Thursday, April 30, 2009

五月天 - 溫柔(還你自由版)

我特别喜欢这首歌。它的歌词牵动了我的心。而且,当我看到这首歌的MV时,我不知不觉地落下几滴眼泪。我觉得这支MV完完全全捕抓到了歌词的含义,在加上歌曲的曲风,对我而言,简直就是一首非常感人的歌。



走在風中 今天陽光 突然好溫柔
天的溫柔 地的溫柔 像你抱著我
然後發現 你的改變 孤單的今後
如果冷 該怎麼渡過

天邊風光 身邊的我 都在你眼中
你的眼中 藏著什麼 我從來都不懂
沒有關係 你的世界 就讓你擁有
不打擾 是我的溫柔

不知道 不明瞭 不想要 為什麼 我的心
明明是想靠近 卻孤單的黎明
不知道 不明瞭 不想要 為什麼 我的心
那愛情的綺麗 總是在孤單裡 再把我的最好的愛給你

不知不覺 不情不願 又到巷子口
我沒有哭 也沒有笑 因為這是夢
沒有預兆 沒有理由 你真的有說過
如果有 就讓你自由

這是我的溫柔

嘿 我給你自由
我給你自由
我給你自由 
我給你自由
我給你全部全部全部 全部自由
喔~
喔~
喔~

這是我的溫柔 這是我的溫柔
還你一個自由 還你一個自由
喔~
不知道不明瞭不想要為什麼 我的心
那愛情的綺麗
總是在孤單裡
再把我的最好的愛給你

不知不覺不情不願 又到巷子口
我沒有哭也沒有笑 因為這是夢
沒有預兆沒有理由你真的有說過
如果有 就讓你...

自由...自由...
這是我的溫柔...
這是我的溫柔...
這是我的溫柔...
這是我的...溫柔...
就讓你自由
喔~
喔~


Random

Everyone's talking about it, even though it hasn't really affect Singapore or rather 'yet' i suppose since WHO raises the alert level to five this morning. However, business in my company is badly affected. The rumours and speculations came true yesterday evening when big boss announced the future plans and the possible measures that MIGHT be taken.

I don't feel easy. In fact, it's uncomfortable. Times are bad enough, given the surprise appearance of Swine flu, the future of this industry seems dim. I've been receiving calls on checking about where and how Swine flu are affecting certain travel destinations. Some funnier customers even ask would i know when the Swine flu will stop. It was made as though i'm the one spreading the Swine flu. But frankly speaking, this Swine flu seems much more dangerous than SARS. It's not only more contagious, it can make an affected person infectious even before his or her symtoms appear. But nevertheless, we all pray that it won't be as worse as the Spanish flu which happens in 1918 that killed tons of people. Travelling seems more dangerous now. That makes my job stability even worse. More about Swine Flu can be found in this website. (http://www.crisis.gov.sg/flu/).

It's hard juggling between school and work and for that fact, i've duly decided to drop one module. Unwillingly, i had to conform to the fact that those classmates of mine who's intending to drop are dropping module which i very much wanted to take. But then again, i'll see how things goes come 8 May when my results is released. I had actually wanted to change my course/school upon someone's reccomendation and i almost did. Much after much consideration, i decided to stay. But i wonder sometimes, it's so hard to communicate with some of my classmates. Never mind that i had to single-handedly do a group project for one of the module previously, probably with the help of one of the group members only.

Sometimes, i was wondering. Probably it's the personality. I can talk just about anything under the sun to some people, but towards some, it's so difficult to find a topic or conversing that him or her. No blaming them of course. Probably, it's something i learnt that human tend to have selective exposure - they only feel comfortable towards certain personality of people. I feel like giving up already.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Easy vs Difficult

Life's full of ups and downs. It's hard to find a balance in between. Certain things that are within our control, it is usually deemed easy. However, those that are not within our limit or means, it can cause lots of turmoil. Chanced upon this meaningful phrases that i would like to share.

- Easy to occupy an entry in the telephone directory, Difficult to occupy the heart of someone.
- Easy to judge the errors of others, Difficult to regconise own errors.
- Easy to hurt those whom we care or love, Difficult to heal those wounds.
- Easy to forgive others, Difficult to ask for forgiveness.
- Easy to exhibit victory, Difficult to accept defeat with dignity.
- Easy to day dream, Difficult to fight for a dream.
- Easy to say we love and care, Difficult to demostrate it.
- Easy to critisize others, Difficult to improve or perfect ourselves.
- Easy to think of improving, Difficult to stop thinking and doing it.
- Easy to receive, Difficult to give.

Monday, April 27, 2009

[Monday Blues Killer] The Shoe Box

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Saturday, April 25, 2009

周杰倫 - 阳光宅男

我开始爱上了这首由周杰倫所唱的歌。轻快而又开朗的一首歌。只想跟大家分享。

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钥匙挂腰带皮夹插后面口袋
黑框的眼镜有几千度来海边穿西装裤
他不在乎我却想哭
有点无助他的样子像刚出土的文物

他烤肉竟然会自带水壶
写信时用浆糊
走起路一不注意就撞树
我不想输就算辛苦
我也要等我也不能让你再走寻常路

我决定插手你的人生
当你的时尚顾问别说你不能

让我们乘着阳光
海上冲浪吸引她目光
不要怕露出胸膛
流一点汗你成了型男
让我们乘着阳光
看着远方别当路人甲
让美女缺氧
靠在你肩膀
我微笑在你旁边撑伞
喔对了对女生用心疼
约会要等讲笑话不能闷
别太冷像我一样就刚好
对爱的人接吻要深
拥抱要真
来电显示给个甜蜜的昵称

穿着要个性
这只是刚刚入门
接下来你还要会弹琴会写歌会双截棍
头脑清楚不能迷糊
我要将你彻底改造基因重组大变身

Friday, April 24, 2009

At Last

A tough week. A busy one as well. I realised how much i have integrated into my lifestyle ever since i'm single. I caught up with the hobbies and interests i used to do. I started playing my guitars again. I missed those days whereby i would jam. I definitely had the strongest urge to buy the amplifier that i have been talking about donkey years ago. Maybe, this Sunday.

Movies. I have been missing all my favourite movies on screen. I've only caught one movie after i'm back from paradise. Fast and Furious 4. Nice experience, nice car, nice companion and of course, nice movie.

Last exam paper ended yesterday. We had a few drinks after the exam. The feeling was great. It's feels good to be away from work and back to studies and mugging, feels like a student again. I really missed those days when i'm still a student, nothing to worry. Carefree and fun. Probably, i didn't make the most out of it, that is why, i can only recall those memories. Teachers and parents like always lecture us on how good it is to be a student rather than out there working and earning a living. It never came to my mind the real meaning of what they said, because to me, i was purely wondering, how tough working life can be. Now that i'm both working and studying, i've seen both sides of the world, and if not more. Even in this trade, travelling around gets me more exposure and see certain things in different light. I'll never forget the stories i heard when i'm overseas. I'll never forget the poor along the street in the city of Toyko whereby people perceived it as rich and developed. I'll never forget the meaning of a Mauritian on how they value the fact of 'you reap what you sow'. Having said that, i aspire to travel overseas to experience and learn more. I ever tried asking will i be doing this all alone but i went on to realise that experiencing such a thing with a companion would be a more fruitful journey. So many countries i want to visit. Hopefully, there comes a day i truely understand certain life issues.

However, given my workload and heavy school work, I'm considering dropping one module just because there's simply too much for me to handle, at the same time, i felt i had a strong dependence on keeping myself occupied. Somehow, i have no idea why.

I'm counting down to my next trip to Ho Chi Minh..after the guys exam is over, probably, we will meet up more and have more fun...can't wait for May to come, seriously...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

你不是我的历史,因为你现在什么都不是。

One day before my exam, a surprise came. Timing was nice. Just when i'm wits out with me stressing all over my exams. I didn't feel sad or whatsoever, purely and merely pissed. Literally, i could strangle if that very person were to appear in front of me.

I don't know where i got all the courage in the world to do what i did. Nevertheless, i did. I heeded advices and went ahead. I would have expected the following reply to be harsh, very different but nevertheless, that marks the end of everything, like, finally...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Back from Mauritius

I know...here i am, back from Mauritius ever since last Saturday. Many friends are eager to see the paradise they heard so much about. Indeed, it is a paradise, definitely a place for the lovey-doveys, so nice that i think even a couple who's about to divorce will patch back after a trip to Mauritius. Haa, i know it's abit exaggerating. I can't describe much because i believe my photos will do most of the talking but then again, those photos are nothing as compared to being there yourself.

Due to time constraints though, because of my exams, i'll only be able to do it after my exams. Meanwhile, do check back for updates..

Saturday, April 04, 2009

一个让你不开心的人,根本就没有资格叫你要活得开心。

Thursday, April 02, 2009

April Fools Day

Was that meant to tell me i'm the greatest fool on earth on this particular April Fools day? It was a call never meant to be.

There is no room for regrets. I personally feel there is no point telling me how you think you might have took the wrong step. There is no point telling me what's happening to you because i knew it all along, it's just that despite those coming from your own mouth, my life goes on. I'm not sure of the intention but certainly, it is still affecting me.

I have been adapting everything. It wasn't easy, but i'm making things work. I hate the fact that since exactly 4 months ago, the question 'how am i' have been brought up to me time and time again. I feel pathetic in the way why should i even answer that question. I'm wondering why after nearly 2 months plus, that number appeared on my mobile phone again. What's the point of telling me how you miss the life before. Just to make sure those memories haunt me again? I felt funny when i was told how miserable things are but i'm certainly not buying that.

If blessings is what you need, take it. If showing off to me is what you want to do, go ahead. Other than that, just leave....don't bother....

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Street Fighter Craze

Since young, i've always been a fan of Street Fighter. The very first version of street fighter was actually made and introduced to the game industry before i was even born. Then, it was on some platform which was already considered very cool.

We kids would count ourselves lucky to own a console of our own. For me, my luck game when i was in Primary School. I can't remember how old exactly i am then, but certainly, i followed Street Fighter long before i even own the console.

Arcade was my only access to this game and that place was my first time being exposed to this particular series. Never a fan of fighting games, naturally, i love street fighter more because of the characters featured in the game rather than the gameplay itself.

That was when i found my interest in Blanka. The ability of him able to use electricity makes him looks cool, at least he's cool to me. I love to use him then, in Street Fighter II because any player who come close to me definitely will try my electric shock before getting themselves BBQ-ed. Basically, i could beat anyone with my blanka.
But as series progress, i somehow lost touch with Street Fighter. Street Fighter III came a long time after Street Fighter II. But then, i'm already in my Sec School days...Blanka became not much of use. Ryu became my favourite, gradually. Then, although i have Playstation and not long after, a Playstation 2, the game didn't interest me much on these two platforms. I still can find the excitement in playing over at the arcade, challenging others, but of course, each time i do, i lose, for sure. I simply sucks at such fighting games.
Since young, i'm never exposed to other stuff of Street Fighter other than the game itself. Its comic series, figurines collection, cartoons etc was never my options. Either i couldn't afford it or i would think it's not worth the $$ to pursue the interest even though i like Street Fighter.

Street Fighter I when it was first borned.

Street Fighter II - I spent the most time in this particular series. All because as a kid, this is the only game that simply interests me and got me hooked, well, almost.
When Street Fighter III was introduced, i can be said to barely touch this series of Street Fighter. It's because i'm busy with other commitments. Plus the fact street fighter no longer interests me as much as before. I'm used to the characters, the game play and like what i've mentioned earlier, i sucks at fighting game, so why play.
At last, Street Fighter IV is here. After more than half a decade of disappearance, it made a comeback with a bang. Not only the graphics are much much better, featuring cool 3D animations plus 2D effects and game play, it also introduce a few new features of game play plus some other new players.
Cool shit. I'm amazed and Wowed by the graphics. I hands-on once and i fell in love with it. I have been trying to get hold of all Street Fighter animes and movies since then. I'm even assembling my old Sega Mega Drive to play the game once again, but unfortunately, the game play is so different. If you played Street Fighter IV, the rest of the Street Fighter series would be considered a boredom.
I sparred several times with Don over at the arcade. One sentence to describe us - we lost touch. We totally lost touch to how the moves should be done and made. We lost games after games. I was even so tempted to almost buy a new console but i didn't because it's considered expensive, even though it's just a matter of time before i get it.
I'm loving this game and i guess it's finally time a game made that much of an impact of me yet again, after Maplestory.
Blanka - My First 'Love'


My Current Favourite - Ryu


Sagat, one of the better players i can use comfortably in Street Fighter IV. Just the graphics alone make this game much more cool...

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Prank Call by Gay

Ever receive a particularly weird or irritating call? I wouldn't even categorise that kind of calls under prank call, all because that very person knows my name.

Somehow, some way, someone got hold of my number. Most probably thanks to some inconsiderate people. But anyway, that's beside the point. My first time receiving such horrible and goose-bumping call.

It all started on Monday, night, at around 11 plus. My phone rang at such usual hour. The number was unfamiliar. I answered. The other side was a voice of a guy. His strong Malaysian mandarin accent turns me off, plus the way he sounds has the typical essence of how any GAY would sound like. First sentence he spoke to me, "Hello, Kelvin ah". It feels weird when you are speaking to a person who claims that he knows you just because he knows your name, yet on the otherhand, i know nuts about him.

Not wanting to sound rude, i politely ask him who is he and if i do know him. He didn't answered my question. What comes after was bombardment of questions which i wouldn't expected. The conversation are as follows, roughly:

-(after that hi)-

Me: Who are you? Sorry, but do i know you?

Gay: So how have you been?

Me: Fine, but who are you?

Gay: Oh, what are you doing now? Working or studying?

Me: (sounded abit pissed already but still not wanting to sound i am) Both. Why you keep asking me these questions? Do i know you?

Gay: Aiyah, i am your friend la...you will know who am i some day de la. So what are you doing now?

Me: (Now this totally turns me off) I seldom talk to people whom i don't know.

Gay: Wah, you work and study, not tired meh?

-(everything went on and all he said was questions about me and simply nothing but me) -

I ended the whole conversation feeling eerie. How could someone who knew my name and yet i couldn't figure out who is he. Worse of all, he sounds as though he's trying to know me.

The next day, he called again. I ended the call abruptly. I told myself, the next time he called me, i'm going to swear and curse at him. I told my colleagues the experience. They demand i give them the number. I gave them, and when they called, they realised it's the number of a company. Who the hell would work at near midnight using company phone to make such stupid calls.

That guy seriously..must be a GAY.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Anti-Vista

When Windows Vista was released early 2007, 5 years after the production of Windows XP, i was the least interested in it. Because then, i'm still enjoy my new computer installed with Windows XP. To me, XP is already considered an evolution given the fact that i was using Windows 98 previously, skipping Windows 2000. When Vista was released, there were so much hoo-haa over it. Negatives comments, feedbacks and reviews hit the forums and all over the world. Then Early 2007, Singapore still aren't 'high' on Windows Vista. Gradually, new laptops and desktops were installed with this Operating System.

Until recently, my friend tried influencing me. I never believe in Windows Vista after hearing so much stories on how bad Vista actually is. The incompatibility of softwares during its initial stage of introduction even turns me off completely. At last, after nearly 2 years, i gave in. Much worse, he installed the 64-bit version. He changed my mindset on how i viewed Vista. Although i still had my fair share of doubts, i gave in.

I obviously regretted my choice and right now, after being such a avid Windows XP user, i totally couldn't get used to this stupid Windows Vista, apart from its interface, basically nothing is BETTER than XP. I want my XP back but everything is too late. Softwares have been instaleld, backups has been restored. Guess it's either a do or die situation for me.

And guys, i completely LOST your blog links. So go tag on my tagboard with your blog's URL address. If you are afraid of anyone else knowing, do pass me your blog URL address when you see me online. Thank You..I still very much needs my daily dosage of blog hopping...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I miss you, MiuMiu

Some would think, what the hell in crying over the death of just a mere small little hamster. But seriously, it wasn't easy. If you think it's absurd, then you are wrong. Especially after 1 years and 4 months, prematurely approx 6 months away from hiss expected life expectancy, he left us just like that. To me, i never once regard him as an 'it'. Instead, he remain as someone who is a 'him' to me, and more so dearly to my mum.

The night before, my mum and i were still talking about him - how toturing is it for him to be alive, with his sickness and illness - his head swells to a terrible state, his lumps grew bigger than ever, despite visits to the vet. My mum turned in after that conversation, briefly after that, i got myself ready to turn in. I walked through the living hall to the toilet, on my way, i passed by the cage, ever so familiar with him inside, he was nibbling, certainly not his usual self at this hour of the night. Without noticing much, also aware that he indeed is getting sicker, i presume he must have been tired. Though worried, since months ago, i got myself mentally prepared for the worse scenario, but despite that, it hit me hard.

The next day, i woke up to a bad news, a terrible one. I got out of my bed and went out. There squatting down was my mum. In front of her is a plastic bag, inside was a wrapped newspaper. Immediately i knew what happened. But i was too shocked that i stayed still, till i heard the expected from my mother. There she is, teary eye, delivering the bad news to my ears. Without saying much, i went to do my usual washup. That was one of the worst mornings of my entire life. Memories of how i made him my pet, till how he accompanied me and my mum as companion, till the days whereby i stood by him when he was sick, till my mum tireless care for it. I felt an ache in my heart. I was hurt emotionally. I directed my sadness, somehow it turned into anger when i thought of the ultimate reason i became their owner.

For the first time, my mum cried over a death of a pet. He wasn't just a pet. My mum treated him like nearly his own. She would chat with him. I remembered the days i played with him. Never mind the biting on both our fingers. It was seriously nothing as compare to what he had suffered. I cried as well. Never once we once so attached to him. From two, we are left with one. I couldn't bear to take care of him when he was still alive, leaving the responsiblity to my mum. I always felt bad, because i thought i brought it upon him. Although the vet claimed it's due to his bad genes, i still felt bad. I'm glad the night before, i was with him.

One week plus after his death, my mum was still upset. I went to check out the video of him, which i uploaded long ago on youtube. I cried. He was so cute, so clever. I really missed him. I wished i could care for him more. But it's all too late. I seriously hope we have been good owners to him, because he's really a good companion for us.

Hope you rest in peace, Miu Miu.

















Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You were always there for me
You were always there waiting
And now I come home and I miss your face so
I close my eyes to see
I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of you

Monday, March 09, 2009

Sick-to Be

I feel so tired. I think i must cut down on going out so often. Mum's complaining i'm treating home like hotel and that she's going to charge me by room rates soon. I'm beginning to fall sick, probably due to the late nights i'm having.

I'll be alone at home from 8 Apr to 10 Apr. Anyone want to come my house and havoc? I'm having the whole house to myself. Wahaa..perhaps steamboat or mahjong?

I was browsing through my folders and i realised i have near 40 movies not watched yet. I think i will need one week or even more to complete all the movies. Being a vivid movie-lover, i basically love movies, no matter what genre they belong to. Sometimes, it feels good to have someone sharing the same interest as you. Because it's always nice talking and sharing what you know and like with someone who likes them as well...

I'm high on the 'Street Fighter' games again after that particular visit with Donna. He even suggested we go on a game marathon. I felt as though i'm back to the age whereby 'Street Fighters' and 'Power Rangers' lived my life together with me. That's insane but fun..

Oasis is coming to Singapore. But their tickets is so expensive. I won't pay $88 because it's not shiok having to stand somewhere far away. I'm targeting the $158 ticket. Anyone?

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Friends & Best Friend

Speaking about best friend. Can one have more than just one best friend? Or there can never be more than one best friend because if he or she does, then those won't be called best friend. There can only be ONE BEST friend because he or she is simply the best out of all the friends you have.

When i'm young, i never knew understand what best friend is. To me then, best friend are just told who treats you well. And being young, you changes best friend like changing clothes. Subsequently, you realised how much friends matter to you and those who spent more time with you will ultimately be one of your good friends. I can still remember how i would rate my friends based on Gold, Silver and Bronze category. Starting from Gold of course and when you realised you reach the bronze category, there's not much left, because in my primary school days, there's no good friends or best friend..there's only friends who plays with you.

When i'm in Secondary school, perception changes. You realise the saying of 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'. You can really see those who who really treat you as a friend. I've made some amazing friends throughout my Secondary school days. That was where i made my first best friend and now, he's my best friend still - 11 years of friendship. I've made some wonderful friends but i realised that the amount of time you spend determine who's closer to you.

After awhile, you realised friends come and go. However, the more i proceed down to my path of life, i made more friends and of course, lost contact with some as well. I must say technology plays an important role in friendship, especially maintaining friendship. Without having to meet or talk on the phone, you can chat endlessly. There's is also every little chance of making new friends over the net, but then again, there are bound to be people abusing it, so much so that making friends over the network has became a 'prey on prey' issue. I've personally made few online friends before and i am glad till now, i'm still in contact with some.

However, as i grew older, i realised how important friends can be. My dad always say, "在家靠家人,在外靠朋友." I never forget what he said because even told it's a common saying, commonly spoken, it carries a heavy meaning in it. Right now, i've plenty of friends, some true to you whereas some, not so.

After that fateful event, i can't stopped telling myself how thankful i am to all my friends for being there for me. Just last week, i attended a lesson. My lecturer was asking everyone if they had a best friend. Afterwhich, he mentioned about his best friend and how close they were. It reflected upon me, because some of my friend mentioned they don't even had a best friend. Sometimes, it's never easy to build a friendship, not even to mention maintaining it. I've a few good friends which i treasured and i would want to see our friendship last. These are the friendship i've built over years and i'm sure i want to maintain is over decades.

Someone mentioned how she has a best friend, but there's a limit to how much she can shared with her friends. Towards my very own best friend, i realised how much i can depend on as well as share my life with. It feels good having a best friend. I always imagine the day when i get married, and he will be there, being my best friend, telling me how happy he is as well, sharing every single bit of my happiness. I will also never forgot how, when i'm all down and out, he's there to lend me his listening ear, giving me advices and opinions to ensure i see things through.

I do hope all my friendships will last forever....

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

My First NATAS

At last, first NATAS of the year is history. First time full involvement in NATAS was no joke. Indeed it wasn't an easy one but neither as tough as i thought. Sales seems pretty slow, most probably because of the bad times. But then again, the queue outside seems to be ever so long. I've entertained enquiries after enquiries. I've even seen the weirdest thing of all. I experienced the awesome power of some aunties and sometimes, it really makes me think why some people bothered to queue so long and pay $3 into this fair and head for the exit with NOTHING.

Studies is tough. I feel the stress. Deadlines after deadlines haunting me. The real test of full time work and part time studies is here. Plus the fact that i'm still bothered by so many other things, both necessary and unnecessary.

I realise music is still one of the best thing on Earth. It's like a magical pill that works wonder to my emotional self. I swear i could sit down, relaxed on an inclined rocking chair, listening to my favourite music (rock on) on surround sound home theater system blasting, pacing my heartbeat and feeling my body as it plays....this shall be life...

I watched 'He's just not that into you' on Tuesday. It's a nice movie, full of truths. It makes me feels happy that i'm single and i want to be like that, at least for now. Although i still can't believe what i've lost, but then again, i gained something in the process. It's a long healing process, nobody could predict anything, not even myself. Let natures takes its course...times seems to be your best friend and worst enemy.

Friday, February 27, 2009

First Day of NATAS

First day of NATAS. I somehow look forward to my very first official NATAS fair when everyone is feeling the other way round. But today has been a disappointing. I got more enquiries than ever before but i don't have many bookings coming in, sadly. I'm disappointed with myself, although i very much wanted to do well.

This is the first time i felt that slightest pressure on me. This is the first time i look at my bookings and know that i need to do more. This is the first time i even think i need to make as much bookings as possible.

Plans of going overseas has been called off, both with MR and also with Xero4. Now, i'm just on plan with going Ho Chi Minh come May.

I don't know why it matters so much to me. I'm contemplating but at the very least, it's because of it that i'm feeling much better...

I'm tried, shagged...whatever you can name...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Random

At last, i'm beginning to love my life once again. I really need to play more sports. I miss those days whereby i'm so active and into sports. Played badminton on Saturday but just a barely 45 minutes session is enough to cause the aches which i haven't experience for a very long time. I'm yearning for more badminton sessions.

Caught lots of movies recently and speaking of movies, did i mention that Singaporeans are voted the country whereby our population watched the most number of movies. So far, this year's movie hasn't disappoints me any bit. Surprisingly, Slumdog Millionaire appeared to be a cool underdog to everyone by having 8 academy awards out of 10. I'm looking forward to watch it soon.

NATAS fair is coming. Everyone in the office is damn mad crazy, slogging away like bulls. I got to work consecutively for 12 days. Plus 4 assignments to be handed in 2 days from now. I just hope this tough period passed fast enough.

But so far, i'm happy with how i'm feeling. =)

11 more days to go...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

马来人 or not?

马来人. I'm so used to this word called at/on me that it doesn't matter or rather, i didn't bother to explain that i'm actually not. I used to HATE whoever calls me that when i'm younger, much much younger. My mum told me i started looking like that when i was 4 years old, and whenever i'm naughty or misbehave, she will tell me how unlike i am to my brother and the reason why i'm like that is because she picked me up from the rubbish bin

I can still remember each time my mum said that, i cried. Until one fine day when she realised that she has been hurting me emotionally, so much so that something big happened to me (which i shan't mention because it's only for me to know). Since then, my mum never mentioned anything with regards me looking like a malay.

As i grew older, it's became more of a disturbance. Throughout my uniformed school lives, teachers who don't know me would question whether i'm taking the right paper when i have my mother tongue exam. Initially, i got upset, but as i grew older, i started seeing things differently. I won't say i wasn't affected at all, but at least, i don't take it to heart whatever people say.

Whatever it is, nobody understands my feelings growing up in this kind of awkward situation. I shall list a few to say.
- When it's Ramadan (Muslims fasting period), i always have eyes staring at me whenever i dine outside.
- Whenever i bought food from a malay store, they will always speak to me in malay
- Whenever i'm taking a lift with strangers, especially malays, i would rather press the buttons myself.
I could go on and on...but i rather not.

It's always hard meeting new people. I always have to let people know i'm not what they see. It's difficult because even after explaining, they will still bomb you with questions, like asking if i'm of mixed blood, or whether my grandparents or ancestry has any malay or muslim origin. I hate this part on convincing people.

Till now, it has became more of a joke. I always make sure it doesn't affect me. Because having lived with it for more than 20 years, it doesn't bothered me anymore, unless someone goes a little beyond the limit.
 
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