Bloody Hell

So frustrating. Every night, each time i log on to my msn, for sure, if someone is online, he will ask me how's my day. My answer would be 'normal lo'. That has been the answer to his question every night. Then we ponder over how would a day be perfect, so perfect that i would answer him 'perfect' one day. Don't even mention about a perfect day, even a good day is tough for me now.

My rantings and previous rubbish appears to be of no intereststo anyone i know. Some may think i'm just being emo. Some may think it's just me. But seriously, it's because i don't know what other channels can i pour.

Some thought i'm just being useless. Some thought i've already recovered. The fact that i didn't poured out is because i choose not to talk about it, even though i very much wanted to. It's not something i'm super proud of, and certainly it's not something i'm happy about. I don't want people to think i'm pathetic as well.

I don't like what i'm feeling. I don't like how i'm feeling. I don't even know how i should feel. Everyday, i'm planning what should i do in coming days so that i can keep myself occupied. I don't know if i'm being stupid or fucked up. I don't want anyone to think i'm irritating to keep sharing such things which is totally unrelated to them. But as much as it is, this whole issue means the world to me. All because it's bloody irritating.

No one knows how much i wanted to quit my job. No one knows how dreadful i am, working in where i am. All because she got this job for me. All because i always see things i don't like to see. I know it's stupid if i quit, but seriously it's torturous. I'm still hanging on.