut before proceeding to PS to watch the Pirates of the Carribean. A very nice movie which lotsa funny scenes. Again, the time in the movie theater was very very enjoyable. I could see her smiling and laughing away, it just makes her look so sweet and cute. Aww...aren't i lucky.

Parted with her to met Don for supper. Hasn't seen this dude for a long time and found out quite some stuff about BMT in Tekong from him. Guess i'm just experiencing what they have gone through a year ago. I have to adapt to my new life. Certainly i'm not ready for it. I will miss my Dear, my family and the freedom i had. I wanted to spend more time with the new love that i've found 2 months ago. My family has already been with me for 20 years ++, but with Dear, it's ard 3 months or so..how i wish we could spend our days back then when we just got together again. There's alot of things i wanted to tell her, alot of things i wanted to do with her. She's committed to alot of things - work, teaching, study and so on..it's hard on her.

Few more days and i'm in. I really hope she can take care of herself. Hope she still remembers those naggy reminders that i gave her. I don't want her to tire herself. I know she will miss me, but i'll miss her as much as she does too. I'll be gone for 2 weeks only, wait patiently for my book out and while waiting, look at the photos we took, listen to the cd i burn for u, do the puzzle i bought for u and just remember the happy moments we had. Just keep thinking that i'll be back soon and i'm only not there for u physically. Wait for me..i love you..

Sometimes, some words will sound nicer when said out. When those words comes out from your mouth, it simply just make me feel loved. It's like i'm the plant and those words are the water whereas your actions's the sun.

2 more days at UOB and i'm gone. Looking back, it's been quite a journey in my working life. Had its ups and downs. Never regretted working at UOb, i must say it's the best job i've ever taken. Though not of my interest, but the job scope and the people there has made everything so possible for me to enjoy working there.

27 March until 14 July - 3 months plus..i've learnt alot of things there. Know great people there and of cos some NOT SO GOOD people. I don't know what feeling will i bring with me on friday but all i can say is that i will miss that place. I may have said how much i dread going to work, but somehow, it holds quite alot of good memories for me. I'll miss it..

Had intended to make some sort of farewell stuff for the people there. But i ran out of ideas and simply just too lazy to do anything. Well, at least i have the thought, that's good enough right. Wahaha..well, have to understand cos i'm just experiencing the Pre-NS syndrome.

Today i heard what Dear told me. She told me about how she felt at work, it's somehow exactly how i felt for the past few weeks. But it's not going to hold a candle to hers. She will be staying for another year. I know it's going to be tough for her. One has to make the most out of it in order to make sure she does enjoy his/her work to a certain extent. Humans are selfish, they are selfish too. Can't expect everything to go your way. There's interesting people, though not ones who be compared to the ones who has left, but they sure can at the very least, make u feel work isn't just LIKE THAT. I'm only not there physically, that's what u always say to me.

I managed to rent a car for this Sat/Sun. Finally i can drive around. I can fetch her from sch, drive her around, bring my parents out. I'm looking forward to it.

Sunday

1st time i went KBox. Nice experience. I had the courage to sing. Cos it's just me and her. Had quite some fun. Sang quite a few song. Times passes so fast when you are singing. We sang only for 2 hours. 22 bucks for 2 hours, i was told it was considered quite cheap. We were supposed to sing for 3 hours instead but someone book the room in advance. Damn..i haven't enjoyed myself yet.

Monday

Dear had her orientation today. Morning was plain. Afternoon was much better when she came back to the office. Today she doesn't have any lessons. We had a date. We wanted to watch movie initially but we changed back to our original plan instead. We headed to the place where we used to date - Marina Square, Esplanade and along the Singapore river. Just now when i was going back home, my mind flashback. I can still remember when we just got together. We will hop onto the mrt and go wherever the MRt brings us. How we would aimlessly go anywhere, and just walking around. I miss those days. Those days are hard to come by now. I miss the day - the day where both of 1st held our hands and went to Changi airport. Although we didn't do much at the Airport, i really loved the time we spent there on that day. Heart's feeling heavy now...

Dear must be struggling with her homework now. She must be feeling tired. How i wish i could help her..Anything i can do to help u, dear?

France vs Italy match. A disappointing match. Although it ended with Italy winning the World Cupm LUCKILY. Full time ended 1-1. Italy could have won, given the amount of chances they had. France were strong too but they didn't take their chances well. Both side proceed into Extra time and that's when drama came. A player who has been talked about the most before this Final has no doubt made the headlines again, all for the wrong reason. A disgraceful act, a shameless way to end his international career. Shame on you, Zizou. One who's regarded as god has overnight became a villian who lost his head. He doesn't even show regret after the person he try to injure fall to the ground. Pathetic. I despise him. France deserve to lose. Hooray and Well Done Italy..

I'm hopeful now - full of hopes. I had actually wanted to give up, but she pulled me up. She didn't give up on me, not even my face. She could have easily sleep even when i say i don't want to go today. She could have easily sleep for she knew she's going to have another long day of teaching and studying. BUT she insist that i go, not only that, she accompany me. I'm determined not to let her down. I'll go. I'll do whatever i can to save it. Thanks Dear..

Alright..i'm back to blog about my graduation ceremony..Had to wake up early because the ceremony starts at 9pm. I didn't had enough sleep, so did Dear. Both of us had late night yesterday. I had to wear this white long sleeve shirt that looked so rugged. I was frustrated because i wanted to look my best at this very day. Not only because it's my graduation ceremony but also because Dear's wearing nicely. Mum went with me, luckily, my dad didn't follow. He doesn't like this kind of function - but still he's happy that i've graduated!

Wanted to take a cab. Singapore cabbies seems to be extinct at the morning hour. Already raining, i still can't get any cab anywhere. Dialled 2 taxi operators, both had no taxi available. Damn..no choice and so we squeeze onto the LRt and MRT. Reached than just in time and so the graduation started. When i was about to went on stage, i was kinda happy. Happy that the two woman i love most in the world is going to witness this very moment. It makes the whole thing rather special for me, really special. Another thing that makes me happy is that i can see that mum and Dear are getting along so well.

Had a yummy lunch at Yuki sushi. Actually had wanted to sing KBOX after lunch but found out thjat it's not really worth. Mum say she's going to have sushi again on Sat and we are going to sing KBox on sunday. I really wanted to go KBox. I wanted to see how is it like. I want to sing, although my voice sux. Hope Dear can stay my hse again on Sat. I want to spend all the time in the world with her before i get enlisted. Sad to say this but there's only around 14 days left..sob..

-- i put you above everyone else --

Days after the wednesday is simply just great. Dear's starting to express herself more. I'm very glad. I'm very happy. I hope i didn't have to make her worry or unhappy too much again.

Today's my graduation day. I'm very happy. Mum and Dear attended my graduation ceremony. I'm glad. Dear's cooking now. Hm..i shall post more abt it later. I'm very very happy today. Too happy til i'm lost for words..

I feel so relieved...i realised alot of things today. All has been poured out, talked about and settled, well, more or less...Now there shouldn't be any obstacles. All has been cleared. I just want to enjoy, just like when things started out. There's things i must do, things i have to take note and things i should change abt myself.

I have to grow no matter what. Today is the last day i shall let myself be like that. I must eat like a pig and i know Dear's going to help me. Her bread was especially tasty. I love it. Today is the 1st time milo make me feel like vomiting. I wasn't feel comfortable for quite some time. The feeling of vomiting keep on coming on and off.

Didn't get to take photos again. She has been wearing nice clothes past few days. Disappointed but i know there will be chance again. Just now the taxi driver was taking to me about soccer. Had a nice chat with him about soccer - world cup. It's been so long since i had a nice chat about soccer to someone.

Last thing i want to say..i really love my Dear Dear.

Dear's at her best today..she woke up very early today. Met her up..i had actually wanted to pass the bookmark i made for her just before she left for school..but i have the eagerness to pass her asap. I can't wait to see what will be her reaction. Had wanted to give her, i wanted to go to that very bench. I like being there with her alone..but she wanted to go up. I gave her along the way. Smile appeared on her. I'm glad and happy. Good start..

Lunchtime came..heart's getting heavier..stomachache pestered me yet again. Don't know what wrong with this stomach..the moment i'm back to work, it creates trouble again. To think that i can actually tahan for 5 days in Malaysia. Weird stomach..wonder what's going to hapen when i enter NS.

Misunderstanding happen midway through work. Nothing serious but it's the 1st time i felt so useless. I'm already ok..I apologise for my sensitiveness.

Head back home with a heavy heart and painful head. Bought a water bottle for Dear which i wanted to get yesterday but didn't get the chance to. Reached home, and i was told the good news. Mummy's ok. I'm soooo happy to hear that. It's a very very very big boulder off my shoulder. I have been worrying for mummy for quite long. I'm really relieved to hear that she's alright.

Today is the 1st time i fetched Dear from school. The feeling was good. The only worrying thing is that it's hard on her to work and study at the same time. Imagine waking up early in the morning..started working from morning til evening and rushed off to work without much rest til late at night. Poor her..she really needs sleep and rest. Dear, be strong and if u do need a shoulder to lie on, mine is always around for u.

Don's has been maple hardcore recently..he's going to catch up with me soon. Jia You Donna!!

Finally i'm done..Hope she'll like it. I finally come up with something decent. I've ran out of ideas and hope this could really motivates her, make her feel happy..lead her into the right mood before she go for her class. I'm not feeling good for not able to be there for her on her 1st day of sch. Dear, do gimme a call k..i'm just a call away.

Dinner was enjoyable..i didn't feel awkward eating with her family..i didn't even realise it until Dear popped me the qns. In fact, i'm enjoying dinner. Dear look really fierce when she stares at people..haha..when she stared at me, i thought i did something wrong..until she told me, then i realise she's just plainly staring at me. Maybe i didn't eat the 'Tang Hoon'..haa..

Had wanted to eat at Marina South. But don't know how to go. I went to the front to direct her dad. She's not with me..i was scared and afraid. Luckily, her dad didn't show unhappiness. We headed for Ang Mo Kio for dinner instead. Yummy steamboat. While eating, it brings me back to the 1st time when i had steamboat at Seoul Garden steamboat with Dear. The feeling is just so sweet..i miss those days..haa..those were the days..

Tml she's starting school. Oh ya..she bought me a new cap. White converse cap. I'm beginning to like white apparels and accessories..Mum said i look nice in white..in the past, it's always and only black..now i shall start filling my cupboard with white clothes..

I thought i scratched the new watch i wore just now. I accidentally rubbed it against a wall, three scratches appeared. Luckily, it's the paint and i was able to remove it away. Phew..if not, i'll feel so sad..

Tml's work..i dreaded going to work now..cos everything seems so 'stranger' to me. 1 and a half more hr, i can start writing on the dairy. Had a little chat with Farhan today. Seems like he has adapted to the life there. I wonder how many days will i take to adapt to the life there. Anyway, time flies..it will be over in a blink of an eye. Was talking to bro about mummy..let's hope everything will be ok..really really ok..i'm praying.

Daddy's fav pet died. He cut the fish tail..blood came out..everything was alright until few mins later. The fish just flip over and struggling to live. It's a painful side. Daddy must be feeling very upset, his actions caused the death of his fav pet. He's very sad. Let's just hope daddy will go to the fish farm with me and get a new fish. R.I.P baby fish..

Off to meet Dear now..gonna enjoy myself later..missing her alrdy...

KELVIN LOW!! I dread this two words now..each time i picked up the mobile phone, kelvin low is the 1st two words i would hear. I don't mind anyone calling me that..but if called all the time, it starts to sound unpleasant to me. How i wish the 1st 2 words i would hear each time i pick up the mobile phone to be so pleasing to my ears that i could converse in a better mood.

No one can have the best of both worlds. Even if one could, he/she has to work doubly hard. Nothing comes free without u putting effort into it. That applies to me. I've sorted out. My life is already in plan. My life is already good..near to perfect. I've got a family who cared for me, i've got a gf who loves me, i have got friends who's there for me too..I shall move on..get on with life..take a step at a time...look forward..

She's there wherever i need her. At least she showed it to me today. I'm so happy when i received that call. But i want her to know that i really really don't want her to hide anything from me. Even u are pissed with me, even u miss me, even u are simply just feel like talking or telling me things, just let me know. Now i know she'll be there no matter what. Just like many others who's willing to do the same. Thanks Don...Thanks sis...Thank Dear

I'm so happy today. Finally got my new mobile phone. Finally i got a couple ring with Dear. Finally we got our diary. There's plenty of reasons to be happy about too. Most importantly, i've got what i'm desperately wanted - her trust. The small misunderstanding was bad. But her assurance brought me life. She's going to start school soon. Life's changing. We have to adapt to it soon. I'll try and fork out as much time as possible with her. I don't want to be ignored, i don't want to be neglected. I'm always there.whenever u need me most..

Finally, i'm going to blog about my Malaysia trip. Lotsa people has been pestering me, wanting to know how i spend my 4 days at Malaysia, well, here u go..

My trip started way early in the morning. Woken up by Dear who's yet yes, so sweet again. Started doing our last min checking and packing up before her nice daddy fetch us there. We reached there damn early and stood there like an idiot. Luckily, we were able to board the so called comfortable coach. Our trip was kinda spoilt by this 'dying soon' auntie who appears to be the fiercest 'witch' in the coach. We sat on her seat unknowingly and instead of telling us to change our seat nicely, she showed her witch power, as if we were intimidated. Phui..Just went we thought the coach would be filled we old aunties and uncles, a few young adults joined in and off we go to Genting!!

The trip was long, coach was cold but luckily, the seat aren't that uncomfortable. It tooks us around 7 hours to reach our destination. The moment we got down the coach, the super cold breeze brushed through our legs, making my hair stand. The weather there was cold..really very cold. We checked in at the counter and upon reaching the hotel room, we were disappointed. There's no cupboard to put our clothes. There's no safe deposit box to put our valuables. The tv were small and the room is pathetic. There's no bathtub too. Wahaha..i don't expect an enjoyable sleep during my stay in Genting.

1st day in Genting
We kicked off the 1st day with a lousy meal at this Hainanese restaurant. Food was bad - bland and tasteless. Then we started shopping around the area. Nothing much and soon we were back to our room. Rest of the day was nothing much. Just slacking and feeling lazy.

2nd day in Genting
We wanted to have our FREE breakfast as the cafe. The free breakfast was a complimentary meal given to us. I n the end, our laziness got the better of us. I was too tired and get out. Sleep was more important to me. Luckily, dear also skipped breakfast. We went theme park on this day. Hooray..That's the main activity of Genting. We were there early, Dear can't wait to play the outdoor theme park and so there we were. Sadly, rollercoaster was closed on that day. Haiz, i have to miss it again, just like how i missed it a few years back when i came to this very theme park too. Nothing much was there for us to played. Or rather we aren't interested in most of the things there. We played Solaris too..that was shiok!! I can't explain the feeling but it was simply shiok. We took away for lunch and had lunch in the hotel room. Cosy and nice. Food certainly make us tired and we napped. By the time we woke up, we realised we were kinda late, not enough time we play what we wanted to. We chiong down to the theme park again and luckily, this time round, we played what we wanted. The water splashing roller coaster. It made us wet but at the same time, we had fun. Kenny Rogers was our dinner. It was recommended by one of our colleague and so we tried. Same as any other Kenny Rogers at anywhere else. Nice chicken with not so nice side dishes. Over the dinner, i remember i had a little nice chat with Dear. It's a chat i'll never forget. We watched 'CARS' that night i think. I can't remember if it's that night or the night before. Before the show, i was kinda down but the movie really cheered me up. It was funny yet meaningful. Dear's slept a while during the show and missed parts of it. But luckily, she knows what's going on in the movie. Nator was cute in the movie whereas the plot makes everything just funny and nice.

I lost my camera on this day. My heart was pain. Really pain. Pain because the camera was something that i've always wanted. Only mum knows it. I saved my money very hard to get that digi-cam. But my heart was pain mainly because of the photos inside. Inside has photos of my friends and lotsa people but luckily, i had them transferred. It's the photos that i took with dear during this trip that make my heart bleed and cracked. It's not easy to get her taking photos with me. I treasured those photos alot. I really wanted to be able to see how much fun i had when i had them all printed out on photo cards. I thought that in future when i look at the photos, i can see and remember how happy i once was. But now, it's gone..everything is just gone...

3rd Day in Genting and Kuala Lumpur
Our early part of the day was spent in Genting. And yes, again, we missed our FREE breakfast. Tiredness got into us again. We woke up, packed our bag and get ready for Kuala Lumpur. The wait was torturing. It was cold, we were shivering and hungry. Omni-bus was our transport to KL. A 7 seater bus with 2 passenger and 1 driver, wahaha..1st time in my life. The trip was quite short. We reached the hotel much much early than expected. We had to actually wait 3 hours before we can checked in. Tired of waiting, we headed for Times Square to shop and come back for the checking in later. There's plenty to shop at Times Square. It's not a place where u can finish shopping one day. We bought a few stuff and head back to the hotel. This hotel didn't disappoint us. It has bathtub, a bigger room, comfortable bed, big Tv, big cupboard and safe deposit box. They have everything we need. We 'rotted' a while before heading to the City Square which one of our colleague recommended. This time round, we had total disappointment. That place was full of malay stuff. We were super bored. We had our dinner at this Teppanyaki place. I had fun communicating with the people there. Imagine, one 'duck' and one 'chicken' talking. Totally funny and hilarious. But luckily, i still understand abit of malay language. We went to LOT 10 to shop. Thankfully, it's a much much better place than City Square. She bought a T-shirt for me. I liked it very much. Thanks Dear.

4th day in Kuala Lumpur
This is a day both of us hope it will never come. Damn...time flies and so soon, we have to get ready to go back to Singapore. Our check-out time was 12pm and this time, we missed our FREE breakfast again, which means we never had any of our FREE breakfast while in Malaysia. Wahaha..We checked out early and leave our lugguage with the concierge before doing our last shopping. We shopped alot of things this time round. We head back to the hotel with bags of stuff and off we go, on our way to Singapore.

This time round, the seat was lousy. I felt very uncomfortable. The trip lasted longer than the trip from singapore to Genting. We reached Singapore past midnight. By then, dear's having serious headache. That night i was restless..i slept well, the best of that week i think.

That all rounded up my trip in Malaysia. There's some details that i might missed out. Will add them if i remember.

Sob..i'm bored...my mum keep on saying i'm troubled..she can sense it..i'm not worried about the camera..not anymore..just feeling abit upset cos the photos inside are all gone..those are sweet memories u know..i'm more worried about my mum. I don't want her to know how i feel, this will only make her feel more upset..what should i do...i'm troubled..

Dear's starting sch soon..how much am i going to miss her, i don't know..all i know is that i'm going to miss her alot alot..just like now, i can feel that in a few days time, i'll be missing her and feeling not good.

Argentina lost to a LOWLY Germany - Penalties shoot-out..damn..they should have gone in..i hate Germany now. Curse them...they shall get kicked out in the semi-final.