Just like that, we're together. But if you look in between that three words 'just like that', there are so much of fine details, and it is basically these three words that brought us together eventually.
Everything seems amazing. So amazing i never thought that one day...
...i'll be saying i love you
From someone whom existence was once, barely noticed, crushed on you for bare two days, afterwhich, totally didn't bother about your existence. And there you go, becoming someone i love. Becoming a person i want to share my life with, becoming a person i want to commit in taking care and making you happy. Seiously, i'm not sure when did i fall in love with it, but i'm sure it all begins with something simple, so simple it can be described in one word, called like. I began liking your company, i began liking how you would share, i began liking your presence and eventually, i realised i missed all of those whenever you are not around, just so unknowingly. Slowly and slowly, i realise i needed them to make my day. I realise i need your presence to make me feel myself.
I kept my distance as much as possible. I knew my limits, i drew that line clearly and appropriately. Until i feel that i was given the go ahead, i go beyond slightly. To test myself, to make sure i was sure of myself, to make sure i was sure of my feelings, to make sure i was sure of what i want. At the same time, to test you, to test if you do like me or if not, my presence. My efforts were appreciated. I felt positive. I moved on day by day. I wanted to get closer to you. All of those, you react well. I can't help, but really simply can't help wanting to be even closer to you.
Eventually, i got affected by little twiny stuff about you. Simply everything and anything you do starts to affect me. I get upset or disappointed whenever you said things that makes me feel all is gone. I get superbly happy whenever you said things that makes me feel, i'm ready to make the next move.
Eventually i got myself into a 'do and fail terribly or do and continue' situation. I struggled the worst then. But the angel in me, wants me to give it a shot. To give this thing called love a shot again. Telling me how i shouldn't live in my shadow of the past. Telling me how i deserve someone better. Telling me how i myself can still give happiness and love to that someone better. Telling me how i should be positive. Telling me how i should try and fail rather than not try and regret it all. And finally, eventually i did, after much much much thought. I gave this so much thought that i can think of anything that could possibly be thought off, even until 'death do us part'. And possibly because of that, i'm amazed even by myself the amount of courage i had to confess to you. Everything feels magical, that i feel i had my own fairytale for a moment.
I started to ponder....
what if i didn't include you into those chain emails
what if my previous relationship didn't failed
what if you rejected my request to ask you out
what if i didn't drive out at times to go supper with you
what if i didn't joined MR years ago
what if i didn't go Japan
and finally the big qns, what if i didnt confess.......
All the 'what ifs' made me feel, fate plays a huge chunk of most of it. It's almost everything was pre planned. It's as though all of those mentioned was destined and suppose to be. It''s like we had to go through what we went through. It's as though all that happened for a reason, for a reason we didn't realise, for a reason we didn't think it is and eventually for a reason we are starting to accept and eventually it's for that reason we are finally together.
I know how hard both of us tried to keep our belief. I was extremely happy when you let known your feelings that day. It made me feel, appreciated. It made me feel that i can once again believe in love. It made me feel, important to you to a certain extent. With that, i became positive, wanting to show your my sincerity, wanting to put my words into action, wanting to let you feel loved, wanting to make you happy, wanting to make you find your happy self back, wanting to make you know, all is gone but not lost.
There's ups and downs throughout. I don't know, call it lucky, which i do feel. I'm lucky to fall in love with a friend. Lucky because i need not guess what kind of person you are. Lucky because i know who i'm falling in love with. Lucky because i do not have to guess so much into you. All that, i felt so strongly, i found the right one. When i see how pessimistic you are sometimes, it got into me, but never once did i felt disheartened and wanting to give up. Instead, i remained positive and hope i can help you tide over this tough period.
We too had our good days. All those moments make me even sure of what i've got myself into. It made me even sure of who i am really with. All that makes me feel that i'm ready to fall in love again, makes me feel i'm ready to commit a relationship with you. Although there's hesitation, nevertheless, my belief held so strongly all because my feelings was so overwhelming and it overcomes all of that.
Now that we're together. I realised how much i'm willing to do for you yet again. All these are those never before feeling. Somehow, i matured. Maybe not, but i feel that way. I will work hard, i must work hard and i am doing so, because i see a future with you right now that i want to build on, and i realise and know i can't do this alone but with you. And for all of the above mentioned, i want to let you know...I Love You
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