马来人 or not?

马来人. I'm so used to this word called at/on me that it doesn't matter or rather, i didn't bother to explain that i'm actually not. I used to HATE whoever calls me that when i'm younger, much much younger. My mum told me i started looking like that when i was 4 years old, and whenever i'm naughty or misbehave, she will tell me how unlike i am to my brother and the reason why i'm like that is because she picked me up from the rubbish bin

I can still remember each time my mum said that, i cried. Until one fine day when she realised that she has been hurting me emotionally, so much so that something big happened to me (which i shan't mention because it's only for me to know). Since then, my mum never mentioned anything with regards me looking like a malay.

As i grew older, it's became more of a disturbance. Throughout my uniformed school lives, teachers who don't know me would question whether i'm taking the right paper when i have my mother tongue exam. Initially, i got upset, but as i grew older, i started seeing things differently. I won't say i wasn't affected at all, but at least, i don't take it to heart whatever people say.

Whatever it is, nobody understands my feelings growing up in this kind of awkward situation. I shall list a few to say.
- When it's Ramadan (Muslims fasting period), i always have eyes staring at me whenever i dine outside.
- Whenever i bought food from a malay store, they will always speak to me in malay
- Whenever i'm taking a lift with strangers, especially malays, i would rather press the buttons myself.
I could go on and on...but i rather not.

It's always hard meeting new people. I always have to let people know i'm not what they see. It's difficult because even after explaining, they will still bomb you with questions, like asking if i'm of mixed blood, or whether my grandparents or ancestry has any malay or muslim origin. I hate this part on convincing people.

Till now, it has became more of a joke. I always make sure it doesn't affect me. Because having lived with it for more than 20 years, it doesn't bothered me anymore, unless someone goes a little beyond the limit.